-

Everything from the moment you were forced to let go of Grisha felt like a blur too and you haven't been able to register anything properly since. It was the hardest thing you've ever had to do, and it had been a long time since you've experience agony like that clawing inside you. That day, you experienced the kind of pain that you were trying to recall how it felt, how open, raw, and jagged it was to sob and cry out like that as you felt like you've lost the one thing, the one person, that was keeping you together.

It felt like your soul shattered and Grisha had been an integral part of you. Losing him felt like losing your parents all over again and when you went through that, and Grisha found you, you never thought you'd have to relive that. But you did. The feeling of grief and losing someone like that when it had been such a good day up until that moment hit you in a way that left you completely breathless and empty inside with nothing else to give.

You couldn't remember exactly when it turned into numbness, and when it felt like you weren't in control of any part of your body anymore and that your senses were dulled. Though you suspected it was the moment that you vaguely remember Levi having to rip you away from Grisha, fighting his hold with the last shred of energy left in your body after crying your eyes out painfully like you'd had for who knows how long.

You started to realize that it must have been a long time because by the time he took you away, iot had stopped raining and Levi did it despite it being you kicking, screaming and begging, feeling like you were the helpless little girl you met Grisha as all over again, wanting to stay with for as long as you could, for the very last time. You didn't want to abandon him.

You'd screamed for him to let you go back and hold Grisha one last time, but Levi had refused and continued to hold you close to him and drag you away or else you'd only hurt yourself damage your psyche even more if you stayed with Grisha's body any longer. You suppose that's when it happened.

Being dragged out of the greenhouse once it had stopped raining and Levi begun to take you back to the car made a sharp ache inside you be followed with a cold and empty void inside you that left you in a daze, unable to control your own limbs all on your own. The only thought in your mind was trying to convince yourself that none of this was your fault, that you couldn't have possibly seen that coming.

It's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault. You repeated like hazed mantra over and over in your head as Levi held your hand and dragged you back across the house and back towards the car parked out front.

You kept trying to convince yourself that there's nothing you could have done differently to prevent this, and that hurt more than any other revelation. You couldn't have seen it coming or have done anything else to stop it from happening.

But you wish you could have told him how much he meant to you before that if you knew the last time you spoke to him would be the last. You hoped he knew that in his final moments.

You couldn't have possibly been quicker or clairvoyant because you knew that somehow in the back of your mind, that if it happened as suddenly as it did, it was premeditated and nobody could have seen it coming. Not you or anybody. You had let yourself get comfortable with with what the doctors had told you about him being in good health, which is why finding Grisha as you had felt like a dagger straight through your heart.

And the realization that you the hardest and that was the most painful to bear, was the fact that he never got to see you get married before he died like he told you he wanted. All you wanted to do now was go back in time and and give one those blind dates he'd set you up on another chance and maybe he could have seen you find someone like wanted.

And now you wish you hadn't been so picky as you were and made him happy. You weren't even capable of doing that before he died and made sure one of his wishes for you came true.

And now somehow, you were standing in front of Grisha's memorial service, in his mansion, in the backyard you'd never expected to ever not stand in without him. Its only been a couple days since you'd found him but his absence was already setting in and everything felt so out of place.

This yard used to feel so full, alive, and now the void of him not being there was more noticeable than ever. The faces around you were familiar, but also so distant at the same time. You were still coming to terms with accepting that this was reality and things wouldn't ever go back to the way they used to without Grisha here.

The backyard was set up with multiple tables for the guests invited to the memorial service, all organized by the older members of the family like Zeke, Karina, Gabi and Falco's parents, and so on. Everyone was wearing black. They hired catering, picked the decorations, did the guest list, and everything in between.

You could hear the soft murmur of voices of the guests behind you that was watching your family mourn, the shuffle of shoes on the lawn, the soft clinking of glasses, the breeze from the soft wind brushing against you as you stood still, not moving an inch.

And right now, you and the family were standing in front of a memorial made for Grisha. There was a picture of him set up with multiple white flowers all around the frame and some candles. But even if the birds were singing up in the trees at that moment, those bird calls were all drowned out by the painful sobs of your family.

And even now, as all any of you had to remember Grisha in that moment and how he was the very center of the family that kept it together was just a framed picture of him, you were only reminded of the fact that now that he was truly gone and you and your family members would only become more divided with nobody to be the glue anymore to hold it in place or to ever say anything about it.

And you were seeing it right now. You could see it clearly. It was ridiculous how even now, when you're not supposed to be divided and in the face of loss, it's clear that not even the grief for someone so integral to the family could bring any of your family members together. Not even that could break down their walls.

The adults and their kids were up front; Zeke, Karina, Yelena, Floch, Gabi and Falco's parents, Gabi and Falco, and Reiner. Then right behind them, were Eren, Mikasa, Armin. And then there was you. You were behind all of them, listening to your family's sobs as your chest began to rise and fall unevenly, trying not let yourself cry again, not knowing if you'd be able to stop. Apparently Colt hadn't been able to make it because of some important work issue he couldn't get out of.

Somehow, even in a moment like this, it hit you. you couldn't feel like anything but more of an outcast in this family. You weren't related by blood, you've never been, and you knew that now that Grisha wasn't around to stop them from alienating you, include you and make sure you were always present with the rest, you knew that it would be harder for them to start accept you now than ever before.

It was clear that the distance between you and the rest of the family would only grow. There was no one else to be your pillar of support amongst them, and just from the way the family was divided like this by simply mourning Grisha, you knew for a fact that this wouldn't change for a very long time. It only get worse from here.

So, you realized only had Eren, Armin, Mikasa, but just barely because they were so busy and caught up with finishing college that you didn't want to disrupt that and then there was Erwin, but even he was losing notion of time with his own job. You were all alone in this family, now more than ever.

Sure, you were close with Reiner too, but he was rarely ever around, Falco and Gabi were always off in their own world, and the adults were no better, always pretending you weren't there and did just below the bare minimum to make efforts with you.

You listened to all of them cry and you took a sharp inhale as you prevented yourself from doing that too. You were all cried out, even as you felt heat gather behind your eyes and they got redder, and as your chest heaved with emotion, you remained as strong and firm as you possibly could as you stared directly at Grisha's picture from afar. As your eyes trailed over each and every one of your family members in front of you, all you could remember was how the funeral was earlier that morning.

You couldn't even remember it without that being another catalyst for your tears to fall because it was just far too painful to remember. It was another reminder for you to remember that they had free reign now to treat you like even more of an outcast than before. You just needed to get through today, that's all. You could do that, right?

Even if the funeral had been just earlier that morning, it was nothing but flashes in your mind, and your memory decided to pick and choose on what to let resurface. It was hard to explain because while you were completely conscious and aware of your surroundings, it felt like you've been in a hazed fog for days. In the funeral, you'd been surrounded by people but none of them felt real, like shadows that your eyes refused to focus on. It felt like nothing mattered anymore.

Seeing Grisha for the last time in the funeral felt like a punch in the gut, being forced to see him again just as the day you found him. It just just the same if not more, but you fought with every fiber of your body to allow that moment to be a good final goodbye, not wanting your last moments seeing him to be riddled with the grief inside you wanting to come out so desperately.

The ceremony had been a simple service and procession that only family attended, but everyone's words felt hollow. The adults were the only ones who delivered eulogies and were selected to do so, like Karina and Zeke. But just as you'd expected, their words felt to you like something had been missing.

Almost like they didn't mean them and while you knew they were grieving like anybody else in the room, you've known them for long enough to know that there was a certain tone that they spoke with when they really meant something.

And that didn't feel like one of those moments. But you pushed those doubts to the back of your head and focused on the fact that despite what they really meant, despite all the differences they had with Grisha before he passed, it didn't mean they weren't grieving.

They expressed their grief differently and you were nobody to judge, so after hearing their words, the world became distorted for you during the funeral, and nobody in that room knew how to process the loss. Just as you'd felt like you were all out of tears to shed and grief to feel to the point of just feeling numb and unfeeling,

-

Earlier that morning, just as you had arrived at the actual funeral, the moment you'd stepped out the car even while feeling you had no control of your own body, the cold weight of what the day ahead of you implied suddenly pressed down on you. Levi had remained in the driver's seat, giving you space to breath and to gather yourself before bracing yourself to face what was outside your car door.

He'd noticed that just like the last couple of days, you'd taken them off of work and you'd barely talked to him, but he knew who you were about to see at the funeral all over again. Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Erwin, all of them—they were all dear to you, even if they weren't tied to you by blood, but you still had shared memories, hardship and an unspoken bond that no one could break, even in moments like these

As you got out of the car and made your way towards them, your heart began to race, which felt foreign to you after feeling like nothing could get you to show a single emotion the last few days, and it felt surreal. Your eyes had landed on the trio immediately, and the sense of familiarity washed over you. It was as if all of the emotions that buried themselves inside you finally found an anchor and resurfaced.

Eren was the one who saw you first, and you could instantly see the way his whole body showed his relief at your appearance, despite the heartbreaking look of his red and teary eyes. The way his eyes softened made something inside you flicker and ache.

But before you could get closer, he took the initiative and started to make his way towards you too, and Armin and Mikasa were quick to follow. It was like the three of them had been waiting for the moment that you would arrive to lift their spirits. The moment you'd arrive to hold them together, not let them fall apart, just as much as they would do the same for you.

In a second, Eren pulled you into his arms with a firm embrace, almost desperate, afraid of letting another person he cares about go and disappear from his life in the blink of an eye. Mikasa was just as quick to follow, wrapping her arms around you from one side, and Armin being right behind her and wrapping his arms around you and Eren, pulling all of you tighter in a single group hug.

And it wasn't just a comforting hug that all four of you desperately needed, but it was a promise to be there for each other through such a painful moment in your lives, not letting each other face it alone. Nothing mattered in that moment other than the four of you.

And it had only shattered your heart hearing the tremor in Eren's breath, and also feeling the way his body shook violently against you as he held you close, trying his best to stay strong for you, for his friends, and for his entire family. Holding in raw emotions was becoming far too far for him. His grip and hold on you tightened, holding onto the person he's always relied on for anything.

You didn't miss the way Mikasa's arms wrapped around you as her strength grounded the rest of you, noticing that even she was on the verge of letting her emotions spill over as her body trembled and it was her silent admission to you that the grief was too much.

Armin was the quietest out of the four of you, but his emotions had always had a depth to them that he didn't need any words to express. His hands were resting gently yet firmly around you and Eren, reassuring you and his best friend that he wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here, with the people who mean the most to him. His head rested against your shoulder, and the weight of it was enough for him to convey the sadness that he's wordlessly carrying, just like the rest of you.

You could desperately feel your tears wanting to fall, but in that moment, you knew that it didn't matter at all. It didn't matter who was crying or who was trying their very best to hold on for the sake of the others, but all that matter to the trio is that you were just there. That you were there with them. You were the trio's role model, their pillar. You've always been. You were their safe space.

You allowed the grief to grow further, allowing yourself to let tears start to fall. You thought that you'd shut off so much that you wouldn't be able to, but you realized you've been holding onto it for far too long already. A couple tears fell down your eyes and you started to tremble.

No words were exchanged as a steady rhythm of breaths as the four of you stood together, holding one another tightly. It wasn't a moment of sorrow that any of you should have to face alone, because it was a shared feeling and all four of you knew all too well how the other was feeling.

The shared recognition is exactly what each other needed more than anything in the world right now, to be able to get through this.

But just as you'd thought that nobody would say anything at all, you heard Eren inhale sharply as he let out a weak laugh. "You're here. You're really here..." He said, and you tried to ignore the way your heart shatter at how tired and defeated he sounded, but even if he couldn't see your face, you mustered up a smile through your tears and answered too, patting him comfortingly in the back.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss this..." You whispered, and as you said that, on either side of you, you felt Mikasa and Armin hug you tighter, making a lump form in your throat as you tried not to cry.

But Eren wasn't making it any easier on you. The moment you heard him let out a choked sob as he started to shake against you, you closed your eyes shut and hugged him tighter while even more tears fell down your cheeks.

"It hurts, y/n...it hurts so much," He whispered as his voice cracked and hugged you even tighter. He lost his father, and he's still trying to be strong.

You're always going to admire Eren for trying to be there for everybody else, even if he himself is hurting just as much, but right now, he couldn't hold back any longer and knew he could break down right in front of you and you wouldn't leave his or his friend's side for a second.

"I know...I know," You whispered back in his ear as your voice began to waver too, all the while tears began to free fall down your face and you couldn't hide the way your body was starting to shake as well.

You rubbed an arm up and down his back, and when you felt sniffles behind you, knowing it was Mikasa and Armin, it was becoming increasingly harder to continue being their pillar and try to be the one who remains strong for them.

But as well as you thought you were hiding your emotions, Eren was the first one to pull back, just enough to look at you, with his hands on your shoulders.

Mikasa and Armin followed, moving a little closer to Eren on either side of him. You looked up at him and saw that all of their eyes were glassy, but they had comforting smiles and expressions on their faces.

There was something behind them, a vulnerability that they were willing to share with you, especially since they could see clearly the way you also had tears running down your face and your face was full of sorrow, just like theirs.

They were silent for a second, but then Eren decided to speak up first. "I'm sorry," He muttered as he swallowed hard and looked away for a second, but your eyes still widened. Why was he apologizing? He had nothing to be sorry for.

"Why are you-" You started, wanting to ask him exactly what you were thinking, but Eren raised a hand to cut you off and let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. "Look, I know what you're going to say, and you don't have to face this alone either for our sake, y/n. I don't know how to be strong for you. For anyone, really, but I tried. I just want you to know...I'll always be here. We'll all be. You can always count on us," Eren said as he, Armin and Mikasa exchanged glances of agreement. Your eyes darted with confusion across all three of them, and then Mikasa's voice was the one to cut in next.

Her voice was soft, yet steady. Her grey eyes were gentle and comforting. "You're not alone in this, and won't let you face it all by yourself. We need each other now more than ever," She said, smiling at you softly and assuring you that neither of them will leave you to face this alone, just as long as you promised to do the same for them.

You saw Armin smile weakly at you, even if his baby blue eyes were riddled with sadness. "Yeah, they're right," He chimed, and took in a breath before he continued. "We're all in this together, always," He assured you, and as you smiled at him and let your eyes trail over all three of them, you felt your vision becoming blurry once again. Even so, you smiled weakly and laughed softly as you nodded silently.

Your heart simply swelled at their words, and for the first time in days, you didn't feel as lost as you did. There was just something so comforting in knowing that even in the most painful of moments and while mourning someone that was important to all four of you, that they were here for you just as you were there for them.

Starting today, you'd be even more united that you've ever been and you'd share each other's strength to at least get through the day. That was the main goal. If you could all get through today, then any day after that would be a lot easier to manage. That was a promise to each other that neither of them would have carry their pain alone.

Your exchange with the trio didn't go unnoticed by the very man who brought you here in the first place. Levi remained at a watchful distance from you, still keeping an eye on you, whether it was just for the sake of the fact that he was your bodyguard, or because today out of all days was one where he suddenly grew with an instinct to look out for you.

His eyes never strayed from you, and remained out of the spotlight of everyone else, even if many people noticed his presence. Even as you'd stepped out of the car before, he knew you'd practically be walking into a battlefield of emotions.

Now that he's been here for a while, he's noticed that it's been enough for him to notice how deep your pain actually ran, even if you continuously tried to bury it under a shell of strength for everyone else to see.

After witnessing a heartfelt moment like the one you had with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, he could somehow feel a very faint sting, or rather a flicker, in his chest even from as far away as he was and he couldn't hear what you guys had been saying to each other.

Levi was trying to give you the space you needed, not wanting to crowd you as you tried to get through today unscathed. He witnessed firsthand how Grisha's passing was more than traumatic for you, so seeing that you'd found people to carry the burden with you, relieved his concerns about you.

When he witnessed Eren, Mikasa, and Armin suddenly pull you into their embrace, he could see that there was a certain strain in Eren's arms to pull you into his arms, with a grip and desperation to hold on, not to mention Mikasa and Armin fell in right behind you, forming a protective barrier around you that made Levi start to wonder to himself as his eyes narrowed and he observed. It sent a weird feeling in his chest seeing the way your body trembled against them, finally letting yourself go, and feel.

You have a support system from people in your family who you have a bond with that runs deeper than he'll ever know. He wasn't one to let his emotions show, he's learned how to hide it, and what he was seeing made him understand that there was a connection you shared with them that has been growing for years.

The last few days, Levi has watched you fall apart and try to deny it with a strong front, trying to pretend you could handle and carry what you were feeling all on your own, but seeing you show such raw emotion with people so close to you, he knew the walls had come down. And then he suddenly felt a pang of something. He knew it wasn't pity, but rather a sensation of recognition at the depth of your grief.

You'd been holding everything together for everyone else, for yourself, and trying to be their anchor while you tried to figure out what your own emotions were, all the while losing a battle with your own heart. Damn it, Levi thought to himself. Was it wrong for him to want to be the one you could start to see that way too?

That you knew you could be vulnerable with him too? There was nothing he could do, and just like he thought that night, this wasn't his fight, it wasn't his place and you were far too fragile and filled with despair for him to try and add himself into the mix.

There were just some things that just couldn't be filled with just words or actions, but they had to be endured and wait until things found their way. Words have never been his strong-suit anyway, so as much as he tried to maintain a distance like his job as a bodyguard entailed, the one thing he couldn't shut off the sudden sense of overprotectiveness he's starting to feel for you, and not just because it's his job.

He might not be able to show it outwardly like he'd want, but he could see how much you're carrying and he wants to be able to read you better, even when you think you're hiding your emotions well, to be able for you to share your burdens, to trust him through and through.

Levi shifted in his spot slightly, feeling tense and rigid, remaining in the back but still following wherever you went while he still kept his distance. This is all he had to do now, and he'd continue to do his job as he promised he'd do.

Everything after the funeral felt overwhelming, but comforting at the same time, and it's only because the trio stuck to you like glue during the entire service. The only reason you felt isolated, is because you were quickly starting to see the effects of Grisha not being around, because now they didn't have a reason to be around you. Nobody has to please anymore or make happy and get approval 24/7.

When Zeke spoke in front of everyone, he said the words he'd written out in honor of his father but there was a certain cold formality to his words, as if he was detached entirely from the meaning of what he was saying. His eulogy for Grisha sounded more like a duty, like he had to do, more than a heartfelt tribute, and that didn't sit right with you. You knew Grisha and Zeke had their share of problems, but today of all days, you hoped that he could see past that and at least try to make it look like he cared.

Even when he finished his speech and you briefly spoke with him afterwards once he approached you first, he simply greeted you, you greeted him back, made small talk, and that was it.

He wasn't as good as he thought he was at hiding his emotions, so you could see his true intentions through his voice, his posture, his eyes, everything. Is that all he had to say for the man that raised him? Despite all of their differences in the past-

Zeke has always been distant, but today, the absence of his own father only amplified that gap. You didn't know if you're the only one who noticed, but it was hard to watch. And as for Karina, she had the same issue. None of Grisha's one family members actually cared about him and they weren't trying to hide it at all through their words. You knew they were after one thing knowing that Grisha was gone.

Grisha's inheritance will fall once he passes, and it's like they were speeding through the service. They were sick, sick people and you didn't have the energy to care about what they did or didn't do. It's clear that they were putting on a show to every close friend of Grisha, every trusted employee, and family member in that room. You hated it.

At the very least, after that part of the funeral was over, you finally had a chance to speak to Erwin, since right after you'd finished talking to Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, it had been time to start the service right after. But Erwin was the one who decided to approach you first as he noticed you standing alone in a group of people once the trio had drifted away from you for a second.

He approached you with warmth and understanding that you could sense from a mile away and that had immediately cut through the haze of sorrow in your eyes. Once you made eye contact with him, you could see that through his blue eyes, he was hiding something much deeper that he was trying to hide for your sake, to be able to make you happy and lift your spirits and so that you couldn't see through his pain. Erwin has always been good at that.

Erwin's compassion for you never wavered and once he approached you with a soft and gentle look in his eyes, offering his undeniable support for you even when he needed it himself too. With his father being so close to Grisha, yet always on business trips, Erwin grew up around Grisha since he took care of him as a small boy and became one of the most trusted people in his life, personally and and at work.

Though, he had an idea on what kind of pain you were in. He was your father figure, he saved you as a little girl, he gave you hope, helped you build your life from the ground up, and Erwin couldn't imagine how you were feeling, having lost your role models and people you cared about the most two times in your life without warning.

He'd go to unimaginable lengths to make sure you were happy, and this was one of those moments where he would put aside his own pain just so he could get you through this and see you smile. He'd know if you were okay once you did.

After realizing that, he knew that there was nothing that he could say that could turn back time, that could make things better, or could possibly change things but he knew that you were aware that his presence is the only thing you needed, that both of you needed.

All the two of you needed after that was silent communication and Erwin had simply moved to stand next to you, shoulder to shoulder, and didn't move unless you did. Both of you were grieving in different ways, but Erwin's silent support helped you find solace in the midst of the cruel reality that all of you were currently facing.

His companionship and his friendship was exactly what you needed to fill the gaps after hearing the eulogies of Karina and Zeke, and after the trio had been approached by a couple people who knew Grisha and wanted to talk to the, leaving you alone. It's like Erwin always knew exactly, where to be, when to get there, and how to help you. Having him by your side to feel like you weren't completely alone was exactly what you needed.

The two of you stood in silence next to each other, side by side, giving each other glance every once in a while with comforting and heartfelt smiles that still had a lot of pain behind them, but that the two of you were still able to endure until the service ended and it was time to head back to the memorial service in Grisha's house.

-

And just like that, you were brought back to reality, not wanting to bring yourself to tears further with your own memories from just a few hours ago. You brought yourself back to reality and suddenly sounds that had gotten muffled once you went deep into your thoughts suddenly became clearer again upon hearing more sobs from your family in front of you.

Once you had time to digest what happened at the funeral, you were starting to wonder what was true, what wasn't, who really meant what they said or did. You supposed you shouldn't be surprised when it comes to your family.

You tried to keep a steady stance, keeping your head high, and even if your body and your back was facing the guests, you still tried to keep your tears at bay. You tried to keep a steeled and neutral expression but it was becoming harder and harder to do that. You felt so...mindless.

Your family member's backs were facing you, so nobody was able to see just how much you were threatening to fall apart right then and there and you were at the very back too, so you tried not to let that fact bother you because this wasn't about you. You were all here mourning all the same, for one person. You'd focus on that.

But of course, the more you looked at your distant family, all you could think about as you tried to convince yourself you deserved to be there with them, the more you began to wonder. Why am I even here? I've never belonged here, have I? Why do I keep pretending that I do? I'm here to mourn for the same reason as them, for someone I care about, but all I feel is like more of an outsider.

You kept your fingers tight at your sides, and a very quiet voice in your head keeps urging you to maybe step closer to the family, but would it feel right? For you? For them? You couldn't get your feet to start moving.

But there was one person who wasn't falling for it. Levi was standing back with the rest of the guests as him and everyone else gave the family a moment of silence, and all he could do was observe you from afar, intently and carefully.

He wasn't one to overthink things too much, but in that moment, you were holding yourself up so firmly that he wondered what he'd see if you turned around, if you would still hold yourself up like that, and if you would still be holding up a front for everyone else to see.

He was there the night you fell to pieces, and had to be the one to make sure you could continue to see yet another day, so he was starting to find little things about you that could tell him whether you were okay or not. He could tell that this wasn't just about losing Grisha, but its the weight of everything that you're clearly trying to carry all by yourself.

You're trying to be strong, but what about you? Who's going to be there for you while you're there for everybody else? Who will truly stick around to make sure you didn't destroy yourself from the inside? Levi would like to think he could be that person.

Would you be able to disguise it well enough if you turned around right now? How was it fair that you had to stand in the back behind all of your family members? You were grieving too and trying to show your strength in a moment like this, despite being treated like another outcast but you didn't have to. Why were they so comfortable in alienating you the way they were? Seeing the scene in front of him made a strange feeling settle in Levi's chest.

At the very least, he was glad to see the trio standing farther back than the adults at the very front as a stand of not wanting to be associated with them, but its still clear enough that they're all family. Still, Levi started to wish that you didn't have to feel the need to stand farther back than the rest.

Levi wasn't the only one who was standing back with the rest of the guests. Hange was standing next to him with a look full of sorrow and concern for your well-being. Not only that, but a couple of your employee's were also invited to the memorial service because a part of you decided that they should be here too. You spend so many hours of your day with them that it wouldn't feel complete. You've been working alongside them actively lately and you knew it'd be better if they were present.

Out everyone, you decided to invite Connie, Jean, and Sasha to be a part of this event. It felt right to have them there as well. But as they noticed how far away you were from your family and how rigid you stood, not to mention how drained you seemed when you welcomed them to the memorial, the three of them stood right next to each other as they started to feel pity, sadness and compassion for you. Even if you were just their boss, is there anything they could do from a distance to make this better for you?

The day that it happened, you'd looked so upbeat and calm at the office, but from one day to another, it looked like you had no energy, no life left inside you to continue. They wondered what they could possibly do for their boss in a moment like this when it seems like all is lost.

Connie gulped and turned his head to the side to look at Jean, nudging him, who looked just as conflicted as his friends the more they looked at you. "Jean, look at her. It looks like all life was sucked out of Ms. Y/n overnight. She didn't come to work yesterday either," Connie pointed out and Jean nodded slowly in agreement, but still keeping his gaze forward as he took in the scene in front of them. It was hard to watch for them and the rest of the guests alike.

"I know...I can't imagine what she's thinking right now," Jean said as he sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. Sasha turned her head to look at both of her friends as her eyes downturned with sadness and empathy for you, frowning at the sight. You look destroyed, even with your back to them.

"She must be in so much shock. I heard she was really close with the chairman," Sasha pointed out, and both Connie and Jean turned their heads to look at Sasha and nodded, suddenly understanding just how much more this must be for you. Their conversation didn't go unnoticed by Levi either.

The more they revealed what they knew about your relationship with Grisha, things you've only seemed to be comfortable revealing in bit and pieces over the last couple days, the more he felt like he wanted to find the right time to talk to you about this and see if there was anything he could do.

He was slowly starting to comprehend humans, he was starting to comprehend you too. Especially in such a tragic gathering like this one. As his duty as your bodyguard, he realized it wasn't just about protecting you physically, but emotionally as well. Levi would do it in the best way he knew how.

"Do you think we should go comfort her?" Jean asked Connie, and his friend turned his head to look at Jean, but Connie simply looked at him with uncertainty. Feeling completely at a loss. Neither him or Sasha knew how to respond to that. How far did your relationship with them go? Even if it didn't go far, it was the right thing to do, wasn't it? They really didn't want to say or do something wrong when you were as vulnerable as you are.

Hange heard your employee's ask themselves that and they quickly turned their heads, looking at the trio sternly. She knew exactly what you needed in this moment, after knowing you for as long as they have, and they had to warn the others to not do anything rash, because they were right about one thing. You were fragile, vulnerable, and shattered on the inside. Hange knew exactly how to handle this and they took it upon themselves to be the one to help the others know what to do. They knew that would be a way to help you, even if it was from afar, because even they were hesitant to approach you despite you having known Hange for years now. It wasn't the right time.

"Don't bother. If you try to console her now, it will only remind her of what she lost and it'll hurt her more. Just...keep your distance for now. She invited you here because your presence is enough for her," Hange said and Jean, Connie, and Sasha all turned their heads to look at Hange in surprise, who was looking straight ahead with pain embedded deep in their eyes while they kept their gaze locked on you. Full of concern, but with restraint and knowingly being aware that they should stay right where they are.

It also didn't help that you being crowded wasn't what you needed right now especially since Grisha's funeral was filled with photographers and journalists that were there to document the event, since Grisha and your family in general are always in the public eye because of the company.

Hange knew that you wanted a chance to be able to tune all of the flashing of cameras and wanting to pretend as if they weren't there. "Trust me, staying right were you are is the best thing you three can do for her," Hange said solemnly, and the trio all nodded absentmindedly, yet taking in every word your assistant said. They did as told and remained right where they were, standing next to each other and hoping that would be enough to give you consolation.

But as Levi stood next to Hange, taking in their words with a grain of salt, he had no choice but to be forced to look at you again and remember everything that happened that night where your world fell apart and he was the only one there to pick up the pieces as best as he could. He knew you didn't remember it as best as he did because he knew you've been blocking most of this whole situation out of your head, but he could recall very clearly what happened.

-

He hated to have to be the one to have to pull you away from Grisha like he had, but it had to be done or you'd only be hurting yourself further. You'd fought against his hold as he dragged you away and you continued to reach out to Grisha. Your sobs and cries had intensified as he did that, but there came a point as the two of you went back to the house where you'd just...stopped.

You stopped fighting, you stopped looking like yourself, and you stopped looking like you were in control of your own body. Levi had gone to restraining you to just have to hold your hand as he took you back to the car and you trailed behind him absentmindedly, like you just weren't functioning anymore and you were in autopilot. You had this dazed look in your eyes, a certain slump to your posture, you were dragging your feet.

Levi didn't know how to react to seeing you like that but he was determined to get you back to the car back then. He also had to make sure to tell the security employee's at the gate so that they could go get help for Grisha. Levi didn't want you to stick around any longer and have you witness Grisha be taken away when the guards found him.

After that, Levi did exactly what he'd settled on and as soon as he got to the car and to the passenger seat door, he'd opened it for you, gently helped you get settled in inside, put on your seatbelt on you without any protest from you, and watched as you continued looking forward blankly. He hated leaving you alone but he had to.

He shut the door next to you, being careful not to make you flinch from the impact of the door closing, and then ran off to the gates to alert the guards. He'd explained the situation to them as quickly and concisely as he could, and the security guards didn't waste a second in running off to go inside the house to go to the greenhouse and get Grisha help. As soon as he watched them go into the house, Levi rushed back to the car, got to the driver's seat, opened the door and slid inside, closing the door next to him.

Levi turned his head to the side to see if you were okay and saw that you were still exactly as he'd left you. He sighed and his lips lightly turned downward when he saw how unresponsive you still were. You were like a zombie and the only movement you made was to blink, and he could see that by the look in your eye, it was as if you were replaying everything that just happened over and over in a loop in your head.

Your movements looked like one of a zombie and Levi knew in that moment was the only thing he could do was to take you home and get you there safely. So, with that said, knowing you were at least secure in your seat, Levi put on his own seatbelt and started driving, heading straight for your apartment building. Though, on the way there, he had some thoughts.

A dilemma suddenly arose in his mind and he realized that you were far too fragile in that moment to just drop you off and hope that you were able to figure out the rest yourself. You could barely get your limbs to move without Levi being the one to guide you.

He quickly figured that he could just call Hange right now and have them go to the apartment right now so that they could take care of you and Levi's job would be done for the day and he could leave it in the hands of your assistant. But then he realized, it was pretty late at night already and he had no idea if Hange would be willing to just up and leave to drop by.

Maybe they could ask them to come by early in the morning and Levi could just leave you all settled into your apartment before making his way out later tonight. Its the only logical option right now and it would leave his mind at ease knowing he could ensure you were safe in your home before he left.

So that's exactly what Levi decided to do, even if the back of his mind said that he was crossing a certain boundary that the two of you hadn't gotten to quite yet, but then he remembered this was the bare minimum. He had the decency to make sure that you'd make it through the night before he took off, right?

After the two of you were out on the road, with the most uncomfortable silence he has been a part of with you, Levi had finally made it to your apartment building. Once he made it down to the garage, parked in your usual parking spot, turned off the car, took off his seatbelt and sighed, preparing himself for the process of getting you up to your apartment safe and sound.

Levi turned to the side, opened the door, got out of the car, shut the door behind him, and then started making his way around to your side. When he opened the door, he reached over you to take off your seatbelt, and when it was out of the way, Levi let out a huff when he realized that getting you out of the car was a whole other challenge. It had been easier to get you inside it.

You were still as sluggish as before, so Levi doubted he could just grab your hand like before and bring you up to your apartment that easily. He did have another idea in mind, but once again, would it be too much? But then, an idea suddenly came to mind. Levi leaned down, grabbed your right hand and then maneuvered to put your arm around his neck, starting to slowly pull you up with him, swiftly and easily, making sure you didn't hit your head.

Once he was able to get you out of the car and you'd found your balance, he closed the passenger door, and then wrapped his left arm around your waist, securely. "Okay, up we go," Levi said with a slight groan after he pulled you up with him and made sure your stance was stable given that you would also have to put an effort to make the trek up to your apartment with him.

And with that, feeling the weight of your body leaning against him, Levi started to walk across the parking lot and towards the elevators, but that was where another tricky part came in. As the two of you approached the touchpad, Levi sighed and realize that he'd have to get you to tell him what the code was and you had already been far too unresponsive. He had to try, though.

He turned to you and saw that you were still pretty dazed, but he could see that you've somehow gotten a semblance of what was happening around you. "Y/n, what's the code?" Levi asked as he turned to you, watching your expression.

After a few seconds, for the first time since he pulled you away from Grisha, he saw that you finally blinked a couple times and your face shows the faintest signs of recognition of his words. You were still trying to get your mind in order and try to process everything, feeling like your mind was still spinning painfully, but you could hear Levi speaking to you loud and clear.

You nodded and swallowed nervously as you darted your eyes back and forth between him and the keypad. "O-Oh. Right..." You muttered, racking your head quickly to remember the code to enter the elevators, but it felt like your mind had frozen and all of the most important details you knew just evaporated in thin air.

Levi watched you actively trying to remember the code, his eye softening just the slightest bit, but soon enough, he realized it himself and the cold and pragmatic part of him started kicking back in. He needed to focus, even if it was starting to affect him seeing you like this. "Y/n," He said with a low and steady voice, but there was a tone of concern in his voice that he had no idea where it came from. "What's the code?" He repeated, leaning over slightly to see you better.

You blinked a couple times as your eyes flickered up to the keypad, to Levi and then back down to the keypad. Your gaze was vacant, unfocused, and for a moment, Levi even wondered if you even know where you were. But even so, he remained patient with you as he waited, and after it felt like hours of you staring down at the keypad, you shifted a bit in his hold and then looked at Levi. He looked right back at you, making direct eye contact.

In a voice barely audible, that Levi wouldn't have heard if he wasn't as close to you as he was, you began to say the numbers to him in a voice that nearly got caught up in the back of your throat. "4...2...6..." You started and Levi quickly nodded and turned his attention back to the keypad, brushing his fingers against yours as he entered the code into the keypad as you listed the numbers for him.

After he finished putting in the numbers, Levi let his shoulders sink in relief as he heard a soft approving beep, followed by the door unlocking next to the both of you. He didn't waste another second, so as he tightened his hold on your waist and on your arm, Levi started to take both of you towards the elevators.

Once the two of you made it to the elevators, pressed the button for it to go up, all the two of you had to do now wait. He remembered what floor you lived in from the last time he was here, so as soon as the elevator doors opened, he brought you inside with him and then turned to press the button to your floor. The doors closed shortly after that and now, it was another matter of waiting.

It wasn't that the elevator ride was uncomfortable, but it was just deathly silent. For once, Levi actually hoped he could make conversation with you to fill the space, even if it was just small talk, and he'd know you were getting better. But your silence was only worrying him.

As the elevator ascended, each floor passing was a weight that was pressing on Levi's chest and it was becoming harder to focus on the task at hand, making sure you were stable and okay to get your apartment at the very least, but it was really hard not to feel the weight of the responsibility that was on him.

He was the one who was handling everything, even if it was his job for him to make sure you were safe, and in moments like these where you looked so broken and lost, it was beginning to hit him harder than he expected what his responsibilities were when it came to you.

As soon as the doors slid open, Levi continued to hold onto you securely with his arm around your waist, steadying you. Your weight on him didn't really bother him, and that wasn't a concern for him and it hadn't been an issue.

Though, your entire presence had felt like an anchor that he wasn't sure he could carry much longer. Did doing this go far beyond from his job of being your bodyguard or was this part of it? What were the rules? He tried not to show his doubt, but the frustration of trying to figure it out was starting to creep up on him. If he couldn't help you in other ways, he knew for a fact he could still help you like this.

Once the elevator doors opened, once again helping you step out of it, and then starting to walk across the hallway that led to your apartment. You said yours was at the end of the hall, so that's exactly where Levi was heading.

With every step the two of you took, the automatic lights turned on above you from the sensors and the only sounds that could be heard were echo of both of your footsteps against the polished floor. Eventually the two of you made it to your door and Levi realized that there was another touchpad, but this time, it wasn't for numbers but for fingerprints. Levi couldn't help but let out another sigh.

He turned to you, and saw that your demeanor was becoming just the slightest bit more aware. "Y/n, put your finger on the pad," Levi said gently, and you turned your head to look at him blankly but then swallowed and nodded. You slowly reached over and put your fingerprint on the touchpad. Letting out a breath of relief, Levi heard a beep and the sound of the door unlocking. He reached over the doorknob and opened it widely enough for the two of you to head in at the same time.

"Let's get you inside," He muttered to you as he guided both of you inside, not helping but letting his eyes trail around the space he walked into. So this was where you lived, huh? From the decorations and how its arranged, he could tell it was all very...you. But he focused on the task at hand and started heading straight to where he thought your room was so he could at least leave you settled in there. He'd call Hange after and ask if they could head here in the morning.

Eventually, when he reached a door in the far side of the room, since he'd just walked across your living room, he reached for the doorknob and then peeked inside. It looked like a bedroom, but was it yours? Either way, whether it was a guest room or yours, it would have to do. As long as he could get you to go to bed and get through the night, its all it matters. He hoped you were far too out of it to remember he was doing any of this or he'd never hear the end of it.

Levi opened the door further and started guiding you into the room and as soon the two of you reach the bed, Levi realized something. He knew you were far too out of it for him to just set you down and for you to settle yourself in it alone, so it hit him what he had to do. He cursed mentally and then swiftly leaned down to wrap his free arm under your legs, hoisting you up in both of his arms. He could see the brief shock in your face for a second as he did that, but it didn't last very long because Levi didn't waste another second to set you down on the bed.

He could see that the moment your head the pillow the creases in your face immediately softened and you let out an involuntary sigh of content solely from the feeling of the blankets and the pillows against your body. Levi was quick to tuck you in, pull the blankets over your body and he could already tell you were fighting your need to fall asleep from exhaustion and all the crying and grief that happened not too long ago.

Your eyes were fluttering open and closed as you tried to keep yourself awake, knowing that the moment you closed your eyes, you'd relive what you just went through even in your dreams.

But Levi did notice the way you were curling in on yourself on the blankets that Levi was pulling over you. After that, Levi realized that he did everything he could up until this point and from the way you were failing at keeping your eyes open any longer, he knew that from the moment Hange arrived in the morning, they'd take care of the rest.

As Levi straightened up and was about to walk away with a huff, with his back to you, he suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard you whisper something. He didn't hear what you said that well, it came out muffled, so he stuck around for a couple more seconds to see if you said it again.

And you did. "Stay..." You whispered deliriously and Levi hung his head low, keeping his back to you. He already felt like he did everything he could on his end and he was already overstaying his welcome. You'd been able to fight your exhaustion just to say that, with the last bit of energy left in your body. Levi can't move, he doesn't know what to say to you. "I- I can't..." He says, not wanting to turn around and see the disappointment in your face. He finally got his feet to start heading towards the door again, but not before he heard you speak again.

"Thank you, Levi," You muttered, just as deliriously and out of it as before, but Levi knew you meant every word. Just as he'd put his hand on the doorknob and was about to open the door to head out, he paused and took a hard swallow as his eyes closed for a second, he opened them back up and only partially looked back."Don't mention it," He said, loudly enough for you to hear and process, shutting the lights on his way out, and then finally stepped out of the room.

Levi headed towards the island in your kitchen and leaned back against it, quickly fishing for his phone inside his jacket. When he had it in his hand, he unlocked it and quickly started looking through his contacts and find Hange's.

He really hoped they were awake at this time of night, because he really wanted the reassurance that if he left right now, that someone else would be here bright and early to take care of you. Hange had a better handle on it than he ever could.

As he searched up Hange's name and it popped up, he didn't hesitate in tapping their contact, and then the call button. As soon as it started dialing, he raised his phone up to his ear, hearing the dial tone a couple time, all the while Levi prayed in his mind over and over for the hope that they'd pick up. He couldn't help but glance back at your closed bedroom door and then back forward. He would be so much more at ease if he could know that he could leave and you'd be safe.

And thankfully, his prayers and hopes were answered, because he heard the other line pick up, but he was also met with Hange's loud and energetic greeting. "Hey, Levi! What's up?" Hange quipped happily, making Levi wince and pull his phone away from his ear for a second, not expecting to be greeted like that. Levi brought his phone back to his ear and his eyebrows pinched together."How on Earth are you this energetic this late at night?" Levi said into the phone, bracing himself for Hange's energy for the rest of the phone call.

"Research waits for nobody!" They said, and Levi just shook his head as he raised a hand to press to the bridge of his nose, letting out a breath. He had no idea where to start with what he needed to say, but to get Hange to get here, he needed to be as clear as he possibly could. "Anyway, I just called because...y/n, she- she needs you," Levi said as he put a hand behind him on the counter, hearing as Hange's voice changed drastically with concern on the other line.

"Oh no, what happened? Is she okay?" Hange said with worry. It was only natural for them to wonder what went wrong that Levi was calling at this hour and what could have happened after they left the office and Levi offered to take you home. It took for a while for Levi to answer, but he realized that if he needed to be blunt, then so be it. So he just came out and said it. "No. She's not. Grisha's dead," Levi said, closing his eyes as he hung his head low, hearing Hange's loud gasp on the other end. But at the very least, Levi finally got it out in the open.

"What?! What do you mean he's dead? Way to break the news, Levi, geez...." Hange said, and Levi felt like now that he finally revealed the news, it would be a whole lot easier for him to explain to Hange what he actually called to ask. "Yeah. I can't get into it right now and explain what happened in detail, and I also can't stay here all night. I just brought her to her apartment because I was with her when she found Grisha. I finally got her to sleep just now, but the point it, could you be here when she wakes up tomorrow morning?" Levi said, getting straight to the point and not wanting to continue dragging it out.

It took a couple seconds for Hange to answer, but eventually they did. They were trying to process everything Levi just told them. "Oh- Oh, yeah. Definitely. Of course, i'll be there as soon as I can. God...poor y/n. She must be crushed," Hange said as their voice wavered with worry for you, wondering how you must have taken it. They didn't even want to think about what Levi meant when he said; 'when you found Grisha'. Your whole world must have been upside down.

Levi nodded, having been there firsthand and not being able to take your sobs from replaying over and over in his head. "Yeah, amongst other things. I did the best I could on my end, so you better be here tomorrow," Levi said sternly, wanting to make sure that you wouldn't have to wake up by yourself with nobody around. He wanted to know that Hange would be here no matter what.

After hearing what Levi was asking of them, they didn't hesitate in responding and agreeing immediately."I'll definitely be there. Don't worry. You did a good thing taking care of her like that and bringing her home. Though, I'm sure you've got it covered! Just keep an eye out for her for the night, okay? I'll be right over bright and early. Promise" Hange said and Levi's eyes widened as he heard this. He couldn't stay the night. He was just about to leave as soon as this call was over. He'd just hope it was enough that he knew you were asleep, he could leave, and you'd have another person to the moment you woke up. He couldn't stay.

"I hate you. I can't stay here, I have to go," Levi said firmly, but Hange refused to listen. Would he spend the night on your couch? He can't just go into a room and stay there without you knowing.

The only way he would do it is if he actually spent the night, Hange would keep their word, be here bright and early before you woke up and he'd switch places with them. He just doesn't know how he would handle things if he was the one you woke up to. He doesn't know how he's made it this far and did what he did up until now.

"Sure you can! Love you, too! Bye!" Hange quipped cheerfully nonetheless and hung up abruptly on Levi after that. Levi was left in silence after that, taking a couple of seconds to actually pull his phone away from his ear and stare at his screen blankly. He looked back at your bedroom door you were just behind in.

For a second as the conflict began to filter through his exterior. Should he take a chance and hope that Hange can take his place before you wake up? He thought it'd be enough for him to know if you were okay if he was the one to bring you here, but he knew better than anyone that sometimes people needed space to heal, even if it was in ways you couldn't control. He didn't know if he would be the person you'd rather see or would rather receive comfort from. He's not great with words, he's never been, how would it work? How would he go about it? It's all Levi could think about, and all Levi thought about as he ended up doing exactly the opposite.

-

After that night, somehow ended up doing exactly what Hange had asked of them. He didn't know what compelled them to do it, but at the very least, Hange did end up coming to your apartment bright and early before you woke up and Levi had been able to leave then. Knowing he couldn't fall asleep, not knowing when you'd wake up, he stayed awake for most of the night so he could stay alert.

Now, as he looked at you, standing in front of Grisha's memorial looking no better than that night a few days before and as if the life had been sapped out of you, he started to wonder to himself that if maybe he had been the person you had woken up to, maybe he would have put just a little bit more effort, he could have somehow helped you feel more strength to get through this.

He was sure that Hange was just as good of a person to see when you opened your eyes again, not knowing what you saw in your dreams, but he still wonders if it would have made it easier to bear if you knew you had more people by your side to endure your loss.

And as for you, your mind had gone from being in a mindless fog to suddenly start to block out everything else except for what you were focusing on. Grisha's picture. And because of that, you felt like you were being forced to remember the very first time that you met him as just a 10 year old girl, having gone through the worst pain imaginable. You didn't know back then he'd become one of the most important people in your life, but looking back at it, you have no complaints.

He helped you get to where you are today and you wouldn't be here without Grisha. Now, you had no idea how to go on without him, making sure he took his medicine for his knee, to make sure he didn't overwork himself, to make sure he took his checkups. Or for him to set you up in blind dates, always worrying for you and offering his help, never forgetting important dates for you that even you managed to forget. You took for granted when he was in your life, forgetting entirely what a life without him would be like. And you were remembering it now.

-

Nearly exactly 16 years ago, you and everyone else who was close to your parents was mourning their tragic passing. You, as a little girl, so young and so naive, painfully unaware of the reality of the real world, had just lost the two most important people in your life, leaving you an orphan and with nobody to turn to. And worst of all, it happened on your birthday.

They died the night they were trying to rush to get back home to you, and lost their lives instead, because of you. It's all you could think about as a little girl. Your mind had convinced you that it had all been your fault because you were the one they were trying to get to in such a hurry, you'd made them hurry, and from that moment on, you'd never see them again and you knew you'd live with that guilt the rest of your life. You had nobody now, no one to stay with, no one to turn to, no other family members. You didn't know what to do.

Now, you were at a memorial center, sitting on the floor with your back against the wall, your knees close to your chest and your head buried in your arms that were propped up on your knees. You didn't want to look at anybody, you didn't want to talk to anyone, your cries had ceased a long time simply because of one realization you had when you attended the funeral just before this.

Just in the far wall in front of you were two pictures of your parents side by side, surrounded by flowers by people who were close with your parents and had left them there to pay their respects. Though, you were the only one who has stayed even after the memorial service was over. You didn't know where to go, who would come get you or if there was an angel up above who would make your sorrow go away.

You've kept your head down and remained up against the wall for a long time that you failed to see someone moving to stand in front of you, looking down at your small figure trying to make yourself smaller and imperceptible to anyone else. That person, was Grisha. He'd come to pay respects to your parents, because he knew them well, but he never met the daughter they talked about so much. As Grisha stood in front of you, holding himself steady with his cane on one hand, one of the workers at the memorial center noticed Grisha standing in front of you quietly, observing you, while you remained completely unknowing to his presence.

The worker quickly moved to stand next to Grisha, hoping this was someone you knew and who would come to pick you up to take you in temporarily. The worker noticed Grisha observing you and felt the need to explain what your situation was and why you were in that state, unmoving and unresponsive. "She's been like that the whole time. It's been hours," The worker whispered to Grisha, and he nodded understandingly. Not wanting to startle you, Grisha took small steps towards you, with his cane hitting the ground lightly every time he moved it forward.

And even as he'd gotten closer to you, you still didn't move. You didn't move your head up, you didn't flinch, you didn't say a word. You were frozen. Grisha decided he'd be the one to make the first move to talk to you, seeing if that would get any response. "So, it's you. You're their daughter I've heard so much about," Grisha said, and apparently that was enough, because when you heard a voice you've never heard before in your life, you looked up and saw a man with a cane, brown hair, glasses, black attire just like you, you tilted your head slightly in confusion. You've never seen him before. Could he have gotten the wrong person?

Grisha studied your face and his face creased slightly at what he noticed. You weren't crying, there were tear marks, but your face looked numb, devoid emotion. There was no spark in your eyes, no feeling behind them. Grisha continued to look down at you, seeing the features of both of your parents clear as day in you.

You were the one they spoke about so much, their pride and joy, and seeing you for the first time was conflicting. You looked like...your life had gotten sucked out of you. "You're not crying," Grisha said to you, pointing out the obvious, but after hearing that, you looked away from him and looked off to the side, remembering why you felt like you had no right to cry anymore. To feel sad about this.

Grisha saw the way your lips trembled and you let out a shaky breath, all the while you fiddled with your clothes. "I don't deserve to cry, or feel bad about this...it was my fault, I did this..." You muttered as your voice broke and you felt that familiar lump in your throat come back. But, you held it back, remembering the realization you had at the funeral. You had convinced yourself that if you were the one who did this, you had no right to feel sad about this, to cry like you so desperately wanted to, and to mourn the passing of the two most important people in your life.

Grisha's face fell slightly upon hearing your words, but was able to conceal his emotions well enough. But he saw that once your eyes had started getting glassy again as you looked up again, he knew that all it took is for one person to ask you what was wrong and the waterworks would come rushing out, despite how badly you wanted to keep it inside. "They died because of me....all because of me" You mumbled as your voice wavered and you pursed your lips, looking away, not wanting anyone to see you break your own pact you made with yourself.

"It doesn't matter if it was my birthday...I shouldn't have rushed them," You said, almost to yourself, all while still being aware that Grisha was right in front of you. You said that to yourself as if you were in a trance, finally voicing out your thoughts that you though you'd never say to anyone else, but once Grisha got you to talk. You didn't care if it was a complete stranger who you were spilling your regrets out to, but as long as you did, it didn't matter who.

Grisha took two more steps towards you, and then leaned down towards you. You slowly moved your head to look up at him. Your eyes had become redder and even more glassy, you could barely see through them. But what you didn't expect was what he said next. "Who do you think you are?" Grisha whispered to you, but not in an insulting way, more like a literal question to you. He still couldn't miss the way that your eyes widened when he asked that of you. You didn't know what to say.

But either way, you continued to hear him speak, despite how the need to cry was growing with every passing second. "How could anyone die because of you? The world is just a cruel place. It's as simple as that," He said, and at this point, the lump in your throat was getting tighter to the point that you knew you wouldn't be able to say anything coherent if you spoke right now.

Your chest began heaving as you continued to listen to him."Is your goal to just feel sorry for yourself if you continue thinking like that?" Grisha said, being brutally honest, and at this point you were blinking back tears from falling. It felt like he was inside your head and voicing out the thoughts you were repeating to yourself for hours.

"Every one of us is like a speck of dust in this world," He continued, and it was becoming harder and harder to hold yourself back. You didn't know this man but he was laying out what he was saying in a way that felt like he knew exactly what you were thinking, but as a little girl and in the situation you're in, having your thoughts validated and voiced out by someone else felt like a hundreds of daggers in your heart."Which means, that a speck of dust floating around can't do anything to tip the scales or change how the world works," He concluded, but you'd had enough. Your emotions were on the edge and that was all you needed to snap.

You shot up from your spot on the ground as you started screaming and crying as you reached for Grisha, hitting him and grabbing onto his clothing weakly yet with so much vigor as your heart burned in your chest and your sobs reverberated across the room, catching other people's attention. You were still a little girl with such little strength left in your heart and your body to continue holding on.

The worker had rushed around Grisha and moved behind you to pull you away from him, holding you back as you continued to struggle against their hold and tears continued to free fall down your face, from not being able to hold them back anymore like you promised yourself. You didn't need someone to remind you of what happened or what you did. You just needed comfort.

You needed someone to rely on. Someone to hold you. You felt so alone and so lost. Like you had nobody to turn to. But your cries died down on their own when you were held back and sobs were interrupted by the sound of something clattering on the ground. Your sobs were reduced to small gasps and smaller cries as you looked down and saw that what had fallen were this man's glasses.

You gasped lightly and then looked back up at him to see that there were tears falling down his face too. His eyes were teary and red, like yours. Tears you couldn't see because of his glasses, but now that they were out of the way, you could see them clear as day.

But the moment, you saw him holding back tears of his own, you couldn't hold back yours anymore either. Tears that you tried to keep at bay were once again falling down your cheeks as you let out shallow and short breaths, followed by more sobs that were slowly starting to intensify once again.

You hung your head low now that your cries had come back full force, coming to the painful realization that whether it was your fault or not, your parents were gone for good and there's nothing you could do about it. Grisha sniffled once and looked away from you, feeling that it was far too painful to look at you cry because you'd only end up making him cry too.

The pain in his eyes grew the more he watched you be in so much agony and pain. He's trying to hide his own misery for your sake. He simply looked away from you and then turned to see that the worker had stepped away from you once you'd stopped fighting their hold and had reached down to the floor to reach for Grisha's glasses, handing them to him. Grisha took them back, put them on his face again with his free hand and started to walk away, leaving you behind, and all alone.

Once again. You watched the mysterious man walk away as you were left to cry on your own, not being able to keep your promise to yourself. You were crying for your parents, for what you were told, even when you felt like you didn't deserve it.

When Grisha was out of sight, you felt your legs give out on you as you dropped to the ground and buried your face in your hands, continuing to cry and letting out all of the tears you'd been holding since the funeral. Your sobs were filling the air and your gasps after every cry could shatter the heart of anybody walking by, even if they didn't know you.

They could just hear the grief and loss in your voice. "Mom..." You cried out and continued to let your head hang low. Your chest was heaving painfully and your throat was starting to hurt from how hard you were crying. "Dad..." You cried out, hearing your own voice crack from the anguish in your voice.

You just wanted them there with you again, you didn't want to be alone. Grisha was right and the world was tough, but you didn't want to go through it by yourself. You were scared to death to face the world alone without them by your side.

"I miss you so much..." You sobbed as gasps continue to interrupt your words. You couldn't even look up and look at their pictures because you'd only be reminded of what you lost and what you wanted to get back so badly. You knew from that moment on that you should prepare yourself for the cruelties you'd have to face with no one but yourself.

-

You blinked yourself back from that memory and you realized that everyone had dispersed from in front of Grisha's picture, including your family, and you were the only one left still standing in front of it. Everyone else had found something else to do at the memorial. What brought you back to reality was someone calling your name. "Y/n," The voice said it again, and this time they put a hand gently on your back, making you flinch since you were only just now getting your bearings back.

You turned your head to the side to see who the voice belonged to and you were met with a pair of baby blue eyes regarding you with so much softness and tenderness that it immediately calmed you down. Its exactly what you needed.

"Oh, Erwin, hey," You said as you crossed your arms in front of you, hugging yourself. You smiled at him gratefully, happy to have him with you and to bring you out of your trance. Erwin stood next to you and chuckled at how jumpy you were just now. "I tried to call you a couple times and you didn't answer. Sorry if I startled you," He said, using his hand to rub it up and down your back comfortingly, and it honestly really soothed you. You've been far too tense and Erwin was really helping.

But as Erwin did those up and down motions on your back and his hand settled on your shoulder, there were a couple of sharp steel eyes from afar with the rest of the guests who couldn't help but narrow his eyes with focus at what he took notice of.

It didn't get past Levi at all, and its not like Erwin was trying to hide it or anything, but Levi's eyes started darting back and forth between you and Erwin with suspicion. Why is that interaction catching his attention so much? Did he care that much?

Back with you and Erwin, you smiled at the blond and shook your head. "No, it's fine. I guess I needed that. I've been really out of it," You said, even if it was a major understatement. You haven't felt in control of yourself for days. Erwin nodded and kept his focus on you, taking in your words as best as he could. "Yeah, I could tell. But don't worry, we're all still trying to process it," He reassured, and you nodded in agreement. Everyone has just been off today, at least most people, and it's really hard to feel like things will go back to normal any time soon.

Seeing that you were still looking at Grisha's picture, solemnly and with nostalgia in your eyes, Erwin turned his attention away from you and towards the picture as well. The two of you stood in silence together, not knowing what to talk about next, but then, it suddenly came to you the more you took in the ambiance of this memorial.

This place was just full of reporters, cameras, and flashes. "Grisha hated taking pictures. Do you remember him saying that they never did him justice?" You asked with a pained chuckle as you crossed your arms over yourself a little tighter. Grisha used to trust you with taking his pictures because he knew you'd capture his essence, but with all of these reporters trying to capture him correctly, you knew they'd never capture the substance behind it. It wouldn't be genuine.

Erwin listened to your words and pulled his hand away from your shoulders so he could lightly gesture to Grisha's memorial picture. "He looks great in this one, though. Doesn't he?" He said, trying to see the bright side of what you were talking about, but he saw your eyes fell just a little as you continued to look at the picture.

You lightly shook your head and let out a small huff. "But they captured him in a way that's nothing like him. That smile on his face doesn't look as genuine as you and I have seen it hundreds of times before. It's not real," You said, and Erwin couldn't help but agree with you there. He had seen Grisha many times show the genuine and happy side of him that could easily replace the picture in front of the two of you.

"Funeral portraits are always meant to reflect how the bereaved want to remember those they lost. I guess its the picture the rest of the family chose to portray him," Erwin said, and you nodded in agreement. The person who picked it probably doesn't know that Grisha would much rather be shown in a different light. You turned your head to look around the party briefly and to see guests mingling, speaking to each other, making conversation, eating, drinking. It didn't feel real.

"Erwin," You started, and Erwin turned his head to look at you expectantly, waiting for what you'd say next. He could visibly see the hesitance in your eyes. "Has this felt...real to you at all? It all feels like it's some big joke and that Grisha will come out here any second now, having played a cruel, yet, very on brand joke on all of us," you chuckled bitterly as you realized that you still haven't truly accepted that he wasn't here, and your mind was fabricating the possibility that he wasn't truly gone. But he was. He really was, and you should let go of that shred of hope.

Erwin laughed lightly too as he nodded and turned his attention back to Grisha's picture. "That does sound a lot like him. Didn't he already do it to you once?" Erwin pointed out and you smiled when you realized that was just a couple days ago when that happened. When you thought that you wouldn't lose him for a long time and that he still had years ahead of him. "Yeah, he did. We ended up laughing about it in the end. After I stopped being annoyed at him," You said, earning another chuckle from Erwin. You still remember how worried sick you were for Grisha after he sent you that text. But somehow you'd gotten past it and saw the intention behind it.

You stayed silent, continuing to hear Erwin speak, keeping your eyes held on Grisha's picture from afar. "He was such an eccentric and unpredictable person. I never knew what he was thinking. Bet you did, though," He said trying to joke, nudging you slightly on your side, knowing how joined at the hip you and Grisha were. But it only earned him a small glum smile from you, noticing your demeanor was starting to change again. Erwin quickly cleared his throat and decided to go with another route.

"I just thought that because of all of the opportunities in life that he gave us to be where we are right now, because of how much he tried to become a better role model for all of us...that his last moments would be just as special," He said, and you nodded in agreement, starting to feel your throat close up a little and heat gather behind your eyes once again, but you refused to let yourself cry again.

You were just having a conversation with Erwin and you didn't want to tarnish it. You completely agreed with his words. Grisha deserved a much more dignified way to go. He died alone, scared, panicked. He didn't deserve that. He was healthy, you don't get it.

Though, his next words were really testing your ability to keep it together. Its what you really couldn't wrap your head around. "I can't believe we lost him like that. To a heart attack of all things. Especially after his checkup having gone so well," Erwin pointed out and you felt yourself inhale sharply as he said that, looking down to ground for a second as you remembered that the death was said to be caused by a heart attack, but you didn't believe it for a second.

The doctor's said he was okay just days before, and it was just so hard to believe. You took a deep breath, looked up and blinked away stray tear build-up in your eye as you turned to Erwin. You desperately wanted to change the subject already. You wanted to focus on something else for a bit. Something to take your mind off of this for a while.

You swallowed and turned to look at Erwin, wanting to ask him something that you've had in mind for a bit. "By the way, did you just get here? You didn't come back here with us after the funeral," You asked as you turned to look at him. Hearing what you asked, a look of recognition crossed his face and turned his body to face you.

"Oh, yeah. Grisha apparently ordered for there to be an audit team to be formed before he passed away," He said, but your face twisted in confusion as you looked really taken aback by that revelation.

"It was put on hold but it resumed after he died, so I had to take care of some paperwork before coming here," Erwin concluded, and it took you a couple seconds to process what Erwin just said. Why would Grisha need an audit for? That came out of nowhere. He never told you anything about that.

"An audit team?" You questioned, and Erwin nodded at you, looking just as surprised as you were, knowing you had no idea about this. Usually Grisha always told you and kept you updated on what happened at the company, or anything about him, really. "Wait, who put it on hold?" You asked, and Erwin suddenly remembered that it wasn't too long ago that the process had been halted altogether, until now. "The board passed an emergency motion to pause it. I'm surprised you didn't know about it. I thought you'd been one of the first to know," Erwin said, and that alone left you at a loss. Why wouldn't Grisha tell you about that? Seems pretty important.

But just as you were beginning to get deep in thought, you and Erwin turned your heads when you heard footsteps approaching the two of you, followed by a familiar voice. Karina walked up to stand next to Erwin and you fought the urge to roll your eyes. "I think it's ridiculous that that they're doing at audit now of all times," Karina said, making you and Erwin exchange silent glances, wondering if she had been hearing your conversation from afar and decided to chime in.

You looked over to Karina and saw that she was looking back and seeing all the businessmen and associates of Grisha's that were invited to the memorial. Karina looked so bitter, and she wasn't even trying to hide it from you and Erwin.

"Look over there," Karina said as she gestured with her head over to the crowd of businessmen around Grisha around Zeke, and they looked like they were all having a pretty engaging conversation. Your eyes narrowed, either Zeke was hiding it very well and could hide his emotions about his father dying expertly or he already moved on and was taking this chance in the memorial to talk to all the closest people his own father was close to. He looked pretty happy and unbothered from the looks of it.

You couldn't tell which it was, or if it was neither of those options, but Karina just confirmed it. All that about Zeke 'turning a new leaf' didn't seem as credible as you thought. "All of Grisha's business partners are sucking up to Zeke. It's annoying," Karina mumbled, making Erwin turn his head to look back at what Karina was talking about, and then he turned his head back to look at you, giving you an expression that asked 'Are you seeing what i'm seeing?' and you nodded, looking not at all surprised.

"Him being the eldest son means nothing. Grisha never liked him anyway, so why's Zeke getting all the attention?" Karina said, practically talking to herself because you and Erwin remained quiet, giving each other brief and wide-eyed glances whenever she opened her mouth and decides to go off on tangents like that. Just when you two thought she'd gone silent, she spoke up again and you held back a sigh.

"Do you two remember when Grisha turned him in to the police for drunk driving? He never let Zeke forget it," Karina recalled, and you closed your eyes as you let out a soft exhale and Erwin shifted uncomfortably. Is there anything else to talk about?

This wasn't a moment to rehash old mistakes like that, but it would make sense if Zeke felt so hurt, neglected and resentful about every unforgivable mistake Grisha made him redeem himself for, like the drunk driving issue, that he might feel a little differently about this memorial, even if it was his own father who passed away. But then again, that might not the case at all.

Zeke may be really good at just being able to conceal his true feelings about his past and his relationship with Grisha. Maybe he's not as resentful as you thought he was. Maybe he is. You'll never know. You knew that even with all of the mistakes Zeke did, Grisha made him pay for all of them because he cared and wanted him to learn and start to act accordingly. That's the only reason you knew as to why Grisha turned him in to the cops.

As Karina spoke, since Levi was nearby, he didn't mean to eavesdrop but he was close in proximity to you, and by proxy, close enough to hear what Karina was saying. He was slowly starting to see the twisted side of your family that you'd mentioned to him before. Especially with that woman.

"I have a pretty good feeling that if Grisha was here...he wouldn't have done anything differently," Karina said, and you briefly looked at her. You wouldn't quite put it like that. There's tons of things Grisha thought that he wished he could've gone back in time for to fix them, but also a lot of his decisions that he wouldn't go back for and would leave them as they are. It's definitely a statement that you'd describe as two sides of a coin. Its complicated.

"Erwin! Come join us," Zeke suddenly called from afar, making all three of your heads turned to see that Zeke was gesturing over for Erwin to join him. No wanting to leave you alone just yet, Erwin turned his head to look back at you with a hesitant look on his face, silently asking if you'd be okay if he left for a bit. You simply smiled and nodded, gesturing lightly with your head over to Zeke. Erwin took in a deep breath, released it, and with reluctance, he walked away, heading straight towards Zeke.

That left you alone with Karina. Knowing her, she'd try to make conversation with you and it would end in a dispute, like it always did, and you wanted to avoid that. You kept your arms to yourself, keeping them crossed over your body as you kept your gaze forward, keeping as much distance from her as you could.

And Levi noticed your clear body language from afar, seeing how separated you were from Karina in the first place, so in the back of his mind, he made a mental note to keep an eye out for you whenever you were around her. But if you knew what Levi was thinking about in that moment, you'd tell him that Karina was all bark and no bite. Not a real threat. She could just be a real nuisance sometimes, and that article incident proved it.

Though, no matter how much you tried to keep to yourself, it didn't stop Karina from wanting to get under your skin, as usual. She enjoyed poking at you, testing your patience over and over. And on top of that, just by the way she was walking, you knew she was very drunk. This would be interesting. "Hey, y/n. Can we talk?" She said as she took closer steps towards you, but you let out a small breath as you briefly closed your eyes, then opened them up and turned your head to look at her.

"You know, I'd rather not," You said as you looked at her dead in the eye, but as usual, she wanted to act all unbothered and calm, with a voice that was like a honeyed trap but you knew there was a permanent storm brewing inside her that makes her the petty woman that she is. You refused to fall for it. Reiner was here somewhere, and you just hoped that he would eventually listen to what his mother says on the daily.

"Ooh! As feisty as ever, aren't you?" She quipped with a smirk, clearly enjoying the tension she was building up all on her own and you rolled your eyes, taking a deep breath not turning for a second to look at her. If she's trying to get under your skin, she's definitely accomplishing her goal, but you wouldn't let her try to pick an argument now of all times. None of that was stopping her from pushing your buttons.

"Okay, what do you want? I know you're not here to make small talk," You said firmly as you turned your head to look at her, and saw how she put her hand on her chest and feigned an offended gasp, or at least what you thought was a feigned gasp. You could never tell with her, even if she was such an open book all the time.

Karian put a hand over her heart in mock offense, with her laugh being too loud to be sincered. "Don't get all worked up. I just wanted to talk about this...special bond you have with Erwin. Camaraderie between outsiders, isn't it?" Karina said, using that tone that was laced with that same venomous intent of trying to remind you that you weren't part of the family.

You know she's saying that because she's pointing out the fact that neither you or Erwin are part of it by blood but just from the fact that Grisha considered you both just as part of the family as everybody else, and she always opposed him. She respected Erwin a lot more than you, though.

But Karina's words only reaffirms your thoughts. You were just an outsider to her, to the others, or at least most of them, not all. No matter how much Grisha had tried to remind you that you were one of them, you'd never be anything but a walking reminder that you weren't. It was a painful reminder no matter who it came from.

"We've known each other since we were kids. We studied abroad together when we were students. We go years back, this isn't news to you," You said to Karina, with your voice steady, yet cold, unaware of the fact that Levi was nearby, listening to this. He assumes that Erwin is the same guy as before with the hand on your back.

He took a note of that in his mind. He wasn't sure why he needed to remember it, but he didn't question it. His eyes narrowed slightly at the way you mentioned Erwin, the way your voice softened when you spoke about him. Something about it made Levi pause, and think. He wasn't sure why it unsettled him. Maybe it meant something. Maybe not.

But, Karina didn't seem to care whatsoever about the history you have with Erwin, because there's clearly something else in mind, another point she was trying to get to. She wasn't interested in the past, and there was another goal she had in mind. It wasn't going to be pretty. She didn't need to hear about how you became so close with him, and there's only one thing she wanted you to keep in mind. "Don't delude yourself like that, y/n" She said, her voice becoming sharper than before.

Your head whipped to look at her with indignation. "Excuse me?" You said, raising en eyebrow in confusion and irritation bubbling together. You felt the tension in your body return, but you fought to keep yourself in control. "Oh, come on. You know what I'm talking about. Erwin may not be blood-related, and he does have a different background than the rest of the family, just like you, but you two are not the same," She said, and you fully turned to look at her as you felt yourself finding it harder and harder to keep your cool and your emotions in check. She was infuriating.

"What do you mean by that?" You asked, voice low and sharp, not wanting her to dance anymore around what she actually wanted to say. She simply shrugged and took another sip of her champagne, that was clearly influencing her behavior right now.

"Well, his family has close ties with ours. But you? Your background is just a little more...I don't want to say indecent, but-" She started, scoffing and waving around a dismissive hand in your face but you decided that you already heard enough.

"What's indecent..." You interrupted, as your voice became cold and biting all the while you looked at her dead in the eye. "...Is the way you think. Did you come all the way over here just to talk to me and about my family like that? Are you really stooping that low?" You asked her, hoping she'd come back to her senses. She could insult you all she wanted, but once she stepped into the topic of your parents and your family, she'd crossed a line. The venomous amusement in her eyes made your blood boil.

Karina's eyes flickered towards you, but she didn't flinch by the way you were staring down at her. But instead, she chuckled and hummed tauntingly. "And you still have the nerve to talk back to me? Face it, Y/n. Grisha isn't here to take your side anymore. No one is," She said as her voice dropped and became taunting. Your gaze wavered slightly and it weakened a bit from her words, but you steadied yourself again. Her words hit you a lot harder than they should've, like a slap in the face, confirming the thoughts you've been having. All the anger you'd been holding surged forward.

You felt your fists clench at your sides, but you swallowed down your fury that was growing deep inside you. Instead, you silently stepped forward, and your voice switched to becoming a low and menacing whisper. "You know, you should lay off the alcohol" "Unless you want to end up making a bigger fool of yourself. You're clearly drunk, Karina, and you're about to show everyone," You warned her, but she gave you a hollow, half-laugh. Even she was starting to realize how ridiculous she sounded.

"I can't get through funerals without it," Karina muttered, clearing slurring her words and they didn't have the usual bite that she thought she did. It was embarrassing to see a grown woman like her act like this. "Then maybe it's time you look inward, hm?" You shot back at her, with your voice low but lethal. "You think not being able to get through one event without alcohol is your worst problem right now? Not even the family member we all just lost? That's not your biggest problem right now? All you want is to get it over with. You're drinking yourself through it and it's pathetic," You said, watching her every movement as you tried to put her in her place.

"You come here to pick a fight with me because your life is so damn boring and empty? I've endured far worse things in my life, and I did it sober. I think you'll live. Why can't you say the same?" You said to her face, not wanting this to become a competition of 'who's had it worse' because that's not what this is about, but you wanted her to realize why she was here in the first place. You were saving her ass right now from leaving her to wander alone and let her drunk state ruin everybody else's mood.

Karina narrowed her eyes dangerously at you, not having anything to say back to you, because for a moment, she was quiet. You thought that was more worrying than her actually saying something. But then, her lips curled into a sadistic smile, and your eyes widened a fraction. "I think I finally understand," She said, and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. What was she talking about now? "Understand what?" You asked, preparing yourself for whatever verbal attack she had in store for you.

But you could have never braced yourself for what she said next. "Grisha was always so mean and heartless. I guess that's why the two of you got along," She said, words cold as ice, walking away and leaving you to process her words alone.

Your breath got caught up in your throat, feeling like her words hit you like a sucker punch. You'd expected her usual shallow insults, but she twisted Grisha's words into something so cruel that it left a cold, empty feeling deep in your chest as you watched her walk away.

You wanted to lash out, scream at her, tell her how wrong she was, and how insulting her words were, but you were sure she already knew that and this was a public setting. You'd be doing exactly what you'd be trying to stop her from doing. You needed to be the bigger person.

But even so, as the conversations of others became muffled and faded into the background, the only thing you were left with was the sting of her words. Not to mention her words were probably still filled with pettiness after you forced her take down that harmful article that almost destroyed your company's worth.

You stared at Karina as she walked away, with her back turned to you and not giving you a second glance. The silence after that felt suffocating and you hated that you were still the one who ended up hurt even after trying to defend Grisha's honor, and your own. Her words were so cruel and dismissive and it reminds you of the regular question you ask yourself. Why bother trying? As her footsteps faded, all you could feel was the weight of her judgement and the crushing loneliness that came with it.

You stood there with your fists clenched at your sides as your breaths started to come faster while you tried to hold it together. The heat behind your eyes started to build, and you instinctively tried to blink them away, not wanting anybody to see you like this.

But the pressure of the unshed tears wanting to fall was threatening to break through any second now. You bit the inside of your cheek hard, hoping the sting would ground you, not wanting her or anybody to see how much her words had cut you. You would never give her the satisfaction. Especially not now.

Levi had also been watching the interaction from afar, and even if he couldn't hear most of it, by the way you're reacting once she walked away, Levi's eyes narrowed on Karina's figure as she walked away briskly while you looked like you'd gone back to square one.

He tilted his head slightly, watching from afar, knowing he didn't need to hear every word to understand the weight behind what he was witnessing. Karina's stance, her venomous tone. There was no doubt that there was more to this than what he was seeing from where he was standing. Your silence after spoke volumes to Levi.

It's clear to him that the words being told to you were deeper than what was being let on, and he realized there was truly something toxic about this family that keeps you on edge. Why should Karina continue having this kind of power over you? Why couldn't the others see what he was seeing and notice how much it was hurting you?

Just how deeply did this go? The way Karina flung insults at you like that, the way you froze. It wasn't just about Grisha being gone, but about your 'family members' taking the chance to remind you how they really felt about you, with years of resentment and wounds that never healed, and that nobody would be around to stop them now.

Levi had witnessed all of it, and he already had an idea of what happened. His eyes went back to looking at you, seeing how tense and stiff you'd become with your fists at your sides and your head hanging low. He wanted this to be over already, and not because of him, but because of you.

You were taking too many hits from the people you were supposed to come together with and the opposite was happening. You weren't just dealing with Karina's taunts but years of bitterness.

God, this was so hard. How did he know what was over stepping and what wasn't? Seeing you like this stirred something inside Levi. A sense of protection, and not just because he was your bodyguard. He knows that sometimes, stepping in wasn't the right thing to do, and he had his own battles to fight, even if he was on the job now.

You didn't need him to swoop in and fix things, because Levi believes how strong you really are. He was sitting this one out, even if it didn't sit right with him. He was trying to find the perfect moment in which he felt it would be the right time to approach you. He just...didn't want to cause you more harm than good. He wanted to be absolutely sure.

Though, as he felt his jaw tightened while watching you stand there, trying to hold it together, he continued to wonder if this was one of those times you did need help? What if he was wrong and didn't help in letting the wound heal? He didn't know the rules of this quite yet or where he should or shouldn't step in, but he's trying to get the hang of it.

Still, he couldn't deny how crazy he was driving himself over what was right and wrong. He knew he needed to get it together, and fast. For you. After everything he did for you that night, he knew he needed to know exactly what he needed to do. He'd promised his commitment and loyalty to you, didn't he?

Meanwhile, across the party, Erwin had joined Zeke and was now facing a group of executives that he's only heard about briefly because they were very close to Grisha in terms of business and are also high value partners, loyal to Eldia Group. For the most part since Erwin arrived at this small gathering, he stayed quiet and observed how these men kept buttering up Zeke, and even hearing the possibility of striking up new business deals between them.

They know that Zeke is Grisha's Eldest son, and that he's the CEO of a branch in the conglomerate as well. But what was shocking to Erwin, was never having heard a single condolence or mention of Grisha.

It was all business and Erwin decided to remain quiet as he continued to take it all in, not sure if he wanted to get involved in this. He's known Zeke to be arrogant, that much is true, but is Grisha's own son using his father's death to push himself into a position of power before anything is confirmed at all? Was it a stepping zone for Zeke's ambition?

"We've all heard great things from you Chairman Jaeger," One of the executives said to Zeke, earning nods from the others. Zeke simply gave them a bashful and humble smile, that to Erwin looked completely fabricated. Why did they just assume that Zeke was going to become the new chairman?

Grisha's will hasn't been announced yet and it seems like Zeke is flaunting it and accepting compliments when he hasn't even heard of his father's inheritance. Erwin doubts Zeke will be elected, considering that he knows that after how untrustworthy Zeke has proven himself to be to his own father. He has a feeling that Grisha wouldn't entrust his entire company to his eldest son just because he's the oldest. Zeke was obviously loving the idea of having the reigns be handed to him.

"It's far too early to call me that, It's not certain," Zeke laughed lightly as he raised a hand and waved off the idea dismissively, but just from that, Erwin could tell that Zeke was already expecting to be chosen, and he's practically saying that he doesn't want to be called that. Yet. Because he's already predetermined in his head that he'll be the next chairman of Eldia Group, and he was clearly loving the attention he's getting from it.

And it didn't end there, because after that, those businessmen turned to Yelena who had been standing next to Zeke that entire time and started congratulating her, for being Zeke's right hand, which automatically meant that she would also be going up in status and respect along with Zeke if he does end up being elected chairman.

All because she's associated with him the way that she is. Erwin watched her do the same thing; deny the congratulatory remarks towards her and insist it's not certain. It set off a suspicious and unusual feeling inside of Erwin that he couldn't shake off. Something wasn't right.

Erwin also couldn't ignore the fact that in the corner of his eye, he could see Floch standing off to the side across the party, all on his own, watching the interaction Zeke was having with the executives. Was he imagining it or was there a smirk on his face? He couldn't tell, he was too far away. The whole vibes in this memorial were weird, and in a way that made him wonder what the true intent behind this event was.

And he wasn't the only one who noticed it. Where you were, you were starting to catch on too. After a series of deep breaths and trying to remain as calm as possible before you spoke with anyone else in this event, you finally felt at ease again and tried to tell yourself over and over that Karina was just drunk.

Even if she meant it, her words should have no effect over you, especially when she's as bitter and petty as she is. For the sake of honoring Grisha the way he deserves.

Which, speaking of, made you take notice of something else. You were keeping your back to everybody else as you leaned against one of those tall, and smaller tables scattered around the memorial, because you wanted to get ahold of yourself first so nobody would ask any questions if they saw how out of sorts you were.

But then, you jumped in place when you heard the sound of children screaming and laughing, followed by the sound of splashing and gasps and shocked murmuring from guests.

You turned your head back to see that the ones who caused it were no other than Falco and Gabi. Everyone's attention was on them since they'd opened a bottle of soda too quickly and it splashed on them, causing guests to scream, so you watched as the two of them began to run around once they saw that their parents and Karina were the ones chasing them, laughing while the guests started to murmur in surprise amongst each other.

Gabi was the one holding the bottle as her and Falco ran around the place and headed towards the exit of the backyard and led back to the house, and it was the tip of the iceberg when it was their parents, along with Karina, the ones who began to chase them around. "Falco! Gabi!" Karina yelled out, clearly very irritated and annoyed that she and the other two sets of parents had to chase after them.

Karina and the other parents chased after the kids, their faces flushed with frustration as they apologized to every guest they passed. Karina, in particular, seemed desperate to smooth over the chaos the children had caused. It was almost comical to you considering she'd been so quick to tear you down earlier, and now she's the one putting on a show for the rest of the guests. But as soon as her, Gabi, and Falco's racket had faded out, suddenly everything else became very apparent to you and clearer than ever. Your eyes began to scan the crowd.

Everybody was laughing, looking like they were having the time of their lives and that little outburst from the kids seemed to be what they needed to forget what they were really here for. For a moment, that very laughter felt genuine, a sharp contrast to the rehearsed politeness that had defined this memorial. That chaos was fleeting now.

It's what they all needed to liven up this memorial, but did it need to liven up? Were they all here to have fun? To take advantage of the guests present to make new business deals and new contacts? For personal gain? The world began to slow down for you the moment you began to analyze everybody around you. The laughter felt far too loud.

The sounds around you began to become muffled as every sensation in your body began to amplify once you started to realize what was happening. People were laughing, having a good time, drinking, almost as if the reason they were here in the first place began to slip their minds. Or maybe it didn't and this is exactly how they saw this memorial as. A party.

This memorial wasn't for them to mourn Grisha. To them, it was just another opportunity to rejoice the fact that they can get ahead in their lives. They didn't care about Grisha. Just the fact that Erwin had witnessed Grisha's closest associates were already turning to Zeke to take the position of chairman so soon after he died just says it all. This is a farce. It was opportunistic behavior and you didn't know why you were surprised at all.

You weren't the only one who noticed, because just like you and Erwin did, Levi analyzed the situation around him just like you'd been doing, and he didn't need to know any of these people to know that this wasn't a memorial. This was a party. They're all more twisted than he thought, and for a second Levi thought that was supposed to be his job, wasn't it?

He was starting to understand more and more why you distance yourself from this part of your life. Witnessing the purpose of this memorial be tarnished was all the proof he needed to know that most people here were present to do everything but mourn.

His eyes flickered to you for a moment, noticing the tightness of your posture and your shoulders. The way you were standing, so closed off and as if your mind was going a thousand miles per minute, he knew that this memorial had gone far past it being about Grisha's passing. It was something far deeper at stake that no one else seems to care about.

Your chest had tightened with every forced laugh, every casual conversation around her. It felt like walls were closing in on you even if you were outside. Your vision began to blur and you knew you needed to escape.

Erwin had also started to look around and his eyebrows furrowed when the same exact realization came to him. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin had kept to themselves this entire memorial, but they also didn't fail to notice that the moment an opportunity of chaos arose, nearly almost all guests here flipped a switch. It gave them the opportunity they were looking for. Hange, your employee's; Connie, Sasha, Jean. They all noticed it.

Once the realization came crashing down, you realized one thing; you needed to get out of here. Everything was pressing on you, the laughter, the conversations, the subtle tension in the air. You couldn't take it anymore. You needed to go somewhere far. Somewhere quiet, anywhere that you could breathe properly.

You needed a break. You needed to gather yourself, you needed to hear yourself think. This was all far too much. Your breathing got so ragged and short and you put a hand over your chest, and got your feet to move. You didn't know where you'd go, but any place was better than here.

You turned on your heel and started walking away, and Levi immediately took notice. If he was wondering before when it would be a good time to intervene, it was now. Levi didn't waste a second to start following after you, knowing that now, more than ever, it was time to intervene before all of the hits you'd been taking exploded on you.

As you walked, thinking of only one place where you could possibly go and with Levi following after you, there was a pair of baby blue eyes who noticed you walking off in clear distress and who was about to follow after you, to comfort you and be there for you.

But then stopped himself when he saw your bodyguard beat him to it, making him stay right where he was as his eyes followed you until you were out of sight. You also didn't notice a certain security guard standing nearby, that had been watching you the entire time since the memorial started, yet, always staying close enough.

You had too much in your head to look at anybody else or be aware of your surroundings, so you walked past him and walked out of the area of the backyard, oblivious to the fact that he was exactly the person you'd hired a bodyguard to protect you from. His eyes locked on you, but walked past you and remained in the shadows.

You were surrounded by threats in this memorial, and you didn't even know it.
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Hi! This is my first update in 2025 and it feels surreal to me- I can't wait to continue this book in the next few months! This chapter is just a small preparation for the chaos that's coming in the next chapter and Im so excited!

This is a really intense part of the book and things are going to unravel lmao. I hope you guys are enjoying the book so far and there's so much more coming! I can't wait for you guys to see it! <3

But, anyway, I'll see you guys on Sunday! Im hoping to do double updates this week because of the fact that I want these chapters to be close together since there's so much going on in these upcoming parts of the book and I don't want too much time to pass in between! Either way, I love you all so much, and thank you for reading! See you next time! :,) XO
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