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 Winter has kissed the earth of Cork, Ireland. Flurries of snow drift from the skies, it had started this morning, unrelenting as it blanketed the frozen landscape. It looked peaceful, too peaceful for the stakes that had settled deep in the stomach of the students. For many, yes, the promise of finals beat their optimism, keeping peace at bay, but at least the sight of snow was pretty as Yule crept closer, inching towards those last days when school would at last retreat for a couple of weeks. Tomorrow is the first day of Yule, the 21st of December. Exams were still scheduled, at least for a couple, but peace had been reached for many of the students as they packed their belongings, anxious for the arrival of home-baked goods, and lively traditions

Not for Sulli Chevalier, though.

They had much more anxiety-inducing things than simply their exams.

Sulli tied the bow on the last of the presents that had been stacked on the small table in the now abandoned Lore club room. It was eerily silent down here, darts of cold seeping through the fabric of their shirt, crawling up their spine. Erlik was no longer beside them, having been left with Líadan. They felt bad for lying to her, but they hadn't had much of a choice.

I'm going back home for break.

The lie had left a bad taste in their mouth, but Lía had seemed ecstatic at the idea that she had a dog to keep her company on her trip back home. She didn't live very far, but after confirmation from her parents that Erlik could stay, their friend hadn't given much thought at all to the little lie Sulli had spilled out to them.

It was lonely, without Erlik there, and Sulli felt a little more on edge than before now that they were alone again. Still, it was safer this way. They didn't want Erlik getting caught in the crosshairs yet again. And they couldn't very well bring him to the feywild. That felt like a dangerous idea at best.

Sulli sighed, setting the present aside on the table, beside the six other stacks that accompanied it, atop with hand-written letters. Club Lore deserved Yule presents, even if they weren't here to receive them. And just in case, for some of the other birthdays that Sulli might miss in the future, there were presents for those days too for the ones who hadn't received a birthday present from them yet.

It's not like Sulli knew if they were coming back anyway.

They pressed their palms to the edge of the table, pushing themselves up with a heavy sigh. The sound echoed, and Sulli grimaced. It was too quiet in here, much too quiet for them to linger a lot longer. Tonight was the first night after all they'd be camping out near that empty patch, close to the fae circle, to wait for someone to stumble through. They're not sure how long they'll need to wait, Arden wasn't exactly specific on the details before he vanished into the void of the forest. It could be days before someone comes through - Sulli hopes not, they don't exactly have a ton of time to get to the Feywild, find their friends, murder someone, and then get back out of there before the portal closed. They were sorta on a tight schedule, so hopefully, someone would come through tonight, and Sulli could figure out the logistics of it all later.

It was not the preferred method of traveling into an unknown realm, but it was all they had for the time being.

Is there any real preferred method of traveling into an unknown realm?

Sulli doubts it.

Darkness has begun to settle across the covered landscape, casting sunset shadows against undisturbed snow. Sulli watches from a window, content for only a second inside the warmth of the quiet building, before they press on the door and step into the December air.

Outside is livelier than it usually is, filled with students wishing each other their final goodbyes, or piling into vehicles to travel home. Few exams will be held tomorrow after all, and then campus will be a jovial place of in-between events and quiet revival. It is a break after all. Shouldering their bag, they traverse down the path, ignoring the guilt and dread that has already started to eat away at their insides. They doubt it'll feel real until they step into the portal, everything right now feels like some kind of dream; hazy and distant.

No one pays them much mind when they step off of the path, and walk towards the forest. These past couple of days have been stressful. Between exams, Sulli had frequent trips to the Fae circle, hoping to memorize the path well enough that they could make it even under the cover of darkness by themselves. There's a small shelter there that they've worked on, hopefully, to keep the elements at bay just enough so Sulli won't catch something waiting for the blue light to stream through the mushrooms.

What does it even look like, when a portal opens?

Sulli can't imagine it looks like what it does in movies, with swirls and neon flashing colors - that would simply draw too much attention, wouldn't it? It's not like a human can trigger the portal either, it must be done by some kind of Fae magic, but what does that look like? Maybe a mirror of some sort? Like a reflective pool?

Not that it much matters, Sulli is going to move the moment something comes out of that circle, regardless of its appearance. They have too much riding on this to not.

Dots of snow cascade from the clouded sky, dusting the top of Sulli's hat and coat. They're still wearing the beanie that their sister had sent to them. It feels familiar. Safe. And that's something that Sulli has been feeling less and less ever since Samhain.

We'll keep you safe.

The thought echoes in their mind like a drum, but it does little to satiate the paranoia that Sulli no knows far too well. The feeling never goes away, it feels like lately, that's one of the only things Sull can feel. Other than fear, that is, but they've always felt that.

The forest is quiet, with occasional bristles of wind and crackling leaves underneath the snow, beneath the footfalls that Sulli is tracking through the woods.

How lonely.

A single trail of footsteps winding through the snow, deep into the forest on the eve of the first day of Yule.

How cinematic.

It isn't just dread that had settled into Sulli's chest, but the deep sense of ruthless loneliness. At least they'd had Erlik, they probably would have driven themselves mad without him. But now there was no one at all - only Sulli and the unbearably heavy book on Fae Lore they snuck out of the library. They'd feel guilty about it later. For now, it was all they had to guide them even remotely in the direction of how to handle a situation.

It's not often that fear outweighs curiosity for Sulli. It's never happened, actually, except for one time.

Samhain.

There's no kind of magic for reversal though, and even if there was, Sulli doubts that their questions wouldn't be invasive and prying. It's one of their biggest faults, at least one they recognize. They have worked on it in the past, but with the dismantling of their reality, as they knew it, it was difficult to keep the questions at bay- especially cause Sulli didn't know what even the base of it was. Still, in hindsight, they could have reacted better.

That's how everything goes though - you could have reacted better, sure. But would you have? Genuinely - in reflection, everyone says they would have, but when it comes down to the moment, would you?

Sulli doesn't know. They feel like they don't know anything now. It's a difficult position to be in, especially when you're expected to know. Sulli isn't even sure if half of the information in these books is true, much less helpful. That being said, they didn't exactly have a wide array of options on how to handle this situation.

The walk feels shorter this time around, with the cold biting at Sulli's fingertips, and a soft dusting of snow that has settled over them. It's late, past eleven in fact, although the stars and moon are buried beneath a layer of grey clouds. Sulli isn't entirely sure how the portal thing works on Yule, but there's no real harm in being here at midnight to see if something, anything, changes. It's worth sitting in the snow for a couple of hours, about twenty minutes. Sulli could have waited, but they wanted to give themselves plenty of barrier time in case they got lost.

Spotting their shelter, they trudge through the unforgiving cold, ducking beneath a makeshift roof of rock and wood. Some kind of shallow cave, not quite deep enough for any wildlife to live, but enough of one that it blocks the unrelenting snow from burying Sulli. The circle isn't far from them, it's just to the left in fact, beyond a few trees - Sulli can see the patch clear enough from here, as much as you can see in the dark anyway.

Hopefully, the blue bioluminescence will come back when movement occurs. That would certainly be ideal. Not to mention give Sulli a dim-lit view of the portal itself. They suspect it's probably easier to travel under the cover of night as is, so that would most likely be the time when the portal has the most activity. They could avoid any strange encounters in stumbling into someone exploring these very woods that way - or questioning, prying eyes about people walking out of the forest. Granted- it'd be much creepier to see it happen at nightfall, but a majority of individuals would turn and run the other way rather than question them.

It doesn't matter. Not in any real sense as it is. Sulli would be spending most of their break right here in this spot if that's what it took - day, night, dawn, dusk, whatever. This is the only nearby portal they know of - and they don't exactly have much of a choice if they want to get their friends back before the beginning of the next semester.

Or before it's too late.

Sulli tries not to think about it, but it's much more difficult sitting here by themselves to prevent their thoughts from wandering too far. What happens if it is too late? What then?

The burning on their shoulder reminds them.

Even if they are, I still have to kill someone.

The thought sends Naseua spiraling up their stomach through their throat. "Relax Sulli. They're alive." Their voice feels empty against the hollow wind, just as cold as the winter that has settled over Cork. Verbal assurance does little to quell the growing sickness in their chest.

In retrospect, Sulli should feel more scared about being here in the dark. Alone, on a cold snowy night. They don't - mainly because it's necessary, but also partially because all they have felt these last few weeks is a constant fear so in all actuality, everything has become more or less amusing because of it. Sulli knows they're still scared but the emotion doesn't feel quite as powerful anymore. Quite as overwhelming. It's almost nonchalant at this point.

Yes, I'm scared. Oh well.

Sulli can't change that. Nothing will change that. They're just going to be scared, so they might as well suck it up and get on with it. Death is only a hop, skip, and a jump away - or something like that. It doesn't matter.

They're becoming so numb, it feels like they're losing a part of their humanity.

Maybe it'd be good, considering humans are the things that got their friends into this mess in the first place. Yaşru had been right. Humans are selfish. So if Sulli loses the human part of themselves, maybe whatever is left would be better.

A shell.

They're not sure their friends would like that either. But it clearly hadn't worked to just ignore and avoid them, and it just seems to get them into a bigger mess when they're around, so what exactly is the solution?

Death.

Soft rustling drags Sulli's thoughts away from the devastating solution, eyes turning to instead focus on the patch of emptiness not far from them. Soft pulses of blue light ripped through the circle, each mushroom lighting up in dim response. Sulli checks the time.

12:05

It's Yule. The first day, officially now. And it seems the portal is already thrumming with promised arcanic energy. Something is coming- Sulli isn't sure what, they're not sure they want to know either, but one way or the other it's coming and this is the only way truly to get to the fae realm.

Crouching within the vegetation, they lean forward, peering through winter-kissed shrubbery and broken branches to get a clear view.

It takes a few moments, just a breath past a minute, before a figure emerges, rising out of the ground as if being pushed from a thick, syrupy substance. Heavy haze and fog mask them from their vision, but not for very long. He looks unnervingly human, with curly locks of brown hair, tall and pale. Gaunt almost in a way, but not in the same way the Fae had been. He reaches up, rubbing the back of his neck as his head turns in a swivel. It moves too quickly, too loosely almost, to be completely human - like the vertebrate holding his head to his back has been scraped into easily torn threads.

His eyes land on Sulli's hiding place, and Sulli feels deep anxiety and unrest swell in their stomach.

This might not have been the best idea.

"I can see you." his voice is cool and smooth, not accusing, but rather curious - a tone that Sulli recognizes well. "Happy Yule. What are you doing?"

It's almost a compulsion to answer, and rather than run like maybe they should do, Sulli stands awkwardly. "Happy Yule. I'm waiting."

"For?"

"Someone to come through."

"Well, I just did." He nods, eyes swirling with dark colors, turning shades darker as he speaks. "It's late, I don't suppose you have any snacks with you?"

The statement shocks Sulli out of their unrest, spurning a rather surprised emotion. Their voice is breathless from the air knocked from their lungs - simply out of unexpected behavior. "Sorry?"

"Food." he pulls at the necklace he has on, fidgeting, "I like tomatoes, do you have those?"

"I-" Sulli blinks, before their hands move to remove the backpack they have on, digging through it "I'm not sure, probably not? I have some um - cookies?"

"What kind?"

"Whiskey cookies?"

"Oh! Yes, I'll have some of those." They smile, and it looks menacing at second glance, but Sulli has started to learn very well many of the otherwordly races have more menacing smiles - they probably don't consider them menacing, so Sulli should really stop being so judgemental about it. It's probably normal for them- it is normal. They shake their hand, pulling out a bag they have with some of the food they've packed. They would rather keep their rations to themselves for the most part, but if a whiskey cookie is going to keep whoever this is from snapping their neck, it'd be well worth it.

They glance up, only to find the figure now standing directly in front of them. Sulli takes a step back, hair raising on their arms "Christ- you- that was fast. Uh- here?" They hold out a cookie, which the figure takes before taking a step back and nibbling on it.

"Thank you. Why do you need to go to the fae realm?"

"Long story?"

"I have some time."

"I don't." Sulli shakes their head, observing the figure in front of them. In complete honesty, they look relatively human.

"That's a shame. I'm Cassair." The non-chalantless of it all feels almost surreal, almost unnerving. Sulli glances past them, towards the portal, where the blue ringlets of arcana have now vanished. Disappointment and further dread sit low in their stomach, but Cassair doesn't seem to notice - or if he does, he doesn't care. "What's your name?"

"Are you Fae?"

"Define Fae."

Good point. "My name, can you steal it?"

"Even if I was Fae, why would I want your name? I quite like my own." he smiles again, almost cheeky this time. "Go on, do tell me."

Sulli supposes they're already so deep in bullshit, there's not much of a point in trying to stop it now. "Sulli."

"That is a nice name, perhaps I will have it."

"What?!"

"I kid! I kid-" Cassair grins, patting the top of Sulli's head. "For a human, you're quite on edge. What's got you in such a twist?"

"I need to get to the Fae realm." Sulli sighs, running a hand through their hair as they rock back on their heels.

"Well, I could take you if you asked just so."

"Could you take me?"

"No." Cassair's smile couldn't possibly get any wider when Sulli's mouth turned down, crossing their arms over their chest. "You're surprisingly calm for seeing a dúlachán come up from the ground. Perhaps it's cause I haven't quite lost my head yet over you."

A dúlachán.

Fucking great.

"In other words, a headless horseman?" Sulli doesn't have time for this - every minute counts when searching for their friends, but if they need to befriend this guy to get there, so be it. "That's cool- why won't you take me?"

"Someone's impatient."

"There's nothing wrong with a little curiosity." They retort, keeping their arms crossed over their chest. "I just want a reason."

"Fair enough." Cassair's eyes are lighter now.

Do you just want some company?

"Why do you need to go to the Fae realm?"

"Why did you want to come to the mortal one?"

Cassair drums his fingers across his leg, tilting his head down at Sulli. "Fair enough-"

"Are you lonely?"

The question makes him stall, staring back at Sulli as his fingers twitch and pause, eyes swirling back to that darker color. A grimace contorts his features, before his gaze drifts to something away from the human he's speaking to. He doesn't answer.

He doesn't have to. Sulli knows that look anywhere. "You're lonely." It's no longer a question, but Sulli extends their hand. "So am I. My name is Sulli. I need to get to the fae realm. You need company."

"I don't want to have to buy someone's company for Yule."

"You aren't. Friends help each other out."

"Friends?"

"Well. You don't seem so bad."

"I don't? You've known me for all of five minutes?"

"I also knew Arden for all of five minutes, and he made me promise to kill someone under contract. So." Cassiar raises an eyebrow, but Sulli waves it off. "Are you planning to take my memory?"

A breathy laugh, "I'm not even sure I could do that Sulli."

"You could try."

Cassair laughs again, and Sulli doesn't mind it in all honestly. They know the feeling of being lonely well enough to understand the relief of finding someone who is simply willing to listen. Cassair doesn't seem like a bad person, just a little lonely. "I can take off my head, and make more than a few jokes about losing it, but that's about it."

"I'm sure you're being modest."

"You are quite good company Sulli. I guess I don't mind dropping you into the Fae realm."

"You know you could come with me." The offer is out before they've honestly even considered it, but it's too late to take back words. It really wouldn't be a bad thing to have company on the trip anyway- or someone who knows the fae realm better than they would. "I'll tell you the whole story."

"Will you?" Cassair raises his eyebrow, waving his hand back towards the mushrooms, and soft blue light begins pulsing through the circle all over again. Some kind of nervous excitement rushes through Sulli at the sight, relief swelling into their throat at the idea they're getting somewhere.

"It'll be like an adventure."

"I haven't had a real adventure in a long time." Cassair looks towards the circle, before looking back to Sulli. "No harm in it. I guess."

Sulli smiles back, for the first time in a while if they're being honest. Finally, it feels like they're gaining traction now. Stepping around Cassair, stopping just before the circle, they watch the ground warp and turn. "Do you have a nickname?"

"Most people call me Cass."

"I already have a friend nicknamed that." Sulli looks up to the snowy sky, drops of white flurry still floating down to join the masked landscape.

"Hm." Cassiar frowns, crossing his arms over his chest like a petulant child. "Well, then I'm not sure."

"I suppose calling you pumpkin isn't very kind."

"Not to mention inaccurate - I don't have a pumpkin head." His eyes wander down towards the portal.

Sulli looks towards him, before grinning "How about airhead? Cass-air, and if you can detach your head-"

"That's mean Sulli!" But Cassair laughs anyway, "I guess you can just use my full name. Or Dío - from my last name. I haven't been called it in a while."

"I like that. Dío."

Cassair nods, before motioning to the warped ground. "After you, Sulli."

"What a gentleman." Sulli rolls their eyes, quelling the anxiety that rapidly rises up their esophagus, and steps forward.

They're expecting solid ground.

That's not at all what happens.

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WYN

twentieth chapter! this is a big milestone ya'll <3 Expect about (no promises) ten more chapters and then an epilogue. 

We'll also be seeing a lot more of our side cast! Cassair has finally made an appearance, so welcome him. He's a sweetheart, and I'm excited to see more of him as he guides Sulli into the feywild (don't kill him Cass)

Sorry I've been so inactive lately, my grandfather has passed away - and that + full-time work and school as well, it's been a lot (needless to say). No matter the case, I'm glad all of you have stuck it out with me as I've gotten my bearings, and I appreciate you all.

Love you so much, remember to be kind to yourself, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!