jeremiah's pov

STEVEN IS SHAKING his head at me as we walk toward the diner. I look at him in confusion, wondering what I did now.

"What?" I ask. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He narrows his eyes. "You know why, Fisher."

"I genuinely have no idea why the fuck you're glaring at me like you want to claw my eyes out. Please enlighten me."

He shakes his head again. "Well if you don't know, I'm not saying anything."

I shoot him an exasperated look. "I'm so confused right now."

"Not my fault you're dumb as shit."

"Why are you coming at me right now? What did I do?"

He opens the door to the diner and shuts it in my face. Groaning, I open the door back up and go to where Steven is standing. I'm ready to snap at him for acting like a little shit when I stop in my tracks.

Autumn stands just off to the side of the entrance, wisps of her hair falling onto the sides of her face and a dimpled smile lighting up her pretty face. I vaguely notice Vanessa and Rey standing beside her, but I find myself unable to focus on anyone but the brunette wearing a cream-colored summer dress with the sides cut into so that her bare skin is displayed. I have to physically fight the urge to go over to her and feel her skin on mine.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Shaking myself out of it, I focus in on whatever Steven is saying.

"...guys should eat with us. We're having an early dinner too."

"Sure!" Vanessa is the first to reply. Her eyes find mine and her face sets into a glare. "Fisher."

I furrow my eyebrows. "Hi?"

She crosses her arms and sends me a harsh look. She doesn't do it often, but when she glares at you, you actually start to believe that hell is trying to swallow you whole.

Autumn nudges her arm and rolls her eyes at her. Then, she turns to me and smiles.

"Hey, Jere."

For a second, it's insanely hard to breathe. She hasn't ever really called me that nickname before, but it somehow feels so right leaving her lips. Too right.

I clear my throat. "Hey."

Jesus Christ, why do I sound so awkward?

I don't have time to dwell on it as Steven drags me toward a table near the corner of the diner. Everyone else follows behind quickly. I slide into one side of the booth and open my mouth to ask Autumn to sit beside me, but before I can, Rey slides in right beside me with a menacing glare on his face.

Why is everyone out to get me today?

Autumn sits across from me, Vanessa and Steven to her right side. A waitress comes by with our menus. She's probably around the same age as Rey. As we order our drinks, she not-so-subtly checks him out. When she leaves, she smiles at him and sends him a wink.

Steven whistles. "Damn, Rey. Looks like you've got an admirer."

The corners of Rey's mouth quirk up. "What? You jealous, Conklin?"

Steven scoffs. "Oh, fuck off. I have a girlfriend unlike you."

"Ah, I see. I've never seen nor heard of this so-called girlfriend so..."

"You think I'm lying? I'll have you know that she is the most beautiful, smartest, kindest—"

I zone out because I've heard Steven go on and on about his girl a million fucking times. He has probably used every single positive adjective ever to describe Shayla. As obnoxious as it is, it's also honestly kind of endearing. If she could hear the way he talks about her, I think that she would never let him go.

Dinner comes and goes. When the waitress comes to take our orders, she flirts with Rey a little bit. He doesn't flirt back, but he also doesn't try to appear uninterested. I notice Vanessa glare at the girl with a clenched jaw. Autumn and I share a look and a secret smile.

When we're waiting for our food, everyone starts talking about some event that's going on in town soon. Underneath the table, I move my leg forward. Autumn jolts, narrowing her eyes at me. I send her an innocent look. She looks suspicious, but turns back to the conversation.

After a few minutes, I kick her again. This time, she doesn't turn to look at me. Instead, she moves her own leg and kicks me ten times harder. Wincing, I glare at her to which she smiles sweetly. I can't even keep up the facade for longer than five seconds.

Fuck, she's pretty.

Throughout dinner, we keep knocking our feet against each other underneath the table. It becomes a game of sorts. At one point, she kicks my shin right as I'm taking a bite of my burger and it falls to my plate, a tomato on my face. She snorts out a laugh, and I can't even be mad at her.

Not when she laughs like that.

Her face lights up, and something cracks in my heart. She brushes away a curl from her face, and I feel sick to my stomach.

When we're finished with dinner, the waitress comes back to pick up the bill that we all split and slides a piece of paper toward Rey. She smiles shyly and waits for him to pick it up.

But before he can, Vanessa spills her strawberry lemonade all over the table, drenching the paper.

"Oops! I'm so sorry." She sends the girl an innocent smile, though she doesn't look sorry at all. "I'll clean that!"

She grabs some napkins from the side of the table and starts to profusely clean where the drink spilled. In the process, she crumples up the already ruined paper with, I'm assuming, the poor girl's number on it.

I have to resist the urge to laugh, but when I look at Autumn who is also trying not to laugh, we both can't help it. We burst out laughing, the waitress looking at us through narrowed eyes.

Still, it isn't enough to deter the girl. She turns her eyes toward Rey and smiles again.

"I think you're pretty attractive. Want my number?"

I have to appreciate her directness even though I know that Rey is going to refuse.

"No," he responds bluntly in typical Reiner Cortez fashion.

The girl looks taken aback. "W-what?"

"I have a girlfriend."

And with that, he gets up and leaves the diner altogether.

The girl clears her throat and only spares us a single glance before fleeing back to the kitchens.

"Does he actually have a girlfriend?" Steven asks amusedly.

The question seems to trouble Vanessa who shoots to her feet and tosses out a quick explanation that she's heading outside before darting toward the exit. Steven stares after her and then turns to look at us.

"Well, I'm going home. You two knock yourselves out."

And then he leaves too, only me and Autumn left at the table. She snorts out a laugh and rolls her eyes.

"They're all lunatics."

"Agreed."

With a light smile on her face, she stands and glances at me. "We should go too."

She takes a step toward the exit. I don't know what comes over me, but I get up and close my hand around hers. She stops in her tracks. Turning around, she stares at our intertwined hands and then up at me.

I'm momentarily speechless. It's terrifying how one look from her can steal the breath right from my lungs.

"You wanna go somewhere?" I find myself saying, desperate for just one more minute with her.

She furrows her eyebrows. "Where?"

I smile. "Our place."

Her teeth sink into her bottom lip, my eyes following the movement hungrily. I know her so well by now that I know she's restraining a smile.

"Okay."

And that's how we end up in my car, driving up to the cliff we went to the other day to watch the sunrise. Soft music plays in the background as we talk and laugh about whatever nonsense comes to mind. It's strangely comfortable, and I find myself never wanting the moment to end.

By the time we get to the cliff, it's already dark outside, stars littering the dark sky. We get out and sit on the hood of the jeep, staring up at the sky and pointing out different constellations.

She's laughing at some lame joke I just told, and I look over at her. Her dress rides up ever so slightly as she lies down. I stare at her exposed brown skin and groan internally, my jaw flexing.

Fuck, I want to kiss her so bad.

I want to reach out and touch her so bad it actually hurts, and the thought terrifies me because this is so unlike any feeling I've ever felt for anyone else.

I lied that day.

When I told her I still liked Belly, I lied.

I lied because I had no idea how I was actually feeling. Because the fact that I feel this urge to be around Autumn at all times, to feel her skin against mine, is something I've never felt in my life for anyone. Certainly not Belly.

I've wanted people, sure. Wanted to get them in bed and pleasure them and just have a good time.

However, I've never longed for someone before.

There are some things so delicate that we can't even admit them to ourselves. Fragile little thoughts that might shatter beneath our palms, so we keep them locked up inside our hearts. This is one of those things. All I know for sure is that I'm fucked.

She smiles up at the starry night, and I don't think I can ignore it anymore.

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 !

cry by benson boone. that's it. that's the tweet.

(also tortured poets in less than a week im ready to sob my fucking eyes out)