~For Those are the Reasons I Love You~

Four years, four peaceful years followed the turmoil of 1478, four years of bliss in the North where Catherine and Richard simply lived. They heard petitions from nobles and tenants of their lands, rode across Bamburgh beach, cared for their children. They allowed themselves to be captured by the soft blanket of domesticity wrapping itself around them and relished its warmth.

The Duke and Duchess had retreated from court and not returned, staying at Bamburgh and only moving when it came to Christmas and they celebrated at Fotheringhay or Raby where Cecily lived. Death no longer plagued them and the wheel of fortune seemed to turn in their favour, bringing life to Catherine's belly in 1480.

Richard was overjoyed when he found out and (like with her other pregnancies) refused to leave her side for the next nine months. As her belly grew, so did her delight and their children were curious.

Henry would sit his little brothers and sister down in the nursery and each of them would take turn listening to the baby inside their Mother. They would giggle when they felt a kick and even Dickon had taken to calling his little brother or sister 'baby' instead of 'pink worm' like he did when Edward was born!

Her pains had started on the eve of the 25th of September, stirring her from her sleep and Ralph too who had barked until her ladies came running from the chamber next door. It had been a relatively easy birth (just like with Edward) and by the early hours of the morning Catherine held her second daughter in her arms.

Her little Cecily. A tiny thing that preferred to stare instead of cry, observe instead of participate. She had her Mother's blonde hair, her Father's dark eyes and he especially doted on her. After their boys, he welcomed another little Princess and took to carrying her around the training yard when her brothers practiced their sword craft.

Henry was most skilled and his little brother's trailed after him like a God, imitating his every action and listening to every word of their Father he parroted. In their minds he was already a knight!

Joan was often with him, watching her brothers in awe and (after a while) Richard gave her her own dagger. She marvelled at the beautiful sight (while the sound of her brother's lances smashing against one another's shields sounded in the background) staring at the golden hilt studded with rubies and the iron blade that glistened in the sun.

"Thank you, Father!" She whispered before showing her little sister her new weapon. Cecily pawed at it, fascinated by the jewels "Look Cis! Now I can protect you like our brothers will!"
"I will show you how to wield it!" He promised and a week later made good on his word, teaching her some of what her brother's knew and from then she kept her dagger with her always.

It was more for show than for protection!

꧁꧂

May 1482, Fotheringhay Castle....

The sound of boots and shoes hammered on the stone as Catherine followed Richard up the winding staircase to his study, her gown bunched in her fists.
"You and Edward have made a deal with the Duke of Albany to invade Scotland?" She demanded and he glanced over his shoulder "Answer me, Richard! Now!"

"Yes! Yes we have!" He snapped and she scoffed, following him into the corridor with anger she rarely felt coursing through her veins.

"How could you? After everything that's happened? After everything we have been through? Have you not had enough of war?" Again he didn't reply and she followed him to his study, slamming the door behind them. He flinched "Do you want to die? Leave me and our children alone? Do you love Edward so much you place his wishes above your own family?"

Richard spun around sharply, his eyes made darker with displeasure but Catherine did not shy away. She never would. They had decided to spend the summer at Fotheringhay, wishing for their little Cecily to be introduced to their first home and at first all had been calm. Then, low and behold, along came Edward, riding through the gates with papers in his hands and ambition in his eyes.

Four hours he'd spent shut away with his little brother and now Richard had emerged with the news he was to lead an invasion of Scotland. She couldn't believe it. The two stared at one another in rare disharmony, both angry but for polar opposite reasons.

"Edward and I want to claim back the border castles given to Scotland by King Henry and Marguerite" Another scoff from his wife halted him.
"You or Edward?" She yelled, her rage hotter than the flames burning in the hearth "Your golden King Edward who I love as my brother but for this I dislike as my King. He's not even going on this suicide campaign!" Richard shook his head, fiddling with his rings.

"You will not speak about him in that way!" He muttered lowly.
"I will speak about him in any way that I like!" She shot back "He's sending my husband away to war! After he promised us peace!" A humorous laugh left her and she threw up her hands in exasperation "When will it end?"

"We only want what is ours!"

She stared at him: incredulous.
"What is yours?" She repeated, forcing her voice to steady "Never have I heard more childish words leave your mouth, Richard Plantagenet! Really! What is yours? You speak as if someone has stolen one of your toy soldiers!" Now it was Richard's turn to scoff and his voice rose to a shout.

"You know it is my duty as a Royal Duke, the King's brother! You would wish me to refuse my duty? Break my loyalty to my own brother?" Catherine glared at him, truly glared, and shook her head.
"I would expect you to put your wife and children first!"

He frowned and turned away, striding to the window; staring out of it.

"You will not sway me" He declared, almost accusingly "I will go and what's more...." Still, he didn't turn to look at her "I am taking Henry with me" A sharp silence settled in the air, only to be shattered by the cry of Catherine's voice.

"What?" She demanded. No, he would not take their son to war, he would not take their son away from her. To suggest it was lunacy! He was a boy, a child, not soldier to be shipped away!

What had Edward put into his mind to make him think thus? "First you separate us and willingly go into the arms of death and now you tell me you will take our son with you?" Her nails dug angry red crescents into her palms as she balled her fists "No! No Richard you will not do this! You will not take my son. He's only thirteen!"

"Exactly!" Richard snapped, at last turning to face her with an expression harder than stone "He's thirteen! Many boys go into battle at that age and I refuse to subject Henry to that fate but he must experience war, Catherine!" Even her name was no longer warm on his lips "He cannot remain a boy forever and you cannot protect him forever! In doing so you would only do him a disservice! No" He gave himself a nod and turned away again "He will go with me and you will not stop it. As Edward once told me, you are my wife and he is my son, he will go where I say"

That truly knocked the breath from her lungs and she stumbled back as if she'd suffered a blow, her trembling hand caught the nearest chair, smudging the fine wood with blood she'd drawn from her palms. He spoke to her like she was an inferior, a mere piece of property he could order about like a servant. He had never spoken to her this way....she'd never expected him to....

"I thought you always said that we were partners, equals?"

He turned to her again, slowly, his expression a little softer, his voice calmer, almost contrite.
"We are, Catherine" Once again, there was warmth to her name but it went ignored with a shake of her head.

"Then why do you speak to me as if I were lesser than you?" She asked "I have appreciated what you told your brothers, your friends, the court about us over the years, Richard. I never realised you didn't mean it" His eyes widened at that before darkening, not with anger, but with hurt and guilt. Perhaps he was sorry for what he'd said in anger, in fact, she was almost sure he was, but that would not sway her to forgiveness. Even if it hurt her further.

"I...."

"No" She cut him off sharply, holding up a hand "there is nothing more to say. I will sleep in my own chambers tonight, my Lord" Staring at him for a moment longer she turned on her heels and strode away, face crumpling the moment she'd left the room.

She hated when they fought and knew he did too. It was such a rare occurrence that when they did fight it somehow hurt more and one hand clutched at the front of her gown, trying to soothe her aching heart.

So blinded by unhappiness was she that when she turned a corner she almost collided with the strong figure of the King. Her gaze shot upwards as he reached to steady her, staring with a look of tender concern in his eyes. But she would not take it.

"Don't" She whispered, stepping out of his grasp before hurrying away "Don't...."

꧁꧂

June 1482....

One month. A whole month the ice between the Duke and Duchess of Gloucester lasted. He was hardly ever at the castle as he gathered his knights and mustered his troops, choosing to hunt, something which his wife enjoyed but now refused to participate in.

They hardly spoke to one another, and when they did it was clipped and cool, used to sort matters of their estate rather than matters of the heart. She spent most of her time with Henry, the boy that would soon be gone from her side. When they walked in the gardens, he would offer her his arm or pick a pretty flower and present it to her.

It was a subconscious practice of the courtship rules and traditions he would soon take part in and Catherine knew he would do it well. He truly would make a great knight, strong and chivalrous and hopefully one of the leaders of the land, but the one thought that couldn't escape her mind was that he wouldn't be one of the leaders of the land if he was dead.

She knew her heart couldn't bare to bury a child. He was her firstborn, her first son! All his life he'd been by her side and now he was to be torn from it for God knew how long!

"It's alright, Mother" He told her whenever he caught her frowning with worry "I'm thirteen! I should be going to war and Father will keep me safe! You've seen how good I am in the training yard!"

His confidence was endearing and always made tears prick her eyes when she hugged him. Henry was at the age where he thought himself invincible, akin to a God and he could be considered close with his Percy and Plantagenet blood but no one was invincible.

She knew what he didn't, that one stroke of a sword could halt his heart. 'Richard will not let him step foot on a battlefield' She constantly reminded herself but she didn't ask him to confirm it.

Inside, she wished to heal the breach between them and she could tell by his longing looks over dinner that he did too, but they were so unused to such a rift that neither knew how to take the first step to heal it. Not that their inherited family stubbornness wasn't a factor as well.

And so the days came and went in silence and longing looks that came to a head on the day of Richard's departure.

Henry stood in his rooms, the squire Richard assigned to him helping with his armour. He stood in front of the mirror hanging on the wall and couldn't deny the smile that brightened his face. The shining iron he wore arrived mere days ago, a surprise from his Father, and never had he felt more a knight then he did in that moment!

With his sword by his side, his armour clasped firm on his body, the velvet surcoat over it, excitement of the first call of war began to bubble in his stomach.

He was to go with his Father to Scotland! On a true campaign! For many nights he had dreamed of such a moment and now it had arrived, more glorious and thrilling then he ever imagined! He would make his family proud, his house proud, his country proud! More than anything he wanted to show his Father what he'd learnt in his years of training, that he knew how to command men; plan battles!

Of course, his Mother worried but that was her nature he supposed and always sought to reassure her. When he returned, she would worry no longer! She would be proud!

"I wish I was going with you!" A longing voice called from behind and Henry smiled, turning to his little sister. She watched him with awe, dressed in a gown of sky blue with her legs swinging off the end of his bed. He held up his arm for the squire to adjust the vambrace, watching her through the mirror.

"I know, Joaney, but women do not go to war!"
"Oh, believe me, brother, I know that!" She replied, hopping from the covers and striding to his side "I may be educated the same as you and our brothers, Mother and Father wouldn't allow any less, but I am still to be married for advantage. I shan't conquer any kingdoms as you will!" He laughed at that, waving the squire away with easy authority he'd come to hold those past few years.

"But is that so bad?" He asked, adjusting the red leather belt around his waist "Father has said many times he will make you a Queen and you know he does not break his word!" That made Joan pause somewhat and she brushed a strand of dark brown hair away from her thoughtful face.

"A Queen, Henny?" She mused, not being able to count how many times her Father had made such a promise. While it was great, she trusted him implicitly and liked the thought of wearing a crown.
"Yes" Henry confirmed "With jewels and servants and more land than you could ever hope for?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Yes. I would like that, I think, our Grandmother would too!"

"Well, she was meant to be the Queen, Joaney, it would make her proud to know you had achieved a crown!" A soft knock came at the door and the two children turned to see their Mother enter the room, a serene smile on her face.

"Ah, my precious jewels!" She murmured, gliding to the foot of the bed and sitting down on the soft covers "Joan, help Nell herd your brothers and sister to the courtyard. Father may let you sit on his horse if you are quick!" In a flash, Joan was gone, a squeal of glee on her lips that echoed around the hall she skipped down. Catherine smiled after her, patting the covers and almost flinching at the sound of metal that sounded around her.

It wasn't right for her boy to be in armour and yet he grinned down at her with all the joy and yearning for approval in the world "My sweet boy" She ran a hand through his hair, the flaxen curls still as soft as silk "My Henry" His smile widened and he puffed out his chest, causing his armour to clank. He so wanted to make her proud "Today, I believe, you become a man. A knight"

His blue eyes glanced to the mirror again, taking in his shining reflection.

"I do hope Father will knight me!" It was a dream, spoken on the lips of youth and that was what he was, a child although he'd just been named a man "Do you think he will, Mother?" Catherine smiled at him, taking his gauntleted hands in her and trying not to frown when she felt ice instead of the warmth of his fingers.

"If he thinks you are ready" She replied "And I think he does! If he did not he would not take you on this campaign now would he?" Hope glistened in his gaze at that and he nodded eagerly, grasping at his dream. She sighed a little "You must promise me to be safe, my love. I know you wish to fight, to prove yourself, but there is a fine line between bravery and stupidity, I will not have you cross it" Her tone was quieter now and yet more commanding, holding a firmness he wouldn't disobey.

"Yes, Mother" His blonde head dipped in submission and she placed a gentle kiss to his hair, encasing his armour-clad body in her firm embrace. God, he was still her little boy, he would always be her little boy! And now he was to go to war. She sniffed and tears pricked her eyes, slowly rolling to the bed of downy curls beneath "Don't cry" Henry murmured against her shoulder "I can't bear to see you cry...."

She laughed at his sweetness, forcing herself to relinquish her embrace, to wipe away her tears and look him in the eye.

"You are the equal of any knight" She told him firmly "you are the son of a Royal Duke, a Plantagenet of the House of York and the Earl of Rutland. Do not forget the power you hold, Henry" He gave her an obedient nod "But never use your power to do ill, do not use it to harm those weaker than yourself for those are the ones you must protect!"

"Unless they are my enemy" He recited the words his Father had told him and was glad to see his Mother's smile broaden just a little.
"Yes, my jewel" She whispered, bringing him into her arms once more "Unless they are your enemy"

'They are the ones I shall kill myself' She thought.

꧁꧂

Arm in arm, the Duchess and her young son the Earl walked into the summer heat culminating in the courtyard. Their heads held high, they smiled at the sight of Joan sitting happily on her Father's horse and the others with Nell, looking on enviously. As they approached, his Father's men began to bow and Henry felt happiness swell in his chest.

They bowed to his Mother but they also bowed to him!

"Ah, Henry!" There was no mistaking his Father's voice and he looked up to see him approaching, also in his armour with his blue and murrey surcoat over it. Just the same as his son. His Mother glided away to the others but he did not mind and performed his own bow with a grin "None of that, lad!" Richard laughed, clapping him on the shoulder as if he were an equal "Come! I have a gift for you!"

With confident strides, he led his son around the large horses surrounding them to the stables. The pleasant scent of hay assailed their senses and their boots thudded on the cobblestones as they approached a stall where a large head covered in a gleaming chestnut coat popped out in welcome. The horse snorted a little and they came to a halt, one looking on proudly, the other in awe. This was no ordinary horse, Henry realised, this was a destrier. A war horse.

"This" Richard said, patting the wet nose even he had to reach up slightly for "Is Ares" The large beast nuzzled fondly into his palm and he smiled, looking down at his son who stared in disbelief.
"After the Greek God of War?" He breathed, earning an approving nod.
"Indeed, lad and he's yours!"

Henry's eyes went wider than saucers and he stared up at his Father in shock. He was to have his own destrier? Nay, his Father must be teasing "I'm perfectly serious!" Richard affirmed as if he could read his mind "He's yours, Henry, after all every knight must have a trusty steed!" He chuckled when he suddenly found his son clinging to him in a thankful embrace, squeezing him tight and declaring his thanks over and over again.

Mere minutes later, Henry was sat proudly atop his new steed in the courtyard and Joan was down from their Father's, standing dutifully beside their Mother. All were ready to depart and Catherine watched Richard carefully as he made the final preparations, checking his saddle and provisions and what not.

When it finally came to say their farewells, she felt her chest tighten a little with nerves and felt the urge to avert her eyes until they caught his own to find them filled with remorse. Without a word, he strode up to her and took her hand, pressing a warm kiss to her knuckles, all while keeping their eyes locked.

"I do not wish to part on bad terms, ma belle"
"Nor do I" She admitted "That is the last thing I want" He smiled a little and looked over his shoulder to where their son was.

"I will keep him safe, Cate" He told her "You know I will" A small nod was all he received in way of reply and his urge to soothe her was so strong that he pulled her into his arms without another word. Instinctively, her arms clasped around his neck and her eyes filled with tears, heart aching with guilt at how futile their argument had been, their coldness.

How she regretted it now! What if he went and never came back, what if she never got another chance to hold him in her arms to tell him how much she loved him. What if....

Two gauntleted fingers gently tilted up her chin and she found herself gazing into eyes of deep blue. Eyes she knew as well as her own "I will come back to you, my love" He told her softly "You can count on that" He wiped away a tear escaping the corner of her eye and she smiled slightly.

"You had better, Dickon. For if you don't I shall be very angry with you"
"And we wouldn't want that" He replied before pulling her into a gentle kiss.