F A L L O N

"I'm so sick of myself. I'd rather be, rather be anyone, anyone else. My jealousy, jealousy started following me."

. . .

His lips are soft but firm. They move with preciseness and determination. As if he knows what he's going.

His hand lands on my waist, pulling me closer and the other one on my cheek as he deepens the kiss.

My hands grip his shirt, clutching it tightly between my fingers. I stand on my toes and angle my head, parting my lips and letting his tongue lick mine.

A soft moan leaves me, and he growls, pushing me against the door. The kiss is slow and sensual, making heat pool in my panties.

There's a voice inside my head, that's telling me to stop, but it's not loud enough.

My body prickles with need, wanting his touch more than anything else I've ever wanted.

A little moan leaves me when I feel his tongue piercing touch me, and a zing of excitement goes through me.

His hand caresses my waist, going down until he reaches the bare skin of my legs. Kissing him comes without hesitation as if I've been waiting for this all this time.

I have been, though.

Lifting my leg, I wrap it around his waist and pull him closer to me, letting out a sound of approval.

This is wrong. So, so wrong. It shouldn't be happening, but fuck if I don't want it to.

His hand is rubbing up and down my thigh, his fingers making me feel giddy. I want them where I need them the most.

His other hand goes to the back of my neck, holding my head still as he pushes his lips against mine, tasting them and flicking his tongue across them.

I let out a tiny moan and slide my hands up his body, towards his hair. Shifting in his hold, I revel in the feeling of having his hands on my bare skin.

His hand is rubbing circles on my leg, and it causes me to shiver. Pushing myself up, I come a bit closer to him and mold our lips together, feeling our teeth clacking for a short second. But I don't care.

He leans away, planting another kiss on my lips before moving down and kissing me delicately on my cheek.

Then my jaw. He follows my jawline, pressing soft kisses there. I bite my lip, but a moan still manages to escape.

His hand that was resting on my leg, goes up to my sides where he slides it up until his fingertips reach the swell of my breast.

The feeling this gives me is addictive.

I don't know how much farther we would've gone if it weren't for his phone ringing.

We break apart from the kiss, breathing heavily. I open my eyes and find him looking at me already.

What the fuck did we just do?

He kissed me. And I kissed him back. He kissed me.

Knowing that, makes me happy. That maybe he'd been longing for me as I have for him.

But then he reaches for his phone, and his lip twitches as he picks up.

"Stella?"

That name feels like a slap to the face. Stella. I just kissed my best friend's fiancé.

Without thinking twice about it. Without hesitation.

Nicholas is talking, but his words don't register.

What the fuck.

I look up when he does, tucking his phone away.

"She's in the parking lot," he tells me. I nod, quickly turning around and unlocking the door. We both get out in an empty hallway – thank fuck.

Without another word shared between us, we walk down the hallway and go all the way down to the parking lot.

Stella's blonde hair meets my eyes as we near his car, and she turns around with a smile.

"There you two are! I'm sorry, I should have left a message saying you both should have stayed in the car instead of going out and look for me."

I wave it away. "It's no problem," I smile tightly, finding it difficult to look into her eyes after what I've done.

But she only makes me feel worse when she hugs me quickly.

My eyes follow her when she lets go of me, walking towards Nicholas and leaning up to press a kiss on his lips.

The lips I've touched with my own not so long ago.

It feels like a knife is being driven into my chest. What have I just done? How can I do this to my best friend?

The worst thing is, I would do it all over again if he were to kiss me for a second time. I'd respond with the same fervor.

"It's pretty late already, how about we just pick up something to eat on the way to your house and eat it there?" Stella asks me.

I snap my eyes up towards hers and nod. "Yeah, I don't feel so good," I murmur and send her a tight smile, before getting in the car without another word.

I buckle up and let my head rest against the cold window, exhaling and squeezing my eyes shut.

I can feel his lips on mine. The way his hands roamed my skin. His deep breaths and the delicious feeling of his short stubble against my cheeks.

Absentmindedly, I raise my fingers towards my lips and I rub them, not believing what happened.

You guys kissed, get over it.

Nicholas' silence right after stings. He could've at least said it was a mistake. Or told me that he didn't know what he was doing.

Or that it was in the heat of the moment.

But he remained quiet. As if disgusted with the act. So disgusted that he doesn't want to pay it any attention and forget about it.

And I know I'll be the one in bed at night, recalling the memory of the one forbidden thing that happened.

Rules are made to be broken.

I'm addicted to doing things that one doesn't do, nor commit. And I just took it too far.

But so did he. God, he's to blame as much as I am.

On the way home, Stella talks about things that happened at work. Whenever she asks me a question, she needs to repeat it since I keep on zoning out.

Finally – finally – we get home. We picked up some food, but I can't get anything in my stomach, so I just put the salad in the fridge.

I wish them both a quiet goodnight and head up the stairs, practically flying to my room and locking the door behind me.

Pressing a hand against my mouth, I can feel the tears burning my eyes. Fuck, what is going on?

Exhaling, I walk towards the bathroom and turn the shower on.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" I ask as I rid myself of my clothes and step underneath the showerhead.

Leaning against the cold tiles, I can feel my guilt consuming me.

I feel horrible about what happened. I shouldn't have kissed him back. Instead, I should've pushed him away and told him that it was wrong.

But then, my whole body feels like it's on fire whenever I recall the kiss. The blazing fire his hands left behind and the magic his mouth performed.

God, those lips...

The way his body was pressed against mine. I wonder what other sounds he'd make if we took it a step further. I thoroughly enjoyed his deep breaths – even though it may sound pathetic.

If he were to walk in here and do all those things again, I'd let him without hesitation. And I don't know what that says about me as a person.

But it for sure won't make me a good one.

After having cleaned my entire body – as if that would wash away all the sins I've committed – and washed my hair, I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around my body.

I put my hair up in a T-shirt to let it dry and walk back into my room.

Turning off all the devices I have, I for one do my skincare routine and take care of myself, in an attempt to relax.

I meet my reflection in the mirror and gaze into my own eyes. And wonder if I should tell Stella.

She has been there for my entire life. I've always known her. She has always given me advice whether it be on boys or other things I was going through. She's like the big sister I never had.

Biting my lip, I let out a sigh. Maybe I should let Nicholas take care of this. I don't know if he's willing to tell her, but he should.

Knowing he's the one who initiated it, he probably won't.

Deciding to sleep on it, I go to lay in bed and close my eyes. Though it takes a long time before sleep finally finds me.

When I wake up, it's dark outside. And I notice that my stomach is grumbling like crazy, and my throat is dry and thirsty.

Getting up, I rub the sleep out of my eyes and head for my door, opening it and going downstairs.

I don't bother to turn on the lights and just open the fridge, the bright light of it making me squint my eyes together.

Taking a bottle of water and the salad I left here earlier, I go the sit on the counter.

I dig into the salad without looking, bringing everything up to my mouth. I feel like I'm swallowing everything down at once.

Like I've never eaten anything before in my life.

Manners, Fallon. Fucking hell.

Gulping down the water, I let out a sigh in content and continue to eat my salad in peace.

That is until the light flicks on in the kitchen.

"Fuck!" I mutter and look up, feeling all the blood drain of my face when I see Nicholas standing in the doorway.

Why the fuck does he always get up in the middle of the night. Why do I?

I'll be getting myself a mini-fridge from now on, so I can eat and drink in peace.

"Sorry," he whispers huskily and dims the light of the kitchen, making it more bearable for my eyes.

I look down, focusing all my attention on the salad that has become the most interesting thing at the moment.

I play around with the croutons and bring one to my mouth. The crunchy sound of it as I eat it fills the room, making me heat up in embarrassment.

Just perfect.

I quickly swallow it down and take another sip of my water.

Nicholas walks over to the fridge and gets a bottle of water as well, leaning against the counter with his eyes focused on the ground.

Leave. Please.

And then he looks up, making our eyes meet. I'm addicted to the green swirl in them. It gives his eyes something captivating. And it makes my heart skip a beat.

My breath hitches when he pushes himself off the counter and walks over towards me, raising his hand and gently brushing away a strand of hair.

That movement takes me back to when he did it earlier, right before he'd kissed me.

It makes goosebumps erupt on my skin.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, before retracting his hand and leaving the kitchen.

. . .

Sorry for the wait. My laptop was dead and I couldn't charge it here, since the adapter doesn't fit into the plug here, so I had to find another way to charge my laptop.

And I did, thank god.

In the time I was here, I've been to the hospital and laid in bed all day, sleeping.

BECAUSE I'M STILL SICK.

One good day. Just ONE.

I feel better than I did the days before, though.

And I'm talking to a guy, hehe.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it!

I love you