𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠

"Veronica, wake up!"

My eyes snap open as a sudden jolt shakes my body. Simon is leaning over me as the bright sunlight shines above in the sky behind him. I don't know why I was asleep outside of my shelter instead of the inside.

Then it hits me with hyper awareness of my God forsaken surroundings. I had gazed at the night sky after my episode, and must've just given into the warmth of sleep. An ignorantly blissful mist fills your brain for that first moment you wake up, but it vanishes the moment you come to process the circumstances. Simon's head blocks most of the rays, reflecting harsh glares into my eyes.

"Veronica!" he repeats.

"What? What is it?" I snap hoarsely, not intending to sound so snarky. The attitude fades as I notice Simon's horrified expression.

"It's Captain Benson! He's gone!" Simon jumps to his feet. My face falls in exhaustion when I emit a groan.

"Shit, not again."

Simon grabs my arm and promptly yanks me to my feet. Something very unlike his character, but I suppose this shows me that he is actually capable of expressing urgency. Trudging through the sand, not fully aware of anything, I make it a struggle to keep up with his swift pace.

"Come on! I think he may have gone off to the mountains!"

The decrepit reality seeps into my sobering mind in recovery of sleep. This process was sped up when I get impeccably surprised to not hear the usual soft spoken voice from Simon that I grew accustomed to.

"Wake Jack and the others, and I'll wake Ralph and Piggy!"

I rub my hands over my face, plodding over to Jack's shelter. They looked sturdy rather than flimsy after the hard work we put in day after day. The slowness grabbed my legs when I approached, giving me a second to gulp my hesitant anxiety. Then, I skulk in. Thin light peaked through the tiniest gaps of the wooden frames enough to illuminate gold lines across his body and sandy floor.

Flopping down next to the dormant boy, I tap my knees rapidly with a stumped feeling. Jack was always the one waking me - if anything. Never vise versa. Pray tell he'll eventually stop. There's a certain contrast in seeing the usually hyper teen in such a peaceful state that I felt so unfamiliar to.

"Jack..." I shake him gently. He didn't stir. Sighing, I nudged him ever so harder.

"Jack." An evident reaction arose to my somewhat relief. He turns over to avoid my nagging, his back shutting me out. Buzzing my lips, I rest my hands on my lap.

"Jack, come on, we need to find Captain Benson." I press the matter. Setting back, I mentally reprimanded myself for landing in this plight. What am I even doing? Biting my tongue, I look back out the entrance of the shelter from my position - perhaps hoping I'd see one of his friends to have them wake him instead. To my misfortune, there are none. Tapping my knees again in no real rhythm, I turn back to the resting blonde before me.

Pausing, I stare at his captivating face, my breath getting caught in my throat. A lock of gold hair laid across his face, eyelids softly resting together. I swallow hard and quickly break my gaze, uncomfortable by my own staring, even somehow embarrassed by it. 

Moments of silence crawl through the tepid air. A subtle burst of courage urged me to shake him once more. So that's what I prepared to do. Without another moment, he burst up from his laying position, nearly squeezing my heart to a stop.

"AH!" He exclaimed like a deranged Jack-In-The-Box. Pun unintended. Strong arms wrapped my frame to his chest, and next thing I knew, I'm pulled down. I shouted in surprise, not regarding the new laying position I was locked in.

"Jesus fuck, what's your damage!?"

I try to sit up, but he constricts me tighter to his chest.

"Jack!"

He laughs immaturely at his own prank. His lively energy comes quickly in the morning, I see. A surprise? No.

"You're such a child." I roughly smack him upside the head, studying his fresh-faced smile. After what seemed like forever, he recovered from his laughing fit.

"You're an idiot, Merridew." That famous smirk spread across his face. I could hear it -- the way it curved his tone.

"You're alright, Veronica Sawyer." He replies smugly. "It's a pleasure to wake up every day to your insults, really."

"How very." Sarcasm drips off my words. Oozing with sweet simplicity.

"K, let me go now." He allowed us both to sit up in the small shelter. Roger is still somehow fully asleep. I shook it off, and turn back to Jack. He had a thoughtful expression on his face that was sincere, similar to the one Simon always had. In contrast, I make a bothered expression at his staring and snap my fingers in front of his face. 

"Yes, Jack. You could probably look this amazing if you got off your lazy ass." I muse, a petulant tone still clung to my words, and it was audible.

"Maybe," he shrugs with acceptance. I start to speak, but his motive beats me to it. One of his hands reach towards my face, in the vicinity of my temple. Unsure of how my facial expression may have contorted, I observe his actions. Delicately for once, his fingers brush the hair fallen over my forehead, and tuck the strands behind my rapidly reddening ears. I suck my cheeks in to keep from frowning or smiling, and slowly, sheepishly, I move his hand away from my face, saying nothing. 

"Why were you upset yesterday?" He popped the question out of the blue. "I mean- last night, when you up and left like Luke's dad for some reason." 

Clamping my mouth shut, I look down at my hands that are clasped together.

"Headache." Sniffling, I click my tongue and divert focus to look anywhere around the shelter. Anywhere that isn't his face. I can read you like a magazine. You're a bunch of open pages and don't even realize it. Was I... feeding into that whole complex he had divulged to me?

"Is that so?" He raises a brow. I sigh, forcing a pout and small smile.

"Yeah. You're quite literally the human embodiment of everything a headache is."

"Yeah?" He croons, wearing a devil-may-care smile, then pulls me in closer for another kiss, speaking once more. 

"I'm just trying to figure out where this becomes my problem." Our lips melt together in syncopated movements. A nagging in the back of my skull makes me tear away.

"Fuck! We need to find Captain Benson!" I push him back gently. He seemed unbothered, making it seem as a joke to humor himself.

"Awe shit. Let's roll!" He exclaims in a wacky voice, pretending to act loopy as he jumps up and kicked Roger in the leg. This startles the sleeping boy awake. 

"Wake up, Rog!" Roger's head snaps up angrily. Jack takes my elbow and leads us both out of the shelter. He sprinted out, dragging me along as he laughed to get away from his friend after disturbing him. Ralph, Piggy, Simon, and most of the other kids were already gathered a few yards ahead. When Jack comes to a sudden halt, I have to grab onto his forearm to steady myself. As our laughter dwindles, I study Jack's face to make sense of it all, the ghost of a smile still apparent on my lips. I don't understand him, truly at all. 

A voice bursts my bubble of thought.

"Veronica! Captain Benson's g-"

"-I know," I cut Ralph's sentence short. He nods in an understanding gesture, flustered at the ordeal. His brown eyes drift down, seeing my hand still latched onto Jack's forearm. Something flashes in his eyes; confirmation. His eyes flicker back to mine with a knowing look. I swallow and peel my eyes away.

"Are we gonna look for this old guy, or stand around all day?" Jack loudly says. I flash him a cool look.

"Yeah -- Let's go." Ralph flatly states to all. He turns on his heels and walks away. My eyes naturally pick up on an audio of snickers and whispers loaded with gossip. I can only guess what the hot topic is today. I see all of Jack's friends already looking in my direction. Luke, Rapper, Will, Roger, and all of 'em.

If they're trying to be low-key, they're failing miserably. Then again, I've picked up on the fact that 'subtle' isn't exactly a specialty that teenage boys carry a long time ago.

Jack on the other hand, is still bickering at the thought of Ralph's possible jealousy. I hadn't recognized it to be jealousy. In my opinion, Ralph didn't seem jealous at all. Instead, he looked annoyed, and suddenly I am incredibly conscience-stricken, like that feeling a child gets when an adult is upset with them. I feel uneasy at the idea of Ralph finding me childish or immature by being around Jack.  

"Wow, he's in quite the mood." Jack says to me. It was loud enough for Ralph to hear, I'm sure. I nudge him hastily with a good bit of force. That's it, Jack wants there to be an issue with Ralph. Like- he has to scrape for every reaction.

"God damn, what is it now?" He hisses scornfully. My eyes widen, flashing a warning glare. He yanks his arm away, glowering, mumbling complaints under his breath. I attempt to not mind that too much and focus on finding Captain Benson. 

We trudge through the dense greenery of the topsy-turvy jungle. Dashes of green are streaked everywhere at different levels, making it difficult to travel on foot like this. Vines dangle low to the ground, like hungry snakes hanging from the trees to take a bite out of us -- Creepers, is what the little ones call them. I shove the foliage from my face to restore a decent view of the terrain.

We start scanning the scene for any pop of color in the mass of indistinguishable vegetation that could possibly be Captain Benson.

"Captain!" I shout, my voice cracking in the process.

Ralph cups his hands to his mouth, making every yell project across the land. We should have brought the conch to maybe lead Benson back to the group. Ralph and I make another weak attempt.

"Captain Benson!" We cry in unison. The shouts echo in the distance, bouncing back to my ears. I step over a mossy log; hoisting a big step with my right leg, and swinging my left leg over. Jack hops over swiftly.

I disregard his feeble attempt to impress me. We're careful to not trip on any roots that can possibly cause us to twist an ankle. Another one of those is not one more I can take -- noting my last embarrassing hiccup with Jack in my presence. Simon shouts, waiting for a sign of the man; The only adult we have.

"Captain Benson, where are you!?" It's the loudest I've heard Simon shout. I think he's sweet and mature, but he's strange. Not in a bad way. I don't think strange is always bad. He sees things from a different perspective -- a lighter perspective -- a perspective we don't all see. And right now, he has hope for this shell of a man.

Jack silently walks by my side, making no attempt to call for Benson as he was clearly over the situation.

"Captain Benson!" I boom. Thorns painfully scrape at my legs, etching lasting runs of red into my skin. I winced slightly, but the faint pain was bearable.

"Benson, my man! Where are you, bro?" Tony jokingly called. Some boys found humor in this. I shake my head disapprovingly. Boys will be boys... I grab onto Jack's arm to keep myself from falling, as a vine got caught on my foot.

I hear a stumble somewhere behind me followed by the annoyed grunts of a few boys.

"Ow! Watch it!"

"Eric, watch where you're going!"

"I'm Sam."

I can't help but crack a smile at the banter.

"Captain!" Ralph attempts. "Captain Benson!"

"Save your breath, man..." Jack sighs. He sounds drained with the aimless wandering. I squeezed through two tall trees, being cautious of any possible danger. I'm too fixated on finding this man to give up now.

"He's gotta be close by!" I contradict, trying to convince the skeptical boys.

"He's probably just lost!" Ralph reasons quickly in agreement. My eyes drift around at the surrounding landscape, before breaking off from the group and making my way to a new direction.

"Yeah, something like that..." I mumble. Jack quickly scrambles over obstacles to get by my side. Anything but graceful. I arch a brow at him. His head whipped around a few times before turning back to me.

"What are we doing, Vera? We've been searching for nearly half an hour! What's the point?" He questions in a hushed whisper. I take a deep breath.

"Come on, Jack... Simon's gonna-"

"- Simon's gonna move on."

I open my mouth to correct him on cutting my words short. He begins speaking before I can again.

"Benson's gone, 'Ronica. He was loony anyhow..."

I ironically laugh under my breath again. 

"Batshit crazy."

Jack nods at my response. I crossed my arms over my chest in mild sadness. The prospect of the only adult disappearing in thin air made things seem all the more detrimental.

"Well, we should still look around some more to satisfy Simon that we searched." I insist. Jack pulled my wrist to uncross my arms. His behavior dawned on me then.

"Next time if Ralph's around, don't make any smart ass remarks. Be better than that."

I feel the grip on my wrist tense up.

Crack!

Jack grunts. In the blink of an eye, a blade is shot into a nearby tree. How he pulled it out and rammed it with a motive to stab so quickly without me noticing - I have no idea. I didn't even see him take it out, and that scares me. My chest lurches, and I stare at him with wide eyes.

"My God! Get your shit together." I plant my foot as the words boomed from my mouth. His eyes widen, realizing how his anger escalated. He quickly puts the blade back into his pocket.

"Shit. Sorry. I'm sorry."

"Merridew, you're gonna give me an absolute heart attack someday, you know that?" I push ahead, dusting my hands.

"Just make sure that the things you're stabbing are trees, you fucking psychopath."

"Trust me, I wouldn't ever stab a person." Jack swore. He took both of my hands, and pulled me closer.

"Unless I looked hot doing it, of course."

The words slid off his tongue. I roll my eyes and squirm out of his hold when a shadow of mischief flickers behind his gaze, then fizzles out once I pulled away.

"Jack, the only thing that's making you remotely close to being dangerous is your smirk. It should be considered a health hazard."

"Is my 'hazardous' smirk also the reasoning as to why you were all over me the other day? Or is it the hair?"

I flash him a look and presumptuously brush past him.

"I've never really fancied blondes." I look over my shoulder. "Of course, don't take it personally. I've been able to look past that minor inconvenience so far."

My head shoots back around and I fix my clothes before marching onward. I start counting down in my head. Five, four, three, two...

"Where do you think you're going?"

I feel myself smirk as he jogs up behind me, yapping away already.

"Oh, don't be like that!"

Stepping over fallen trees and thrusting through the foliage is like walking through tar, but Jack seems to effortlessly slice his way through.

"What? You wanna go off on your own? Is that it?" He laughs boisterously. I ignore him persistently. His scoff huffs into the air.

"Fine. Fine! Be that way. See where it gets you." Jack stops in place and begins chucking rocks at a tree. I put on my neutral expression and look over my shoulder at him.

"Fool around if you want." I shrug carelessly. "I'm looking for Captain Benson like everyone else."

"By yourself?" I hear his voice behind me. I pretend to think for a moment.

"Sure! Let's just hope I don't cross paths with venomous snakes or grizzly bears on the way since you don't want to be my escort."

A slap braces the air when I crush a mosquito against my neck. Little shit. My lip curls in disgust as I wipe the residue from my hands and continue picking through the foliage. Thorns keep knicking me with little red cuts, but I hardly notice anymore in comparison to when we first arrived. Not a whole minute goes by, and I can hear Jack's reluctant trudging behind me.

"Ah, Merridew!" I exclaim joyfully. "Come to help me not die?"

"Well, I can't seem to trust that you won't fall into another hole in the ground like a dumbass."

The glint in his tone is humorous, but I feel his hand touch my back as I step over a thicket.

"I can help myself," I shoot dryly with the pure intent of annoying him. I repress a smile as Jack groans and veers off to the left.

"Suit yourself, Vera." With that, he watches me hopelessly struggle, but still ultimately make it over the thicket.

"Question," he speaks up. 

"Answer," I look at him with a bored expression, anticipating it to be idiotic.

"Isn't it like... a one in a million chance that a plane would crash? Like- I heard from my dad once that a vending machine would be more likely to fall on you, but that hasn't happened and a plane crash supposed to be more unlikely. But I feel like you'd be more likely to die with a vending machine falling on you-"

"- Jack."

"Yeah?"

"Shut the hell up. You shorten everyone's life span by five years with your stupidity."

So, yes. It ended up being idiotic. Is it a surprise, nonetheless? Not at all. But that's how it is with Jack. It's like getting a straw when you order a drink. It's part of the package.

"I swear, once you start talking, the words just never stop! It's like a toilet rapidly filling up, and you start to panic because you don't know how to stop it."

Jack wraps his hand around my wrist and steers me to a stop.

"Interrupt me with a kiss, then."

I cringe at the attempt to be smooth, despite the sensation of his fingers trailing over the waist band of my skirt that sends butterflies scattering deep within me.

"You're also just constantly full of shit."

"Is that really what you think?" He tests me. Not a second later, he flips around, pinning me to a tree, my hands above my head.

"So?" he coaxes. I bite my tongue, blinking slowly as my tolerance for him wears thinner. Briskly, I roll my wrists, hooking his grasp, abling myself to grab his wrists instead. Without having to push him, I swiftly turn under myself, flipping and pinning him to the tree. His eyes widen for a moment at the position change.

"Touché."

I give a smartass sneer in response, then back away, happy with the conclusion. Before I can take a full step, I feel Jack pull me back by the waist once again, causing me to thud against him. I meet his laid-back expression with an incredulous look, trying to ignore the anxious thudding in my chest. God, it's undeniable that I have missed this dumb flirting stuff. I don't care how mushy it sounds. I am on an island. My skin burns as his hooked arm keeps me strapped to him by my waist.

"What were you saying?" A whisper ghosts through my lips.

"I was telling you how to interrupt m-"

My lips press to his, and our eyelids fall closed. Just like that, I forget the whole goal of the day.

It felt right. He was rough, always so, but that's okay. The kisses slowly turn more passionate, heat welling up between our bodies. His lips travel down my jaw, to my neck, descending to my collarbone where his teeth gently scrape my skin. I don't protest a thing.

Moments later, I pull away to take a breath, and lean my head to his shoulder. A few solid moments go by, and his needy lips weasel back up my neck. 

Captain Benson creeps into my conscious - That alone would put anyone out of the mood. Gross. I put a hand on Jack's chest, trying to pause him.

"Jack -- Captain Benson." I mutter between every kiss.

"Oh right -- old guy..." he heavily breathes through contact. I reluctantly pull away from him and grab his arm when the better part of my brain takes over. Be a good influence, Veronica. Besides, there's bigger things at hand.

"Come on!" I tug the resistant boy away from the tree.

"We should do that again some time."

"Sure, Ziggy Stardust. Keep dreaming." 

Specs of color dot themselves in the distance; the group.

"Jack, look." I point. He lets out a groan as I drag him towards the boys. I eye him begrudgingly.

"Can you please just move your ass? We gotta find Captain Benson."

He gave me an annoyed look, then saying nothing else, we finally started walking again.

"Thanks," I breathed, sounding relieved. I feel him shrug.

"What can I say? Our love is God," he muttered matter of factly. I froze in our tracks despite the short fight I just put up to make him move. I whip my head to him.

"What?"

"....What?"

"What did you just say!?"

"When?"

"Just now!"

"I said what. "

"Before that, idiot!"

"Huh? I said our love is God."

A weird feeling fell over me as I whispered a question in astonishment. "Where did you hear that phrase?" I've never heard anyone else say that besides Jason Dean himself.

"What's wrong with it?"

"I-... It-" I rapidly shook my head, trying to gather my thoughts. "An old friend said that often..." I continued softly. Jack slowly nods, unsure of me.

"So, you're good about it then?" He looked at me curiously. My lips form a thin line of contempt, and I shake my head again.

"I'd rather you not say it," I respond truthfully, to his dismay. Shaking it off quickly, I grab his elbow.

"Oh, come on." I grunt, tugging him towards the group. The other boys had already gotten many yards further.

I breathlessly catch up to Piggy, still holding on to Jack's wrist.

"Where did you guys go?" He inquires, sounding suspicious of us. The stout boy gives Jack a stink eye.

"We were looking for Benson." I lie. Piggy has nothing against me, I assume. He hates Jack. Now that's a no-brainer.

"What's it to you, fatass?!" Jack commented. He shoves past Piggy, nearly knocking him over.

"Jack!" I grab him by the elbow to tug him back. "What's wrong with you?"

"Everything ok back there?" Ralph called towards us. "It's fine." Jack bluntly replies, then turns his focus back to me

"Why do you suck up to that." He hastily gestures to Piggy who was now walking with Simon. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"You find him annoying, I get it," I say critically. "Everyone has someone who annoys them, but what does it cost to hold your tongue? Why are you so cruel?" 

"Oh pish-pish, we can take a dandy skip through the garden another time." Jack rolls his eyes and meanders past me, letting out a hefty laugh. "You're not always a ray of sunshine either, Sawyer!" 

My hand finds my temple. "Okay, I know!" I exclaim. "But I'm sorry for it!"

"Oh, how rich."

This cracks something inside my chest.

"Why do you feel the need to come at people for nothing?"

He lifts his chin as an attempt to show my words don't affect him.

"Why do you feel the need to act like a bitch?"

The air deflates from my lungs at the fucking word. The silence that sits heavily within the jungle is a thick putty that suffocates me. The great echo of his words vibrates in my ears like he'd spoken with the power of a million gongs that reverberate wildly.

Every moment of reassurance I ever had with him suddenly dissipates. That phrase alone set it all in, almost like it confirmed what I initially thought.

"I'm sorry?" It comes out low, and quiet as the weight of his words begin to pile up in my chest. Jack stares at me, curling a sardonic smile as my reaction feeds him.

"I think you heard what I said loud and clear, Sawyer."

He says it with such simplicity and ease that it catches me off guard. Despite our previous collisions and the fact that we were nothing serious, I assumed that we at least developed some line of mutual respect.

"Fuck you, Jack." I strain my voice through my tense throat.

"You already have." He barks a laugh.

"Shut up!" I hiss under my breath. He knew that would get to me. I shuffle warily and rest my uncertain eyes at him.

"You apologize, then turn around and do it all over again. I don't want to relive my past."

Jack lets out a solemn chuckle, looking down at me from his looming height which felt too condescending for comfort.

"If you don't wanna relive your past, stop making it hard for me to put up with you."

Something inside me scrunches up within my chest, best described as a dead rose shrinking into itself, dehydrated and withered. Meanwhile, I struggle to maintain a neutral expression that typically stapled itself to my hardened features.

If there's one thing I know, I will never again beg someone's son to treat me with basic respect. I will not sit and teach someone how to treat me. I don't care if I was only a whore for him to begin with. Relationship or not, I can't keep tolerating it. 

"Let me ask you something." I manage to say to him, trying not to retreat under the tantalizing glare

"I know we were just using each other," the sentence slithers out admittedly. "But even after you-... you acted like you cared; after all the prolonged fights and torment, was the kindness all faked? Did you even care to make amends, or was it to serve your own better interest?" 

I already know the answer. I knew it from the beginning. Part of me just wants to hear it. I just want to hear him say it. 

"Was it all to have me as a convenient hook up?"

The words brew in the air like coffee, velvety and bitter. This thing -- as I so graciously labeled our endeavors as -- wasn't supposed to be serious by any means, and it's not, but... the lingering in the back of my head was only a sense of faint betrayal. A look of indifference in his hazy rain-cloud eyes triggers a twinge in my stomach that I struggle to justify or look past. Swallowing the clot of devastation in my windpipe, I continue.

"What do you get out of treating me like this?"

His stubborn silence persists. Sniffling, I shoved an autumn-hued curl behind my ear, awaiting his response. Again, I lift my chin with contrived poise to assert my dignity. Jack won't be providing an answer any time soon.

Without cracking, I nod in acceptance and rip his chain-ring from my finger, then throw it at him. He catches it against his torso before it falls to the ground as I walk ahead, desperately trying to take control over my breathing. Where did that even come from? It was so abrupt. Trying to unpack everything, I stare at the ground, eyes widening. Ignoring what I want to do, I restrain the urge to look over my shoulder.

I knew it. I knew it was too good to be true. Jack blew his own cover. 

How could I be so foolish?

"That sounded like a pretty heated conversation." Ralph observes, showing an empathetic smile. I frown, feeling deflated.

"You heard all of that?"

He shrugs and nods a bit. Damn it.

"I think all of us did." Tony chime into the conversation. Rubbing my hands over my face in defeat, I mutter, "Nice. Great. Perfect." 

Another presence walks up by my side. Turning to see who it was, Piggy comes to my surprise

"Thanks for standing up for me, Veronica." the boy whispers. I form a line with my lips, scrunching my brows, and patting him on the back awkwardly. 

"Anytime. I see what you were saying about him," I exclaim so Jack could hear. In reality, I don't think it fazes him. I just cling onto the loose thread of hope that he isn't what I thought.

We wander out of the jungle, and up to the rocky drop off.

"Look!" Simon points at something down the rocks. Without giving us time to peer down, he immediately trots awkwardly down the slick slabs of stone.

"Hold on, wait for us!" I call after him. We groaned, having to move quickly over the slippery, jagged rocks to keep up with him.

We see Simon reach between two rocks, fishing out some clothing items before the waves could claim them. It was Captain Benson's pants and shirt. Knowing what this means, I exhale in downcast. All that for nothing.

"It's nobody's fault, Simon. He just didn't know what he was doing."

The boy vigorously shakes his head in denial.

"I don't think he's what you think... I don't think he's dead." He tightly grips onto the soaked clothing.

"Why not?" I question. Ralph hops down the rocks, standing behind me.

"Where are his shoes? We gotta keep looking!" Simon pleads. I walk down next to the soft-spoken boy, and placed a hand on his shoulder, taking the articles of clothing from his trembling clutch.

Nodding my head towards the ocean, I softly say, "He just swam out in them." I tried to be careful, so as to not hurt his feelings. Simon backs away from my touch.

"And his belt?" He chokes, silence following his statement. 

"He left his shirt 'n pants and he swam out in his shoes and belt?" He can't mask the shake in his words, and the grieving infliction of his tone. I look over my shoulder at Ralph, unsure of how to respond. The chief walks over to my side.

"He was crazy, Simon."

The poor boy looks down at his feet, frowning.

"Come on..." I take him by the arm and lead him away from the scene. Ralph meets me at the top of the rocky drop off.

"So that's that?" Ralph sighs. It's true.

"I assume so." I give a sympathetic look. It's silent and awkward for a few moments. I'm unsure if Ralph feels awkward. He just seem so above such immature emotions. 

"I'm um -- gonna look for Jack." I begin to walk away.

"Veronica, wait-" Ralph grabs me gently by the arm. I tilt my head to the side, waiting to hear his statement.

"You need to understand how he is." He warns sternly. I shake my head like I dread the thought of hearing it out right.

"It's complicated enough." I reply softly. He nods in understanding. 

"I know, but I don't want these added rifts anymore." Ralph's words are prominent. 

"Go talk to him if you want, but don't take anything for certain." 

It stays silent for some tense moments.

"I need to talk to him." I whisper. Ralph gestures towards the direction that Jack is at without saying anything.

I have my reasons for not wanting to leave it at that, despite Ralph's nod of resignation. Where did that shit come from? Plus, the unresting itch to not let him and our encounters go nagged like crazy.

I begin my way to find him. Two little boys ran up to me, tugging my arm -- Peter, and Percival. They were asking me something, toothy grins plastered on their round faces. I notice Jack in the distance behind the boys. Him and Roger were together, talking and looking in my direction.

"Veronica? Miss?" I look down at the two boys, blinking a few times, shaking off what I had seen.

"Yes?" I emit my breathy reply, forcing a smile.

"Will you come build sand castles with us?" They pipe, hope evident in their squeaky voices. I glance back to Jack and Roger, then back at the little ones.

"Maybe in a bit, I have some things to take care of." I answer politely. The excitement only seemed to swell.

"Okie dokie! We will have one built for you by the time you get back!" They exclaim excitedly. My cheek lifts as I sigh a laugh.

"Sounds great." I give a quick thumbs up, and pat them both on the heads before they skip off to their own antics.

"Stay innocent." I mumble before approaching Jack and Roger. The sun is slowly setting, and the breeze is cooler, sending a small shiver tracking down my spine.

Roger is glaring, but I write it off as his resting face, and ignore him. I stand before Jack. The blonde gives his friend a look that signals him to give us space. After that, he stands closer to me, our chests almost touching, but I instead stare at the ground with crossed arms like the sand is much more investing. The blonde lifts my chin higher, standing stiffly studying my hardened features.

Please, don't do this. Don't let it keep happening. Please. 

It's actually comical that I can even be foolish enough to run back to him, desperate for an explanation. Where did it all go so wrong? 

"Go ahead, Sawyer," he speaks through rigid words. I don't much like the cold demeanor. My build up of words seems to melt as my speech withers away. He lifts a brow, urging me to continue.

"Well?" I croak, somewhat nervous. "Was I right? What I said- in the woods?"

"I don't know," he practically chokes out, unable to articulate words with a stiffened jaw. I feel my organs flex in automatic dejection.

"I like making you mad, Veronica. I like making you seethe. Is that what you wanna hear?" The straight-forwardness takes me aback. 

"Maybe I'm irrational for that, Veronica, but-"

"Yes, you fucking are." I eagerly agree, scowling up at him. The expression doesn't falter. He inhales slowly and diverts his eyes once more.

"Look at me!" I snap with a sudden onslaught of anger. Sighing with self-beratement, Jack reluctantly swings his head back to meet my gaze.

"You never answered my fucking question." My words have to squeeze through my gritted teeth. Jack huffs and rubs his temple.

"There's no reason behind it, kay? I gain nothing other than the satisfaction that it takes nothing to make you mad. I don't know why. It's like I can't imagine that it would actually hurt you."

"Well you did hurt me!" I counter, stomping my foot in place. I half want to shove him back, but choose against it. "What is wrong with you that you get so easily hurtful? Do you get off on playing with emotions?"

"I don't know," Jack answers truthfully. "You know I like to argue with you, but I never want to actually hurt your feelings."

I'm not sold. It's going to take a lot more than that to rid my lasting skepticism once more.

"Why did you keep going with it just then?" I press incredulously. My arms fold over my chest to hide the quaking of my hands.

"Like I said," he continues, much less cautious with his words. "I don't know why. Really. I wanted you to get worked up. You want me to be honest? Fine."

I set my jaw, staring up at him with my arms still crossed, unsure if I even heard that correctly. 

"I'm sorry." He finally apologizes. 

Suspicion must be apparent in my face as I eye him harder, but finally I relinquish the drilling stare. Something in my chest twinges to see Jack speak so simply for the blatantly boring truth. 

"I don't know what you've been through with your ex, but I don't want you to relive it, got it? Even if this thing is nothing serious." Despite the softness of the words alone, Jack still has such a firm tone, and I don't believe him.

"It feels like we'll never stop fighting." I say slowly. 

"And what's the harm in that?" He presses in a coy smirk.

"Jack." I grunt out as he's not getting the point. "It's entirely infuriating, and-"

He starts leaning in to kiss me. I place a hand to his chest and successfully stop him in time. It feels so deliciously wrong and rushed. Jack pulls back before he can get a full fix. His icy breath grazes my skin as his blue eyes look into mine, like he's putting a message across. You fighting with me keeps me sane.

"I just don't want this to end up being like-" I cut my words short.

"What?" He questions. I took a few deep breaths, composing all my senses. Roger scopes off a distance in the background, but kept eyes on us.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it." I say.

"Fuck," Jack mutters, tugging my heartstrings. "You drive me crazy, Sawyer."

My jaw clenches and I prepare to retort.

"Keep doing it," he cuts me off. I lift my chin. "I'll only go crazier if I don't have someone to fight with," he grins.

That stupid grin. 

"You know," I began slowly. "Today marks the four-hundredth time that I've fantasized decking you across the head."

His brow raises with his lifted chin.

"You mean to tell me you've fantasized about me four-hundred times?"

The words dismantle me slightly, and Jack catches on to this.

"You..." My mouth hangs open as I struggle to find the words I want to say. 

"Jack Merridew, you just never know when-"

"Our love is God," he says, like declaring a new staple rather than a promise. I can't find it in myself to say it back. It's not true. Roger is leaning against a distant tree with his arms crossed, staring daggers at Jack and I. I stare back at him, only my gaze doesn't waver for once. Upon this act, the glare intensified, seeming as though he could see my secrets. It felt like he reached into my mind.

Saying nothing, he turns and walks away, leaving Jack and I to ourselves. Jack roughly grabs my chin like he had before, looking down at me with an unreadable as he angle my face higher - maybe slightly amused.

"Listen," I begin, promptly forcing my assertive stance as I pull my face from his grasp.

"I know we have no real commitment to each other and what-not, but you have to meet me halfway here. If we are going to continue to go on like this-" I motion between the two of us, referring to our mutual agreement.

"- Then you need to start doing something different." 

Jack shifts uneasily, now being confronted with this inescapable notion, but he forces an agreeable nod. 

"I'll work on it," he mumbled. "I'll fix it. I will. I am. Starting now." 

At that, his hand fumbles in his pocket, pulling out the ring he made from his chain. He takes my wrist, and slides it back onto my finger. I hold my tantalizing glare, scanning for the truth of his words, but he just persists to look down at me. 

"Have I lost you forever now?" He has a satirical infliction to his words, less serious. I roll my eyes. One part of me, the logical side- tells me to run. Turn and run. I'll be digging my grave if I stick with him. Another distant piece of me is telling me to hold out. To dig for a redeeming quality, to fix what had been broken. This God forsaken savior complex. 

Truth is, I don't want to have a savior complex. 

I want to watch Jack squirm. 

I want to allure him, to make him forget his stupid acts. 

I want to go with him, to reel him along like he'd done to me. 

I haven't wanted a relationship with him. That was clear in my head from the start. 

I craved the rush, and absolutely despised it. 

I want Jack to feel what I felt. 

After a very long pause, I shake my head faintly. 

"Not yet," I whisper in a hoarse voice. 

He doesn't technically owe me anything. We aren't friends, and we aren't in a relationship. But I feel like he owes me something, not what he's given me so far. Not in comparison to the lenience I have given him. 

"Don't overthink me, Sawyer." Jack states firmly. "I like you too much to let it go on like this. So- I'll do this. I'll work on it. Just don't overthink me." 

Pursing my lips, I can only find it in me to give another short nod. Jack presses his lips to my forehead once, then pulls back, speaking once again. 

"Our love is God."

♕︎♕︎♕︎

"All I'm saying is that you can't expect a grand love story with Jack," Ralph says to me as he sends a rock skipping over the lagoon's surface. I sigh through my slightly parted lips and nod knowingly.

"I kinda figured that one out," I tell him. "But that's not what we have going on. We are just civil." 

I fling a flat stone and watch it hop on the water three times before plunging down like an anchor.

"Nice one," he chuckles, breaking off from the subject for a moment.

"I mean- maybe I can be the one to knock some sense into him," I raise the idea. Ralph let's out one, hard laugh in response. 

"That's gonna be your famous last words." He whizzed another stone into the water. My forehead tenses up as his throw failed, and the rock sent a sloppy splash up in the air.

"I'm just going to see how it goes." I scan the ground for a flat stone and pick one up. It's heavy in my hands. Setting my jaw, I stare at it for a moment, tossing it and catching it a few times before I chucked it out.

"And honestly, Ralph?" I sigh through a laugh like I was coming to my senses.

"I don't really want a grand love story." A love story would be far from the 'situation-ship' we had going on.

"If you're good, then I'm good," Ralph says, lifting his hands. "I'm just saying to be wary."

I nod, holding my tongue. Who does he think he is to tell me what to do? Who is Jack to call me a bitch? Who am I to go along with it?

♕︎♕︎♕︎

Samneric follow me like lost puppies as I retreat to my shelter for the night, the moon faintly lighting up my path with a thin cloak of shadowy blue. Although my opinions on the twins aren't yet solidified, I never even half-expected them to unleash an arsenal of verbal sneak attacks that had been hidden up their sleeves.

I don't know what I did to Samneric bring on this sudden harshness.

"How much do you wanna bet she'll end up running back with Jack tonight?"

"They broke up, dork!"

"They were never together!"

"Were too!"

"But Veronica said-"

"-She did not!"

Their words stumble over each other in the background. After so long, it's been easy to block out. They aren't following me for conversation, I know that good and well. Like any smug kids, this is their little way of trying to irk me.

"How fucking dense are you?"

"Not anymore dense than you!"

"I should've consumed you in the womb!"

"Stop saying that, that's disgusting! Besides, you'd get arrested for cannibalism, dense-head!"

"Oh, shut it. Not even a bullet would shoot through your thick skull!"

"Why I oughta-"

Okay, now their low jabs have turned into sibling banter, though I tuned them out minutes ago.

"If I'm so dense, then how am I the one who wins every fight?"

"Please, I could take you!"

"Go on, go on! See what happens!"

"You can't even throw punches for shit!"

"I can to!"

"Well then prove it!"

"Veronica can't be his girlfriend because Jack was dating Scarlett last!" Whichever twin that was had quickly reared the subject back to me when the possibility of a fist fight almost got too real.

"So?"

"So they aren't dating! They're friends with benefits. That's not cheating, dumbass."

A groan elicits deep within my throat as my eyes flash in a roll.

"Scarlett and Jack are broken up. Jack was with-"

"-There's too many girls to count!"

"Just say Bitch #1, Bitch #2, like Roger does!"

My eye begins to twitch as I struggle to maintain composure. I can practically hear them sharing a conspiring grin as they pause to see if they gained a reaction.

"You guys can stop following me." I mumbled, not looking back at them. We were a few paces away from my shelter. I feel my head getting ready to explode with the twins' constant back and forth.

"Isn't it past your bedtimes?" I add surreptitiously.

"What are you? Our mother?" One of them jogs up to my side, sneering as his words rub dirt in my eyes.

My head sharply turned to look at him as my bubble patience popped. "Do you even have a mother?"

The words visibly dismantle them, but only for a moment as Sam or Eric opens his mouth to speak.

"- Never mind that, I don't care." I interrupt with a stone cold voice. "I don't think you'd make her very proud with those dirty mouths of yours. Get to bed, both of you."

The shock is tangible on their faces as I begin walking up to the entrance of my hut, not awaiting either of their reactions when the comeback would sink in.

"What the fuck is her problem?" One of them whispers to his brother.

"She's got a stick up her ass. That's what Jack said when we landed here. Look at em now."

I mumble a vibrant array of obscenities as I walk in, dipping my head slightly under the makeshift doorway. I don't make it inside before my weight leans into the step of my foot. A sharp tooth of fire sinks itself into my skin that makes my breath catch in my throat.

"Fuck!" I fall back onto my ass in an attempt to escape the razor pain, pulling my knee up to my chest and keeping my fingers wrapped around my ankle. I hear the quick sounds of two pairs of feet running through the sand. Samneric.

"What the hell happened?"

"Are you bleeding?"

I sense them starting veer around me, even with my eyes slammed shut.

"Stop!" One of my arms shoots out as a safety rail to keep them from crossing the vicinity I sit in. The inky darkness keeps me blinded from any obvious obstacles, and whatever I stepped on was definitely discrete. My first thought is a stingray, but that's a stupid thought. The huts are too far from shore where the tide never reaches.

My eyes begin to water when I feel the sole of my foot leak with the thick warmth of blood. Swallowing the knot in my throat, I look down to see something sticking out of the skin, wedged in, but I don't make the move to yank it out. Putting my foot back down, I trace my eyes back up the sand right underneath the entrance of the shelter.

A small green glint is caught under the moonlight. It hits me.

"Back up," I demand the twins firmly, keeping eyes on the area of sand. "Don't walk any closer."

I hear the two shuffle back. Tentatively, I reach out a shaky hand to see what's scattered along the floor and hidden within the dusted sand. My fingers grasp something smooth and fragile.

You know what they say about blood in the water.

"You're fucking kidding me." I whispered. A shard of glass was held in my fingers. The edge was rough with sharp precision as if it were shattered. It was green, like a fucking glass bottle that may or may not have washed up on shore.

"Woah," one of the twins marvels behind me, forgetting the entire ordeal that happened right before.

"Looks like you've made yourself an enemy," the other smart-ass one observed. I grit my teeth and flung the glass shard down.

You put a target on your back that way. 

You're gonna get swarmed.

"Who would seriously take the time to scatter glass outside her shelter though?" The twin on my right ponders. "That seems like a waste of time."

They can smell blood from miles away. 

They'll crush that girl.

My stomach coils and stirs like a vat of lava, making my hardened facial expression fall darker.

"I have some ideas."

♕︎♕︎♕︎

♕︎♕︎♕︎

I don't know where you are now