There wasn't any special event that occurred on that day we first met, to be specific we spoke for the first time. The school hallway was all bright paints and neatly trimmed pinboards. Students stood leaning to their lockers and chatted with their friends while a few silently took books from their locker rooms and headed towards their classrooms. University was a place to meet new friends, make new bonds, to have space to become the young adult version of myself. It was a place to grow, mature, and expand the horizons of what I had previously believed was possible. I walked towards my locker listening to the music of Dilwale on loop. Maybe it was just a coincidence or an indication sent by God that my life was truly going to change.

I had a history lecture, the subject which I didn't enjoy. I took my books from the locker and went towards my class. A few of my friends joined me and we made plans to meet for a match in the evening. Manoj aka Munna and Pandit were my only friends in the university. In this huge wave of people, it's difficult to find friends who stay by your side through happy moments as well as the worst days of your life. Friends have connected souls weaved with when their cerebral wires are exposed and twisted together to form the right kind of sparks.

"Tum log kabhi samay par class mai nahi aa sakte na?" The professor said, pushing back her spectacles.

"Jaldi aakar humne konsa bada acha kaam kiya hai." Everyone laughed as the professor glared at Munna. " Manoj, Pandit aur Sameer bet jao apni jagah par."

As I said before everything was similar to what happened on the rest of the days. Boring history lectures, grumpy professor, Munna-Pandit's funny banter with the professor and her eyes on me. After a few seconds, she turned her head to the board, taking down notes. I was good-looking and had always been obsessed with my looks.

"Aaj bhi tujhe woh dekh rahi thi, Sameer."

"Kise pata tha behenji bhi yeh pyaar ke chakkar mein phas jayegi."

"Hamare bhai mai hai hi aise gun ki koi bhi ladki pyaar karde."

I smiled a bit and watched her chatting with a girl sitting next to her. I wasn't able to look away from her nor was I ever able to. "Mera naseeb itna kharab nahi hai ki mai is behenji ko chununga." I uttered against my breath and we continued discussing our match.

Timing is something that none of us can seem to get quite right. We meet the person of our dreams the month before they leave to go study abroad. We form an incredibly close friendship with an attractive person who is already taken. One relationship ends because our partner isn't ready to get serious and another ends because they're getting serious too soon. I never liked her. Though Munna and Pandit met her in the university, I knew her from my earlier college. She was my classmate but I was too egoistic to confess that I knew her. I thought that saying so would bring down my reputation so I continued pretending as if I didn't know her.

Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time? Well, I wanted to.

It was a long day. Many things occurred that day, most importantly receiving a letter of hers.

It wasn't a confession letter but something more than that which unveiled a side of hers that I never knew. And that day I realized she was like a moon, a part of hers was always hidden. Behind that soft smile held unspoken emotions. Maybe I was overreacting, this was a mere letter to herself. She penned down what she felt and what was going on in her life. But the thing which was similar among us was being lonely despite having family and friends. Sometimes it's better to be alone than be around people who make you feel lonely.

13th December, 1994
Dear Naina,
It is probably weird to write a letter to yourself, right? But who else am I supposed to talk to?

I have a loving family, a few friends too yet no one with whom I can speak my heart out. It isn't that I don't trust them but I just can't. We all are lonely in ways no one understands.

Yesterday, Arjun Bhaiya and I fought over a silly issue. We were working on a project and mistakenly my hand hit a glass of water. It ruined the projects and that angered him. We did apologize later but words cannot be taken back. Being accused of killing my mother wasn't an easy thing to let go. I have always been referred as this by my father and relatives. I do let go of such comments but yesterday I realized words didn't hurt me but the person who said them does.

I hate this feeling. It feels like I am here but not, I have a family yet unloved. I have tried to fit in this world but still, end up being called by names. It feels like the forest is enveloped with darkness, trees have dead leaves and butterflies have broken wings. Sometimes I feel like I am fading away slowly and nobody is even noticing.
Anyways, I am okay.
-Naina

Alone. That's the feeling I felt as I read what she had written. It might be a meaningless word for people until they feel it. It made me wonder how many times I forgive people because I was scared to lose them. Life changes, you lose people, you lose friends who you thought were with you forever.

There was something about this girl, something more than just being lonely and hiding her feelings behind a smile. Isn't it strange that I didn't notice her being worried until now or was I just being curious? Curious to know about things happening in her life, about her. And that's the truth.

"Kya kar raha hai bhai tu yaha? Kab se bula rahe hai tujhe tu apni duniya mai hai." Munna said as he sat next to me. I slipped back the paper in my pocket. Curiosity comes to a person naturally but it isn't right to forcefully peep into someone else's life, right? Feelings are like waves. You cannot stop them from coming but you can choose which to surf. And I chose the wrong path, to stalk her life.

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