CHAPTER 15

TW
SUICIDE

Tilly's eyes widened and a blood curdling scream left her mouth. Panic filled Finn and he dropped the coats, rushing to the living room. He stood behind Tilly and froze, his lips parting when Janice's body hung from the metal curtain rod, her body limp.

Cries left Matilda's mouth as she ran up to Janice's body, attempting to pull her down. Finn stood, completely frozen.

Tilly pulled at the curtain rod, ripping it off the wall and holding her mothers body as it fell.

"No, no come on, mum. Please!" She begged, kneeling down and placing her hands on Janice's cold face. "Mum please!" She shouted, her voice cracking.

Tilly looked up at Finn with a tear stained face.

Finn felt like he was going to
throw up. Matilda looked at him, begging for reassurance and support. But he remained still, his hands shaking.

Tilly leaned her head into her mothers chest, loud sobs leaving her mouth. "No," she whispered, taking a fistful of Janice's clothes into her hand.

There was no doubt that she was dead. Tilly had left the house at 4pm when Janice was nowhere to be found, she returned at 12am the next morning.

Finn took a few steps backward. "I'll go get help," was all he could get out before he ran outside, over to his aunt's house. "Polly! Tom!" He shouted, swinging the door open.

Polly and the rest of the Shelby brothers were inside the small kitchen, drinking.

"Bloody hell, Finn. Almost gave me a heart attack," Tommy laughed, placing an empty glass on the table.

"No- Janice, somethings happened," he stuttered, panting.

Stuttering. Something Finn did in overwhelming situations.

Polly was the first to stand, rushing out of the house and running over the road. Then it was Arthur and Tommy.

Finn and John followed them over.

They all stopped when they saw a broken Matilda holding her mothers lifeless body. A gasp left Polly's mouth as she kneeled beside the girl, touching Janice's neck.

"Call someone, an ambulance, anyone." Polly ordered one of them. Arthur quickly grabbed the phone, dialling a number.

John and Tommy had pure horror displayed on their face. John also felt slight anger at Finn who stood doing nothing whilst his girlfriend sat, a mess, holding the dead body of her mother.

Soon enough, an ambulance arrived, even though they were no use because Janice was dead.

"Tilly love, you're going to have to move," Polly said softly. Tilly shook her head, more tears escaping her eyes. Tommy walked round, gently placing his hands under her arms, pulling her to her feet. "No, you can't take her away!" She shouted as Janice's body was carried outside.

Tommy kept ahold of her, hugging her. Matilda shoved her head into Thomas' chest as he placed a hand on the back of her head.

Finn pulled a chair, sitting down and holding his head.

"She's fucking dead!" Tilly screamed.

Finn listened as she screamed over and over again, sobs leaving her mouth. It hurt him, hearing her so upset. But he didn't know what to do. He was afraid of upsetting her further.

"She's dead," She repeated quietly, her knees growing weak. Tommy carefully kneeled down to the floor with her before she could fall. He continued to comfort her until Polly returned.

"Finn," Tilly cried, wanting her boyfriend to be the one comforting her, not his fucking brother. He looked at her, guilty. "Finn." She repeated with pleading eyes.

All of his brothers waited for him to do something. And he did. He stood to his feet, so did Tilly after pushing away from Thomas. She practically fell into Finn's arms, crying hysterically.

"I'm sorry," he croaked, "i'm so sorry Tilly,"

Matilda said nothing.

Tommy nodded at John and Arthur, telling them to give the pair a moment.

Finn led Tilly over to the couch and sat down with her, allowing her to lean into him. She held him as if he'd disappear just as quick as her mother had.

He rubbed her back, his head on hers.

"What am i supposed to do?" Tilly whispered, running a finger over her lip. He took a deep breath. "You can stay with us, we can help."

"I've got no one, Finn. Both of them are gone. Fucking gone.."

He sucked in a breath, unsure of what to say. She lost her father when she was fourteen. She'd now lost her mother almost four years later.

Polly soon appeared at the door frame, Tilly's coat in hand. "Come on, love." The woman said softly, gently pulling her to her feet. Finn remained seated as Polly placed Matilda's coat over her shoulders. "You'll stay with us tonight," she told her, pushing Tilly's hair behind her shoulder.

John leaned against the wall in the hallway and put an arm around her shoulders, walking her outside.

Polly stood in the living room, staring down at her youngest nephew. "You stupid boy." She insulted, "you sat there and did nothing whilst she held that woman's body. Finn, it was your brother who sat and comforted her for them few minutes. It should've been you!" She scolded.

Finn looked at her with sorry eyes. "I was scared, Pol."

She scoffed. "You, you were scared? That girl has just lost her mother, and you're scared?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, okay? I don't know what else you want me to do." He argued, standing to his feet and walking out to the hall.

"You're supposed to comfort her. She's going to struggle and if you don't try and be there, you might as well say goodbye to your relationship because Matilda will not stand for your idiotic behaviour. I know that for a fact." Polly shook her head, walking out before him.

Finn swallowed the lump in his throat, shoving his hands into his pockets as he walked over to Polly's home. She was right, he was stupid to just sit there. Really fucking stupid. But he'd frozen and didn't know what to do.

His aunt's words made him feel guilty and that was exactly what she intended on doing.

"You take a seat and i'll make some tea," Polly told her as they entered the small house. Tilly sniffed, pulling her knees up to her chest as she sat on the couch.

Tommy cautiously stood at the wooden doors, his arms folded.

Finn soon entered and looked at Tilly for a moment, walking past and going upstairs. "Ay!" Tommy shouted. "Finn," he shouted, turning around and watching his brother climb the stairs. "The fuck are you going?"

"Fuck off Tom." He hissed, disappearing upstairs.

Tommy shook his head, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and pouring himself a glass. "She seemed happy..she was finally okay-" Tilly shook her head, the fire light glistening in her eyes.

"That's how it goes, Matilda, happens when you least expect it."

Arthur stood quietly in the corner, feeling extremely sympathetic toward the girl. Especially as he'd too had attempts of suicide in the past.

Tilly began feeling a sense of hatred toward her mother for what she'd done. And there she was, sat alone with Arthur in the betting den whilst the others went to do other things. She occasionally glanced at Arthur for a split second.

"She was a good woman, ya mother. She was." He grunted, tapping his fingers on the table.

"She was an addict and a drunk." Tilly shook her head, digging her nails into her palms. "Who refused to be my mother for years."

"She was a good woman." He repeated, pointing a finger at her.

"Was she though? Really, Arthur, was she a good woman? Or was she just someone who loved drugs more than her only daughter? Her only fucking child"

"She had a good heart!" He shouted, pushing his chair away from the table and slamming his fist into it. "A good fucking heart!"

"How would you know?" She shouted back, anger taking over her sadness.

"Because she fucking loved me an i loved her, that's how i fucking know all right?" He blurted out, his chest heaving up and down.

Tilly's lips parted as she realised what he'd said.

"At least she loved one of us Arthur! You're lucky it was you, eh?" She spat, shoving past him.

He picked up the whiskey glass and launched it at the wall. "Stop that!" He shouted, "she was good, and I loved her Matilda. So you..you stop speaking down on her name!"

"She's my mother, Arthur! And i have every right to speak down on her fucking name, she was never there, never. And she took my own fathers death out on me, not anyone else, me! So the fact she loved and cared for you makes no difference to me, Arthur. If anything it makes me feel worse."

His breath was shaky as she watched her storm out the house, slamming the door.

"What the fuck av you done?" Finn stood at the bottom of the stairs, staring at Arthur.

"Ya girlfriend is a fucking..she's a fucking-" Arthur struggled to talk and anger arose in Finn as he stepped forward. "She's a what, Arthur? Say it." He breathed.

"She's a fucking bitch" He hissed.

Without thinking, Finn swung his arm around, his fist colliding with Arthur's jaw. "Bastard," Arthur shouted, touching his face. Arthur pushed Finn into the wall by his shoulders and they began pushing each other around.

"Right, right stop." Tommy stormed in, pulling Finn away. "The pair of you, stop! There is a time an a fucking place, and this is not it." He shouted, pointing at Arthur.

"He fucking called Tilly-"

"I don't care! Her mums just died and you're over her scrapping with ye brother." Tommy cut him off, gripping his shoulder.

Whilst all this was going on, Tilly had returned to her empty home and completely destroyed it, she sat in the corner, sobbing, smashed picture frames and glass cups scattered across the floor. She'd flipped the chairs onto the floor.

She used her foot to kick the chair beside her, away.

Tilly heard the door close and she lifted her head, wondering who'd came. Finn sheepishly entered the room, frowning at the mess. She shook her head, a few tears falling. "Get out," she said quietly, "get out, get out!" She shouted, pulling herself to her feet. Finn remained still.

Tilly hit her fists into his chest, "get out," she cried. Finn grabbed her wrists, stopping her from hitting him again. He quickly wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into his embrace. "It's okay, Tilly, it's okay, it's me." He whispered, his hand on the back of her neck. "It's only me."

Tears streamed down her face as she grabbed a fistful of his shirt, holding onto him tightly. "Everything will be okay," he whispered, cradling her. "I'll make sure of it, i'll do whatever it takes to make you okay." He whispered, kissing the top of her head.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Janice and Tilly :(

A message i want to get across about Suicide is that it can happen to anybody you know and love. And it can happen at any time. Sometimes, there will be no sign of suicidal behaviour or thoughts. So please don't take the people you have for granted because tomorrow is not guaranteed for anyone. If you know somebody who is struggling, please reach out and let them know you're there for them. Although it might not make much of a difference for them, at least you can say you tried.