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32⋆Ruins


Silence. Completely, drowning, horrifying silence. The last part describing the entire scenario perfectly; horrifying. Seonghwa stares at his ex-girlfriend while time seems to be standing still around them. His body is numb, and he is afraid to even breathe. If only this was just a bad dream, a horrible nightmare, which he will wake up from at any given moment.

But it isn't. It's the reality, and as tears of fear are starting to build in his eyes, he knows that he has to speak up.

"A-are you sure?" Seonghwa swallows the lump that has been growing in his throat. He knows his question might be insensitive, but he prays that the answer is nothing less than a simple "no".

"Yes..."

He closes his eyes at her reply, a million knives piercing through his heart as the word runs through his ears. This can't be happening. Not to him, not now that he is finally happy. With someone else.

"So... W-what are y-you..." he whispers, eyes still pinched together as he wishes to disappear into the darkness.

"I'm going to keep it. And... I already told your parents. They were thrilled, but they want us to get married as soon as possible, of course. Can't have a child outside of wedlock, right?"

Though her voice remains soft, the words are tearing Seonghwa apart and his sadness is replaced with instant rage.

"Why... Why would you do that? Why would you tell them before you told me?" he practically growls as he opens his eyes again.

"Because I was scared of your reaction! I had to make sure that I had support behind me when I had to tell you... I know you're freaking out but... Think about it, do you want our child to grow up without a father? Do you know how horrible that would be?" Tzuyu takes a step back when she sees the anger on Seonghwa's face.

"Wouldn't it be better than having a father who despises its mother?" Seonghwa mumbles, thinking back on the failed marriage between his own parents.

The look on Tzuyu's face quickly turns from hurt to rather angry as well. She glares at him while a frown is starting to show. Seonghwa didn't mean that he despises her, not yet at least. But he definitely isn't feel any good feelings towards her in this given moment. At the same time, he hates himself more than anything. How could he let this happen? How could he be so careless and mess up like this?

"Seonghwa, sweetie, don't say things you don't mean. This is a big shock, I get that. I'll give you time to calm down. But when I come back, please start thinking more rationally. You need to man up and do the right thing. I didn't get pregnant all by myself, you know. You were part of it and you should at least take your part of the responsibility. I'll let your parents know that you've heard the news and of course accepted the fact that we are going to be a family!" Tzuyu reaches out and gently strokes his cheek, but the feeling of her touch is burning against his skin.

As soon as she has left, Seonghwa slams the door shut before falling to his knees on the floor. A scream gets stuck in his throat as his body is so over-whelmed by every feeling that is trying to burst out. He wants to cry, to scream and to punch something – all at the same time. But he remains collapsed on the floor, unable to do anything at all.

He can't hear anything but his own heartbeat while his breathing is out of control, leaving his chest hurting when the tears finally get to run free.

~

The following days Seonghwa excuses his absence from seeing his friends and even Yeosang, with being busy studying in his room. But in reality he has just been staring at the wall, with an endless river of tears streaming down his cheeks.

He has ignored the many, many phone calls from his parents and avoiding opening any of the text messages his mother has sent him. Tzuyu had come by once more, only for them to get into a huge fight when Seonghwa dared to ask for a paternity test. But in the end she had agreed to it, which had only caused Seonghwa to freak out even more inside.

Seonghwa knows he can't hide in his room forever, but he wants to do it as long as it is possible. But on an otherwise normal Wednesday evening, he can't avoid reality anymore.

"Hey baby, sorry to disturb you, but I've just missed you so much," Yeosang smiles as Seonghwa opens the door, but he is unable to return the younger's beaming smile.

Yeosang doesn't seem to notice though when he quickly leans in to give Seonghwa a peck on the lips. In his hands he is carrying some bags with takeaway and the otherwise lovely smell of food is making Seonghwa feel nauseous like never before.

"I brought dinner, I figured you'd be hungry from all the studying," Yeosang says as he enters the room.

"That's so considerate of you, thank you..." Seonghwa mumbles, trying to force his voice into a happier tone to hide the anxiousness growing in his chest.

He silently watches as Yeosang is setting up the food on the table, humming a tune which Seonghwa has heard him do so many times already but has yet to figure out which song it actually is. And now he guesses that he will never know.

Seonghwa doesn't feel ready to say and do what he knows he has to.

To break Yeosang's heart.

It pains him so endlessly much to know he has to hurt the one he loves so much. Yeosang doesn't deserve this at all, with everything he has gone through in his life already. Seonghwa remembers all the nights Yeosang has woken up from yet another nightmare, and how he held Yeosang tightly in his arms, kissing his forehead while whispering comforting words in his ears. 

Seonghwa had promised to always be there, to always love him, and he has failed him already.

As Seonghwa sits down on the very edge of his bed, he already feels like crying again. Yeosang's unawareness just makes everything even worse than it already is. When the younger looks over his shoulder and sends Seonghwa a warm smile, Seonghwa has never felt like a worse human being than right in this moment.

Yeosang is talking about his day and how Wooyoung had forced him to go to the movies with him and San, who Yeosang has never gotten along with very well. How the movie had sucked, how the sodas were flat, and how all he could think about was how much he was missing Seonghwa. 

As he continues telling how he has felt quite nervous because he felt Seonghwa has been ignoring him lately, Seonghwa feels even more guilty than before.

Seonghwa quickly dries his eyes before Yeosang notices how the tears are welling up. There is nothing in the world that Seonghwa wants more, than being able to go back to living his life like that, with things being so simple and the hardest parts were having to sit through a horrible movie with someone you dislike.

"Yeosang." Seonghwa feels guilty just speaking the other's name. He feels unworthy to even let the beautiful sound of Yeosang's name leave his lips, and the tears are already building up in his eyes again.

"Yes?" Yeosang looks at him over his shoulder, but is quick to catch the worried look on Seonghwa's face this time.

"Wha-what is going on?" Yeosang immediately looks worried too. "Seonghwa?"

When Yeosang sits down next to him, Seonghwa wants to look him in the eyes, but at the same time he really doesn't want to. He fights to keep the eye-contact but Yeosang's stare makes him feel almost sick in his stomach. The words are pushing upwards inside his throat and he knows he needs to let them out. But he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to let them ruin their relationship.

"Tzuyu is pregnant." He closes his eyes and clenches his hands as he finally says it. "And... It's mine."

The silence fills the air around them and the only sound Seonghwa can hear is his own heartbeat.

Yeosang is sitting like frozen next to him, so silent Seonghwa is almost doubting whether he is still breathing or not. When their eyes finally meet, Yeosang is staring at him with disbelief and a piercing sadness.

"Are you... Are you serious? H-how? When did you... Sleep with her?" Yeosang's voice turns into a weak whisper and he is the first to break the uncomfortable eye contact.

"The... The day you said you hated me I... I bumped into her and I got so drunk and..."

"You... You fucked someone else? On the very same night?" 

"You said you despised me!" Seonghwa has no clue why he even tries to defend himself. He knows he fucked up, and thinking back he knows that despite those harsh words Yeosang had thrown at him, neither of them actually said the words I'm breaking up.

"And you said you loved me. I-I can't believe this!" Yeosang rises from the bed, walking with fast steps towards the door.

With his hand clenched around the doorknob, he turns to look at Seonghwa again.

"Do you... Still love her?"

Seonghwa is still sitting like frozen on the bed. He has two options now; he can tell Yeosang the truth. How he's never truly loved Tzuyu at all, and that he will hate himself forever because he has ruined everything between him and Yeosang. How he always has and always will love Yeosang, no matter what happens.

But he knows those words wouldn't make a difference anyway, because he will never be able to give Yeosang the life he deserves.

Which leads him to option two; to lie.

"... Yes. I-I do. I only just realized it after I met her again. How much I... I missed her..." Seonghwa forces the words out, almost vomiting in his mouth as the disgusting lie spreads across the room.

"Do you... Still love me?"

Seonghwa knows what he has to do, and it is killing him. He knows he has to close the door to Yeosang's heart forever, and at least hope that this will give the younger a chance to move on from him.

And so, Seonghwa tells the biggest, most hurtful lie of his life. The word is short, simple, but holds the most powerful meaning between them in this moment.

"No."


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A/N: You have to believe me when I say that it really, freaking hurt to write this chapter... T__T

ALSO we have only 1 chapter left, you guys! Aaah, I'm not ready for this to end yet, but I don't feel like I can extend it any further. I'm sorry T_T

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