OPAQUE  1/2

→ WARNING.  mentions of anxiety disorders, angst, tension, members fighting, all the feels..

→  A/N.  this is all fiction. so don't get triggered if i portray some of the members in a different way than you're used to. it's all apart of the story and julie is a complex person and you'll get to know her on a deeper level.

     JULIE FOLDED HER ARMS IN FRONT OF HER CHEST AS SHE STARED IN THE DISTANCE, completely oblivious of what's happening around her. The MAMA Awards were about to start, and the Italian-Korean wanted nothing but to be curled in her bed watching her favorite anime while eating ice cream, but she knew that was impossible.

     Don't get her wrong, performing, attending awards, and promoting is one of her favorite things to do, but lately, after so many comebacks and restless nights, it was no surprise that Julie wanted some time for herself and take a break. She loved her members dearly, but they couldn't seem to understand her state, and they were too fed up with her. She was too in fact. Everything they did or said, struck a nerve, and she didn't understand why she was acting this way.

Her manager, Haneul, could see how exhausting she was. The bags under her eyes were covered with tons of makeup, and if you could look longer, her posture was stiff and tense. The sparkle in her eyes was missing and was instead clouding with dullness and void, but it's unnoticed by everyone, except her. She was sitting backstage preparing for their performance tonight, and she had a clear view of the girls, her gaze lingering longer at the rapper.

A nudge on the ribs pulled Julie out of her thoughts, a scowl etched onto her face as she turned her head at the person next to her. Her glower faltered once she was met with Mina's concerned face. Julie's eyes softened, giving her a small smile, "You okay, Angelo?"

Mina scooted her chair closer to her before looking at her with a nod, giving her a soft smile, "I'm fine, Jules. Are you okay?" she asked her, her eyebrows furrowed.

     Although she was not on speaking terms with some of her members, Mina stayed far behind from the endless bickering and instead tried to find ways to make peace. She knew how hard time she was having and tried to cheer her up, but Julie isn't a lively person. She's stoic and serious, and it's sometimes impossible to reach out to her if you want her to talk about her feelings.

Are you okay? Is she, though? Her chest felt heavy, and every time she breathed she could feel it tightening, making her almost choke on air. Her mind was running a thousand miles per hour and she felt her brain would explode at any time. She didn't wanna be here. No, she wanted to get the hell out of her and fly back to Italy and see her family. But she can't tell Mina that. She can't tell her that she feels homesick and miserable.

"Jiwoo." Nayeon, who sat beside her, joined the conversation and patted her arm, pulling her out of her thoughts, again. She almost startled, her rough voice filling in her ears making her clench her jaw. Mina sighed and gave Nayeon a look, signaling her to keep it to herself.

Julie let out a sigh, "What?" her voice lacing with dryness, turning her head to look at her. Nayeon's eyes hardened and shook her head, feeling anger rising inside of her. "You kidding with me? Fix that attitude of yours and pull your shit together," she said in a calming manner, not wanting to cause a scene while the cameras were filling them.

Julie's stomach churned, her eyes glistening with hurt, but it quickly disappeared as it rapidly appeared. Her demeanor turned stoic and she looked at her, "You're asking me to handle my shit while we can't even have a nice conversation without stepping on each other's throats." she replied, her eyes cold and rigid, but she still held a smile on her face, feeling the flashing of cameras almost blinding her.

     She shifted around her seat and gave the camera a charming smile before turning her head back to her, her strong gaze making Nayeon shift uncomfortably in her seat.

Julie inched closer, her lips close to her ear as she whispered, "How about you get your shit together and do some self-work instead. And show some fucking respect. I'm older than you, don't talk to me like that, Nayeon." Her voice lacing with venom, making Mina sigh and looked at the pair. Luckily, the cameras were gone and it was no one here at the moment. A few groups and artists were headed backstage and they were the only ones left.

"Knock it off, both of you. And you, Jiwoo? Seriously, don't say things like that, she's your friend." Mina scolded them, her gaze lingering longer at the Italian-Korean. Her eyes were clouding with disappointment, and by the looks of it, Nayeon was pretty shaken up at her comment. She became glued to her seat, her head facing her lap as she fiddled with her hands.

Julie however, looked straight ahead with her head high, showing no remorse. Jihyo and Momo noticed a tense atmosphere at the three of them and quickly excused themselves from a conversation they were having with the others, "Is everything okay? Why are you all so quiet?" Jihyo said, her head tilted to the side as she frowned.

Sana, Dahyun, Tzuyu, Chaeyoung, and Jeongyeon paused their conversation and put their attention on the trio, looking at them with confusion. Nayeon, who shifted her seat to the side, turned her head to the side as she hid her face with her hair, not wanting them to see her tear-glistened face.

     Jeongyeon put a hand on her thigh and leaned closer, her eyes softening once she saw her face. Realization hit her and glared, her gaze diverting away from her figure towards Julie who was mindlessly watching the stage being prepped up with a relaxing smile plastered onto her face. "You couldn't wait till we get home? Why here, Jiwoo? What did you do now?"

Julie's smile fell and she brought a hand over her lips as her eyes darted around the room, ignoring the pang in her chest. Dahyun sighed, "Can we not do this, guys? Please, we have a performance later and I really wanna focus on that." she pleaded, her eyes tiredly looking at them.

Jihyo put a hand over her head, feeling a headache forming, "Not until Julie apologizes to Nayeon." she replied to Dahyun, her strict tone filling their ears. The leader looked at the pair, her glowering face staring at Julie.

Julie whirled her head towards her leader and scoffed, "An apology? Fuck no. What did I do now?" she argued, her eyes shooting daggers at everyone.

Mina brought a hand over her shoulder, making Julie instinctively jerk her touch and looked back at Nayeon, "Oh, cry me a river. You won't get an apology from me when you're the one who clearly needs to see some sense in here." she fumed with anger, turning her seat around.

Chaeyoung gasped, "U-Unnie, please-" Jihyo's eyes went wide and she became speechless, along with Momo and Jeongyeon who were looking at her like she'd grown two heads. Julie cocked her head to the side, "No. You know what? All of you can fuck off." she rephrased herself, her voice cracking at the end.

Sana, who has been quiet, looked at Julie with a soft look before speaking. "Guys, stop. Let's not blame everything on Jiwoo. Stop it." she butted into the discussion, looking at the girls with a look.

     "Unnie, hey. Let's talk about this. We're very sorry for acting this way, we mean it. You just have to talk to us." she said in a gentle tone, and stood up from her chair, sauntering towards her.

Her knees hit the floor and put her hands on her knees, her warm eyes gazing up to her, "We can't help you if you won't tell us about your problems." She told her, her eyebrows furrowed as she rubbed circles around her thighs.

Julie bit the insides of her cheeks, her head glancing at Nayeon who was being comforted by Jeongyeon. Feeling a sting of melancholy, she clenched her jaw and looked down at Sana, her loving and kind eyes staring into hers. Her heart thumped against her chest, and the lump in her throat was increasing. "Why does it seem like I'm the only one who has problems?" she voiced out, her stoic expression clouding through her mask.

"Why do you put the blame on me for things that I can't control? Clearly, you don't know me that well. I'm trying, okay? I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, and I don't need some of you to point your finger at my face and tell me that I'm a piece of shit because I know I am. Start working on yourselves and stop acting like kids, for god's sake." she growled, her eyes glowing with anger.

Sana paused, slightly stepping back but her hands were still placed on her thighs. "You want me to say sorry? Fine, I'm sorry for fucking trying to make things right. I'm sorry for expressing how I feel. You happy now?" Julie continued, making the girls pause, guilt and regret washing over them.

Julie chuckled at the silence, shaking her head. "I don't need this. Fuck the performance, I'm not doing it. Tell Haneul that I got sick. I can't spend the rest of the night without wanting to scream my head off." she admitted, slowly standing up from her chair, leaving their table.

Tzuyu's eyes were filled with tears and she quickly shot up from her seat and ran up to her, "Unnie, please, don't leave. Let's talk about it, please? Don't leave." her voice cracking as she squeezed her bicep.

     Julie gave her a tip-lipped smile and patted her back, "I'll see you tomorrow." was the last thing she said before leaving the stadium, leaving the members pondering about their actions.