𝐋𝘐𝔰ᴀ
𝙇𝖔𝕂ɪ
𝐋𝔦𝘚𝖆
𝕃𝘖𝐊𝘐
𝔏ɪ𝕊𝐀
ʟ𝙊𝘒𝔦

𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐍𝐄𝐘+ 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒

"THIS IS A NIGHTMARE!"

SYLVIE
referring to LISA
So, what is she? Your pet?

LISA
appalled
Excuse you!

LOKI
equally horrified
Hardly! I would train my pets to behave much better!

LISA
Honestly, Loki, screw you.

& 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐕𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒

𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐊
red raven

𝐋𝐎𝐊𝐈 𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐅𝐄𝐘𝐒𝐎𝐍
god of mischief

Following the events of the Battle of New York, Lisa Stark, also now known as Red Raven, tries and fails to prevent the God of Mischief, Loki Laufeyson, from stealing the Tesseract.

Caught mid—argument, the mercurial duo are promptly arrested by the mysterious Time Variance Authority (TVA), a bureaucratic organization that exists outside of time and space and monitors the timeline. They give Loki and Lisa a choice: face being erased from existence due to being 'time variants', or help fix the timeline and stop a greater threat.

Each with their own goals, Loki and Lisa must decide whether or not to trust one another as the universe as they know it is torn apart.

MOBIUS
I specialize in the pursuit of dangerous Variants.

LOKI
Like myself?

MOBIUS
No, particularly dangerous Variants. You're just a little pussycat. Now, Miss Stark over there, oh yeah, definitely dangerous.

LOKI is offended. LISA is confused.

LISA
Thank you? I think?

LISA
Now, remember Loki, be nice.

LOKI
Fine. Fine. What's your name?

HUNTER
Casey.

LOKI
Give me the Tesseract or I'll gut you like a fish, Casey.

LISA facepalms.

LOKI
Infinity Stones? How, how do you have these?

CASEY
Oh, we actually get a lot of those. Yeah. Some of the guys use them as paperweights.

LISA
...Excuse me, I'm just gonna go scream into the LITERAL void for a sec.

LISA
Yeah. Crazy as it sounds, I'm gonna stick with the God of Mischief.

LISA
I have never done anything wrong in my life — ever.

MOBIUS
I know this and I love you.

LOKI is in disbelief.

MOBIUS
Loki, I've studied almost every moment of your entire life. You've literally stabbed people in the back, like, fifty times.

LOKI
long pause
Well... I'd never do it again!

LISA'S chair scrapes loudly as she scoots away.

LOKI
sighing at LISA
I hate to admit it, but we must work together now.

SYLVIE
This isn't about you

LISA
Good luck trying to tell him that.

LOKI glares her way. LISA shrugs.

LOKI
I'm a god.

SYLVIE
You're a clown.

LISA
Boom. Roasted.

SYLVIE
What exactly makes a 'Loki' a 'Loki'?

LOKI
Independence. Authority. Style.

LISA
And greasy hair.

LOKI and SYLVIE glare her way.

LISA
glancing between LOKI and SYLVIE
Hey, if you two start sucking face, I will throw up on both of you.

BOASTFUL LOKI
Are you a Loki?

LISA
looking horrified
Oh God no. The name's Stark. Lisa Stark.

LISA
Awww. Kid Loki! He's super cute and murder—y.

LOKI
What was your nexus event, your majesty?

KID LOKI
I killed Thor.

LISA
Ah! Too murder—y!

CLASSIC LOKI
You would do well to respect the boy. This is his kingdom.

LISA
glancing around, repressing the urge to cringe
Wow. Yeah. It's, uh, it's nice.

LOKI smirks.

LOKI
Is that bad?

KID LOKI
Well, usually means cannibalistic marauders or cannibalistic pirates.

LISA
panicked
I'm too young to be eaten!

BOASTFUL LOKI
So, after I vanquished Captain America and Iron Man, I claimed my prize — all six Infinity Stones.

LISA
arms crossed over her chest
I want it known that I do not approve of this.

PRESIDENT LOKI
Why the h—ll is there an alligator in here?!

OTHER LOKI'S
He's a Loki!

LISA
And he's cute!

LOKI rolls his eyes.

LOKI
Like it or not, you and I must stay together.

LOKI
uncomfortable but sincere
As odd as it is for me to admit it, I can tolerate... being with you.

LISA
smiling softly
I can tolerate being with you, too.

LISA
hugging him with tears in her eyes
Goodbye Mobius, I hope you get your jet—ski.

LISA and LOKI sit side—by—side in the TVA, tears in each of their eyes.

LISA
taking LOKI'S hand
You are not alone, and you never will be again.

i. circus britney spears
ii. emperor's new clothes panic! at the disco
iii. daddy issues the neighbourhood
iv. look what you made me do taylor swift
v. feel it still portugal. the man

" SO, I GUESS I'M YOUR PARTNER NOW? "

" PARTNER? HARDLY, MORE LIKE SIDE—KICK "

vi. me too meghan trainor
vii. losing your memory ryan star
viii. i need a hero bonnie tyler
ix. bad guy billie eilish
x. lovely billie eilish