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Chapter seven: falling

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Infinite love is who we
really are and who we refuse
to be.
This refusal is our most
essential tension.

-Devid Deida

_________________________

Luna

We dressed in silence. Taehyung had already seen me-felt me-naked, but I hadn't seen him, only the top portion of his body unshielded from the water. I kept my back turned to offer him privacy.

He chuckled, but not in a pretentious way. We'd crossed a threshold and were far beyond modesty now.

There was a different reason for my restraint. I still reeled from what he'd done to me, how far I let him go, how much I revealed and discovered in his arms. I'd wept. I gave him no explanation, although he hadn't asked for one, giving me the space I needed.

Embarrassment and confusion and uncertainty. I felt all these things. Sweeter things, too.

The quiet continued as we navigated the path back to camp. I trained my gaze on the ground, listening for the owl I'd passed earlier, wondering if it had found its dinner.

Taehyung laced our fingers together. I wanted to pull away. He had been easier to deal with when I'd known only Rigid Taehyung.

This tamer, more yielding version threatened me to a greater degree, gave me insight into the man he might have once been.

He's been hiding this from people. He's been performing for the world.

I knew the feeling.

One second, my impulse was to withdraw my hand. The next, I considered making a joke, flicking his earlobe, playing some more. Just to see what kind of new reaction I'd get out of him. I longed to test the boundaries.

I wanted to trap him against the nearest tree and sink to my knees and make him feel the way he'd made me feel.

It would be so easy holding him prisoner with my mouth, in the dark, in the middle of nowhere. Listening to him whimper above me, repaying him for his kindness, apologizing the only way I knew how.

My palm squeezed his, but he didn't squeeze back. In fact, the closer we got to camp, the more his fingers withdrew from mine. At the fringes of the encampment, his hand fell away completely, breeding a whole new pain. Finally, we mustered the strength to look at each other.

He gave me a halfhearted smile. "Goodnight."

That was it? The man with the bow was slipping from me already?

But what had I expected? That the closeness we'd shared at the lake would continue from here on?

His friends depended on him to make the right decisions, including accepting me into their sphere.

We'd done so much, yet we barely knew each other. He'd misjudged a girl before and couldn't afford to complicate our situation further by openly embracing me.

Did he want to embrace me at all? Or had I been a distraction from what he'd lost?

The possibility of that hurt, but I wasn't about to ask what our interlude had meant to him.

Also, I had to think farther ahead. Even if we were to start something, it would not last.

He hesitated, then turned to leave.

"But..." My voice made him wheel back around. My pending nightmares about Seokjin and Busan's fate plagued me.

"I don't want to be alone. Please. Just a little longer."

Taehyung looked past me. He stared out at the distance, lost to a memory. He seemed troubled, but he gave in and guided me into my compartment.

I asked if going to his tent wouldn't be wiser since Jieun might walk in on us any minute.

She and Jungkook had apparently finished, but Taehyung assured me that she would stay with Jungkook until morning.

"I'll leave at dawn, but...only for tonight," Taehyung cautioned.

We climbed into the pallet, he cradled me against his chest, and we watched the shadows dance across our tangled legs.

Still thinking of the lake, I could not shake off the meddling image of him doing the same things with Jennie.

From there, my mind evolved to worse thoughts, including whether he had chosen our moment in the water to recuperate from her emotional assault on him.

Secretly, I compared myself to her and felt competitive.

It came out before I could stop it. "Have you ever been in love?"

Taehyung stilled. Did I want him to confide in me? Did I want details? Did I want him to lie?

"What did Jimin tell you?" he asked.

"Nothing," I fibbed.

Jinin trusted me not to tell. I would not dishonor that.

"Have you?" I repeated.

Taehyung stared at the ceiling. "Once."

He wasn't about to elaborate. Did he avoid talking about her because it hurt too much? Or because he wasn't comfortable telling me? Everyone else in his group already knew the story, yet he was happy to leave me clueless.

He didn't seem interested in finding out if I'd ever been in love. Maybe he already knew the answer.

We changed the subject, asking safer, more random questions. I told him about my family. He told me about his parents, who'd died of typhus within months of each other.

He likes red wine. I like banana bread.

I learned to swim when I was six. He first picked up a bow when he was ten.

He liked to cook. I liked to eat.

"I like you," he confessed. "I think I liked you right away because when you smiled at Jungkook that first night, it bothered me."

Smiling at Jungkook? Yes, but we'd just discovered we were both from Busan. We were merely being nice to each other.

"Jieun wasn't jealous," I pointed out.

"Jieun doesn't get jealous," Taehyung said with a laugh. "She owns Jungkook and she knows it. I wasn't worried about him. But you were-are-a mystery. You provoke me. You provoke me so much. You're brave without realizing it. You work so hard to restrain yourself because your emotions are so flammable and raw. I'd forgotten what it was like to be awed by someone. So...I like you."

When I first met Taehyung, I could have never foreseen how sweet he would be underneath his coarse exterior. Jennie must have taken that from him. Henceforth, I dedicated myself to loathing her.

"Kiss me," I said.

With a soft moan, he twisted toward me and took my mouth. My fingers dragged through his hair. This went on forever. Each time we tried to stop, we couldn't.

I want you. I need you. I have you. I'll miss you.

"Luna," he said against my lips.

"Taehyung," I replied.

We laughed because this was our way of saying goodnight. As I sank against his body, my fingers drifted to his hip and felt the corded Busan bracelet I gave him hanging off his belt.

__________________________

By the time I woke up, my pallet was empty. The metallic gray light and prickling call of crows outside suggested it was dawn.

I rolled beneath the woolen blanket, groggy and giddy and grief-stricken. Taehyung and I had fallen asleep late.

He'd worn the bracelet I gave him-not around his wrist, but on his hip. He was softening up to its meaning.

Of all people, Taehyung owned my prized possession. Life was strange, indeed. The knowledge that I'd found someone worthy of that token filled me with incandescence. For all long as I could remember, I wondered whom I'd offer the bracelet to, hoping I would make the right choice and that it would be special.

I'd originally sacrificed it to him under the pretense of loyalty, thinking only of my hometown. Now, I couldn't imagine a better person than him to carry it.

I didn't regret last night. The lake, the rock wall, his mouth, his fingers.

Exploding in Taehyung's embrace. Saying his name. Crying. I would not have that ever again, certainly not with Seokjin. I would use the memory to anchor me in the future, on the evening I had to remove my wedding dress.

I tried not to think about when this was all over. What Taehyung might do with my bracelet, knowing that I was a traitor.

Would he have time to reflect on it? Or would Seokjin execute him quickly?

Of course, Seokjin would punish Taehyung in the worst way. Him and all his friends. Publicly.

Jisoo had said the king wanted it to be a show. That must certainly mean torture, and I would be forced to watch.

If I placed my pillow over my face, how hard would I have to press down in order to suffocate?

I bit into the pillow and expelled a soundless scream. Here I was, glowing in the aftermath of Taehyung's lips, celebrating that he kept my bracelet close to him, reassuring myself of my actions.

When this whole time, my mind had pushed aside the end result of all of this, which would involve his pain and a barbaric amount of blood.

Conjuring up the people of my hometown's faces reminded me of the importance of my task, but it did little to ease the sorrow.

I used Taehyung last night. My conscience and foresight had gone into hibernation from the moment moisture had inked between my legs. I was a monster.

Perhaps I could find a way to get Seokjin to spare Taehyung. Perhaps with time, I could find a solution.

Perhaps I should kill Taehyung myself, sneak into his cell and poison him in his sleep, send him to his death gently and comfortably. Then lie and say I was overcome with rage.

Too soon. Too early. Too much.

The tent flapped open and in shuffled Jieun. She dropped onto the cot beside me, hard enough to make the entire pallet quake. I kept my face in the pillow, hoping she'd leave.

"So how was he?" she asked.

My head shot up. "What?"

"Taehyung. How was he?"

"I don't know-"

"Oh, rubbish on top of rubbish. I got up to pee last night and heard you whispering. I'm not dumb. And I'm a girl, so I'm also not blind. You better tell me how he was or I'll tell everyone else what you two are hiding."

"We're not hiding," I said miserably. "It was only...last night we talked."

"I did just mention I wasn't dumb, right? I can see it all over you. Your tits have turned the color of raspberries."

I pulled the neckline of my tunic closed. "We're fond of each other, but that's all. Taehyung isn't committing himself to anything."

Jieun shrugged. "Can't say I blame him. Bedding you not five days into our deal is a bad idea."

Commotion outside. I smelled the beginnings of a fire.

"Taehyung's that rare breed of man that doesn't think with his prick," Jieun shocked me by saying. "Although I would have liked a detail. Can't say I'm not curious how he uses it. So nothing happened? Well, that figures."

I'd never had a girl my age to talk to about intimacy. My sister was too young, and when I breached the subject once with Jisoo, she hadn't been able to stop giggling. Jieun wasn't an ideal candidate to gauge instruction from, but she was honest.

"What's it like?" I dared.

"Ah-haaaa." Jieun sat up on her elbows. "You aren't a prude, after all. How crass do you want me to get?"

I grunted and turned away from her. She poked me in the back.

"How much nothing did Taehyung do to you last night?" she asked.

"Enough to want more, but it's over. I understand this."

Silence.

"If you keep up that strong will, I might get used to you," Jieun said. "Don't expect me to compliment you often."

"I'd prefer if you didn't, so we're in accord."

"The first time hurts like hell."

"Oh."

"It really hurts like hell. Make sure he relaxes you, otherwise you might as well be losing your virginity to a razor blade."

I was about to ask what Jieum meant by relaxing me, and whether the answer paralleled the methods Taehyung used last night, when Jungkook's baritone voice came from outside. "Stand tall, stand tall, stand tall!"

Jieun rolled her eyes. "He only says that when it's time to tussle."

"To what?" I asked.

She pulled me off the cot. "Come on. It's a fantastic way to wake up."

When we exited the tent, instead of the sights and smells of breakfast, I stumbled upon four shirtless torsos and columns of boy-male-man flesh.

_______________⚔️________________

Taehyung

The boys were getting ready for hand-to-hand combat practice when Jieun hauled Luna out of the tent and pranced her toward them.

Before last night, he wagered she'd never seen a bare chest before, let alone four of them in various capacities of strength and volume.

"Good morning, ladies," Jimin boasted, stretching his arms behind his back. "Come to join the fray?"

Jieun rolled up her sleeves. "I took you last time. I can take you again."

The look of pure, unadulterated wonder on Luna's face was priceless.

Only Taehyung wished her attention would stick to him, not the others. He wondered how he sized up against the rest of them, he was confident about his size, his broad shoulders and big arms definitely gave him a confident boost.

Jungkook, was definitely the taller one out of the four, but Taehyung was thicker. Jimin was the shortest with a really toned impressive body. And Hoseok has tall legs and muscles all over.

Jimin reacted to Luna's blush the only way he knew how. He took advantage and flexed his biceps, which seemed to alarm her more than anything.

That made Taehyung feel better. The feeling increased when those eyes swayed toward him, then cascaded down to his waist, sending a pinch of excitement through him. She'd worn that same delectable expression on her face last night.

Last night. He'd meant for the kiss to be chaste, his willingness born out of curiosity and the strange desire to be her first.

But when her lips pressed against his, his control had snapped. He yanked her out of the water before he knew what he was doing. He tasted her mouth and between her legs. His finger made her sing, and he loved every second of it.

She'd wept. Taehyung still didn't know what that had been about, but discovering how much his touch soothed her made him feel invincible.

And confused. No one had ever needed him that badly, and the moment she began to sob had sent him into a panic. It was the kind of unspoken closeness he'd always wanted with Jennie.

His experience with Luna had peeled away the layers, reminding him of the old Taehyung, the man he was before Jennie broke him. The man who would have stood on his head for weeks if the right girl had asked him to.

Yearning flashed across Luna's face as she stared at Taehyung. She wasn't very good at hiding it. He would need to do something about that.

Taehyung turned away. She had no idea the effect she could have. If he wasn't careful, he was going to be forced to fight with an erection. He had to concentrate or Jungkook would have him pinned to the ground in ten seconds.

Taehyung channeled his desire into aggression and didn't face forward again until he'd mastered a perfectly blank expression. Luna frowned at him.

"The usual order?" Jungkook asked.

"Jieun wants Jimin," Taehyung said. "We'll start there."

"I better win, then," Jimin said. "If Jieun makes it to Jungkook, it won't be combat anymore. It'll be foreplay."

"Winner fights Hoseok. Then Jungkook, then me, then Lady Luna." Taehyung glanced at her noncommittally. "If you want to be one of the guys, you'll have to learn how to protect yourself."

Her eyes narrowed. His indifference after last night was upsetting her. Good. The more pent up she got, the more energy she'd have.

"Fine," she said, crossing her arms.

"We'll teach you," he offered.

"Fine."

She was officially mad. He wanted to kiss her.

The first round went by quickly. Jimin didn't hold back on Jieun, delivering blows that she'd learned to block.

He caught her twice in the stomach, but she was fast and succeeded in sidestepping him so often that he ended up stumbling around like a drunken bear. It was over when Jieun crackled her fist against his nose and Jimin cursed. He hated it when his face got bruised.

Hoseok was next. Jieun had yet to conquer him in a session. She hadn't deciphered his weak spots thus far, and Hoseok knew that rage was her handicap. After failing to make contact with him once, Jieun belted out a frustrated howl and lunged for him. Hoseok cupped her forehead with his palm and held her back while she threw punches at the air.

Hoseok and Jungkook were equal in terms of strength and technique. Their fights always lasted the longest. But like Jieun, Jungkook got angry too fast. It was his downfall.

Taehyung strode forward. If he didn't beat Hoseok, Luna would have to fight him.

Taehyung had the sharpest reflexes, enabling him to punch circles around them. It worked to his advantage. He dodged Hoseok's fist, spiraling behind and wrapping his arms around the his waist, lifting and slamming him into the ground. Taehyung wedged his face into the dirt with his knee. Done.

He helped Hoseok up and they shook hands and laughed. Then Taehyung turned to Luna, who was standing in the corner, fuming.

"Come here," he said. "I won't bite. It's just a lesson for you. Let's see how your instinct works."

"Maybe she should start off with Jieun," Jungkook suggested.

Jieun elbowed him. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean, cork brain?"

"Just that you're the same size."

"So what? Weakling against weakling?"

"Jesus, Jieun."

Luna shook her head. "I'll take Jieun."

"You'll take me," Taehyung said.

"No. I'm-I don't want to."

"What do you mean you don't want to?" he demanded.

She was better than that. He'd seen the spark in her. The fierceness was there, locked inside.

"I don't want to hurt you," she said, her words appearing to have a deeper, unrelated meaning.

Unfortunately, this only succeeded in angering Taehyung. He shoved her. She stumbled backward and ground her teeth, stubborn but stimulated nonetheless.

He shoved her again. "Looks like you can't hurt me. Can't even take me. Can't save anybody. Useless."

Come, Luna. Hit me.

This time, when he pushed her, she pushed back. "I'll take you," she grumbled.

Jimin wiped his hands together. "Go nice and slow, Tae. Watch her arm."

"No," Taehyung said, eye to eye with her. "An enemy won't care about that arm. She'll learn how to fight with an injury."

She tipped her chin up at him. "I don't need favors," she snapped gorgeously.

He grinned, recalling her head flung back against the stone wall in the lake, her chest heaving against his. "Then get up."

"What-"

He used his leg to swipe her feet out from under her. She landed on her backside and rolled over, shaking her head in disorientation.

Taehyung bent over her. "I said, get up."

She jumped to her feet. Taehyung curled his fingers, beckoning her. Fury crippled her features. She plowed toward him, but he evaded her fist, blocking the move with his arm, spinning her around, and catching her in a headlock from behind.

"Think of taking a man off guard, m'lady," he spoke into her ear. "That's how you bested Jungkook, remember?"

"Um, we don't need to bring that up," Jungkook grunted from the sideline.

"Taking your opponent off guard gives you the upper hand. Don't show your emotions or they'll tap into your weaknesses quicker. Now, what do you have to do to escape?" Taehyung quizzed.

She struggled.

"Luna, you're strong. Stop second guessing yourself," he instructed. "May I call you Luna?"

She bit his arm. He released her and she pivoted, pounding him in the side with the toe of her boot. He puffed and staggered, but instead of seizing the opportunity and punching him, she tried to flee.

This unnerved Taehyung beyond measure. He'd hoped she would jab him in the ribs or go at him with her fists again. She wouldn't always have the opportunity to retreat.

He seized both her legs and lifted, sending her barreling chest-first to the floor, where he landed on top of her and spun her around, trapping her arms. Their bodies beat against each other. So many things troubled him, including her refusal to hit, which could get her killed.

"Done," he said. "Nice tr-"

A knife's edge pressed against his chin, tipping it up.

"Thank you," she breathed, steadying the blade.

The rest of the group let out a collective gasp.

Taehyung swallowed. "Where did you get that?"

"While you were busy swapping partners, I took it from Hoseok's bag and hid it in my boot. Is this what you meant by surprising people?"

He peered at her. "Go ahead."

She flinched. "I beg your pardon?"

"We don't usually slice one another open, Tae," Jimin advised.

Taehyung shushed him and enunciated the request once more.

In spite of their lush rendezvous in the lake, he wasn't about to favor or coddle her.

She wouldn't appreciate it anyway.

He had no qualms about testing her, finding out how daring she could be, how much faith she placed in his instruction.

Although she'd saved his life, he still needed to see if the opportunity to impair him tempted or tormented her.

Her hand trembled.

"We're supposed to trust each other. That means, I trust you to follow. You trust me to know what I'm doing," he said. "Now, do it."

With a guttural cry, she jerked the blade into his skin, succeeding only in nicking him and drawing blood before he whacked the knife from her fingers.

She was panting, but she didn't look angry or flustered. She looked emboldened, mesmerized, like she never thought she could go through with it. It elated Taehyung.

"Good girl," he said. "Though, you'll still have to learn to hit-"

Her fist connected with his cheek, whipping his head to the side. Jimin whistled.

"Like that?" she asked.

Taehyung massaged the wound. Not hard enough to knock a man out, but more than he'd expected for her small frame. It was a promising first hit. He would be sore later.

She reached out and stroked his cheek, then eased her thumb against the red point she made in his chin, collecting a small droplet of blood.

Her eyes seemed to ask, What now? With those simple gestures, something inside him cracked open with the force of a thunderbolt.

And he knew he was in big, beautiful trouble.

The gang started clapping while Taehyung and Luna stared at one another, their aggression dissipating.

He tried to picture how she'd been as a child learning how to swim, the awareness of drowning if she got it wrong.

He helped her stand. Yes, she may have needed his comfort last night. But in time, she could survive just fine without him.

______________🛡️_____________

They played music and danced that night. Hoseok bounced Jieun around the fire pit, then captured Luna and took her for a spin as well.

Taehyung couldn't keep his eyes off her. During combat practice, something had released her. She spoke and walked differently now, less burdened, like she might be able to conquer the world.

Whatever had released her had unhinged him, too. He ran his fingers through his hair. He was thirsty, parched, falling headfirst and couldn't stop it. He realized he didn't want to.

"The stars are raining on us tonight," Jimin said.

"Do us a favor and try not to be a poet," Jieun mocked.

Everyone laughed except Luna, who grinned sadly at Jimin.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" he prompted. He always said this before suggesting they go into the woods to stargaze.

Hoseok rose without question. Jungkook had to coax Jieun to go-she wasn't the stargazing kind.

Normally, Taehyung was keen on it. Tonight, however, he wanted just one thing.

"I'm staying," he said.

Jimin shrugged. "Suit yourself." He offered Luna a hand. "M'lady, the sky is waiting for you."

"Oh, please," Jieun groaned.

Luna hesitated, her attention skipping between Jimin's outstretched hand and Taehyung's slack one.

She took Jimin's hand. Taehyung's shoulders sagged. It was a bad idea to be alone together anyway.

His band left, the sounds of their chatter fading into the trees. He contented himself to poke the fire for a while, thinking of Jennie and Seokjin, mentally fusing their faces together.

He used a stick to draw a picture of that mutant countenance in the dirt. He was halfway done when he heard her.

He dropped the stick and stood. And there was Luna, inching out of the forest. And there they were, by themselves.

And he went back to wanting just one thing.

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(a/n)
Dont forget to leave me ur lovely thoughts. xx
I'll update soon with a spicy one for sure because the sexual tension is just too much.