*tw! mentions of depression ptsd and anxiety attacks in this chapter! dms are open anytime <33*

"turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you!"

"YOU NEED TO SEE A THERAPIST BECCA!"

i whipped my head around to preston, where he stood in the middle of my living room.

"fuck you!"i roared, glaring at him which he returned.

it was around christmas time and my mental health had deteriorated majorly. it was hard to get out of bed everyday and i've missed so much school this month.

everyone wanted me to see a therapist or see somebody for my mental health and i refused. i didn't want help.

"becca you cant get out of bed half the time because of your depression! you need to see someone to get help!"preston fought back, and i growled.

"you don't know anything about my mental health preston ray."i growled, getting closer to him.

"i know enough about it that you have panic attacks every single fucking day becca kay and that anything can trigger your ptsd."he snapped, and my anger overloaded.

"get the fuck out."i snapped, and both of our tempers had overflowed.

"fine but you know what becca?"his brown eyes met my green ones.

"until you put yourself first and your mental health gets better, we're done."venom dripped from his words as i felt shock run through my body.

"fine."i whispered, and walked towards the door, opening it for preston.

"goodbye preston."i took a deep breath as he walked out.

i slammed the door shut, and i crawled onto the couch before curling up into a ball.

depression was like a hurricane, and you were stuck in the eye of it 24/7 with no way out. you're the house, and depression is the hurricane. one moment you're intacked, with just a few leaks coming from your roof, and the next moment the the roof is being ripped off and your windows are being broken.

it had been like this for so long that i don't remember what it doesn't feel like to be numb, or to have my chest not hurting, or having multiple panic attacks a day.

if i could go back to last may and refuse to go on that drive, maybe mom would still be here and i'd be at practice catching for some of my teammates before facetiming preston later that night talking about christmas break and how i'd possibly be coming down with mama.

sobs started to wrack my body thinking about all the what if's.

caroline's head nudged under my arm, and i petted her, calming me down a little bit.

"you're such a good girl line."i whispered, before she hopped up onto the couch and lied down on my lap.

it was now just the two of us against the world.