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𝖦𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍 𝖭𝖾𝗐𝗌 ??? ' ★
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Life has a way of throwing curveballs at us. And this fucking curveball was not one Lorien expected to get 10 days into the New Year. The world is already going to shit. America is fucking worse off. Forest fires are running rampant; snowstorms, a tragedy just happened in Korea. And this was not the fucking news he expected 10 days into the new year. He hadn't expected it to be the news he received the moment his brother called him.

Lorien was doing nothing. He was doing nothing but watching a drama the moment his brother called. He hadn't expected him to call, but he was happy he did. But the moment he answered the call, he knew something was up. It wasn't like Kian to use cuss words the way he did.

"Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. Dude, I don't know if I'm being pranked right now or what is happening is actually happening." Kian started off, his voice a bit panicked and worried. His words made Lorien sit up. And the first time in years he had gone into protective older brother mode. He was mostly worried about what was causing his brother so much stress.

If you knew Kian, then you know he wasn't the type to stress. He was always calm, cool, and collected. He was the opposite of what Lorien was. So the fact that he was worried and stressed out caused Lorien to be a bit unsettled. He could hear his brother's slow and shaky breaths. What had happened? He knew Kian was still in Scotland, so it could only be something that involved his mother. He hasn't spoken to her in weeks since their last phone call.

Maybe all of it was coming back to bite him in the ass. Lorien had to be the voice of reason right now. As much as he wanted to just question everything, he knew he had to calm his brother down. "Kian, stop. Take a breath and calm down," Lorien said, his voice steady despite the rising anxiety in his chest. "Tell me what's going on, slowly. I can't help if I don't understand." He could hear the slow exhale from Kian on the other end of the phone. For a moment there was silence besides the slow and easy breaths Kian was letting out.

Lorien didn't say anything. What could he say? His brother almost had a panic attack over the phone because of something that happened. He couldn't help but wonder what it was that had happened or was happening that made Kian so worried and frantic. Minutes had gone by before Kian sighed.

"I—I think Mom is..... pregnant." For a moment, the world seems to stop. It was like a bomb had just detonated right in his face. His mom... Pregnant? It didn't make any sense. Was his brother talking about the same woman who told them countless times that she didn't want to have children? Children weren't in her line of work, her life, her future? Was that the same woman that they're talking about right now? Lorien couldn't help but scoff. Kian had to be joking, right?

"You're lying, right? You're fucking lying, right, Kian?" He said he waited for a response from his brother. But the silence from the other end of the phone spoke volumes. He was telling the truth. His brother was telling the truth, and yet he still didn't want to believe it. Kian's voice cracked on the other end of the line.

"I didn't want to jump to conclusions or anything like that, but the way her and Nathaniel's conversation sounded this morning was off. Man, I don't know. She sounded so happy. I didn't hear much, but I did see Nathaniel touch her stomach, so I just kind of assumed." Kian sighed as Lorien remained silent. "She hadn't said anything to me. I don't think that they noticed that I was still in the kitchen when they started talking about it. I-I..." Kian trailed off.

The silence stretched, thick and suffocating, on the other end of the phone. Kian didn't answer immediately. The longer the pause went on, the more Lorien could feel the tension, the confusion hanging between them.

Then, in the stillness, a soft knock echoed from Kian's side of the phone, followed by the sound of footsteps approaching.

"Lorien, I... I think she's here," Kian said, his voice barely above a whisper now. "I gotta go. She's... I think she's about to tell me."

Lorien opened his mouth to protest, but the line went dead before he could say anything. His heart raced in his chest, the knot in his stomach only growing tighter.

A few minutes later, the phone rang again. It was Kian. "She's pregnant. She's pregnant. And she's so happy about it. And I don't know why I'm feeling this way, but I hate it. I know I don't have a complicated relationship like you do with her, but I hate it. I hate that she's so happy. Is that normal?" Lorien didn't say anything. The thought, or now the reality, hit him. Hit him like a train. It was one thing for him to be disappointed in his mother, but it was another thing when it was Kian.

Hearing his brother say that he hated it felt like Lorien was opening his eyes for the first time. He hadn't really thought his brother had been treated the way he had by his mother, but maybe he was starting to see it. He couldn't blame him. The woman who had claimed she didn't want kids was happy about being pregnant. 25, about to be 26 years too fucking late. Where was that energy when she found out she was pregnant with him? Nowhere. That's where.

At this moment, Lorien has never hated life more. He didn't blame God for the misfortune of what his life was. He didn't blame God for giving him the type of mother he has. He never did and never will. He blamed himself for being born. Because maybe if he hadn't been born, his mother's life would have been perfect from the very start, and he wouldn't have had to go through this. He wouldn't have to tell his brother that 'hey, it's all right' even though they both knew that it wasn't.

"Of course it's normal," Lorien said quietly, his voice barely a whisper against the weight of his own thoughts. "I felt like this the last few years of my life. I've never wanted you to feel this way, Kian. I know I've never been a very open older brother. Hell, I don't know how to make it better for you. But you're not alone in this. I don't want you to think that."

His voice cracked slightly, betraying the calm tone he tried to maintain. He wasn't sure if he believed the words he was saying, but he had to say them. For Kian. For himself. It was the only thing he could do. Lorien sighs, staring at his lap. "I'm sorry." He spoke more to himself than Kian.

"Do you think she'll be a better mom this time? To this baby, I mean." Kian asked quietly. Lorien shrugged even though he knew Kian couldn't see him. "I hope so. No one should have to grow up the way we did."

The silence between them stretched, heavy and suffocating. Lorien could hear the faint hum of static over the phone, a reminder of the distance that had always been there, not just physically but emotionally, too.

"I just... I don't understand. Kian's voice broke through the quiet, shaky but determined. "How can she be so happy now? How can she just... forget?"

Lorien clenched his jaw, his hands gripping the fabric of his pants. "She's not forgetting, Kian. She's moving on. We were never part of the life she wanted. But that doesn't mean we're less. It doesn't mean we're not worth it."

He hated the bitterness in his voice, the way the words tasted like ash on his tongue. But he knew Kian needed to hear it, needed to know that their mother's happiness now didn't erase the pain of their past. It didn't make them any less valuable.

"She might be a better mom this time," Lorien continued, his voice softer now, the anger simmering into something else—resignation. "But that's on her. We've got our own lives to live, Kian. We don't need her approval, her love, to be happy." Kian sniffed on the other end of the line. "It just... hurts, you know?"

"I know," Lorien whispered. "It hurts like hell. But we've got each other. That's what matters."

For the first time in what felt like forever, Lorien felt a flicker of something close to peace. He couldn't change the past. He couldn't change his mother. But he could be there for Kian. He could make sure his brother didn't have to carry the same weight alone.

"I'm here, Kian. Always."Lorien promised. "Always." The weight of the moment lingered, but for the first time, it didn't feel as crushing. Lorien couldn't change the past or his mother's decisions, but he could stand by his brother. Together, they would navigate the pain, the confusion, and find their own peace.