CHAPTER 21

Finn anxiously paced the betting den, waiting for his brothers to turn up so they could leave for Epsom. "What's with you, boy?" Polly asked, hanging her jacket on the hook.

"Nothing." He lied.

Polly pursed her lips into a straight line, knowing he was stressing about the Willows girl who he'd not spoken to for a whole week.

Polly had spoken to her. Polly knew what was going on. And this time it wasn't Finn who was there to help Matilda, it was Polly.

"Don't lie to me, Finn. I think sometimes ya forget that i'm your Aunt Pol, i can see straight through you." Polly raised her eyebrows, placing the kettle over the stove.

"If you can see right through me, you should know what's wrong, no?"

"Watch your tone with me" Polly scolded, pointing a finger at him. "And yes, I know. And by the sounds of it you're to blame.."

Finn bit his tongue, her words making him more upset. "I can't keep running after her, Pol! It's tiring trying to keep up with her. One day she loves me then the next she hates me-"

"Yes. Well done Finn. That's how mental issues work," Polly said plainly.

"What're you talking about?"

"Matilda inherited issues from her mother. Issues we have only just realised that she has. It's not her fault. But your actions are only making it worse. That girl loves you more than anything else she's ever known,"

Finn remained quiet. "And one day you'll regret the fact that you stopped chasing her." She said before turning with her cup of tea and closing the doors behind her.

He stood, baffled and worried.

"Aunt Pol!" He shouted, opening the green doors and looking at her. "You spoke to her, didn't you?"

"Indeed I did."

"Is she okay?" His voice was full of worry. Polly stared him dead in the eye.

"Finn. I know everything. And one thing I do know, is that if you keep asking questions, you'll begin hating the answers i give you."

"I don't understand what you're saying, stop speaking in riddles."

"You're definitely not the brightest are you?" Polly rolled her eyes, swigging the tea that was now luke-warm.

Finn's chest heaved up and down as he stood in silence, thinking of something to say. He grabbed his coat from the chair and began walking to the door.

"Don't." Polly stopped him. "Don't go out that door."

"What, why? I want to see her."

"How come only now you're bothered about checking up on her, hm? Your brothers would say the same thing. Not once this week have you attempted to go see her, have you? No you haven't. So why now are you going? You leave that girl alone. The last thing she needs is you turning up on her doorstep and making matters worse. Leave it, leave her." She paused for a moment. "Now, make a decision, do you want to go to the Derby with your brothers or risk being the reason the walls crumble?"

He thought for a few seconds, taking in her words. The Derby.

"Yeah..okay." He sighed, placing the jacket back onto the chair.

"Now, get out of my sight. Make yourself useful." She said, her eyes glued to him as he walked through to the den.

-

It was twelve in the afternoon, everyone had left to go down to Epsom Derby. Polly had walked across from her home on Watery Lane and over to where Matilda Willows sat alone in her bedroom.

"Matilda, it's me, love." Polly called out, ascending up the stairs.

"Yeah," Tilly said from her bedroom, closing her vanity drawer. "They're gone, all of em, won't be back till later one." The older woman assured her.

Tilly nodded, looking over her shoulder at the bag that sat on her bed.

She was leaving.

"Now are you sure this is what you want to do?" Polly questioned her. Matilda took a deep breath but nodded. "I'm sure."

"Then what's got you hesitating? I left an hour ago and that bag isn't packed."

Matilda kept her eyes on the bed, knowing that if she stayed quiet, Polly would figure it out herself.

Polly's lips parted.

"You're afraid, aren't you?" Polly said. "You're afraid of hurting Finn."

"I am, i'm terrified. I'm doing this to make things better and I don't want to hurt him, Polly."

"He will get over it, Tilly. You need this, you need to get away. And you know that me and Thomas will help you. He's already gotten you a place to stay, he will send money every month." Polly assured her.

Matilda placed her head in her hands, tears welling in her eyes. "I don't think I can do it,"

"Matilda, love, how many years did you grow up, making decisions on behalf somebody else's happiness? Almost eighteen years. Make it today that it changes, you get on that train before they return home."

Matilda looked up at her with tears eyes.

"I know that you can do this, Matilda. Finn will get over it and so will you. I can assure you that."

Her breath was shaky as she nodded, walking to the bag and shoving the pile of clothes inside. "Don't feel guilty about this."

"How did you know i felt guilty?"

"I know everything. And I know that you and Finn left this on bad terms. But at the end of the day, the issues that you've gotten from your mother caused this, not you. Remember that. Do not blame yourself for wanting to get out."

"Polly, please don't tell him where i'm going, i beg. I would not be able to face him after leaving like this."

"Right, Matilda. Take a breath. Finn will not find out where you are."

There was a moment of silence between them both.

"Right, i'll leave you to it. Your train ticket is in the bag. Me and Thomas will keep in touch, he's already got Blinders watching over the house for you," Polly said, touching the girls face gently.

"Thank you, Polly."

Now that she was alone again, she'd began pacing. She knew that no matter what, she would end up on that train.

Her hands dug through the drawer of her vanity, searching for the note she'd written earlier that day. A note for Finn, incase he turned up and she wasn't there.

It was simple. It was an apology.

-

Arthur patted Finn's back, grinning. "Well done Finn boy, did us proud," he said to his younger brother as they walked into the Garrison.

"Yeah, we fuckin took Epsom, kicked the cockneys arses!" John cheered, pouring a drink. Finn laughed, shoving Arthur away and taking a seat.

Arthur stood on a table, "I'd like to raise a toast, to to the Small Heath Rifles" he shouted. Everyone cheered.

"To the lee boys and to the peaky fucking blinders" he finished.

Finn wanted to be happy, and he was. But a part of him was still thinking about the conversation he'd had with Polly earlier that day.

He couldn't stop thinking about Tilly and if she was okay.

At least an hour had passed and the sky was beginning to go dark, the only light coming from the moon and the dim street lights.

"Oi, where ya off too?" Isiah shouted to Finn as he walked to the door. "I'm off out for a bit, i'll be back later," he said before stepping outside, his face stinging from the cold.

-

Matilda gripped onto the small bag as she stood on the platform, watching the train pull in. Her heart was pounding. She looked either side of her before looking over her shoulder.

A part of her had hoped they'd all gotten home from the races early and Finn had found the note and came to stop her.

But he didn't find it. He didn't come stop her. Instead, he was walking over to her house where not a single light was on.

He was too late.

She'd stepped onto that train. She was going away.

Finn frowned as he twisted the door handle to her home, realising it was unlocked. A slight feeling of hope filled him.

"Tilly!" He shouted, walking up to her bedroom. "We fucking did it, Sabini's days are over," he said as he opened her bedroom door, his face dropping when he realised she wasn't home. "Tilly?" he asked quietly, turning on her light.

"Hm," he hummed, picking up the small piece of paper.

I'm sorry, it's for the best
- your Tilly x

His hands began shaking as he turned it over incase she'd written anything else. "If this is some joke that you're playing, it's not funny!" He shouted, turning off the light and running downstairs.

It had began raining and the second he stopped outside, his clothes were drenched.

He ran over to his Aunt's house on Watery Lane and swung the door open. "Where is she?" He asked, on the verge of tears.

Polly looked up from the table, startled. "Where is she, I know that you know!" He shouted at her.

"Finn, calm down."

"No, where has she gone. Tell me!"

"She doesn't want you to know." Polly stood up, standing in front of him. "And it'll remain that way. She's gone away, Finn. And I don't know if she's coming back."

"She left? Just like that, without saying anything?"

"She wanted to say goodbye, Finn. But she knew if she saw you before she left, she wouldn't be able to leave. Matilda loved you too much, it's hurt her as much as it's hurting you."

"Bullshit!" He said, his voice cracking.

"Finn, listen. Matilda is sorry, but she needed to go! For the sake of both of you, she needed to leave."

"No," he shook his head. "You tell me where she's went."

Polly shook her head.

"I love her, i need to know!" He pleaded. "More of a reason for me not to tell you." Polly said calmly. "If i tell you, you'll go and look for her. That's not what she wants. If you really love her, you'll let her go."

"Polly you know and you didn't say anything, why didn't you say anything?!" Finn shouted, his voice trembling. "You didn't fucking say anything!"

Polly stared at him. "I could've stopped her, could've made things better."

"The fucks going on in here?" Tommy appeared, placing his hat on the table.

"Did you know?" He asked. Tommy tilted his head. "She's gone, Tom. Tilly's left. Did you know?"

"Finn."

"You did! You bastard, you knew." Finn had began crying, a mixture of sadness and anger. "You all fucking knew and let her leave without telling me! What the fuck. You're supposed to be my family. Both of you know how much she means to me-"

"Finn calm down,"

"No, I won't calm down. She's gone, she's left. And you both kept that from me. How could you do that to me?"

"It was for her sake, Finn. For your sake. If you knew, you'd try stop her." Tommy said calmly.

"Yeah, i'd try stop her because the thing is, she's what makes me happy. Not you, not Arthur, not John. Matilda. And youse have both..done this!" He struggled to get his words out.

He picked up the empty whiskey glass form the counter and launched it against the wall beside Tommy. Tommy moved to the side, now looking at Finn with concern.

"Fuck you!" Finn croaked, his face wet with tears. Polly and Tommy were in shock at his state. Finn Shelby never cried.

"All right," Tommy grabbed Finn's wrists, pulling him in. Finn tried to fight against his brothers grip but failed. "All right, Finn. Come on," Tommy urged, allowing his brother to practically collapse into him.

Polly had now gravitated to the door at the opposite end of the room. "Fuck you, Tom." Finn whispered, gripping onto the back of his coat. "I need her."

"Should've thought about that before you chose to stop chasing her," Polly hissed.

"Polly, no." Tommy shook his head, refusing to allow Finn to retaliate. Polly sighed and closed the door.

"Fuck you all." Finn's voice cracked as he forced his eyes closed.

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opinions on volume 2??