「and this was never
this was never happening
in another life, this could have been
in another life, I let you in 」

♫mogli; another life

✩ y e o s a n g ✩

He had noticed Hongjoong from the first moment the older stepped into the strip club; his newest co-worker, with a beauty and grace that would enchant anyone who laid their eyes on him. But the thing Yeosang noticed the most, was his smile - the smile of an angel caught up in the wrong place.

It was like looking at hope whenever Hongjoong smiled at anyone around him - the hope for a better life, for the sun to finally break through the clouds that always hovered over the world they lived in. And although it seemed like it would never happen, the older's smile stayed the same.

Yeosang also quickly noticed the longing glances that Hongjoong would send him, and how a very pretty pink would shade the older's cheeks whenever Yeosang looked back at him with eyes of desire.

Because he did desire him, just like everyone else around him, although Hongjoong didn't seem to pay attention to anyone else but Yeosang. And Yeosang already knew back then that if they got too close to each other, it would end in tears and broken hearts.

Still, he let the older in, let him touch and fill him up, when Yeosang tried to cover up his own broken heart after Wooyoung left town the first time.

Even back then, Yeosang knew that Wooyoung wasn't the sole reason for all the hurt he felt. But blaming him, was way easier than swimming in the dangerous ocean of pain and regret. Even to this day, Yeosang couldn't escape the guilt for what he had done back then.

How anger and foolishness, had led him to hurt the one person he could always count on.

But all of that happened long before he met Hongjoong, and by then, Yeosang knew he didn't want to let anyone else into his heart. Although Hongjoong made it hard for him not to. Even after the countless times where Yeosang told him, he only wanted sex and nothing else - the same spark remained in the older's eyes whenever he looked at him.

And then, there was that one night when Hongjoong told him he loved him.

"You love to fuck me, there's a difference," he had responded - sweat trickling down his skin, while their naked bodies were tangled up on his bed.

But the taste of Hongjoong's lips was staining his own, and in that moment Yeosang didn't know if he regretted kissing him or not.

Deep in his heart he had always known that the thing with Wooyoung never would last, but the addiction for one another had kept their relationship alive way longer than it should have been. Being with someone like Hongjoong would be different - but Yeosang couldn't allow himself that happiness.

He was too broken, and if he ever reciprocated those loving feelings, he would end up breaking Hongjoong too. He didn't deserve him, he kept telling himself that in a desperate attempt of keeping his heart closed.

When he told Hongjoong he loved him too for the first time, it was supposed to be a lie - a small but destructive part of a bigger plan by Choi San, but when he finally said it he knew that it was real.

But by then, it was too late.

Both of them had been pulled into a sick game controlled by someone who was way more powerful than either of them, and getting out of it was simply impossible.

Yeosang hated himself like never before, and even when he got Wooyoung back, nothing in his life felt good anymore. The blonde got on his nerves constantly, and their fights would last entire nights and end up with hurtful words and things thrown all around in Yeosang's apartment. Wooyoung hadn't changed at all, and when he suddenly left town again it felt like such a relief, and Yeosang didn't even bother to know the reason why.

And then, he was left behind, alone in the misery he had caused himself.

Seeing how much he had hurt Hongjoong was the most painful thing he had ever witnessed, but Yeosang was unable to do anything about it. He was caught in a poisonous web of schemes and lies, and pulled into a world where only money and power mattered. And Yeosang had neither.

In the end he lost count of the times he let San touch him, he was way too stoned to even register what was happening around, and to him - and although he had cried the second time they had sex, when San forced himself onto him, the main reason had been the horrible thing he had done himself. And so, he let it go on for far too long...

Because Yeosang believed that was what he deserved, for what he had done. He would go to San's apartment, let his clothes drop to the floor and beg for his body to be used, to suffer. It didn't matter anymore, he was dead inside anyway.

He was exactly what San had told him, just a heartless whore.

"Yeosang..."

At the sound of Hongjoong's soft voice, Yeosang felt his heart drop, but he held himself back from showing any reaction. Pain was digging into his chest, as he slowly made his way towards the door. Hongjoong's brown eyes looked at him filled with sadness, but he knew he couldn't do anything about it.

Seonghwa had already punished him enough times out of pure jealousy, and it surely wasn't something Yeosang would like to experience again. The older had promised to save Hongjoong from San's evil claws, if Yeosang agreed to go with him to this place, but he had never spoken one word of bringing Hongjoong there as well.

It was clear now that although San had been an absolute devil - the one to pull all the strings was Seonghwa, and it had always been that way.

So, was this just another sick game of his? A way to put Yeosang through the ultimate test? After he had said those three damn words, he knew he had to keep up the right facade - and letting Hongjoong come close to him would not fit into the narrative he had put up in front of Seonghwa.

"Yeosang." Hongjoong repeated, as Yeosang was about to pass by him. "Wait..."

"You shouldn't be here," Yeosang said, slowly turning to face the one he realized too soon he had fallen in love with. But as he spoke, his voice was cold and his stare just the same. "Why are you here?"

"Why are you?"

"Because I want to be here," Yeosang replied, in a low growl, "because Seonghwa is mine. And if you get near him, I will fucking kill you!"

The anger and desperation in his voice was completely real, coming straight from the harsh and heartbreaking reality of the two of them caught up in the same place. And no matter what happened, or what it would cost him, he still wanted to protect Hongjoong as much as he could.

Hongjoong took a step back in surprise, and the hurt was painted with visible strokes across his beautiful face.

"You told me-" Hongjoong said, when Yeosang's hand had closed around the handle of the door, about to open it and leave. "- that you did something for me. Did you mean... This place? Please, Yeosang, tell me what's going on..."

With his back turned towards the older, Yeosang pinched his eyes closed to prevent tears from falling. Every word that Hongjoong spoke hit like bullets in his already wounded heart, but he couldn't show any weakness - it would destroy them both.

"I just did," he replied in a degrading tone that hurt to let even out. "As I said, I want to be here. So, just accept that and stay away from me."

"You told me you felt something for me, but you were too late to realize... Was that just another lie?"

There was hope in Hongjoong's voice - fragile, beautiful hope, but Yeosang knew what he had to do. Their eyes met again, when he briefly looked back over his shoulder. "Yes. Once a liar, always a liar, right?"

He then left the kitchen, slamming the door behind him and running down the hallway with his heart breaking in his chest.

What an absolutely horrible person he was...

✩

The comfort of his bed was not enough to calm him down - in fact, it only caused even more distress to happen in the wrecked mess of his mind. The memories of all the times he had let Seonghwa pound him hard into the mattress made his face pull into a grimace of pure disgust.

Yeosang sat on the bed bend over forward, with his arms wrapped around his shaking body. His clothes were lying on the floor and his fingertips stroking over the mutilated skin on his shoulder blades.

Five burn marks had been made on his body, and although the physical pain had went away long ago, the memory of it was stuck in his head.

"You are mine now, so you should start acting like it!" Seonghwa had growled in his ear the last time it happened. He shoved Yeosang to the floor and held him down - but Yeosang had refused to cry or beg for mercy. "Do I really have to keep reminding you this way? I don't enjoy hurting you, Yeosang, but you have to learn..."

With the gentle touch of his own hands, the tears began to roll down his cheeks. No one had ever held him tight or caressed his skin - no one but Hongjoong. And he would do it at any chance Yeosang let him have, late into the night when the stars were sparkling on the sky outside the window, and a soft kiss on Yeosang's neck would make him fall asleep.

"You fucking idiot," he whispered to himself, while his fingers dove into his hair and pulled the blonde locks that he hated so, so much.

His only redemption would be to save Hongjoong from this place, if anyone deserved to get away from here it was him. And Yeosang swore to himself he would make that happen.

There was one way, and one way only, and the price would be high. But he would do whatever it took, even if he wouldn't be alive to see Hongjoong's beautiful smile, when he broke free from this hellhole...

✩

A/N: I'll be honest, the level of angst in this story is getting to me as well lol. When writing this I'm like "girl... are you okay?" hahahaha ..... T^T Okay but, see you in the next one I hope ^^ <3