CHAPTER 36

After Matilda was released from the hospital, she didn't hesitate to go home and pack a bag. This time she didn't feel guilty.

It was only a matter of time before David would return home so she had to be quick.

They had a plan. She'd go back to Birmingham with the Shelby's, Tommy would help her expand her business, her and Finn would start over. And this time, they'd make it work.

As Tilly was closing the bag, the door closed downstairs. She took a deep breath and picked up the back and her jacket and hovered at the top of the stairs.

"I'm..home," David trailed off, placing his keys on the wooden table and looking up at her. "I'm leaving," she said quickly.

"What?"

She cleared her throat, "I said i'm leaving, i'm going back to Birmingham."

"That's a funny joke, Tilly."

"I'm not joking. I'm going home." She shook her head, descending the steps. "This is your home, remember?" he chuckled. Tilly shook her head. "You didn't even come to see me in the hospital. I spent Christmas with the Shelby's, in a hospital room. Where were you, hm?"

David stared at her. "Tilly don't do this."

"I'm sorry, David. You were good to me, you really were. But I have to leave.  I don't love you anymore."

She wasn't sure if she ever did.

Her words stung him but he just looked down, nodding. "Did I do something? What has made you want to leave?" he asked quickly. Tilly sighed. "You know Finn, don't you?" she began.

"The young brother? Yes."

"Well. A long time ago, before I came here. He was my boyfriend and he saved me. In every way possible. Then my mother passed and things spun out of control. It wasn't his fault. It was no one's fault really but it resulted in me leaving, just like i am now. But i've always regretted leaving, solely for the fact I left him behind."

"What're you saying?"

"I'm saying that i, truly, never stopped loving him. And I'm sorry, i really am." She took another step toward the door. "But I can't stay here, David. Not if my heart belongs somewhere else."

He shook his head. "I understand."

He didn't understand but he didn't want to cause an argument. David knew about Billy Woods but not Finn. And the fact he knew about Billy Woods and what he did, was the only reason he remained calm. He didn't want to lash out. Her reason for leaving was understandable and at least she gave him a reason.

David dug his nails into the wood as she opened the door.

"Thank you, David. For everything. I suppose i just can't stop running from my problems." She smiled slightly, gripping the bag tightly. David hummed, "merry Christmas, Tilly. For yesterday."

Tilly said no more, She left, closing the door behind her and walking out to Ada Shelby's car.

The rest of the family had went home due to business so Ada offered to take her back.

Tilly didn't feel guilty about leaving David behind. Didn't feel guilty at all. Because he wasn't Finn. Nobody could be Finn.

-

The car pulled up outside Polly's home on Watery lane. Tilly took her bag in her hand again and climbed out the car, a familiar and homely scent filling her nose.

Despite the bad memories that came with Small Heath, she was glad she'd came back.

The door was unlocked so she got to walk in. Heads turned toward her. "Matilda fucking Willows?" Harry Woods was hunched over a table, pencil in hand. "Oh my god," he muttered, walking around the table and wrapping his arms around her.

"You're back, when did you get back?"

"Just now." She said, pulling away from him. His eyes searched her face, surprised at the little changes.

"What made you come back?" He asked, taking her bag for her and placing it beside the door. Tilly shrugged. "I missed home I suppose."

"Fair enough," he nodded, looking around. "The lads are at the Garrison with Cameron. Reckon they're already drunk and it's only..two o'clock." Harry laughed, checking his watch.

"It's never to early for a Shelby," Tilly nodded, crossing her arms. "Well, I suppose i'll walk over then. You get back to work or Tommy will go mad," she pressed a finger into his shoulder.

Harry rolled his eyes and went back
to where he was stood.

The walk over to the Garrison was fairly peaceful considering everyone was still celebrating Christmas.

It was peaceful until Tilly spotted Billy Woods walking her way, a strange expression on his face. His mouth parted.

"You're back?"

"Billy, I have somewhere to be-"

"No, please. I'm not going to do anything. I've changed, I swear. I saw you and I just wanted to talk, ask how you are."

"I'm fine, thank you." She nodded, not wanting to argue. Billy nodded quickly, his hands in his pockets, "That's good, really. And Finn, how is he?"

"He's good. He's the reason i'm back actually."

"Whilst you were in London I heard about how you became the most favoured artist." He smirked. "The most favoured young artist," she corrected with a grin on her face. "Ah," he laughed, looking over his shoulder.

"Listen, I suppose i'm to apologise for everything i've done. And really, I am sorry. And i know that no apology can fix the shit I did, but still. I'm sorry." Billy didn't look away from her, trying to prove he was being genuine.

"I'd say I forgive you but i'm not sure I can." She admitted. Billy shook his head, "that's okay. I completely understand."

There was a pause.

"Listen, you've got things to do. I'll let you go. Hope you're okay," He said, walking past her and continuing off to where he was going.

Tilly took a few seconds before she continued toward the Garrison. Billy Woods apologising? Birmingham has turned mad.

She pushed the doors open, entering the familiar pub. Heads once again turned to her. Finn was the first to get up and greet her, greeting her with a warm and gentle hug.

Although he wished to hold her tight, he was afraid of hurting her.

"Hello," she whispered, holding onto he back of his shirt. He said nothing but leaned his chin on the top of her head. "I'm glad you chose to come back. Although I wouldn't have minded running off to America with you," he teased.

She jokingly rolled her eyes and parted from him to greet everyone else.

Finn felt like things were back to normal. Well at least for him. He had Tilly back. But it was probably the least normal for her considering she'd tried to kill herself days before.

It was strange because despite that event occurring, it was like she'd forgotten about it.

But not by accident. Tilly had forced herself to try forget. She wanted a new start, if that was even possible for her.

All she wanted to do was be with Finn again. And here she was, she was with him again, laughing loudly as he spun her around the middle of the Garrison, music playing loudly.

Polly clapped her hands together at the sight, smiling.

"Ya gonna make her fuckin sick!" Isiah laughed, pointing a finger at them both. "Shut up Siah!" Tilly shouted, not pulling away from Finn.

-

Finn and Matilda walked alongside each other in the dark, walking back toward Watery Lane. "Thank you for coming back," he spoke up, keeping ahold of her hand.

Tilly kept her eyes on the floor. "I'm glad I did." She said, squeezing his hand slightly.

"I do want to help you, ya know. Like, i'm sorry for bringing it up but when I found you, i've never been more petrified in my life. I thought we'd lost you. I thought i'd lost you."

His words made her feel slightly guilty. "I'm sorry."

Finn shook his head, "don't apologise. You're okay and that's all that matters."

They stopped outside Polly's home and Finn grabbed her shoulder's forcing her to face him. "Merry Christmas," he whispered, leaning down and kissing her. Tilly's eyes fluttered closed and she kissed him back.

It was half funny because Christmas was the day before.

"I lost you once and I don't plan on doing it again. So the next time you plan on running off, take me with ya," he whispered.

"You're drunk," she teased, poking his chest.

"Doesn't mean i'm not serious," he said seriously, fumbling with the keys in his hand. She looked over her shoulder at her own home that was still empty, no work done to it. "Tommy refused to allow anybody to move in." He said after noticing what she was looking at. "Said it was still your home, the house you grew up in. It'd be cruel to take that away from you."

She smiled slightly, looking at him then back at the house. "I have the keys, we can go there if you want." He suggested.

Tilly kept her hand in his, nodding slowly. "Please."

She waited outside whilst he went to find the set of keys. It was cold, snow had began falling. A wide grin sat on her lips as she looked up, watching the white flakes fall from the sky.

Finn soon re-appeared, closing the door and holding the keys up.

"Found them."

"Finn, it's snowing." She said, pointing. Finn smiled slightly at her excitement.

It was snowing. Just like the Christmas when Finn had asked Tilly to be his girlfriend. Tilly took Finn by his hand, dragging him toward her old house and snatching the keys from his hands.

She wasted no time before opening the door, different emotions washing over her. She took a deep breath and took a step inside, using her finger to wipe the dust from the wooden drawers.

Her hand lingered over the picture frame that lay face down. Finn watched carefully as she turned it over, her breath hitching. The picture of Matilda and her parents before the war.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly, placing his arm over her shoulders. She nodded, staring down at the image. "It feels so weird to be back here, in this house. It feels so..empty."

"That's what it felt like when you left. John had nobody to wind up, Isiah had nobody to buy drinks for. Polly didn't have someone to gossip with. And I didn't have anybody but Isiah and Cam to talk to."

"Finn," she paused, "don't make me feel bad."

"No, no. I don't mean it like that. I'm just saying..it's not the same without you."

Matilda stared up at him, her breathing steady.

He found it mesmerising how she was able to act like two days before she hadn't swallowed a whole bottle of pills. It also worried him incase she tried doing it again. All Finn wanted was for her to let him in, let him help.

Tilly swallowed hard, her mouth dry. But she didn't let that stop her lean up onto her toes and kiss him again. She had him back, he was hers again.

Finn's hands rested on her face.

"Can you stay with me tonight?" Tilly pulled away, her hands on the sides of his arms. Finn nodded quickly, taking his chance to be close with her. "If that's what you want."

"If that wasn't what I wanted, I wouldn't of asked," she retorted, pushing him backwards and ascending up the stairs.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Sorry if it seems that Tilly has completely forgotten about her overdose, she hasn't, it's something that she does throughout the whole book. From beginning to end, she tries her best to push her problems aside to avoid the bad feelings that come with them.