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It was raining this morning, cold water descending in bursts of transparent chill. It was much more steady now, fogging up the outside of the windows of the college. It's pretty. The rain has always been pretty, and in the distance, gentle thunder rumbles over old-soul forests. Ireland is so pretty, maybe everywhere is pretty though, and it just takes a little change to see it.

Sulli squints past the raindrops caught on the frame, tilting their head. There's a dark figure beyond the glass, standing stock still, staring back up at the window. Their heart sinks deep into their chest as familiar paranoia lathers their tongue. Whatever it is, it's staring back up at the window. Back up at them.

"Sulls?"

Sulli jumps slightly when they feel a hand on their arm, whirling to face the cause of their mini-panic attack. Madden's features are knitted, watching their own. "What? Sorry- did you say something?"

"What are you looking at?" Madden's gaze shifts to the window, and when Sulli follows it, theres nothing there. Nothing at all. As if it was all in their head in the first place.

They bite back their shock, shaking their head, "Nothing, I just thought I saw something." Surely, Sulli wasn't going to be telling their friend that they had started to see things. Something, someone, following them. They saw them at night when they were walking home from fencing. Saw them in passing mirrors. Saw them in the windows of the classroom. And yet, every time Sulli looked again, it was gone, whatever it was.

I must be going crazy.

It felt like it a little, especially after this past month. Sulli had quickly discovered that a drunk kiss from Yaşru and Magnus meant absolutely nothing. All that it might mean, is that Sulli is pretty enough to be kissed when you're absolutely fucking wasted. But it does not mean, Magnus or Yaşru have any kind of romantic feelings for them. They've made that pretty clear. Sulli is their friend, after all, and they won't ever be anything more than that.

To be fair, the past month in general had felt off for the entirety of the Lore club, not only did Sulli feel incredibly awkward around Yaşru and Magnus, but it was an absolute pain to watch Cassiopeia interact with Julian so strangely. Not unkind, because Cassie was never unkind, but removed in a sense. Then there was Kelsey, who seemed so incredibly anxious over Sulli of all people. Even yesterday, Sulli had thought about telling him what they'd been seeing, but he already seemed so overwhelmed, that they'd decided against it out of fear of burdening him even more.

The only ones who seemed like themselves might have been Madden and Adelaide, and now that Sulli knew he was in love with her, their interactions made a lot more sense. Especially after Madden figured out a way to get Rowan expelled. He didn't tell Sulli how though, only gave them the brief insight that he'd had help from Yaş and Magnus.

Even still, Sulli can't help the nagging feeling that Rowan wasn't done with them all yet.

"Sulli."

They blinked again, staring at Madden, realizing after a moment that he'd been talking to them. Dismissing the exhaustive embarrassment, they shook their head, "Sorry, I-"

"Are you sick?" Madden's hand is on their head a moment later, but Sulli brushes his hand away, shaking their head.

"I'm not sick, just a little tired." They shrug then, "I haven't been sleeping well is all, I'm probably gonna start trying to take something for it." Sulli doubted it would help though, each night they were haunted by the same visuals of that eldritch being, crawling along the walls of their mind. Sulli smiles anyway, "Melatonin, or something like that."

Madden raises his eyebrow, "Whatever you say Sulli." Then looks back towards the window, "How'd you do on your project, by the way?"

"Oh! I did alright, I'm happy with it. How did you do?"

Their friend shrugged, "I did good, I think. Even if I nearly was late with it, which wouldn't have been good. Bryne isn't very forgiving about late work."

"He's really not, isn't that weird how some professors will let you turn in things like a week late, but others consider an hour before the deadline, late?"

"Not that you have to worry about that, you overachiever." Madden shakes his head in mock disapproval, "You make us all look bad."

Sulli shakes their head back, sticking their tongue out childishly at him. "It's not my fault I'm good at time management."

He sighs, looking back at his finished work and just setting it aside. Madden is clearly thinking about something else, so Sulli sets their own pencil down, getting their things ready to leave as they put their folder into their bag. "Do you think the Club feels off?" He crosses his arms over his chest, looking back over towards them.

"Kinda." Eyes glide back towards the rain, only briefly before looking back to Madden. "But I'm sure it's just a little spell from everything that happened because a lot has happened these past couple of months, you know?" Sulli sets their clean brushes back in their case, "With everything with Cass and Julian, I think it just feels a little divided."

"Yeah." He runs a hand through his hair, "I just don't know how to fix it."

"Well, I'll bet in January, everything might." Sulli nods, although they feel the questioning look of Madden on them, and they internally grimace. It's not like they like reminding the club that this was supposed to be a one-semester thing, they honestly don't even like reminding themselves, but it feels like ever since joining, the only thing Sulli has done is caused more problems for them. "Because, you'll be back to how it was before I joined, Madden. It'll be like a reset."

He's still staring at them, then just looks back down at the easel before him, "Right." There's a far too silent pause, and while it's gotten easier to accept the fact that Sulli might not ever belong to the group, not in the way that it feels like everyone else does, they hadn't realized that maybe it's gotten harder for the others to let them go too.

I don't want to leave you, Mags.

I'm sorry that I have to.

They're glad they didn't say that then, it probably would have just sent him into an angry spiral of anger and simmering disquiet, but Sulli also feels guilty for saying it in the first place. Not because they didn't mean it, because they did - 100%, but a deal is a deal, and with everything Adelaide had had to deal with this semester, Sulli doesn't want to push it anymore.

Besides. It's not like they have to stop being friends with some of them, they just aren't going to be part of the club anymore.

"Maybe it'll get better after the party on Friday, on the 31st," Madden adds, quieter this time.

Right. There was a party this week, and it fell on a Friday, which again meant in lieu of a Club Lore meeting, they'll be attending the Halloween event. Well- actually, it was referred to in the traditional Celtic sense, the Festival of Samhain. The Kwon family celebrated it proudly and publicly in place of the more American version of Halloween, instead focusing on the thinning veil between the spirits of folklore rather than an insistent amount of candy. And Adelaide had graciously extended the invitation to Sulli, along with the other members of Club Lore. Madden had assured them that it was a wonderful event, so they weren't too worried about it. "Maybe." Sulli finally responds, glancing back at their watch.

"You got somewhere to be?"

"Maybe I have a date." Sulli half-snaps back, but it holds no real malice, and Madden grins.

"Sulli, maybe you should look for a dragon next time, it'd be easier to find."

"Madden." It comes off as scolding, but they don't really mind. Instead, they sigh in pseudo disappointment, "Actually, I'm dropping by Julian's and Yaşru's to give them their gifts today, then I'm going to go see the girls, they asked me if I wanted to hang out tonight." Sulli pauses, "They really don't do anything for their birthdays?"

Their friend shakes his head again, "Not really, some years we convince them to get some drinks, and maybe watch some kind of movie on a projector somewhere, but this year, I think it might just lead to another argument between someone." He sighed, wistfully. "We used to be able to predict who would be doing the fighting-"

"Just say Yaşru and Magnus, Madden."

Madden gasped dramatically, "Sulli, that is rude, I would never rat out my friends like that." He shrugged, "Anyway, the point is, even if we did try to convince them, I kinda doubt either of them would even want to."

"Yeah." Sulli glanced towards the window again, half-expecting the figure to be once more standing in the rain, but there was nothing. They shook their head, picking up their bag instead. "I'll see you on Wednesday, Madds."

"See you, Sulls."

The walk isn't all that far from their shared dorm, although it is a little cold. Sulli remains bundled up as they trot down to the dorms, adjusting the crocheted hat that their step-sister, Erisa, had sent them for their birthday. It's been nearly a month since they've talked to their family at all, and Sulli feels guilty. They shouldn't feel guilty because they aren't doing anything wrong, but it still feels like they're the one at fault here.

They've never been to Yaşru and Julian's dorm, so their idea of where it is remains vague. They know the number, fortunately, but other than that, they really don't have a clue. It's a good thing they aren't incredibly difficult to find, otherwise it would have taken Sulli forever to get them their gifts. It's also a good thing they have their headphones to keep them company, and to distract them from the now constant paranoia that seemed to pressure them in the back of their brain.

Sulli pulls to a stop in front of the door, glancing back at their phone to confirm the address, before raising their hand to knock. It's barely even once before the door swings open, and Yaşru is there, staring at him with dark eyes. One hand on the door, and the other on his dog's collar.

Wait.

Immediately, Sulli's gaze goes from fixated on Yaşru, to the dog, and their paranoia and anxiety practically vanishes. A smile sweeps over their face, eyes brightening before looking back up at Yaş. "You have a dog?"

Yaşru is staring at him. That not hard, not soft, kind of glare again. Sulli still can't figure out what it is, and even if they want to ask, they're not sure they want the answer. "Yes. This is Erlik." It's a big dog, and it almost looks like Erlik is glaring too for a moment before he cocks his head.

Sweet, sticky joy rushes up Sulli's chest, "Oh- He's so cute, what breed is he?"

"An Irish Wolfhound."

No wonder it's a big dog then. Sulli clasps their hands together, rocking on their feet for a moment, "Could I pet him."

"If he lets you."

That sentence holds the underlying threat that he might bite Sulli, but it might be worth the risk. So Sulli waits patiently for Erlik to sniff them, and Yaşru lets go of his collar, letting the wolfhound circle Sulli before setting back in front of them. Delighted by the approval, Sulli dropped to their knees, cupping the dog's face and rubbing his ears, "Oh you're so pretty - so so handsome, you're the best boy, aren't you?"

"Oh my God, are you really going to talk to him like that?"

Sulli looks up, then rolls their eyes, and looks right back down at Erlik. "Yaşru just likes to pretend he's so scary, doesn't he? Mhm. Well, I'm not scared of him, or his empty fucking threats, because you're just the best boy in the whole world, yes you are."

Erlik's tail is wagging against the ground, and Sulli suppresses a giggle, ignoring the heavy weight of Yaşru's glare still on him. They rub Erliks' ears again gently, before pressing a kiss on his forehead. He's such a sweet dog for having such a scary-looking owner, but then again, they say that pets often reflect their owners. And Erlik looks a little scary too, so maybe deep down, Yaşru is a sweetheart too.

Sulli does giggle at that thought, finally looking up at Yaşru from where they are on the ground beside Erlik. Yaşru is still staring at him, but this time it's noticeably softer, like how he was looking at them a couple of weeks ago before he kissed them. Sulli swallows the memory, rising to their feet and brushing off themselves, "What?"

"What?" Yaşru cocks his head, and it's like a mimic of what Erlik had done earlier. So much so, that Sulli has to again bury the laugh that rises through their lungs.

"What's that look for?"

"What look?" His response is too fast to not know what Sulli is talking about, but to be completely honest, Sulli's a little too tired to fight him on it, so they shake their head.

"Never mind, anyway, I'm here to bring you and Julian your gifts." They pick up their bag, along with a bag next to it, and hand it to Yaşru, "That's for Julian-" Julian appears a moment later, stepping outside of the room, and taking the bag before opening it. Sulli feels that rising anxiety in their stomach again, but there's a nudge at his fingers, and they look down only to find Erlik pushing at them. So instead, they bite back a smile, ruffling Erlik's fur before looking back to the two.

It's a chessboard. A magnetic one to keep the pieces from falling randomly, and rather than the pieces being the traditional shapes, they've been adapted into several other things. Nature-based really. Forest vs Flowers, and Sulli hide their smile as Julian picks up one of the pieces, admiring it. It's a moment before his mouth twitches up into a smile, and he nods, "Thank you Sulli, this means a lot to me."

Sulli mentally documents the smile, already debating on whether or not to tell Cassie later when they head over there, before turning back to Yaşru, who looks skeptical. "Well."

"Well, what?" They grin, and Yaşru scowls.

"Well, what about my gift?"

"I didn't get you one." But Sulli is smiling, and they can see the mirrored amusement in Yaşru's eyes, despite the malicious demeanor he's so damn stubborn about presenting.

"You have to stop hanging out with Magnus, you're turning into a fucking prick."

Sulli laughs again, shaking their head as they pick up their backpack and open it. A moment later, they remove a box full of Triple-Threat cookies, with the recipe plastered on the top, before offering it to him. "I think I owe you these, and the recipe too, in case I don't get the chance to make them for you again."

Yaşru is quiet for another moment, taking the container, "What do you mean, you won't get the chance to make them for me again?"

Oh.

He sounds so sad, and it shreds Sulli's heart a little, but they smile anyway, hesitating before setting a hand on his arm. "Nothing, never mind, you can just text me if you want me to make them for you instead, Yaş."

Beside them, Erlik whines, and it's a sudden reminder that Sulli can't stay here forever, that they have places to go, and above all, Yaşru doesn't like them as anything more than a friend. So they pull their hand back, offering a short smile, before turning on their heel and hurrying away. It's a more awkward goodbye than they would have liked, but it's better than blabbering on for two minutes about whatever else they could possibly talk about.

Sighing, and dismissing their habits of overthinking, Sulli pulls their crocheted hat back on to instead trail towards Adelaide's and Cassie's dorm. That's the dorm they've probably been to the most, and they know the pathway by heart at this point. The air is sweet and cool outside, and it lingers in their chest even when they push open the door to the building that hosts their dorms, before climbing up the stairs.

Sulli reaches the door a moment later, knocking on the door. Again, it's not more than a moment before the door whips open, and they're met with the delighted face of Cassiopeia Viotto, who immediately stretches out her hand, and yanks them inside before shutting the door, "Finally, Sulli, me, and Addy were just about to start doing our nails, if you want to join us." She shrugged, "You don't have to though if you don't want to."

They've never really painted their nails before, but it's an interesting thought, and they could always take them off if they really don't like them. So Sulli lets themselves be pulled to the floor in between the beds, where Adelaide is already waiting patiently, "Do you have remover?"

"Sure!" Cassie's voice is bright; more joyful than it's sounded in a while, and Sulli echoes the smile before taking a seat in between their two makeshift sisters, "Have you painted your nails before?" They shake their head in response and Adelaide huffs.

"Well now you have to, it's part of our routine tonight, and then we're doing face masks."

"Oh- is it girl's night?"

Cassie hums again, selecting a pretty pastel blue, "It's 'not boy' night, and since you aren't a boy, you're invited!"

Oh.

The overwhelming sensation is almost too much to ignore, but Sulli's smile widens slowly, before they hold out their hand to Cassieopeia, "In that case Cassie, paint away." She shares their obvious delight, before looking down to concentrate, eyebrows furrowing.

Adelaide, who is just finishing painting her nails in numerous shades of deep red, scans each of them individually. "I can't decide which one fits my dress more."

"Your dress?"

"For the Festival of Samhain." Adelaide nods, looking at her hand again, before sighing and dropping it, "I guess I could just paint them black, but my dress is red and even if black is on the theme, I'd still rather do something a little more matchy."

"Well, what are the other colors again?" Sulli looks up, tearing their eyes away from the mesmerizing job that Cassie is doing on their nails. "For the theme, I mean, 'cause it's like a dress code, right?"

"It's formal, yeah." Adelaide nods, crossing her legs, "It's mostly autumnal colors, except for black - so orange, gold, red, and brown." She shrugged, "Yellow could be okay, no one's going to kick them out for it of course, but it has to be darker, like a marigold or a honey maybe."

"Oh, that would be so pretty, maybe next year I'll do a honey dress." Cassie beams, clearly daydreaming, "Or amber, I haven't worn an amber dress to the festival yet."

Sulli looks back to her, "Well what color did you pick for this year?"

"Brown, like a dark brown, but it's such a pretty dress." She smiles again, and it feels as though the room becomes softer and sweeter than it had before, "It's got the most beautiful back, that's what made me pick it anyway."

Adelaide smiles too, "It's gorgeous on you Cassie," then turns to Sulli, "Mine is like a blood red this year, you'll see it on Friday."

Sulli nods, their thoughts wandering. They'd never worn a dress anywhere before, they tried on a skirt once, in high school, but they'd thrown it out for fear of their father seeing it despite loving how it looked. "Would- um, Addy? Cassie?"

"What is it?"

"Would it be dumb if I wore a dress too?" Adelaide and Cassiopeia stare at them for a moment, and Sulli feels shame swell up into their chest before glancing away quickly, heat coloring their cheeks as regret pools in their stomach, "Nevermind, that was a stupid question-"

"Oh my god." Adelaide looked at Cassie, "I have the perfect dress for them."

Sulli blinks back their surprise, head shooting back up just in time to see Cassie's grin widened, "Yeah you do, Addy."

───────────────

WYN

chapter number ten !! (that's actually crazy oh my god, we're not gonna talk about how I've been updating daily)

hope you all enjoyed it so much (I'm mini fangirling about Sulli getting to wear a dress for the first time) <3

again, feel free to let me know if you have concerns about how your character is being written and if you could give me a little bit of feedback on how you feel about the pacing of the chapters, let me know! I know the story might feel a little slow right now, with more of a focus on character relationships (platonically and romantically) but it will be shifting soon! <3

also, feel free to correct me if you see a typo or grammatical error, I never catch them all (SOBBING)

I love you all dearly, remember to do a little something for yourself today, even if you are broke (felt), it doesn't cost anything to be kind to yourself, and remember that you ARE human, just like Sulli ^^ and we all love sulli for their humanity, so why don't we love ourselves for ours too <3

have the best day you can! and if you don't have a good one, remember tomorrow could be a better one!

love you! <3 MWAH