Chapter thirteen

sex discussions with a therapist

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"How are you feeling today, Amaya?" Dr. Bennett, had questioned her, sitting across from Amaya with her legs crossed, a notepad in one hand with a pen in another hand.

It has been nearly two years since she was assaulted, as also tomorrow marks one year since the attacks in Woodsboro. It was pretty surreal on how time flies really quickly.

"I feel pretty great," Amaya had simply nodded her head, "The nightmares don't come as often as they used to come." She answered her therapist sincerely.

It has almost been two months since she's even had a nightmare about her assault that ultimately awakens her from her sleep, afraid he'd show up there, again. 'Cause the amount of nightmares she'd constantly get before was almost fucking insane, and always awakening her boyfriend from his sleep, or there'd be moments she'd call him to come over to her house, hysterically in tears. She felt really bad making him leave his dorm, despite having a schedule made when he would spend his nights at her house. But, she including Paloma always felt safe with his presence.

"That's good, really good." Dr. Bennett had smiled at her patient, "How's your relationship with your father been?" Part of her therapy was also discussing her relationship with her father, that had slowly crumbled almost three years ago, and has been getting better within time.

Amaya smiled, "I think it's getting better, I don't get mad at him anymore." Amaya slowly revealed, "But, I now realize I had no true reasoning into being angry with him." She had confessed, "I was so upset 'cause of my assault that I blamed almost everyone, myself and had ruined so many relationships." Eyes simply roamed to her feet, anxiously revealing that.

   Dr. Bennett had nodded her head in understanding of what her patient revealed , and trying to find the words on how to say this, "But, you do realize that this isn't your fault, and it's okay to be upset in the moment with people, or even yourself, but in the end. . . you have to learn to forgive yourself, Amaya." Dr. Bennett spoke sincerely, "Because, the more you find a way to blame yourself, you end up doing far more damage to yourself than you even realize, Amaya." Dr. Bennett retorted.

   Amaya suddenly felt a few tears slipping down her eyes, "I know, but I just feel so disgusted at myself in times," Amaya had softly spoke, a few tears landing on her pants instantly using her hands to wipe her own tears away, "I'm – I can't even have sex with my boyfriend anymore without feeling myself to suddenly panic on the inside, that sometimes when his hands touch my bare skin, I don't feel his anymore 'cause my head fucks around with reality." She pointed her finger to her head.

Dr. Bennett ultimately let this information sink in before speaking, "If you wish to answer this, you may, and if you don't we can easily move on. How long have you been attempting to get intimate with your boyfriend?" She retorted.

"Sometimes we try every couple months, but then I begin to get hysterical, and we just end up ordering food and cuddling," Amaya had answered softly her, "But I want to get intimate with him already, and I just can't. Why can't I?" She had rubbed her hands on her pants back and forth, nervously.

"Have you two tried getting intimate this month?"

Amaya shook her head, "No, we haven't. Why?"

"Try setting boundaries, establish a safe word with him? Build your way up when getting intimate with him." Dr. Bennett told her gently, "Don't rush when it comes to sex, Amaya. You have to have patience with yourself." She told her honestly.

"But what if he ends up leaving me because I can't offer him that anymore?" A few tears slid down her eyes, "Someone eventually will offer him what I can't."

Dr. Bennett just shook her head, "Don't think like that, Amaya. You've spoken kindly about your boyfriend, and I've seen the way he looks at you, and how caring he is with Paloma," She spoke softly, "He adores the both of you."

   Amaya wiped her tears, "Yeah I know." It was the truth that Chad adores his daughter, and her. He always reminds her every morning rather he spends the night at her house, or calls her early in the morning. She knew that he loves her.

   Therapy session went a little over the time limit, but the conversation was much needed, and perhaps she was right. Boundaries, and a safe word was needed when they'd want to attempt to get intimate together.

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    "Amaya, are you almost done?" Mindy simply called out to Amaya as she was sat in one of the chairs with Paloma asleep in her stroller and Anika sitting in the other chair, as she was reading some magazine that was left on the table, "Paloma, Anika and I all want to leave." She tried using her niece in the sentence.

   Anika who playfully rolled her eyes at her girlfriends antics, "Paloma is asleep in her stroller, and I find this quite fun actually!" She cheered, Anika loved all of this, especially cause it's Halloween, and despite not dressing up she enjoyed seeing peoples costumes.

   Amaya opened the curtains from the fitting room she was in, with Mindy and Anika simply glancing at her with their mouths open wide. She had on some extremely short, light blue dress that was almost see through at the top, it was why she had her hands covering her breasts, all she knew was she'd have to find something to cover her nipples up. She also had on some sparkly wings to add up with her outfit. This was all last minute, and an idea she had seen on her Pinterest.

   Mindy furrowed her eyebrows, "What are you supposed to be?" She questioned her.

   "A fairy, I just need to buy some glitter. Maybe, a flower crown?" Just some ideas to go along with her outfit, 'cause just having the light blue dress and wings would be too basic.

   Anika had ultimately nodded her head loving all of Amaya's ideas, "Oh, hell yeah. You're going to be one badass looking fairy, and best believe your boyfriend will love it as well." Anika had wiggled her eyebrows, as well she had a grin displaced on her face.

Amaya felt her cheeks tint a light pink.

If there was one thing that Anika did know about Chad and Amaya had been how in love the two were within each other, especially when they were with Paloma. It was like the cutest little family ever.

She suddenly felt shy, "I'm going to get changed, and then we can search for the extra things that I need." Amaya simply smiled giving them a thumbs up, "And, we can go out to eat afterwards?" She retorted.

   "I'm in!"

   "Sounds cool!"

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   Amaya had been in her room, searching for clean clothes to wear after her shower. She had put Paloma to bed not too long ago, and now it was just her who remained up still.

A soft knock was suddenly heard on her bedroom door, "Come in!" She lightly shouted, but not too loud to wake up Paloma.

The door had softly creaked opened, "Maya?" Chad softly whispered, he didn't want to be extremely loud 'cause he knew this is the time that their daughter falls asleep, "What are you doing?" He softly questioned her when he seen her taking out clothes.

"Searching for clothes to wear 'cause I'm going to take a quick shower." She announced, "You spending the night tonight?" She had questioned him.

Chad nodded his head standing behind his girlfriend, arms instantly wrapping around her waist, "Yup, 'cause it's torture not spending the night with you all the time." He laid his chin on top of her head.

"My dad doesn't mind if you move in here, you know?" She reminded him, "And, Paloma wouldn't mind having you here." She added.

"What about you?"

She had moved her head upwards to ultimately glance at her boyfriend, "I'd love it as well, 'cause it gets lonely in my bed without you." She had teased him.

Chad instantly smiled at her, "Agreed. I do love my dorm, and roommate." He brutally answered, "But, my dorm doesn't have the two most important people there." He teased her.

"You're so cheesy," She grinned before her smiled vanished, and turning herself around to face him, "Uhm, so today I discussed some things with my therapist." She had nervously began, fiddling with his sweatshirt sleeve.

"Mhm. About what?" He raised his eyebrow, he was concerned on what they had discussed.

Amaya softly began, "About our attempted times at being intimate, and how it goes badly 'cause I get hysterical," She instantly began to ramble, "And, how I'm scared that you'll leave me, 'cause I get extremely scared when we try to get intimate." She gulped.

Chad ultimately searched her eyes noticing how sad they looked, and quickly pulling her into a big hug, arms instantly wrapping around her body, "I would never leave you, Maya. I love you, and you know that I don't need sex to be happy with you, 'cause simply just being around you and Paloma I'm already the happiest and most luckiest man alive." He had confessed. It was the truth just both of their presence had made him feel at peace.

Amaya felt hot tears beginning to appear in her eyes, "I just want to please you too, but I get so scared," She began, "Sometimes, I just feel like my head fucks around too much with reality, and it loves torturing me. I just want to feel at peace with my past." She retorted.

Chad closed his eyes, "Don't think like that Maya." He knew it would be hard to not think like that, 'cause it's difficult, "And, I know you do, but don't be pressuring yourself into getting better, or pushing yourself to the extreme. Healing takes time, and I know you wish that healing could be done quicker, but it takes time." He told her gently, hands running up and down her back.

   "I know, I know." Amaya had nodded her head, "She did say we should create boundaries and a safe word when we want to attempt to get intimate." She softly spoke to him, her head was still pressed against his chest, hearing his heart thumping against her ear.

   "Then we can do that." He gently told her, "Creating boundaries and a safe word is a good way to get started on our intimacy, but even then don't push yourself when you know that you aren't ready to go that far." He gently reminded her. He didn't mind taking things slow when it'd come to intimacy, 'cause his concern was directed on his girlfriend and making sure she was comfortable, and didn't feel uncomfortable.

   "Okay." Amaya agreed, she slowly pushed her head away from his chest, and moving her head upwards, "Blue." She whispered softly.

   "Blue?"

   "The safe word is blue."

   "Blue it is."

She had gently stood up puckering up her lips, as he slowly leant his head down and quickly kissing her on the lips. And, leaving two big smiles on their faces.

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𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞, this kinda a sad chapter, and another fuller chapter to the Halloween party.

Someone asked if Tara has a love interest,
and that's a no 🫠 sorry, and nothing happens between Tara & Chad. There is no cheating in this book despite Amayas little lie - well that don't count either cause she lied .

Someone said she should be a fairy and I kinda see it !