*Song rec - My Heart Is buried
In Venice by Ricky Montgomery*

My mom's words roamed my head all day, I was aware that my father wouldn't be okay with my sexuality—I wasn't aware that my mother knew.

She took me by surprise and honestly, I was scared. I couldn't sleep much last night as I was restless with these thoughts in my head. I tried to draw for an hour and hoped I'd grow tired but I didn't.

I drew all night until my hand got tired not my head. Every time I heard just the littlest bit of noise my head would snap to the door, I was paranoid that my mom would rat me out to my father.

I did nothing wrong last night, it wasn't like I had kissed the boy. I was only being walked home and talked about small innocent things, yet she looked at me like I had slept with him until she realized I didn't.

The words of her reminded me that my dad wouldn't like the idea of my preference, can I say preference if I've never dated anyone? I wasn't sure, but the idea of my father disowning me scared the life out of me.

So today I didn't go to the library but to the courtyard, far away from the group and to the tall trees in the distance. Why? Well, I was simply avoiding Minho and hoped he would forget about me... hopefully forever.

Not because I wanted him to, but because I felt like it was best this way. We had no right to know each other and he had no right making me feel the way he does.

I sat under a tree, my back leaning on it with my notebook in my hand. The weather was cold again and my thick knitted sweater was the only thing helping me stay warm.

I slowly look up to see Minho walking towards me in the distance, looking back down and letting my eyes fall shut and I curse under my breath.

"I know you saw me and chose to act like you didn't"

I close my notebook and look up at him. "Your right, I did choose that. I also prayed in my head that you were just a hallucination and you weren't actually walking up to me"

He chuckles "Can I sit?". It didn't seem like he was asking as he didn't wait for my response. Sitting in front of me and leaning back on his hands as his leg were on either side of mine that were hugged to my chest.

He didn't seem to think much of this as he looked at me. His cheeks and nose were tinted a light pink due to the cold. This was the first time I got to see him close up in the light, the library had more cozy yellow lighting and it was the night the last time I saw him.

"I expect an apology" I furrow my brows, "About how you left me alone in the library, I waited for you"

I knew he was playing around because he had a hint of playfulness in his voice but for some reason, it felt like he wasn't playing at all.

"I'm sorry?"

"Sounds more like a question"

"I am, I didn't know you would wait for me"

"Is there a reason you didn't go to the library? Possibly avoiding me?"

I shook my head "I just didn't feel like being in that stuffy library, I needed some air"

He nods, his eyes falling to my legs but he didn't seem like he was just staring. No, he was lost in thought.

He didn't seem aware of it and I can practically see how distant he got with every second that passed.

"Minho?"

His eyes snap up to mine "Huh?". His eyes filled with something "S-Sorry—"

I give him a soft smile, hoping it will ease the nerves that seemed to rise. He looks down again and chuckles, scratching his neck nervously.

"Sorry, I don't know where I went there for a second"

I shake my head softly "You don't have to apologize"

His eyes look up to mine and for a second it was like the world stopped. It was the first time I had seen the male's eyes glisten over with tears, I wanted to ask if he was okay but felt like it wasn't my place.

I felt almost responsible for his mood as I am the only person he was around at the moment, I felt like I had to make him feel better—I assumed there was something on his mind that had pulled him away from reality.

I look at my notebook, hesitating before handing it to him. He looks at it almost shocked but also confused.

"What are you doing?"

"Giving you my notebook"

He chuckles "I see that but I do remember you saying how you don't let anyone see your work"

I nodded slowly "I did say that"

"Are you making an exception for me?" He looked at me smugly.

"Just grab it before I change my mind"

He smiles at me and grabs the notebook. His eyes peered back up before opening it, I bit my bottom lip nervously as he looks back down and opens it.

His eyes roam my drawings, staying quiet as he flipped three pages.

"It's nothing special, they are only random sketches that I do throughout the day when I'm bored"

He looks up "Random? These are really good". He looks back down, his fingers running over a few of them before turning to the next page.

"I leave my actual sketchbook at home"

"Why?" He asks, eyes not leaving the sketches on the paper.

"It's a bit more personal"

That's when he looks up, "These aren't?"

My head tilts slightly before nodding slowly "Well, I think all my work is personal". His eyes search my face as I talk "Even if it's just a simple flower, in that moment of drawing it I feel something"

"What makes your sketchbook and your notebook different from the other?"

My eyes left his, drifting to school behind him before looking down. "Well in my notebook it's less obvious what I feel but in my sketchbook, it's just out there. I don't really hold back what I feel and just draw without a worry" My voice was low but high enough for him to hear.

"Makes sense" He hands me back my notebook and I grab it, opening it up. I flip through it before landing on a familiar sketch of a butterfly.

Ripping it out and handing it to him. It was the one he had stopped at and felt the engraving on the paper that was made from my pencil.

"You can have it"

He looks at it for a second before grabbing it and looking over it again. I can tell he had something to say but hesitated.

"What did you feel... when drawing this one?" He looked up at me.

My eyes go to the paper "Hope"