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( chapter eight. )

❝ family dinner ❞

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Every time I went back home, to my childhood home... I've found myself in the same place within minutes.

In the salon upstairs, with wall of  our family tree. I leaned against one of the tables and couldn't take my eyes off my brother's name.

Phineas Black.

And his picture... There was only a huge black spot in its place.

My thoughts always wandered off to the fateful night it happened. I was a little girl, hiding in the corner and watching Papa point his wand at the wall and burn my brother's face with a huge bang.

But he couldn't burn out his memory.

Not from me. And that was what my father punished me the most for.

"There you are!" a sudden voice pushed me out of the rapid flow of my thoughts and I immediately turn my head towards the slightly open door. My younger brother, Arcturus, was standing in the corridor and only half leaned into the drawing room. "I told Mother that she would definitely find you here!"

"How would she know? She would erase this room if she could," I muttered, taking one last look at my brother's name on the wall, then my eyes flicked to my own. Haunted. I could almost see my own face being burned. Like the inevitable future. "When did you arrive?"

"Just now," my younger brother shrugged when I went up to him and hugged him gently. "I had to drag Cy and Violetta through the front door."

"Do you blame them? You wouldn't come in either if you didn't already live here " I laughed to myself as I carefully closed the salon door behind me.

"Shhh! Don't be so loud, or else elves will hear and tell Mother!" Archie snorted. Mother employed two house elves at 12 Grimmauld Square, Neeky and Woody. Ever since we were children, we suspected that Mother was spying on us with the help of elves, considering that many times we didn't even notice if one of them was lurking in the room during a conversation.

"Ask Lys if she wants to move out," I patted him on the shoulder when we reached the bottom of the stairs. From there, we could already hear our little family talking in the dining room.

Our mother insisted that the family have dinner together once a week. And even more so after Father's death. Of course, someone always tried to get out of it, because although no one would have admitted it, none of us  wanted to participate in the gathering.

Of course, the golden child arrived hours before dinner with his own little family. The firstborn brother, the favorite, the perfect... My brother Sirius worked as an obliviator for the Ministry and at St. Mungo's, and his wife, Hesper, was a stay-at-home mother. Even now, when all their children had gone off to Hogwarts, so Hesper didn't have much to do at home. Only participate in charity councils and organize parties. And their three wonderful children... They were really... Well, they were unique. The smaller Arcturus, Lycoris and the youngest Black, Regulus. Let's just say... what else did I expect from any of them. After all, Sirius was their father.

Since I went upstairs, my sister and her husband, Herbert Burke, have also arrived. Herbie - although Belvina had always warned me never to call her husband that in my life - ran an antiques shop in Knockturn Alley with his business partner, called Borgin & Burkes. And since their opening hours and their business demanded their full devotion, Herbie's presence at family gatherings was always in doubt. Belvina and I discussed a lot before she married Burke, whether because of the store's reputation, the man's identity was also doubtful. After all, the clientele of the antique shop... It consisted mostly of dark wizards.

But honestly, I didn't know a kinder person than Burke. Maybe he was even too kind-hearted for my sister.

In truth, most of the dark business was carried out by his partner, Borgin, who knew all the dubious characters and the regular Purebloods walking around Knockturn Alley. Herb was horrified by all of this. He just wanted to collect, study ancient magical objects and delve into history. The store was most associated with Caractacus Burke, Herbie's father, who started the business many years ago. Still, he didn't have much to do with it. Everything was done by Herbie. His father left him everything when he retired. He didn't really get involved in setting up the store. Only with money.

And my brother Cygnus and Violetta were still sitting at the table, trying to listen to Sirius's chatter with a polite smile, while Belvina, Burke and my friend Lysandra on the other side - where Sirius could no longer see them - just grimaced at what they heard.

Archie chuckled behind my back, then left me at the dining room door and took his seat next to Lysandra. My friend's eyes lit up when her fiancé greeted her with a kiss and she seemed to calm down a bit. Even though she had been a member of our family for a long time, there was always a bit of fear in her.

I was the only one present without a significant other – apart from Sirius's children, of course. Nash was never much of a family man. He also met his own family at most once a month, let alone mine... However, the residence of the Black family was in London, not even in the countryside.

I haven't been hang up on this in a long time. I never had to make excuses as to why I arrived alone every time. None of my family members particularly liked Nash.

They preferred the fact that I was dating someone other than Theseus Scamander. And they weren't even interested in the personality of this other person.

The people I was in close contact with knew about how my relationship really were with Nash. Lysandra and Cygnus especially. And if Cy knew, so did Belvina. My sister and gossip were synonymous.

Lycoris, my brother Sirius' Fifth Year daughter, snoozed past me to go pee before eating and gently nudged me, bringing me back to the real world. I cleared my throat and while I felt that they were all looking at me discreetly, but surely... I sat down in my usual place between Belvina and Lysandra.

"Hello!" I smiled sweetly at them, hoping that everyone would return to their own business. So I turned to my sister and her husband instead. I haven't been able to meet Belvina for a month now, and I wanted to discuss a few things with her. "Bells, Herbie!"

Belvina always warned me not to call her husband any nicknames. And of course, I always ignored her.

"Alura!" Burke grinned at me. Luckily for me, my brother-in-law understood my humor perfectly and responded with a similar quip. My middle name gave me goosebumps. "Where is your boyfriend?"

"You ask that as if any of us miss the presence of a Malfoy," Belvina rolled her eyes. Between each other, without our mother in the room... We didn't even think about playing a role. Not even Sirius could hear us.

"Ask Cygnus about that! He's the one who was friends with Nash in school!" Herbert pointed at my twin-brother, who was taking his usual place opposite me, one arm weakly wrapped around his fiancee's chair. At least until mom comes in and asks him to behave.

"Okay, that's an overkill!" Cygnus raised his hand defensively.

"You introduced me to him!" I rolled my eyes heatedly. It was just teasing though, I knew that too. Sooner or later it was inevitable that Nash and I would meet. My mother, the role model of the "fantastic" meddling, Pureblood mothers, had probably been planning our meeting for some time. Because another boy of a similar age from a family of the Sacred Twenty-Eight... didn't even exist, beside him.

It was honestly strange to think about how good I felt in the company of Nash Malfoy in the first weeks and months. With his captivating style, his politeness, his overwhelming words and good looks. For the first time in a long time, I didn't think about how much better life was with Theseus.

Then the whole relationship... slowly changed. So slowly that I didn't even notice it. If I had noticed... I'd like to believe I would have done something about it.

But that's nonsense.

After all, I didn't do anything with Richard Flint either. I did not do anything.

Theseus did.

"By the way, where is Mother?" I asked, looking around the table.  Neeky and Woody were rushing around us, pouring drinks into our glasses. "I mean, it's true that... She usually lets the house-elves do the finishing touches. Or all touches."

"I'm glad you think so well of me, Lyra Alura!" of course, my mother chose this very moment to enter the dining room.

Ursula Black arrived in her perfect splendour, her dress robe billowing behind her as she paused to gaze royally over us. She really was a Queen of all of us. The Black matriarch.

After my father's death, she should have handed over the leadership role to my brother Sirius, since he was officially the head of the family. But my mother was still in control of our family's finances and property, and she also represented the Blacks in politics.

Sirius, who was sitting on the edge of the row, jumped up to fulfill his duty and pull out the chair, waiting for her at the head of the table, in front of Mother.

Mother's face showed slight emotions, I wouldn't have called the line of her lips a smile, but not a pout either. But still... It was as if she was at least the Minister of Magic. Or his wife. My mother knew we were all looking at her. The way gray strands mixed in her blonde hair and she didn't care one bit about that because she knew that she was still sitting on the throne. The way her cape flew over the arm of her chair and down to the floor like a waterfall.

I realized that our whole life is about looking at her. Because in a way... She was the god of us all. The ruler. She ruled over us, her children and grandchildren. On the house. At the big house of the Pureblood. At one time, my father and mother were the... Great royal couple. Every Pureblood family and couple wanted to please them. They wanted to attend their balls. They wanted to donate to the causes they supported. In fact, they wanted to be like them.

The mighty Black family.

With Ursula Black at the helm.

That's why she wanted to eat with us every week. So we would all know that she's still the boss, the leader, and still in her right mind.

"Hello, Mother," my smile was perfectly believable, kind and polite. The way she taught a perfect girl's smile should be. With respect to her mother.

And with my mother taking her rightful place, we could begin dinner. Almost magically, the bowls and dishes were filled with food.

I couldn't help but notice that my sister almost immediately reached for the wine and filled her glass. Before serving her husband. This was a huge insult to the Pureblood etiquette.

Burke, on the other hand, just stifled a laugh as he watched Belvina drink half the contents of her glass in one gulp.

I understood Belvina. I would have preferred to slop the wine until I choked on it.

However, when Cygnus handed me the bottle, I refused and instead filled mine with water.

I could feel my mother's look on my face all the time. I knew what she was doing. She was waiting for something to poke into.

"Sweetheart... You look so pale," I knew she was talking to me, because I was the only one who she used this nickname to. And anyway...I wasn't wearing any makeup, so my face shone in its natural beauty in my mother's dining room.

And she hated that.

A dedicated young woman always pays attention to her appearance. Which you can only make perfect with make-up products. It's silly of you not to use blush, Lyra Alura. It's silly not to wear lipstick, Lyra Alura. Even the stupid muggles acknowledged this. No wonder you're still single. No one will marry you if you're a slag. Especially not a Pureblood.

"I live and work in London, so it's no surprise, Mama," I took a mandatory breather before answering my mother. Fortunately for me, many years ago I learned how fast my brain had to spin to give her the right answer.

"Perhaps you could also come to France with us on holiday this year. Isn't that right, Hesper?" Mother turned to Hesper Gamp, the wife of my brother Sirius, in such a way that she knew that this was not really a question. She phrased the question just for the sake of politeness. But her accent... gave away the kind of answer he was expecting.

"Oh, that would be great!" Hesper raised her head and looked into my eyes with an enthusiastic exclamation, then squeezed her only daughter's arm to enhance the theatrical effect. She did it perfectly, I had to admit. "I'm sure Lycoris would love to spend some time with her aunt."

I haven't had a normal conversation with Lycoris in years. She was like a stranger to me. And I didn't want to start getting to know her at our summer cottage on the French coast. And given that my mother only traveled there with Sirius and his family during the summer, I didn't even have to try.

These sentences were just as much a trap as anything else my mother uttered.

"Or you could go to vacation with Nash, Lyra. That's what couples do, you know," my brother Sirius said maliciously, addressing me for the first time that day. With his light brown eyes, the only feature that distinguished him from our blue-eyed parents, he almost wanted to see into my soul. Not with much success. "Where is he now, Lyra?"

I wanted to strangle my brother.

I couldn't even growl or make a face, because he would have been vocally offended by it.

"He works long hours. You know what it's like," I answered finally, looking into Sirius's eyes without blinking as I poked at the peas on my plate without even noticing. My fork screeched across the porcelain. "The most important thing is that the affairs of the Ministry are resolved."

I didn't even know if Nash was working at all or if he was just at home in his own apartment. It was fine as long as he wasn't peacocking next to me or in my apartment.

"Oh yes, work always came first for your father too, and I could never really blame him for that," my mother took over, not letting go of the whole Nash topic. I felt that with this she was almost pulling the lion's whiskers. She wondered how much I could take before speaking out against her. I knew her methods well. So I kept quiet and just looked into her eyes. "And neither should you, sweetheart."

I snorted in thought. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Belvina put her hand in front of her face next to me to hide her reactions and also squeezed my thigh. As if I didn't know what to do myself.

Or rather what I don't have to do.

"Nash is a hard-working Pureblood who only wants to create a better future for you," Mother continued. I didn't know if she was trying to convince me or herself that the whole relationship was for the greater good. She didn't have to convince me. Rather herself, what kind of person her daughter will spend her life with and that she has a huge responsibility in this. After all, she fabricated my entire relationship. "Ah, just like your father!"

She couldn't have stabbed me any better than that.

"Of course... Just like Papa..." I finally said, scalded.

But to be honest... I wasn't lying.

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Standing in my childhood room, I felt as if time had stopped. The room I shared with Cygnus was waiting in the same state as it was every summer when we got home from Hogwarts. Just as we left it when we moved.

My mother must have the house elves clean all the empty rooms her children left in the house. Maybe because she wanted to find any secrets we might have left behind.

In Cygnus's part of the room, the huge Slytherin crest was hanging on the wall, and in front of his bed was the trunk decorated with his monogram, which he used to travel to Hogwarts. His school books were scattered on the shelf, his Quidditch broom in the corner.

And a picture propped up on his bedside table of Cygnus, Violetta and me grinning on the day of our Hogwarts graduation, throwing our hats in the air.

Using a levitation charm, I flew the frame to me and dropped it into my endless handbag. Meanwhile, I turned to my own part of the room. The places where I took my photos with Theseus from, were clearly visible on the wall, the holes between the memories were gaping. On my bookshelf, unlike my brother's, there was perfect order, with my textbooks sorted by ABC and grade.

I crouched down in fronf of the the bottom shelf and reached behind the row, hoping my mother hadn't found my hiding place. The hiding place of my last little item left over from my relationship with Theseus.

Except for my necklace.

I pulled out the small book with fringed edges, then gently smoothed its cover with relief. It was a first edition of Tales of Beedle the Bard. Theseus gave it to me on our first anniversary. I hid it for years. From everyone. When I had no one and nothing, I clung to this book. Theseus underlined his favorite lines, even wrote notes on the edge of the pages.

On the cover page, above the title, my name was written in his sloppy handwriting: Lulu. And a message. I ran my fingers over the letters as if I wanted to absorb the words. As if by the writing I could go back to the past when everything was still good.

If the light of the moon shines into the Observatory today, will you take a walk with me?

The metaphorical meaning of the words moved me more than the concrete message.

And he slipped in a picture at one of his favorite chapters. About us.

Not many pictures were taken during our relationship, just the two of us. A photo was evidence that anyone could use against us. Not just my family, but any of our perverted Pureblood classmates.

"I thought I'd find you here!" the voice came so suddenly that I immediately straightened up and successfully hid the small book behind my back to throw it into my bag. My brother Sirius was standing in the doorway, leaning confidently against the doorframe, a know-it-all, annoying smile on the corner of his mouth. I think that he will forever remain the brother who always looks at the other as if he caught us doing any mischief so that he can betray it to our parents. "Are you looking for something?"

"I'm just nostalgic," I shrugged, nodding my head towards my closet. My brother, even though he was a Slytherin, was never smart enough to see through my moves. Fortunately for me, I was always one step ahead of him. "Do you remember that?"

I pointed to the ceiling. It was enchanted, just like the Great Hall at Hogwarts. It was like the sky. A sky where only the constellations Lyra and Cygnus were clearly visible. Good thing they were next to each other.

I've been thinking a lot about whether it was intentional on the part of our parents to name their twin children after neighboring constellations. This made it even more clear how close my brother and I are.

"On Papa's orders, you went through our rooms and did it to everyone. Here, at Belvina's, at Archie's..." I lined up, tilting my head back with a faint smile so that I could really see the sky. It was perhaps the only gesture in my life that I received from my oldest brother. "It was a difficult charm, but Papa insisted so much that you did it."

"He always wanted to get the best out of us," I almost snorted. I could never accept how blindly Sirius still loves our father, he holds his word as sacred. Perhaps he respected him more than even Merlin or Salazar Slytherin.

"Of course..." I cleared my throat before the memories of my father flashed before me. The conversation with my brother was always about the games. I didn't blame him, since he only knew this kind of human relationship, from our parents. He never saw anything else, so he couln't have changed. "How did you feel when little Archie was born?"

He was surprised by the question, I could feel it even without looking at him.

"Similar to how I feel about all of you. That I want to protect him. That he'd get the best in the world. To see good examples and know what the priority is," his sentences could have been emotional if he didn't say them so nonchalantly.

It reminded me of an old conversation I had with my father when I asked him exactly that. What is the most important value in life. And my father answered with what he always does to such questions. Toujours pur. Keep this family's name clean. This is the most important. Being a Black is the most important thing.

I didn't have to be a huge legilimentor to figure out that this was exactly what Sirius was thinking.

"Do you think Papa ever felt that way about us? That he wanted to protect us?" I finally looked into his eyes, quite defiantly. I couldn't say it out loud, but we both knew the answer. Our father threw one of his children out of the house. A son. He had no intention of protecting us. He just wanted to protect the name.

"Of course. What a silly question that is, Lyra! Our father was a greater man than I will ever be!" the sentence did not surprise me so much that I did not even blush. I wondered if Sirius had ever been cursed by Papa while standing in his office? For sure. There is no way that only me and my brother Phineas had to experience his wrath on our own skin.

"You are the firstborn. The golden child. You got everything first hand. So it's obvious that you're the most like him." Every punctuation mark at the end of a sentence clicked in the air between us. I closed my eyes for a minute, realizing that this was really the most important thing to Sirius. Whereas when I talk to Cygnus, he gagged and shaked me and remind me that we were lucky to be born later. "So... Did you also create this for your own children's ceiling?"

"Hesper didn't allow it," I wasn't really surprised. Hesper must have believed that a ceiling full of moving stars would only disrupt the perfect character of her perfect children. I was wondering if you knew about the rumors I knew about Lycoris. "Hesper is like Mama in many ways. The most important thing is doing everything for her children's development."

"Of course," I nodded, visibly mockingly. "You would think that Mother needed to have more motherly spirit and care, since she carried six children under her heart and gave birth to all of them naturally. It's a pity that to each of us she is like a stranger and nothing more."

"Don't you dare judge Mama until you've walked a mile in her shoes!" Sirius growled properly when he heard my disparaging words.

"Oh, I've been in her shoes, believe me!" I pointed out fiercely, ironically and ambiguously, that like all girls, I had already tried on my mother's pretty heels for fun. "It's damn expensive, comfortable, stuffed with money and galleons and padded with the compressed spirit of human souls!"

My conversation with Sirius always ended here. The whole thing always ended with tension and disbelief coming out of me, whether he was seriously so blind or just fooling around with such things for the sake of stupidity. That's why I never talked to him much. I got into an argument with him once a year and it takes him the rest of the year to get over what I said and deign to forgive me.

Let's just say I never asked him to forgive me. After all, I never said anything that I should apologize for.

"You never respected Mother, Lyra! I don't know anyone more ungrateful than you!" I froze and just stared at Sirius. As if he had wanted to say all this for a long time, he looked at me so firmly. I just raised my eyebrows, I had no idea how I should react to this. "You don't appreciate the good you were born into! Where would you be without family support?"

"What kind of support? Is that what you call support, Sirius?" I emphasized the word harshly. "I pay for everything myself! I live in an apartment with my brother! I live off my own salary! Our parents bought your house, Sirius! The only... The only thing I got from Papa and Mama were expectations, rejections and insecurities! They never supported what I wanted!"

Sirius just looked at me as if he hadn't even heard what I was saying. It was as if he saw me as a stranger who had no idea about anything.

I was wondering if... He knew about anything. Does he know about the night in our father's office when he found out I was dating Theseus? Does he know about the Christmas incident? Does he know about all the curses, the scars of which will forever adorn several points of my body?

Does he know that, to this day, my mother forces me to stay with Nash?

"I hope that your children will think the complete opposite of what I think of Father when they think about you!"

Then I left my brother alone in my childhood room. I knew I would never convince him.

I knew I would never get him to be on my side.

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hello, wizards, witches and muggles!

i know, it took me a minute to get you this next chapter. i've been slumped a little. i still have a few chapters written in hungarian, so i only have to translate them. i just wanted to come by, say hi and see if any of you still here, waiting for this story or not.

also, journey by moonlight is now on ao3 too !!! which we know is the superior writing site. so, head over there to check it out, i wanna see the interest there too, im a pretty newcomer at ao3! you can find me there as keelahcalore. also, head over tiktok, i will put out some vids about lyra and theseus too! the username is the same as ao3!

stay wild, gotham!