"Feel what you need to feel and then let it go. Do not let it consume you." 

~ Dhiman 

"What the honest fuck?" I growled at him, snatching the freshly-lit blunt which sat between his lips and flicking it to the ground. I lunged to grab him by the collar, his expression clearly altering from one of satisfaction to fear. "I can't believe this, Jonah. You've been avoiding me all day because I caught you last night but you're here getting stoned? You should know better than to go behind my back and pull shit like this!" 

So much for not overreacting.

"I—uh," Jonah tried to formulate a response. 

"I'm so disappointed in you. And not because you're getting high but because you didn't think you could come to me about something like this." I shot him a disapproving look. 

"I'm sorry," he replied while scratching the back of his neck. He wasn't high as of yet, that much I was certain of. 

Breathe.

I huffed a sigh, running my fingers through my hair in frustration. That was when I noticed another presence among us on the balcony. 

Tobias.

"Unbelievable..." I scoffed, "...you gave him a blunt?" I didn't wait for a response, "He's fucking sixteen. Do you have any idea how bad this shit is for you? How could you just hand it over to a kid?!" My exasperation was evident as I threw my hands up in the air. 

Deep breath.

Tobias' expression remained impenetrable; stoic and serious. The amber in his eyes darkened to a significant degree becoming almost unrecognizable under the faint balcony light. He took a long drag from the disintegrating blunt between his fingers, before blowing the smoke in my direction, which made me start coughing.

"I'm not the weed police." His tone was indifferent as he continued inhaling the toxic smoke without a care in the world.

He has a point.

Breathe.

No, he fucking doesn't.

"Stay away from my brother," I enunciated through gritted teeth, trying to simmer down my bubbling rage. "And you, you come with me!" I dug my finger into Jonah's chest and shoved him back inside.

Calm down.

Jonah trailed behind me as I stomped down the staircase to find Emily and Dan, who were fortunately still in the kitchen. "I caught him getting high," I explained when Emily raised a quizzical brow at me.

Her mouth drew ajar and Dan muttered something along the lines of "busted" under his breath.

When I spotted Andy and Melaine in the hallway I immediately called out to Andy, "Your cousin gave Jonah a blunt." Jonah's head hung low in shame as I informed Andy what happened.

"That's messed up," Emily added.

"Shit, Ariel. I'm sorry," Andy apologized on his cousin's behalf. "I'll handle it," he added before leaving.

"No, it wasn't—" Jonah's voice was low and full of guilt but I cut him off before he could justify himself. 

Inhale.

"How the hell did you even get here? What were you thinking Jonah? Oh wait, I know, you fucking weren't." I spat furiously, grabbing the attention of a few strangers. "Besides, what kind of person goes around giving kids blunts like that?" I scoffed, referring to Tobias.

Exhale.

After staying silent for far too long, Jonah finally growled, "I'm not a fucking kid anymore so stop treating me like one! And I said I was sorry, okay? What more do you want?! And it wasn't his fucking blunt! It was mine!" And with that, he stormed out of the kitchen. 

I'm so overreacting.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" I yelled after him but it was too late, he had blended into the crowd and disappeared. After rolling my eyes and releasing a defeated sigh, I turned back towards Emily and Dan. "Am I overdoing it?" Neither of them chose to respond, knowing it was rhetorical.

Yes, grandma.

I leaned over the marble island with my elbows propped up so I could massage my temples. After a few seconds, Emily decided to say, "I would be reacting the same way if it was Rose." 

I groaned, "I know but I feel like I'm being Stacy...." I shuddered at the thought, "Remember when she caught me with weed in junior year? If Jonah knew about that, he'd literally think I was being a hypocrite. Maybe I am being a hypocrite?" 

You think?

"I guess we've all been through this phase..." Dan remarked, "...minus Emily."

"Exactly, I mean if this was Emily and Rose it would've been justified to react like this because Em's never been the rebel, but I mean, I've pulled stunts like these in the past myself so..." I trailed off.

Even though the idea of drugs never appealed to me, I had tried them a few times. It was just hard to witness someone you've treated like a child for your entire life to be experiencing the same. I knew that I had overdone it, publicly yelling at Jonah like that, but my reasons weren't as simple as they seemed. I was hurt that Jonah didn't think he could come to me if he wanted to try out new things. 

Or maybe, you were just overreacting.

"Ariel, hey. Can I talk to you?" Andy approached me, his speech was less slurred which seemed to indicate that he was slightly more in his senses. 

"Sure." I nodded, following him into the hallway.

"I, uh, I'm just incredibly sorry about the whole thing. Tobias, he's, um, going through some..." Andy paused to clear his throat, "...things, a rough patch of sorts. He isn't usually like this." 

"And it wasn't his fucking blunt! It was mine!"

Jonah's words echoed through my ears.

"I, uh, overreacted. I was just mad at Jonah..." I admitted, "...and I don't think it was Tobias' fault." 

"Really?" Andy raised a quizzical brow. "What makes you so sure?" 

"Uh, apparently, it was Jonah's blunt," I sighed. "I can't believe I yelled at him," I confessed sheepishly, "Ugh, this is so embarrassing." I groaned into my hands, knowing that my outburst was heavily influenced by my period. 

Definitely an overreaction.

"You yelled at him? And got away with it? Damn, I'd have killed to see that happen." Andy let out a low whistle.

"He probably thinks I'm bat-shit crazy," I whined. 

Way to go, Ariel.

Andy chuckled before he led us out onto the patio to rejoin the party. I felt a heated gaze on me. The uneasy feeling inside my stomach instantly made me look up. There he was, at the far end, away from the crowd, leaning against the wall and inhaling the cigarette pressed between his chapped lips. His stone-cold eyes, following my movements. 

Breathe.

My body grew a mind of its own when I found myself strolling towards him, his amber eyes burning holes into mine. I kept my eyes down, trying not to look at him directly. "Um, look," my gaze glued to the ground as I spoke, tucking a strand of my frizzy hair behind my ear, "I—uh, it was uncalled for, the way I spoke to you—"

"Is this your version of an apology?" he asked in a low tone, his chewing and smoking both coming to a halt.

"Oh, uh, I guess?" I gulped and began rambling, "It was wrong of me to assume that you knew how old Jonah was or that you gave him the blunt. It's just that you don't look like the greatest influence and I was mad and you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time so I—"

"You don't know me." His eyes darkened for a brief instance. The vein on the side of his neck began popping, and I noticed how tightly his jaw was clenched. He took one last drag and flicked the cigarette butt towards the ground.

Fuck. Breathe.

Just apologize.

My breathing intensified when as I saw his pupils dilate, my palms began sweating and my heartbeat accelerated. "Yes, you're right. I don't. Uh, I'm sorry." I felt flustered. I closed my eyes and inhaled a deep breath before extending my arm towards him as a gesture of good faith, "Let's just forget it happened and start over." I cleared my throat, "Hi, I'm Ariel." 

His expression remained stagnant but beneath his indifference, I sensed a hint of amusement. He bounced off the wall, taking three short steps towards me until we were a few inches apart, making me unconsciously bend my arm in the process.

Gulp. I need to breathe.

Instinctively, my breath hitched when he reached for my hand which was still hovering between our bodies. The warmth of his hand faintly grazed mine as he shook it ever so gently.

"Tobias," he said before walking away.

————

Dreamers sleep with their eyes wide open.

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Love, Ari