Nora strapped the knife across her ankle.

Before leaning back on the leather seat, staring blankly at the scenery that passes through the window. She could hear the faint strumming of the gears of quinjet, the rhythmic tapping of Natasha's feet against the floor, the voice of the plane wings cutting air.

Steve's shield glinted in the fluorescent light by his side, Clint's arrows were arranged systematically in their quiver.

The first two were electricity induced.

Then there were the ones which were poisonous.

To the right were the ones with propofol.

To their left were-

God, she was losing her mind.

She had been trying hard not to think about the one who was currently flying the Quinjet, she was trying very hard not to recognize the familiar pine cologne of his, she was trying impossibly hard to not think about the Iron man suit that was shining beside Steve's seat. She was trying to not think and in return save herself from the emotions that were thrashing her nerves.

But it was impossible.

He was so close.

And her heart was being squeezed painfully. He looked so thin, the dark circles under his eyes worse than ever– looking like shadows. His physique had detroit, bones gaunt and veins visible. He looked like he had aged ten years in the past month. The familiar warmth or mischief in his eyes were missing, replaced by some other haunting definition of pain and his palms bore numerous small scars jagged one upon another, possibly from all the tech he was making or repairing.

The subtle clench of his jaw, the way his fingers were holding the control panel as if it would disappear if he would let go, the tension in his shoulders, the straight way his eyes rested on. If anything was not a sign, it surely was that nothing had changed.

It sent a fresh wave of agony through her making her draw in a sharp breath. She was the reason, she was the fucking reason, he was like this. Everyone was right back at that base, that monster Damir was right when he said that she was meant to taint everyone near her with darkness.

She was causing his pain, wasn't she?

She was making him go through pain, and burn in the agony of her past because she was being too selfish. Too selfish to not leave him, the team, even though she should have. The five missions were done as promised by Fury, the base she wanted gone was also dissolved into ashes. She had gotten her revenge. That was the plan. To leave once all of that would be done.

That was why she was trying her best to not become close with others, or let them make her someone worth remembering or thinking about. Because she thought she would leave and never see them again, and if they would begin seeing her as someone more than just a new avenger member who would be in the shadows- it would hurt them.

She had messed up that too.

She had messed up that since the moment she had stepped into his lab.

Since the moment she had let herself talk freely, believe that there was something more in him than what meets the eyes. That he was very different from his image in Media. That maybe, just maybe he was someone who could see her for her, Nora and not her past that had threaded itself in every other part of her life.

She had messed that up since she had let herself see the others as more than teammates, and something close to family.

She had allowed herself to get connected and become one of them because she thought she would stay. She thought she would stay and have a life with them. With him. A happy life with him beside her. She thought she had found herself everything she had ever dreamt of.

She never deserved all that neither the family she had found, nor the chance to live with them.

She should leave, and spare them the worry they were spending over her and spare Tony the agony he was going through because of her.

She should leave but...

She was selfish, she was very goddamn selfish and she didn't want to leave what could be her last and only chance to a sense of normalcy. In the foolish hope that maybe one day everything would be like before, that maybe one day he would be able to see her again after all. See her again, as her. Nora, and not her past.

But how could he forget and forgive her for her past when she herself couldn't?

She put her head into her hands gulping down the lump forming in her throat. She had read somewhere that, 'When you destroy someone's life. Take it as a loan, It will come back to you with interest.' Is this what it was then? Karma's way to make her pay back for all the things she had done with others.

For all the people she had killed, for all the tears other's have spent because of her, for all the kids who have been orphaned due to her. Is this than life's payback to her? By making her grieve someone who was not sitting even a few feets apart from her, for making her plead god for a chance of what could be, or by making her lose her mind by thinking about all the problems she was pushing all of them into.

Is this then her ultimate destiny?

To suffer, and to suffer alone.

Just like how it was meant to be.

***
"Shall I come too, these would not disappear if I move away," Nora asked, her silver hair lined with blood. Hands glowing bright as green vines from the earth continue slithering out and holding the main man of the base down.

"We would handle the rest, Nora," Natasha said, her voice having an uncharacterized soft edge. She knew that despite how strong Nora might act it was not just her mental state that was thrashed apart, she was weak physically too at the moment and she didn't want to put her in risk by making her do any extra work than needed. "You should stay here and keep him binded with these vines, Steve said we would get him out only when all the base is clear. Apparently, Fury want this man alive with a different desperation,"

"I see,"

Natasha departed from the room with a gun in her hand and Nora leaned backward on a wall with a sigh. The room was close to rubble, desks fallen apart, walls thrashed and lights flickering. She noticed the weird glint in the eyes of the man that was tied by the vines– the one that Fury wanted, the leader of this base– as his eyes flickered to the vine tied around his mouth and her repeatedly.

She sighed before tilting her hand, as the vine retracted a bit allowing him to speak, "You seem like you want to say something,"

Anything to keep her mind from him.

"Erica?"

Her body stilled.

Her heartbeat skipped for a second before thrumming rapidly against her ribs with such a force that she felt her heart might come out. Her blood ran cold, breath catching in her throat like the air had turned lead. That cursed, guttural tone of voice that had haunted her nightmares since she had regained her memory. No it was not possible, he died, he died when she destroyed the base in her past.

It couldn't be-

"Erica," his voice held a twisted satisfaction lined with malice as he saw the torment she was trying to hide, "Or should I say Nora? Hmm, is that what you're going by now?"

She staggered back a step when his words hit her again, feeling the glow in her hands flickering dull before igniting again when she drew in a forced breath. Her head thrummed, a pit opening in her stomach involuntarily. And for one second, she was back there again, not as Nora but Erica, not as the woman she was now. But rather as the little girl who had been stripped from her everything in a matter of nights. The one who had trembled and pleaded and begged to be left alone, for him to stop.

"I see, you remember me," his smirk deepened, "It is hard to forget isn't it? Such a beautiful night, for me at least. You have grown beautifully since then but I would recognize you anywhere,"

Her knees threatened to give out, the weight of his words pressing down like a vice. She wanted to lash out, to silence him forever. But she was frozen. The memories, the screams, the sharp stench of that place came flooding back, drowning her in a tide of helplessness she thought she had buried.

"Shut up," she managed, her voice raw and barely above a whisper.

"Did I touch a nerve?" he taunted, leaning back smugly. "Good. I'd hate for you to forget me."

She gulped when she could feel the memories resurfacing holding her down in the dark abyss. The cold floor, ruthless hands, the warm breath that sent a shiver down her spine. Her pleas, her tears, her screams. She shook her head when she felt her head spinning.

Her hands trembled before she clenched them, her vision breaking and forming again and again. "I'll kill you," she vowed, her tone like the edge of a blade, promising nothing less than his annihilation as the vines tightened their grip on the man.

The man chuckled in a deep rasping sound despite the vines that constrict his lungs, "Oh you surely can, but you won't. Not unless you want to piss off your boss. Fury wants me alive, remember?"

Nora jaw clenched, teeth grinding together. Every fiber of her body screamed to end him, to give him the same pain she had been enduring. But she knew he was right, and that just sent a fresh wave of pain through her heart.

Her rapist was in front of her, and she couldn't do anything,

"And besides," he continued, his voice gaining strength as he leaned into the torment, "killing me wouldn't change anything, would it? Not after what I've done. Not after what I still have."

Her breath hitched as his words took a darker turn, and a chill raced down her spine.

"You really don't remember, do you?" he asked, his voice almost conversational, as though he wasn't tied up and at her mercy, "It was a dark cell, sure, but Hydra's technology was decades ahead of its time. Cameras, infrared enhancements—nothing escaped them. I have the recordings. Every scream, every plea, every moment of that night. It's all still there."

Nora's hands fell limp at her sides, the vines loosening as bile raised up her throat. She just didn't felt horrified, she felt like her soul had departed from her body, like she was standing somewhere else in the room seeing her body and mind in a macabre of her own blood, or maybe it was just her imagination. "And you know the best part?" he continued, his voice lowering into a conspiratorial whisper. "Those videos weren't just filed away. No, they've been shared. Passed around Hydra bases like some kind of twisted treasure. For years. Even now. And with modern tech? They've only gotten better. Enhanced. Refined. You are famous, sweetheart, infamous really,"

Her stomach twisted violently and she thought she might throw up and her steps staggered back, her head spinning. His words echoed in her ears, louder and louder, each syllable a dagger plunging into her chest.

"Every man in Hydra has probably seen you by now," he sneered, his voice dripping with malice. "They know you better than you know yourself. And even if Hydra's gone, the footage lives on. Once it's out there, it never really goes away, does it?"

"Stop," she said, taking another step back, her voice a whisper against the thrumming of her heart.

"Why stop?" he asked in a mockingly sweet voice, "This is your reality, sweetie, no matter how much you try to escape it by playing homes with Avengers. Do you know how many times I have watched those recordings since then, each time noticing something new. The subtle crack on your voice, the moment you gave up, a mole on your body. It is priceless, really,"

"No," she muttered, her hands trembling as she took another step back.

"Oh, yes," he drawled, leaning forward as much as the vines binding him would allow. "Do you know how many times Hydra's men gathered just to play those videos? Projected on a wall, sitting around like it was a sports match. Your agony? Your tears? That was entertainment. Hell, it still is. I'd bet someone's watching it right now. Oh and did I see a tear?"

Nora's back finally collided with the wall, not realizing when her wide eyes had been blurred with tears. She shakily wiped it away, feeling her eyes moistening again. She wanted to break, she wanted to scream, she wanted to cry until this world would drown in her grief. So, now in all its twisted sense of satisfaction, the universe had made her not only someone who had colored the ground in red, the warmth of blood seeping through soil. But also, someone who had become the reason for other men gathering.

"Stop it," she said in her voice a plea, both for her sanity and his life. She knew she could just wrap a vine around his mouth and he would stop but she was frozen and still, her every nerve ending was on fire, crawling with disgust. Hands trembling and she wasn't sure she could feel the power pulsing through her veins to such an extent that she could control it. And to be honest, the thought didn't come to her mind, she was too lost in past to think about the power she holded at the moment.

"Stop what? Telling you the truth?" He let out a hollow laugh, his tone dripping with sadistic glee. "You'll never escape it, Nora. You can save a thousand lives, but you'll always be her. And deep down, you know it, too. That's why you're trembling. That's why you're backing away from me, even though I'm tied up like a dog."

Her hands flew to her mouth as she stifled a cry. The room felt like it was closing in, the air growing heavy and suffocating. She could see it—his words conjuring the ghosts of her past. The cold, damp walls of the cell. The echo of her screams. The way his hands—

"Shall I prove it to you?" he whispered, his voice breaking through her spiraling thoughts. "Shall I remind you of exactly what you are?"

Her eyes shot up to his, wide and filled with terror. "No..." she said, shaking her head. "No, don't you dar—"

"AI," he commanded suddenly, his tone sharp and authoritative. "Play Archive: Cell 13, Subject 47."

The screen on the far wall flickered to life. At first, it was blurry, distorted, but then the image cleared, and she saw herself—her younger self. A trembling, bruised, and broken girl. Her silver hair, matted with blood and dirt, clung to her tear-streaked face. She was pressed into the cold, damp corner of the cell, her hands clutching at the tatters of clothing that barely covered her trembling form.

"This is your legacy, isn't it? Your true legacy. No amount of saving lives or pretending to be a hero will erase it. You'll never escape it. It'll always be there, you'll always be there—in my hands, on their screens, in their—"

Something inside her snapped.

"Enough," she mumbled, her voice low but with a deadly finality. All she saw was red, her logic had kneeled in front of her grief and emotions. And she truly did feel detached from her body, like she was above somewhere watching this. She wondered if the parts of her that had died that day would be watching down from the clouds or heaven, or wherever they were, with a smile on their safe, and a closure in their hearts.

The vines listened to her unspoken command, slithering from the grounds faster and coiling around him tightly, their twisted tendrils piercing through his skin. She felt a surge of satisfaction when she saw fear for the first time in his confident gaze, "Nora, wait-"

The sounds of his ribs snapping filled the air.

"Monster?" she hissed, her voice cold, detached, as one vine drove into his throat, silencing his protests while the other drove through his eye, blood seeping down from the eye socket, "I'll show you a monster."

The room echoed with the sound of his final, choked breath. His body went limp, the vines snapping his neck with a brutal, final twist.

Silence fell.

Her body had stilled after that, standing like a statue, Head down, her hair framing her face. As she watched his blood from a pool around him, her eyes colliding with herself in the crimson mirror. His blood clings to her vines, her reflection staring back from the crimson pool

This wasn't supposed to happen.

She really killed him?

The one might have been the key to destroy the remnants of HYDRA. Her knees gave out and she collapsed, his blood staining her clothes and hands, and as her eyes drifted to her blood soaked hands, she looked away. The same hands that couldn't fight back that night were visible, now soaked in violence.

What had she done?

When had she become this selfish and careless?

What do I call this? Justice? Revenge? All I see is proof that I'm just as monstrous as the thing I destroyed.