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07| I WAS TRYING TO FIND YOU

The metallic tang of blood filled my nostrils as I dabbed at the gash on my forehead. The crimson smear on my fingers felt like a brand, a mark of defiance in this sterile, suffocating prison they called Histoire. My feet pounded against the cold floor, a frantic rhythm echoing the desperate beat of my heart.

I was careful, oh so careful, to avoid touching the rectangles. Each glowing shard hung suspended in the air, a fragment of a narrative, a piece of someone's life, maybe even mine.

Rayer, that self-righteous leech, was right behind me, his breath hot on my neck. "Ira, stop! You don't understand the consequences!" His voice was laced with a fear that mirrored, yet fiercely opposed, my own.

He wanted the book, the thick, leather-bound volume clutched in my hand, the key to unlocking this meticulously crafted cage. He wanted to maintain the status quo, to remain a puppet dancing to the tune of Histoire's unseen masters.

But I knew better. The true key wasn't just in the book; it was in my blood, the blood that now stained my forehead. Not just any blood, but the realization that those rectangles weren't just decorations, they were the scattered locks to my past. And there wasn't just this book, there were many more such in Histoire. Those were not just stories, but pieces of a larger, complex narrative web. A web I was determined to dismantle, thread by agonizing thread.

"Consequences for who, Rayer?" I spat, not slowing my pace. "For you? For them? I'm finally seeing what this place truly is, a gilded cage built on stolen memories!"

He lunged, his fingers grasping for the book. I dodged, twisting away from his grip. He was stronger, that was for sure. That was probably written in his story, but I was faster, driven by a hunger he couldn't comprehend: the hunger for my own identity.

Suddenly, a jarring vibration rattled the very air around us. We both froze, every muscle screaming in protest. The suspended rectangles, previously static and ethereal, had begun to swing. A slow, almost languid sway at first, but the momentum was building, the arc widening with terrifying speed.

"What did you do?" Rayer's voice was shrill, accusing.

Before I could answer, the first rectangle slammed into him, knocking the air from his lungs. He stumbled, clutching his side, his face contorted in pain and a dawning fear. Another rectangle swung towards me, and I ducked, the glowing edge searing my hair as it passed.

The rectangles were no longer just swinging. They were lashing out, thrashing wildly through the air, each impact generating a surge of energy that made my teeth ache.

The room was a maelstrom of swinging rectangles. Each impact sent tremors through the floor, through my very bones. The air crackled with energy as the rectangles collided, their light flickering erratically.

"This is your fault, Ira!" Rayer screamed, his voice barely audible above the growing cacophony. "Histoire is collapsing under the weight of your stupidity! You'll be erased, Ira! Histoire will be erased forever!"

His words were a weapon, designed to paralyze me with fear, but they had the opposite effect. The threat of oblivion was a siren song, a twisted promise of escape from this manufactured reality. If erasing me meant breaking Histoire, then so be it.

"That's what you want, isn't it, Rayer?" I shouted back, my voice raw with defiance. "You want me to be afraid, to crawl back into my assigned role. But I'm not your puppet anymore!"

He scrambled towards me, his eyes wild. "I'm trying to save you, Ira! Don't you see? You're risking everything!"

I met his gaze, my own hardening with suspicion. He was always trying to "save" me, always acting in my "best interest." But what was his interest, really? Was he truly concerned for my well-being, or was he merely protecting the system that gave him purpose, that defined his very existence?

"Save me from what, Rayer? From the truth?" I shoved him away, harder this time. "Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I don't want to be saved."

Turning my back on him, I focused on the chaos around me. The swinging rectangles were becoming increasingly erratic, their movements no longer predictable. But within that chaos, I saw an opportunity, a chance to seize control.

I reached out, hesitantly at first, and touched a passing rectangle. Images flooded my mind: a sun-drenched field, a laughing child, a feeling of inexplicable loss. It wasn't a memory I recognized, but it resonated within me, a phantom limb aching for its missing counterpart.

I pushed the rectangle, nudging it slightly off its course. The effect was immediate. The swinging motion of the surrounding rectangles intensified, the chaos amplified. But within that amplification, I felt a strange sense of...alignment. As if the narratives were seeking a new equilibrium, a new configuration.

This was it. This was how I could rewrite my past, rearrange the fragments of my stolen identity. It wouldn't be easy, and I knew the risks. Each touch, each nudge, could unravel the very fabric of my being. But the alternative - a life lived as a pre-ordained character in someone else's story - was no life at all.

Ignoring Rayer's frantic pleas, I began to experiment. I pushed one rectangle closer to another, watching as their images blurred and coalesced, creating new, unexpected narratives. I pulled others apart, severing connections that felt false, that felt...wrong.

The room pulsed with a strange energy, a chaotic symphony of collapsing and reforming stories. The pain in my head intensified, a constant throbbing reminder of the price I was paying for this rebellion.

A particularly large rectangle, displaying scenes of a sterile laboratory and figures in white coats, swung menacingly towards me. It was the source of a deep-seated unease, a feeling of violation that crawled beneath my skin. I knew, instinctively, that this was a key piece of the puzzle, a crucial element in the creation of Histoire.

I braced myself, ignoring Rayer's warning cries. This rectangle was heavier than the others, its inertia a palpable force. As it swung closer, I reached out, channelling all my frustration, all my defiance, all my burning desire for freedom into a single, focused push.

The rectangle bucked against my touch, its surface radiating an intense heat. Images flooded my mind, clearer this time, more coherent. I saw myself, a young woman, strapped to a tree. One face loomed round me, masked and emotionless. Voices echoed in my head, cold and clinical. They were erasing me, stripping me of my memories, my power, my dignity even, moulding me into something...else.

Rage, raw and untamed, surged through me. This wasn't just about my past; this was about control, about the systematic dismantling of individual identity for the sake of some twisted ideal.

With a primal scream, I shoved the rectangle with all my might.

The effect was cataclysmic. The room erupted in a blinding flash of light. The swinging rectangles shattered, their fragments dissolving into shimmering dust. The floor trembled, the walls groaned, and the very air seemed to crackle with the force of the explosion.

Then, silence. A deafening, all-encompassing silence.

I stood amidst the wreckage, gasping for breath, my body aching from the strain. Rayer was nowhere to be seen. Had he been erased? Or had he simply fled, abandoning me to my fate?

Looking around, I realized it wasn't Histoire. The sterile, polished surfaces were gone, replaced by rough, unyielding earth. The air was thick with the scent of jasmine and wet earth. The ordered rows of suspended rectangles were replaced by a garden of flowers, scattered across the ground like fallen stars.

I was inside one of those rectangles, in a memory. I felt a burgeoning sense of hope. The shackles were broken. The narrative was shattered.

Suddenly I saw a man stand right in front of me. He had a head full of curly hair, a flower tiara on which a peacock feather danced. He had a bare body with a yellow dhoti around his waist. He looked at me with so much love hat it almost made me weep. Then, he said something that bent my senses.

"I was trying to find you."

Me?

The wind howled, whipping against my face as I stumbled after the man. He moved with an unnerving grace, weaving through drifts that threatened to swallow me whole. Histoire... that technological nightmare... felt like a distant, grotesque dream already. Anything, anything, was better than the sterile, metallic tang of that place.

Histoire... the name tasted like ash in my mouth. I still couldn't comprehend how I hadn't been instantly transported back to that sterile, soul-crushing place. But anywhere was preferable to the cold, calculating eyes of that caretaker.

The man stopped abruptly before what looked like a huge golden door. Two men stood by the door who just smiled as they opened the door. He turned, his eyes, the colour of burnt umber, piercing through the blizzard.

"This is the passage, my child," he rasped, his voice so sweet. "Beyond lies a home. A place of your own."

Hesitantly, I followed. The temperature immediately shifted, the wind replaced by a thick, humid air that felt strangely comforting.

And then I saw it.

The tunnel opened into a vast, hidden valley, bathed in an unnatural, yet undeniably real, sunlight. It was a riot of colour, a breathtaking defiance of the desolate landscape that surrounded it. Flowers. Flowers of every conceivable type bloomed in impossible profusion. Roses, their petals velvet and deep crimson; vibrant blue Aparajitas climbing trellises of intricately carved wood; mounds of golden Marigolds blazing like miniature suns. And beyond them, flowers I had never seen before, their exotic shapes and colours hinting at a world brimming with magic and wonder. My breath caught in my throat.

The man chuckled, a low rumble in his chest. "Beautiful, isn't it? My wife tends to it with loving care."

His wife?

He began to walk deeper into the garden, and I automatically followed, my head still spinning from the sudden transition. He started talking then, his words a strange, rambling monologue that seemed directed at me, yet not quite.

"Rama," he said, his eyes twinkling, "she always made the most delicious kheer. Especially for your birthday. Remember the saffron she used? And little Maruti, he's so eager to play with you."

The words tumbled out, disjointed and nonsensical. Rama? Maruti? Sweets? Me? My memory, fractured and clouded by years of conditioning in Histoire, struggled to make sense of it all.

Before I could formulate a question, a figure detached itself from the floral tapestry and rushed towards me. A woman.

This woman was vibrant, alive. Her skin was the colour of warm honey, framed by a cascade of dark, lustrous hair. Her eyes, large and luminous like a deer's, were filled with an unbearable sorrow and an overwhelming love. Her lips, full and delicately shaped, were the colour of rose petals, and her skin possessed a radiant, otherworldly glow. She radiated an aura of peaceful authority, a quiet strength that filled the garden with a profound sense of serenity.

She reached me in an instant, engulfing me in an embrace that was surprisingly strong. A wave of warmth, physical and emotional, flooded through me, thawing the icy core that Histoire had forged. I instinctively returned the hug, burying my face in her soft shawl, breathing in the scent of sandalwood and something else, something indefinably... motherly.

She held me for a long moment, then stepped back, her hands still resting on my shoulders. I looked up at her, mesmerized. Her face was etched with lines of worry, but her beauty was undeniable. She had lips like rose petals, and her aura radiated a serene power that calmed the turbulence within me.

"Ira," she whispered, her voice like the chime of temple bells. "My beloved Ira."

The name, spoken with such affection and familiarity, resonated within me. It felt right, true, like a missing piece of my soul finally clicking into place. The conditioning, the indoctrination of Histoire, crumbled for a moment.

Unbidden, the word escaped my lips. "Maa..."

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