CHAPTER FORTY SEVEN

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AS IF THINGS couldn't get any worse, it seemed as if the entire universe that was known to man was against him at this point in his life. The winter air that Michigan was no stranger too wasn't helping his overthinking. Which was strange, considering he felt as if he thrived during this time of the year. Schoolwork being kept to a minimum, hockey season thriving, allowing him to breathe, to keep his mind at ease. But this year, everything just seemed to spiral into a pit of the feared unknown.

The texts from Nolan made his heart drop, and he was quite sure why. He had everything he could ever dream of: peace, quietness, finally the feeling of being free from the person who made him feel like he was nothing. That he would never amount to anything. He had Anastasia Green at his side, and that's all he was relying on to keep his beast tame– the one that she created against his will.

He shouldn't feel this way. And that only made all his emotions that much more unbearable. He didn't deserve her. He felt like a burden in her life, yet at the same time, he knew how much joy he truly brought her. How her emerald irises lit up every time she saw him, the way her skin felt against his– almost as if that's what his purpose was here on Earth; just to feel Anastasia's skin against his own. And that's what was keeping him stable.

Ethan never took himself to feel like this. To be this emotionally unstable– especially during his college years, when he should be having the time of his life: fucking girls left and right without a care in the world, getting wasted every other weekend, because he had a hockey career to be mindful of. He had no reason to think through this thought process; he was raised properly by loving parents in Canada, he had friends that made him laugh, hell, he even had a golden retriever named 'Bud' back home that has seen him cry more than any other person on the planet had.

That's what irked him so much. There was no true validation behind his self pity, and that only made him feel more pathetic. But he never let anyone know. He kept it hidden, like he believes he should, until the only thing that he could tell was alive were the crickets that somehow survived the harsh Michigan winter outside his window. And that is when he let it out. The confusion, the despair, the sadness, the anger. He wished that he could be so open about just how lost he was with the girl who was slowly healing him, but something inside of him wouldn't allow him.

And that something was slowly slithering it's way back into his life.

Ethan scrunched your his nose at the feeling of the feather boa scratching at his neck uncomfortably. The atmosphere of the senior house had impressively been transformed into a cliche winter wonderland. Snowflakes hanging from the tall ceilings, the thermostat being turned on a temperature well below comfortable, lights that were stuck to the walls around the house were turned to a royal blue. To his surprise, Grano and Moyle weren't playing around when it came to themed parties.

"C'mon don't act like you don't love it," Dylan laughed, his own neck adorned with the cheap boa they had bought from the party store earlier that day. Ethan tugged at one of the feathers, which only caused it to fall to the wooden floors of the kitchen. "Do I even have to wear this? I'm sure the girls will be wearing enough for all of us–" "I think you mean they'll be wearing not enough, for all of us," Nolan smirked, forcefully placing a roll of tape against the granite counter top.

Ethan suppressed a chuckle, knowing that his team captain meant no harm from the comment. It was true, when it came to parties that specify a theme, the girls– not just their friends, tend to wear as little clothing as possible on nights like these. Even if it was well below freezing, that didn't stop them from showing as much skin as they could get away with.

It was a Thursday night, and the student of the University of Michigan weren't afraid to start getting back to partying, even if they did just got back from winter break.

He tried, he really did. To not let his mind, that was becoming like bricks in his mind, weigh down on him, and stop his from having a good time tonight. He knew she was going to be there, most likely in her sluttiest clothes that she could find. She was dating one of his teammates, and he had found the true love of his life– so nothing should bother him. He shouldn't be feeling the way he was, he had no reason to feel sorry for himself. Like a weeping willow, whose branches are crying out in pain as its leaves and branches fall on the ground below.

Confusion was something Ethan only experienced during his worst subjects in school, not with his emotions. Not when he was more than one hundred percent sure that all of the pain was gone for the better. It was like God himself was punishing him for the unknown. He didn't think of himself to be strong enough to handle this– the memories of his first love that was tied to him with a hyperbole of a tether. The tassels hanging from it making the path look more inviting than it really was, masking the true meaning behind Alyssa's actions.

But he hoped– no, he knew, that Anastasia will keep him grounded. That when he eventually didn't have the willpower to withstand the temptations of the devil in disguise, that she will be there. A soft hand enveloping his own, her green eyes full of love and possibilities. A small smile on his lips that made him feel like he was the only man on Earth. He didn't deserve her, was what echoed in the back of his mind, and he was trying to not pay attention to it. But were those words his own? Or were they only planted in his brain to someone else's advantage?

Mark huffed as he sat down on a barstool that was tucked under the island. Ethan must have been so caught up in his trance of self pity that he didn't notice his friend had returned from the liquor store. "You guys fucking owe me," Mark rubbed his arms, that were red with all of the bags he had dropped on the counter top. "Nolan, why didn't you go get this shit since, oh, I don't know, you're actually old enough to buy it? Legally?" The captain licked his lips out of amusement, slapping a hand on Mark's back, a fake sentimental look contouring on his face. "It's because I just didn't want to." He laughed, which only caused Mark to roll his eyes, and dig his phone out of his pocket.

Thank god for Nolan's sarcasm, because that strangely seemed to put Ethan's feet back on the ground.

"The girls are almost ready," Mark shouted. "How do you know?" Dylan questioned, placing his chin on Mark's shoulder like a child. Ethan only chuckled under his breath at the sight, as he begun un-bagging the alcohol, and setting it in its respective place. Rutger appeared on Mark's other shoulder, his eyes also roaming his phone screen. "Sofia texted a picture of their pre-game set up," "What are they doing?" Luke yelled from the living room, his attention now being torn from the snowflakes that he was taping to the ceiling because of the mention of his girlfriend. A heavy sigh erupted from Mark, and the two boys who were perched on his shoulders, "Tequila,"

The name of the alcohol that the girls had acquired a particular taste for as of recently, made all of the guys in the senior house groan. "What's the assignments tonight, Markie?" Mackie teased, making his way to the kitchen to grab a water bottle, in preparation for the inevitable dry mouth he will be experiencing tonight. No matter how little alcohol he consumes. Mark let out a painful groan in protest at the nickname, knowing that he must've picked it up from Stassie during their Friends marathons. "Uh shit, hold on I have it in my notes," Ethan said, digging his phone from his pocket.

His words caused everyone to look at him, confused and surprised looks on their faces, which he didn't seem to notice as he was reading off of his notes. "Me and Luca are with Stas, and Mark and Rutger are with Lola, and Luke, you're with Sofia." "What about me?" Dylan whined, his eyes widening, with his chin still on Mark's shoulder. "Duker, you're about as bad as the girls after parties," Mackie sighed, walking around the island of the kitchen to stand next to Ethan. "You're telling me I gotta get babysitters too?"

"Yes."

Anastasia winced as she felt the burning of the liquor wash down her throat. After countless amounts of parties, and countless amount of shots, she still never found herself getting used to the bitter taste of the alcohol. "Jesus christ," Alyssa shuddered, slamming the shot glass down against the counter of the kitchen.

The girls were shockingly, left unattended on the night of the first party back from break; with none of the guys saying that they needed to be escorted to the senior house. As selfless and considerate Anastasia and Lola found Mark's protectiveness, they also found it annoying at times; just wanting to act careless without having to think about staying in his sight the whole night. They already had an Uber lined up, along with sleeping bags laid out on Sofia's living room floor for when they got back.

Lola was iffy about inviting Alyssa over to pre game, but she knew her friend, and knew just how pure her heart was. So, she kept her lips seals and a smile on her face when the blonde appeared at Sofia's apartment. It was for the better, she thought. Putting everything in the past and not looking back. Something inside Lola irked every time she was mentioned, or each time she spoke, but she couldn't decipher what it was. She and Mark had stalked her social medias over the winter break, and they both agreed that there was something. . . off, about her. And it wasn't just the fact that her hair looked like it was about to fall off from how much bleaching it had gone through.

Sure, Alyssa was dating Nolan, and Anastasia was more than happy with Ethan. But yet again, Lola never found her intuition to be wrong.

"Does anyone have a chaser?" Sofia groaned, desperately looking through her fridge for another lime she swore to herself she bought at the store the other day. "It's your apartment and you're asking us for a chaser?" Alyssa giggled, kissing her teeth as she sucked on the last slice of the lime they had cut up. Sofia looked up from the fridge, her tongue rolling along her cheek, her gaze harsh as it was trained on the blonde. But before she could speak up, Lola was quick to lick her hand and shake some salt on the back of her hand. "Here you go babe."

Sofia sighed, closing the fridge doors, and grabbed Lola's hand before licking the bland seasoning. The saltiness making her shiver at the intense flavor. The curly haired girl laughed at her, both of their eyes watching meticulously, as Anastasia got lost in a mindless conversation with the girl. The girl who felt like an intruder. "Does she feel, off, to you?"

"Thank god I'm not the only one. I thought I was just going insane."

lola.thompson has posted!

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lola.thompson ski = bikini. . .  right?

VIEW COMMENTS

markestapa What a view
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stassiegreen keep it in your pants bro

nolan_moyle Like a mind reader

rutgermcgroaty Aren't you cold?
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lola.thompson no

alyssabrown01 on all fours🐕

luca.fantilli An absolute rager eh?
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lola.thompson eh?

stassiegreen exhale follow the inhale
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lola.thompson yeah! (i have no idea what you mean)

sofia.commm PIC CREDS!

Liked by lola.thompson

user1 mark is a lucky man

dylanduke25 Lola, one might not want to wear a swimsuit to a winter themed party because one, might get cold
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lola.thompson how long are you gonna keep this up
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dylanduke25 However long I last ;)

mackie.samo How was the pregame?
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lola.thompson amazing thanks for asking

nick.granowicz Pasta no sauce

sofia.commm has posted!

Liked by lhughes_06, nick.granowicz, and others

sofia.commm so cold we moved up north

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lola.thompson so cold we had syrup
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sofia.commm auston matthews🤤
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stassiegreen auston matthews🤤
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alyssabrown01 auston matthews🤤
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rutgermcgroaty auston matthews🤤

lhughes_06 ❤️

Liked by sofia.commm

user2 matter of fact, where's everybody from?

umichhockey MEOW HISS MEOW HISS
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stassiegreen whaaaaaat who commented that😱
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user2 i love how sofia's given up at this point
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sofia.commm i cant stop her

markestapa Maple Leaves? Really?
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sofia.commm auston matthews🤤
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stassiegreen auston matthews🤤
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edwards.73 Mr steal yo girl

nick.granowicz Pasta no sauce

dylanduke25 Sofia, the term move up north means one who has moved up north
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sofia.commm 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

stassiegreen has posted!

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stassiegreen brr! winter!

VIEW COMMENTS

edwards.73 My girl
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stassiegreen my girl🗣️

markestapa Idk maybe PUT SOME CLOTHES ON?
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stassiegreen no

nick.granowicz Pasta no sauce
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stassiegreen LEAVE US ALONE

alyssabrown01 suddenly i'm a fur rug😈
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stassiegreen 😈

rutgermcgroaty Put the D on the d floor and tear the d's up
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stassiegreen yk it🗣️🗣️🗣️

user3 whore

umichhockey Our girl!

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user4 does the queen respond?
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stassiegreen when she wants to

trevorzegras Gyat

jackhughes best squad
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stassiegreen best jersey?

nolan_moyle I'm sleepy
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stassiegreen then go to sleep?????

lhughes_06 Where did you even take this
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stassiegreen remains a mystery

AUTHOR'S NOTE

short, not so sweet, and setting up for y'all to hate ethan lol

like every time , i need validation

not so proud of this one but it's kinda a filler so🙈

don't forget to drink water, take ur meds, and masturbate 😘😘