*tw! mentions of ptsd, a car wreck and depression, dms are open anytime <33*

"i hope you're happy now!"

PRESTONS FINGERS TRACED RANDOM LETTERS ON MY BACK,

as the sunlight peaked through that morning.

i was exhausted to say the least, still physically and mentally still and all i wanted to do was curl up into a ball and sleep forever.

it was thanksgiving day but in all honesty, it didn't feel like it. it just felt like another shitty day.

"talk to me bec."preston whispered as he traced a smiley face on my back, and i just stared out into space.

"i just don't feel good"i whispered, and preston kissed the top of my head.

"physically or mentally?"he asked, and i burred my head into his chest, "mentally."

"what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"preston stroked my hair, and it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.

"its just so hard to fucking breathe."i broke down, my sobs loud and i couldn't stop it no matter how hard i tried.

"hey, hey, calm down becs you're going to make yourself sick baby girl."preston hushed me, wrapping me in a tight hug.

"it hurts so bad."i cried, and he just held me tight.

my sobs quieted down after awhile and turned into sniffles. i was on prestons lap at this point as he rocked back and fourth trying to calm me down more.

"see sweetheart, you're ok."he said, kissing the top of my head.

"i really don't wanna get up pres, my head hurts so much right now"i whispered after a while, and preston laid his head on top of mine.

"that's from crying sweetheart, do you wanna lay down for a little bit and try to relax."he suggested, and i nodded.

he laid down next to me on the bed, and stroked my hair gently humming some type of tune to get me to relax.

after awhile my eyes fell heavy and i started to drift off.

"preston?"i mumbled half asleep and he hummed.

"whats up beccs?"he asked, and i curled up against him.

"i love you."

"i love you too becca."

✰

FEELING A POKE ON MY CHEEK,

my eyes slowly opened to find tinsley looking up and close at me.

"you're awake!"she gasped, and i forced a smile nodding.

"yes i am."i confirmed, and she wrapped her arms around my neck

"i'm sorry you miss your mommy."tinsley whispered, and tears pricked at my eyes, "you can have my mommy as a second mommy."

"it's ok sweetheart"my voice cracked, "you can keep your mommy tins, i do love your mama like a aunt."

b tears started streaming down my face, and to tinsley cupped her tiny hands on my cheeks

"why are you crying?"tinsley asked, wiping the tears that were falling down my cheeks.

"i'm just having a really bad day sweetie."i took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"why don't we go downstairs and eat some breakfast?"i suggested, and she nodded, before bursting downstairs.

i was slow to follow, waiting to stretch out my bones and muscles.

i winced at the cracking of my stiff bones as i stood up and slowly made my way downstairs.

"beccas awake! beccas awake!"tinsley cheered throughout the house, and was picked up by ashley.

i fakes a smile, before ashley put tinsley down, and summoned me outside with mama grace following behind.

"talk now."ashley demanded, and i bit my lip, itching my wrists.

"i'm fine."i muttered, starting to walk towards the back.

"that's bullshit becca. talk."mama grace was on my ass and i tugged at prestons sweatshirt i was wearing.

"look this isn't the place to talk about this."i tried to steer away from the topic, "not here, not now."

"so when is the right place becca? because you're going to talk to us sooner or later."i felt my anger rising as they kept following me around.

"can't you tell i don't wanna talk about this?!"i snapped, and slammed the door as i walked inside.

"you're gonna talk about this!"mama grace yelled after me, and i stood at the top of the stairs, and felt something snap.

"you wanna fucking talk about it? fine! lets talk!"i threw my arms up, before i started pointing at my uncle.

"he's a fucking bitch who told me last night that he hopes i live with someone else because 'i'm too difficult to take care of' and knew who my father was and never told me."i started, and i could see eli taking cam and tinsley outside, "so yeah! fuck you too buddy!"

"he's fucking acting like he's the boss of my ass and knows every god damn thing about parenting when he wasn't in my life for fifteen FUCKING years!"i screamed, pointing at brantley, who looked honestly shocked at my outbursts.

"you guys want me to talk about my feelings all the time so guess what! i'm fucking depressed ok!"tears pricked at my eyes, "i have fucking ptsd from the fucking accident and you guys think i've moved on but guess what!"

"i haven't and i still have flashbacks everyday! anything can fucking trigger them!"i started to sob, "and you all seem to fucking forget that i lost my mom! y'know the only parent figure i knew my whole entire like and then was forced to move over a thousand miles away from the home i knew all my life!"

"so no you're right i'm not ok! i'm not doing ok!"i broke down, with heavy sobs wracking my body as i slid down the stairs.

i felt someone pull me into a side hug, and i just stayed the way i was.

"i just want my momma back."