Izuku gently shook his head in response.
"No, I don't remember at all."

"I see..."
Ochako lowered her gaze.

The brunette turned her head away from Izuku to look a dead-serious Tenya in the eye.

Seeing the look on her face, he immediately began,
"No, you can't tell him. Not yet. It's not the right time."

"When will the right time be, exactly? He deserves to know!"
Ochako grabbed Izuku's scarred hands and stared into his glassy eyes at her emerald reflection.

"If it were any one of us, I-"

"Could you not be so stubborn about this? It's too serious an ordeal-I'm telling you; he's not mentally prepared. You're going to end up hurting him."

"Why are you two speaking about Midoriya as if he's not right there?"
Shoto inquired in a low voice.

By now, the rest of the room had even less to say than before. Even Mina's choking sobs had come to a halt as the exchange began.

Tenya removed his glasses, pinching at the bridge of his nose.
"Look...I'm not saying that he won't ever know-it's all over the news, for crying out loud-but Midoriya needs as much time to heal and digest what he's currently aware of as much as possible. Do you understand, Uraraka?"

"Why don't we ask Deku what he wants?"
Ochako turned to Izuku, placing her pale, soft hands on either side of his face.

She stared at him intently, refraining from blinking even once.
"Deku, do you want to know what happened?"

Izuku gulped, before breaking eye contact with Ochako.

His gaze aimlessly wandered the faces of his friends and comrades in a seeking manner.
He wanted a hint, an expression that said he really didn't want to know what he'd done.

Present Day

"....dori..."

"...idoriya."

"...Midoriya..."

A calm, soothing voice reiterated.

Viridescent pupils flickered back to reality.

"Mm?"

The somewhat disoriented Izuku replied haphazardly.

He glanced up at the slender man who sat opposite him, worried heterochromatic eyes staring back at his. It sunk in that he wasn't quite helping his case...

"I'm sorry, Sho."

He gave a gentle smile,

"What was the question?"

Shoto sighed, combing his fingers through dual-coloured hair.

"You were going to tell me what you remembered. From that day."

"I mean...It's been almost two years, Sho. I don't think--"

"Midoriya."

Shoto leaned towards the rectangular coffee table that separated them, placing his pen and clipboard onto the spotless surface.

'Figures,' Izuku thought, 'You always were quite the neat freak, Todo'

The therapist sat with his elbows on his knees, fingers intertwined so that Izuku could focus on the look on his face.

He was not amused.

"Why are you here, Midoriya?"

Izuku thought about it--truly thought about it for a moment. Why was he voluntarily bringing up the one incident that he'd tried for the past two years to eradicate from his memory? Was he cracking? Did he really actually expect a single session to take his worst agony away from him? Of course not.

But it was a start.

It was better than pitying himself every second of every day then coming to loathe himself for doing so; it was better...It was better than being alone.

"Because...I need...To talk to someone."

"If that's the case, then I suggest you stop trying to avoid it. Unless you want to harbour the pain for the rest of your life."

Ah. There he was. The honest and blunt Shoto Izuku'd grown to love...Most of the time.

"Yeah...I hear you..." Izuku smiled sheepishly, rubbing at the base of his neck.

Shoto gave the man an unconvinced look, before mustering the smallest smile.

"Let's start with something easier."

...

It'd been two years since Izuku lost Katsuki. Close friends still came to his apartment to check up on him, though a little less than at first. He'd grown to dislike the constant and profuse worry his company would express, despite knowing that it was in his best interest.

To make matters worse, for a few months after the League attacked, he was begrudgingly stripped of his hero license.

The public was in a state of debate when it came to Izuku's case. Some say that his reaction was justified, while others begged to differ.

Claiming that it was unacceptable for the image of safety and heroism to commit such an atrocity.

Amidst the disagreements of the general public, the various hero agencies worldwide agreed that Izuku would be let off with a suspension.

Mainly because the hero had no recollection of the actual events.

He had to be reminded why he couldn't immediately get back to work.

Reminded why he had to stop doing what he loved for a while.

Reminded how he lost everything at once.

Of course there were several factors that could've influenced his memory loss, but no medical professional could ever pinpoint a specific cause.

Blunt force, psychological trauma, selective memory--all of which were considered possibilities and were never confirmed.

Of all the things he'd been reminded of from that night, the thing he regretted most was...Not getting to say goodbye.

"Deku,"
Soft, pale hands found Izuku's, snapping him out of his daydream.
"Are you okay? You look a little pale."
Sincere, sweet words wrapped around the sides of Izuku's neck, warming his thoughts and reassuring his mind.

It would have been so much sweeter if he wasn't aware of Ochako's pretentious intentions.

Don't get Izuku wrong, Ochako was a great friend and an admirable, strong woman, but she tended to...Suit her needs. As in, she cared and took care of Izuku when he needed it, just as he would her, but he always knew it was with the intention of getting something out of it later.

Izuku preferred it when she was 'giving him space' along with everyone else while he adjusted with his new lifestyle.

But now, she invited herself to his house daily, checking up on him and asking him how he was doing.

He loathed every second of it.
Every moment he had to keep his smile, was a moment longer he was sad an angry when alone.

He'd told her many times that there was no need for her to go out of her way like this, but she insisted for his sake.

And that was the worst part.

How was Izuku supposed to reject her? Tell her to leave him alone when she truly wasn't doing anything devious? The more uncomfortable he became with her presence was the more he hated himself in the process.

Her warm, sweet voice eventually became chilling and bitter.
A source of his self-loathe.

But today was going to be different.

"Could you not?"
Izuku mumbled, pulling his hands from her grip, daring not to look her in the eye.

"W-What?"
Ochako's smile didn't waver.

"Would you stop that? Acting as if you don't know what's wrong."

"D-Deku I have no idea-"

"Could you cut the BS? You know exactly what you're doing here, coming over and pretending everything's fine when it's not. Stop inviting yourself into my house.
Our house."

"Deku...You live alone, that's the whole reason I'm-"

"You keep acting like Katsuki is some imaginary friend that poses no threat to you, but he isn't. He's my fiancé and the love of my fucking life. And yeah, I say fuck now because of him. If you can't deal with those facts, then you might as well be a stranger."

"What's the matter, Deku? I don't understand why you're suddenly-"

"I'm having a wakeup call, that's what. Shoto's been telling me for months to make my thoughts audible, it's about time I make that a habit. Now, you can either cut the act or get out."

Izuku picked up the cold coffee he'd prepared when Ochako came in, taking his first sip since they sat down.

"Please."
He added with a smile.

Ochako was completely caught off guard, confused as to what set off his sudden hostility.

Biting back streams of tears, the brunette reached for her purse and began making her way towards the front door.

"M-My apologies, Deku. I-I don't know what I did wrong, but-"

"That's kind of the issue."
Izuku interrupted her coldly.

"I understand...See you, I guess..."
She said meekly, unable to hold the smile from before.

As the front door shut, there was silence.

Izuku began to regret speaking out already.

Was he being selfish?
Cruel?
Unfair?

Could he have handled this better?

But Ochako needed to hear it. That she caused him excessive discomfort and he didn't even want it that way.

Did he get his point across? Amidst the cold, sharp remarks, did he actually tell her how he honestly felt?

He honestly couldn't remember.

If anything, he felt a little light-headed.

He just shoved someone who wasn't doing anything negative to him out of his life.

But she was hurting him, wasn't she?
She was making it difficult to breathe.
Could he have informed her differently?

What on earth was he doing?