CHAPTER 9

TW
MENTION OF RAPE

Matilda cautiously walked down Garrison lane, hugging her coat to her body as snow fell around her. She jumped when an arm wrapped around her. "Ello, Tilly." Isiah said excitedly, picking her up and spinning her.

She allowed herself to calm down when she realised it was only Isiah.

"Hello," Tilly said, holding onto his shoulders for support.

"You comin out tonight?" He asked, letting go of her as they continued walking. "Probably not," she shook her head. Isiah threw his hands to the side, "come on it'll be fun," Isiah argued.

"I'm not feeling up to it, sorry Siah." She apologised, trying to walk quicker.

"Tilly what's wrong?" Isiah frowned, stopping in his tracks whilst she walked. "Tilly, if somethings happened, you can talk to me." He shouted after her. "Matilda, it's the week before Christmas, come on." He begged.

Tilly said nothing. She held her head down and continued walking back toward her house.

Isiah stood, defeated, worried about his friend as she walked off. He placed his cap back on his head and hastily made his way to the betting shop.

"Finn?" He called out, looking around the empty den. Finn lifted his head, placing the wrapping paper down, letting out a frustrated sigh. "This is fucking useless, i can't do it."

Isiah frowned, trying not to laugh.

"What's up?" Finn said, placing his hands on the table.

"Finn, this is like third day that Tilly hasn't spoken to us."

Finn shrugged. "She said she's not feeling well, that's why she didn't come to the races."

"No, Finn, you're not hearing me. There's something off about her, I swear if it." Isiah said, begging for him to listen. "You have to do something, check on her or..i don't know, just come on Finn!"

Finn sighed. "Why do I have to do it?"

"If i'd have brought this up last month, you'd have jumped to the opportunity to go help her, what's changed?"

Finn bit his tongue.

"It's cause you fancy her don't you?" Isiah teased, "an you've fancied her for ages. Which means, you should go see if she's okay."

Finn scowled at him, grabbing his coat. "Fine."

"Oh and whilst you're there, convince her to come out tonight!" He shouted as Finn slammed the door.

It was heavily snowing, the roads were beginning to freeze over. The tip of his nose grew red as he walked over to Matilda's home. He blew into his hands, attempting to warm them up as he waited for someone to answer the door.

"If it isn't Finn Shelby," Janice exclaimed happily, opening the door wide, "come in, please. Tilly's upstairs. I've baked some things, feel free to have some." She said politely.

He raised an eyebrow at her politeness and the tidiness of the house. Janice was a drug addict, why was the house so..clean? And why did she look normal?

Finn nodded at her, taking two cookies off the place and walking up the stairs.

"Til? It's me," he said, knocking on her bedroom door. "Come in," she said, her voice full of excitement.

The second he opened the door, she practically jumped into his arms, wrapping her arms around the back of his neck. He quickly grabbed her before he they could fall and smiled into her shoulder.

She seemed fine.

"Hello to you too," he laughed, hugging her tightly.

"Hi," she chuckled, standing on the floor and stepping back from him. "How have you been, you feeling better?" he asked.

She looked up, nodding. "I suppose."

"That's good, you coming out tonight then?" Finn leaned against her bed, looking at her.

Tilly shrugged. "I have something to do," she said.

"And what's that? Is it more important than spending time with your best mate who misses you dearly?" Finn asked, sitting on her bed.

Best mate. Funny.

"I've missed you too, i promise. But i don't think this thing can wait."

"Can i ask what this thing is?" He begged to find out what she had planned. Tilly sat at her vanity, grinning at him through the mirror. "No Finn, you cannot."

He rolled his eyes, groaning.

"Finn, put my ribbon in," she outstretched her arm, a light blue ribbon in her hand. He scoffed, "no,"

"Please?!"

"If you tell me what you're going to do." He said, standing up and taking the ribbon from her fingers.

"I'm going to kill someone," she joked.

Finn's eyes widened, taking her words seriously.

"I'm kidding,"

He let out a sigh of relief and gently moved her hair over her back, starting to tie the ribbon. "What are you actually doing, seriously?"

She took a deep breath, allowing herself to smile. "I'm going to break things off with Billy."

He relaxed his face, looking at her through the mirror.

He felt strange when she said that. He felt..hopeful?

"You're kidding."

"I'm not." She said, turning to face him. "What, do you think i'm not capable?"

"No, no. I think you're completely capable. It's just..why? So sudden, is it not."

"No, not really." She admitted.

Slight panic filled him, "What? Did he hurt you."

She remained quiet, unsure if she should tell him all the things that happened. He stared at her intensely, hoping for her to talk.

"Yes. But it's fine, i'm okay."

Finn frowned, shaking his head. "No, Tilly that's not okay. Why didn't you tell one of us, we could've helped."

"I dealt with it myself." She snapped. Matilda pulled down the top of her jumper that Polly had knitted her, revealing the cut that had began scarring. "All by myself."

His eyes were clues to the red mark on her chest, sadness washing over him. "Billy did that?"

Matilda pursed her lips into a straight line.

"Billy fucking Woods, did that to you?" Finn raised his voice, angry.

"Finn, calm down."

"No i will not fucking-" Tilly grabbed his hands, standing up. "Stop," she said sternly, looking him in the eye. "This is my problem, not yours. I've dealt with it by myself, i don't need your help now,"

Finn swallowed hard, nodding.

"I don't need you to worry about me, Finn. Billy and I, we were a complicated pair. And he loved me-"

"Fuck off with that shit Tilly."

Tilly pulled back slightly, confused by his sudden outburst.

"If he loved you, Tilly, if he really loved you, would he have beat you? Hm, answer that? He's never loved you, it's obvious. If he was willing to do that to you-"

"Fuck you," she whispered, letting go of his hand.

"What, am i wrong?" Finn raised his eyebrows, now not caring if he upset her. "If Billy loved you, he wouldn't of hurt you. God, you're so oblivious, Tilly."

"Finn what on earth is up with you?" She stepped away from him, taking her coat and shrugging it onto her shoulders.

"Whatever Billy felt for you wasn't love."

She scoffed. "Oh yeah, cause you know what love feels like."

"Yeah. I do, actually." He said, picking his cap up off the back and turning on his heels, slamming her bedroom door behind him.

"Fucking boys," she shook her head, giving herself a once over in the mirror and slipping her pocket knife into her sock.

She wasn't angry with Finns reaction and the things he'd said. She understood that he would have been annoyed with what she'd told him. And that was okay because he had always cared about her and her safety, she knew that.

"I'm going out," Matilda said as she walked into the kitchen. "Will you be coming home?" Janice asked from the other room.

Tilly carefully opened the cupboard, taking the pistol and placing it in her pocket.

"Yeah, maybe." She said, approaching the door that Finn had just left out of.

"Be safe," Janice said before the door closed.

As Matilda walked down Garrison lane, she stayed on the inside of the path, the dark sky making it almost impossible to see her. The only times she was visible was when she passed the dim streetlights.

She took a deep breath, twisting the door handle to the Woods' household. Unlocked, as always.

Tilly sent a warm smile to Harry who sat, hunched over the table, glass of whiskey on hand.

"Lovely to see you Matilda," he grumbled, allowing her to walk upstairs.

Tilly tried to make as little noise as possible as she entered Billy's bedroom. She smirked when she saw Victoria Riley laying on the bed.

The pair looked at her, eyes wide. "Tilly," he said quickly, buttoning his pants. "Hello Victoria," Tilly sighed, "give us a minute will you?"

Victoria looked between the two and held her dress to her chest, leaving the room. "Actually, Victoria, you can go, yeah?" Billy said.

The light haired girl agreed and went down the stairs.

Matilda closed the door, keeping her eyes on him. "Everything okay?" He asked.

"Me and you, finished. I don't want to do it anymore, Billy." She admitted.

Billy's hands rested at his side, frowning. "What are you talking about," he laughed at her.

Tilly crossed her arms, "I don't want the clap," she joked. "No seriously, i don't want it." She hummed. "Anyway, i've came to tell you that we are no longer together. As of tonight."

His eyes darted to the knife on the desk and she lifted the gun from her pocket. "Don't," she said, cocking it, "don't." She repeated.

His eyes widened and he retracted his hands.

"Put the gun down, we can talk about this."

"No i'm sick of talking about it. I and you out of my life. As soon as possible. And if that means i have to shoot you, so be it."

"Fine, we can be finished," Billy agreed, swallowing hard, "we're good, yeah?"

Tilly looked at her feet, kneeling down and grabbing the pocket knife, flipping the blade outward. "No we aren't good. You hurt me." Her voice cracked, "you were supposed to love me-"

"I do love you."

"Bullshit." She hissed, pressing the blade to his front. Her lip began trembling, "you were supposed to protect me, but you didn't. You hurt me. Billy you tried to rape me, you beat me more times than i can count. And fuck, Billy you cut me."

"Matilda i'm sorry," he pleaded as she pushed him backwards into the bed.

"This time an apology won't work," she whispered, sending the knife into his thigh. He gasped, biting his tongue. Matilda hushed him, holding his face. "That wasn't love, was it, Billy? That was hate, you can feel it, can't you?"

He stared at her with glossy eyes.

"It doesn't feel nice does it?"

Billy leaned into her hands, squeezing his eyes closed. Tilly pulled the knife, stabbing his leg again, barely missing his groin. "This time, you don't get to hurt me. I won't let you."

Billy struggled to get his words out, his eyes blurry with tears when she pulled the knife once more, leaving the room. He fell back, holding his leg in pain.

"Fuck you Matilda Willows."

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