CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮

THE FIRST HOUR of the next day could be read on her bedside table. The clock's thin red lines reading 12:17 am. The Friday after Thanksgiving. A day in which she should be spending asleep, wearing off the amount of food she had consumed the day prior. Even though it was only seventeen minutes into Friday, she still would prefer being asleep than what she was currently doing.

Her back ached in her position, her knees had lost feeling due to her chin putting too much weight on them. Her knees were pulled to her chest, and she was too enthralled by the small little box that laid flat on her bed. The chorus of one of her favorite vinyls played throughout the space, warm air flowed from her air vent that was placed above her bed, which was making her entirety too hot. Her feet and palms prickled with sweat beads, and frankly, Anastasia didn't know if that was from the heater, or the gut wrenching notification that she had been avoiding for the past hour.

Of course, that's when she actually took the time to look at her phone, was when she was crawling into bed, ready to succumb to the slumber only a good night's sleep could provide.

It was after her family and the Estapa's finished Christmas Vacation. It was after they feasted on the pie she had baked that morning. It was after she bid an all too-long goodbye to her extended family that had come out to visit for the holiday that was gifted with thanks. It was after she helped Shan and Carrie with cleaning up the kitchen, the three of them gossiping each other's ears off. It was after she showered, taking a quick moment to appreciate how bloated she was after a day filled with love and damn good food. But that was all before. This was now.

Now consisted of warm hues illuminating her childhood bedroom, the walls being littered with posters. Now consisted of the comforter of her duvet being pushed back to the foot of her bed, as she was too hot to have anything but the clothes on her back covering her. Now, consisted of her mind being pounded by various thoughts, of which that crashed into the sides of her skull, almost painfully. She had debated on calling Lola, Sofia, or hell, even Mark. But she denied herself the request. She was a big girl, content in her own nature of handling situations. Even if that situation was named Ethan Edwards.

She hadn't even given herself time to look at the contents that the message contained, one glimpse at his name for him on her phone was enough to send her into cardiac arrest. The black abyss of the St. Clair night laid outside her window, a streetlight being the only thing that she could see from her position. Sure, there were house lights that lined the street but her eyes just couldn't seem to focus on them.

The sound of a winter breeze rattled against her window, its howling somehow soothing her buzzing nerves– a swarm of angry wasps stinging her hearing. With shandy fingers, she uncurled her arms from around her legs and grabbed her phone. It was taunting her, practically begging her to answer the message that she had been waiting for since what felt like an eternity. A small exhale tumbled out of her quivering lips, her fingers seemed to burn with orange flames the longer she held her phone.

pretty boy <3 sent you a message!

pretty boy <3
Hey

stassie🩷
hi

pretty boy <3
How are you?

stassie🩷
fine.

pretty boy <3
That's good

stassie🩷
what do you want, ethan?

pretty boy <3
I'm sorry. I know I fucked up. I don't know how or if I can fix this.

stassie🩷
glad to know you know you fucked up.

pretty boy <3
You mean the world to me, Stas

stassie🩷
then why didn't you treat me like it?

pretty boy <3
I don't know,

stassie🩷
yeah okay.

pretty boy <3
Can I just see you after we get back? And I promise I'll explain everything.

stassie🩷
i don't know, ethan

pretty boy <3
Please?

stassie🩷
i'm not saying yes

pretty boy <3
That's not a no

pretty boy <3
Dinner? We can go for a drive after?

stassie🩷
i don't know.

pretty boy <3
I miss you Anastasia

stassie🩷
i know.

stassie🩷
i love you so much it fucking hurts, dude

Message not delivered

pretty boy <3
Hopefully we can stop this love drought, Stas. Just me and you.

Message not delivered

LIKE THE CASHMERE cat trying to suppress a grin, Ethan tried to stop his thumb from hitting send. He hovered the shaky finger over the button for a second, like his hands and his brain had not communicated properly that the conversation was for sure over. He was scared when he sent the three letter greeting at first, not knowing if she'd even respond or let alone read it.

He laid his phone down on his chest, his arms going behind his head to support it as he stared at the glowing stars that decorated his childhood bedroom. He imagined a world. A peaceful forest that was far from the eyes of humans. A world where it was just him and Stassie, his girl. Sure, things between them were difficult at the moment, but to him, she would always be his girl. She was the first one who made him feel loved and seen, ever since he broke up with Alyssa, it had been something he lacked in his life.

But compared to Alyssa, Stassie was a breath of fresh air in the plains of a roaring, uncontrollable wild fire. The first bloomed daisy after a harsh winter, the rain that came rolling in after a warm summer day. The feeling of her touch was the equivalent to laying in front of the fire place, the crackling of wood joining the sounds heavy breathing in the air, as two lovers basked in each other's skin, tracing and looking at each perfect imperfection on the other's body. That's what Anastasia Green was to him.

This past week had been absolute hell for him, wallowing in his own guilt over his actions. Actions in which he didn't know the reasoning behind. The only thing that changed in his life was that his first love was somewhat back in the picture. Her words of just how good their relationship was lingered in the back of his mind, but as of right now they didn't matter to him. He had a chance, a slimmer of glowing illuminated light of hope that he could fix the mess that he caused. He could finally hold her, kiss her, touch her, feel her once again. A feeling of perpetual desire for Anastasia Green roamed his veins freely, like he wasn't scared of anyone, of anything.

Of course that was his mind speaking, not his conscience. His mind wanted to just toss Alyssa to the curb, knowing that after their senior year of high school all she was was bad news, a bomb just waiting to be flicked in the wrong direction to inherit an everlasting doom. But his conscience held something against him that he himself wasn't even aware of. His conscience on the other hand just couldn't seem to shake the thought of 'what if'. What if. What if. What, if? A constant murmur of not wanting to cross Alyssa, not wanting to upset her or make her scold him once more for 'ruining her life'. But then again, she was only in town for a day right?

He tried remembering just how miserable he was towards the end of their relationship, all the fighting, then the tireless and meaningless make up sex that followed. With Alyssa, he was a man on fire, a chorus of harmless sinners that made their decent to hell for the most harmless of crimes. And yet, mindlessly, he still found himself falling unwillingly to his knees at her manipulations. Like an illness that couldn't be contained, humid air that was too dense for the liking, the heart clenching that could only mean death was near. The impeccable way to describe the once sunshine and rainbows that was Alyssa Brown was a continental shift that could kill all living life.

But even though his first love still hung by the thinnest of strings in the back of his mind, his conscience and his brain could agree on one thing: he wanted nothing more than to hold his pretty girl in his arms. He longed for it, the feeling of her sleeping body next to his as her face was nuzzled into the junction of his neck and shoulder, her breaths unknowingly tickling his skin, he needed nothing more. And Alyssa was currently a thought of the past, for now.

Like fireflies lighting up a twisting and turning sidewalk, whilst two best friends walk around a suburban neighborhood on a hot summer night, ice cream dripping down their chins as they laughed and talked about life. The feeling of the ocean's breeze blowing through an open window, bellowing the sheer white curtains into a hurricane of relief in a beachside house. The crashes and yells of delight as children jumped into a once calm pool, their bodies practically begging to be submerged into the chlorine water. Lavender floating in the air, instantly soothing a stressed mind, that's how Anastasia felt at the moment.

She was still angry at her first love, the feeling of betrayal not seeming to shake itself from her mind. How he messed up, made her feel like she was the one who messed up, when in realty, it was neither of them at fault. Her brain and her heart felt like they were on opposite sides of the Earth, of the galaxy, of the universe. Her mind knowing just how hard it was to carry her heart through the darkness of the night that was seeing Ethan being hung up on a girl she didn't even know. And yet, that girl just couldn't seem to stop commenting on her posts. Anastastia didn't think much of it, given the fact that over the past week she hadn't been on social media all that much, wanting nothing more than to give herself a break from everything; her friends, her schooling, everything.

She read back on the messages over and over again like a drug addict that couldn't get enough. Just seeing his name on her phone was enough to send a wave of nerves through her system. But, being raised by Shan Green, Stassie knew better than to let her heart control her actions, and to always let her mind be the one to talk. She always adorned her mother for raising her to be so head strong. Of course, she knew her mother regret it at times, when they would get into petty little arguments that her father, Aaron would have to settle, but she knew her mother was proud of her, and that's all that mattered.

Anastasia Green was proud of how she converse with the man that left her heart in shambles, the man that she knew she would always run back to, her first love. And he didn't even know it yet. Hell, she was still in denial at such the intense feeling, not wanting herself to endure the pain of being in love, if this was how it was going to be. She never was one to be jealous easily. She never gave Ethan rules that he had to follow, knowing that if her mind trusted him, then her heart was safe. But her thoughts kept on pounding against the back of her mind, the images of that blonde girl nudging into Ethan's side, and him not even looking at her until she was a sobbing mess in Mark's arms.

She knew she'll have to explain to the girls and Mark about what happened, the conversation that went on between the two lovers, but she didn't feel the need to at the moment. Especially not when it was almost 1 am.

Her vinyl still played some random 80s music that soothed her, that took her back to a warm spring evening, her mom racing down the back roads with the windows down, which allowed Stassie to feel at peace, at home. Her mother would scream along to the Journeys song that blasted through the radio, occasianlly looking at the rearview mirror to make sure that her baby was okay. And she was more than, a smile on her face and her eyes closed as she inhaled deeply, the smell of open fields and trees rustling their leaves in the wind creating a melodic symphony that only Stassie seemed to hear.

Anastasia smiled to herself, placing her phone on her nightstand and leaned back into her bed, and turned off her lamp, which only left the illumination hues of her salt lamp that sat in the corner of her room next to her vinyl player, and the soft glow of stars that stuck to her ceiling above her bed. Deep down, she felt the small flicker of a spark of what will be. Not what could've been, or what was, but what will be. He was hers, and she had hoped it would be eternal. Her chest clenched, an unknown pressure building, but only this time, she didn't despise the feeling, she bathed in it.

And don't get her wrong, she didn't plan on forgiving him right away. He should know he fucked up, he should know the gut wrenching pain that he put her through. Just give her time. Right now, she was basking in the glow that came with being in love, not the pounding headache. Planning on how she was going to act, and what she was going to say to him was a thought for tomorrow, when she was sitting at the kitchen island while her mom served her a homemade cinnamon roll. She found herself getting lost in the stars, the soft green glow that poured from the little pieces of plastic that were stuck on her ceiling. She drowned herself in the nirvana she felt at the moment, nights always fixed the fucked up days.

Little did she know that her and her lover were staring at the same stars, imagining the same outcome, and smiling for the same reason.

lightskin.stassie has posted!

--

--

--

--

--

--

Liked by dylanduke25, edwards.73, and 27 others

lightskin.stassie break pics that aren't going on the main

VIEW COMMENTS

markestapa You did me dirty
|
los_lollipop you look hot w santa

sofia.commm THE INK????
|
lightskin.stassie in the main post don't you worry sweets

los_lollipop in love with you to the upmost extent

los_lollipop ok but we're getting matching tattoos next
|
lightskin.stassie oh FOR SURE

luca.fantilli THE MARK PICS

dylanduke25 Anastasia, the term break means a separate or cause to separate into pieces as a result of a blow, shock, or strain.
|
lightskin.stassie let me live in peace please

lhughes_06 I KNOW that Canes was so good
|
lightskin.stassie it exceeded my expectations

markestapa has posted!

Liked by lola.thompson, luca.fantilli, and others

markestapa Pond hockey over break

VIEW COMMENTS

lola.thompson MY FAVS

lola.thompson i'm quite literally in love with both of you
|
stassiegreen MARRY ME
|
sofia.commm but wifey🤬🤬
|
lola.thompson we can make it work baby don't worry ;)

user1 lola is a strong girl
|
user2 stronger than i would be😭😭

rutgermcgroaty Hey Mark! Us here at Vibrators international have been looking at your page and we think you'll be a perfect fit (😉) Please DM if interested!
|
markestapa 🫡
|
user3 OH MY GOD MARK😭

mackie.samo Mama y Papa?

dylanduke25 Mark, the term 'pond hockey' means playing hockey on a pond that has frozen over.
|
user4 duker you make me laugh
|
nolan_moyle He makes me giggle too

stassiegreen best bro out there frfr
|
markestapa I'm a big fan of your work, Stassie!

lola.thompson has posted!

📍los angeles, ca

--

--

--

Liked by stassiegreen, markestapa, and others

lola.thompson my mom took these (los angeles dump)

VIEW COMMENTS

stassiegreen oh no.. what's happening... 🚶‍♀️🧎‍♀️🐕

stassiegreen i'm looking SO disrespectfully
|
user5 stassie for the girls?
|
lola.thompson yeah she's mine🤬

markestapa ❤️
|
lola.thompson ❤️
|
rutgermcgroaty I'm projectile vomiting everywhere.

dylanduke25 Lola, the term 'photo dump' refers to that of a post of different origins
|
lola.thompson i don't miss you at all.

sofia.commm mommy? sorry. mommy? sorry. mommy? not sorry.
|
lola.thompson my heart beats for you baby ;)

user6 hand in marriage?
|
stassiegreen SHES MINE
|
sofia.commm shes OURS

rutgermcgroaty Hi, I'm interested in buying your hair, would you mind sending a clipping in?
|
nolan_moyle Pulled that one out of your ass huh?
|
rutgermcgroaty You can pull something out of my ass ;)

sofia.commm has posted!

📍houston, tx

--

Liked by lhughes_06, rutgermcgroaty, and others

sofia.commm houston texas baby!

VIEW COMMENTS

stassiegreen I BEAT LUKE

stassiegreen @lola.thompson our wife is so pretty
|
lola.thompson I LOVE SOFIA AMARA!!!!!

lhughes_06 Gorgeous girl
|
sofia.commm gorgeous boy
|
user7 i can SMELL rutger's disgust😭

user8 my fav admin

umichhockey you're so mommy
|
sofia.commm LOG OUT ANASTASIA

dylanduke25 Sofia, the term, 'Houston Texas baby' has been popularized by Texas native singer Beyoncé
|
sofia.commm my little bug

rutgermcgroaty You're mom's hot
|
sofia.commm leave me alone.

user9 can u make the boys sing taylor swift in monday questions?
|
sofia.commm i'll converse with my confidant
|
mackie.samo Absolutely not

nolan_moyle Beyoncé?
|
sofia.commm shes my twin!

luca.fanilli I'm rocking with the sweater
|
sofia.commm a man who can appreciate fashion
|
user10 yo luca and sofia?

stassiegreen has posted!

--

--

--

tagged: shan.green22
--

tagged: markestapa

Liked by edwards.73, trevorzegras , and others

stassiegreen extra bread no slaw

VIEW COMMENTS

lola.thompson FIRST HA KISS MY ASS

lola.thompson ALSO THE INK???
|
stassiegreen matching w my mama

shan.green22 I love you!
|
stassiegreen to the moon 🫶
|
rutgermcgroaty Truly, fucking disregard
|
markestapa That's her mom Rut
|
rutgermcgroaty Oh shit.

edwards.73 Nice pants

Liked by stassiegreen!

luca.fantilli Mcdonalds goes hard
|
stassiegreen yk it

user11 i'd smash

user12 who's your favorite guy on the team?
|
stassiegreen tough question!
|
mackie.samo No, go ahead and answer. You can do it
|
user13 WHY WAS THAT KINDAAAA🤭🤭🤭

dylanduke25 Anastasia, the phrase 'extra bread no slaw' is most commonly used at the restaurant called Canes.
|
stassiegreen block me. on everything.

mackie.samo Missing the Rachel to my Chandler
|
stassiegreen missing the chandler to my rachel
|
user14 THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SO CUTE I CANT

nick.granowicz Bundle up bc a storm's coming🥶
|
user15 on my knees🧎‍♀️
|
nolan_moyle I'm on my knees for him too

trevorzegras You single?
|
lhughes_06 She has a boyfriend bro
|
trevorzegras I'm blind, I can't see him🤷‍♂️

AUTHOR'S NOTE

a little bit of a longer-ish chapter for y'all🙈

no cliffhanger bc i'm feeling generous

a later posted chapter for my folks on the east coast🫶🫶hope you guys like bc genuinely i love this chapter

next chapter we find ourselves back in ann arbor! oh, what an exciting time! filled with angst, sexual tension, and fights

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR 40K READS AND OVER 1K VOTES

that's amazing and i genuinely can't even imagine how that happened. y'all must be horny lmao

also i tried to copy some embarrassing somme fs i've seen on the guy's posts with this one sooooo don't go embarrassing yourselves in their comments girls and gays. bc it truly is, embarrassing

as always, don't forget to drink water, take your meds, and masturbate 😘😘