F A L L O N

"In your eyes, I know it hurts to smile but you try to, oh you try to. You always try to hide the pain, you always know just what to say. I always look the other way, I'm blind, I'm blind."

. . .

The next morning, I go downstairs with Suzie trailing behind me, asking for a cup of tea.

"What kind of tea do you want, Suzie?" I ask her when we have arrived in the kitchen. I see Stella sitting at the counter, with Nicholas. My throat closes up at the image of them, but I continue my way.

"Good morning," I grin, and Stella returns it. "Good morning," she says cheerily.

I glance behind me and see Suzie struggle to get on one of the stools. Nicholas gets up and takes her tiny body, helping her.

It turns my insides into liquid as I see that, but I focus my attention back on the tea.

"Tea?" Stella voices. Suzie nods. "Since when do you like tea? You've always despised it," Stella chuckles.

"I tried some of Fallon's tea yesterday, and I liked it!" she giggles. I smile down at her, a genuine smile.

"Chamomile tea it is, then," I say, and go to grab two cups from the cupboard. I let the water boil, and grab some sugar.

"Would you like sugar, Suzie?" I ask her. "Sugar is sweet," she says. I look at her.

"Yes," I chuckle. She nods rapidly. "The sweeter the better!" she says.

"Not too much, don't want you to get a sweet tooth, honey," Stella says.

I glance up at her and see her looking at her cousin.

When the water is done boiling, I grab it and pour it into one of the cups. Stella has turned on the radio since she can't stand the silence a lot.

A song that I know comes on to the radio, and I find myself mumbling along with the lyrics.

"You can sing another language!" Suzie exclaims, and I look at her. I chuckle.

"Yes," I laugh and pour my cup with water. "What is it?" she asks and furrows her eyebrows.

"It's Spanish," I answer and hand her one cup. "It's pretty when you speak it," she voices, making me laugh to hide my blush.

"Thank you," I grin and lightly poke her nose, causing her to giggle.

"So, Suzie has warmed up to you," Stella notices, looking happy and relieved about it. I nod. "Yeah, she did. We had a great time, didn't we?" I ask the little girl, who nods frantically.

"I loved it here, so much," she says and holds her arms apart, to showcase how much she liked it.

I giggle at the gesture and take the girl in my arms. "So did I," I grin, meaning it.

When I go to get a cup of coffee at Starbucks a few hours later, a smile comes on my face as I recall Suzie leaving.

She had eaten two pieces of the cake as breakfast since I allowed her to – as soon as Stella left – and I had some as well. It was delicious.

She didn't want to say goodbye to me when Stella came into the room and made Stella promise that she'd see me again.

She took Suzie with her when she left for work, to drop her back home.

At Starbucks, I ask for an iced tea and wait patiently in line. I had to stop by mom's place this morning to drop off her wallet since she forgot it at home, and decided to go to Starbucks before I head back.

When I left my house this morning, I left a piece of cake on the kitchen counter along with a note addressed to Nicholas, telling him that I saved him a piece.

I even kept a piece aside for Donia. She called this morning, asking to hang out.

Walking back towards my car, I pass a group of guys.

"Hey mama," I hear one of them say. With a heart that's starting to beat faster, I ignore them as I walk to my car.

"Don't you want to come to hang out with us? Have a drink, maybe?"

Just ignore them.

I quicken my pace, trying to come over as unaffected, and take a sip of my tea. I don't hear any footsteps following me, and that's a relief.

"You're a bag of bones anyway."

Tears spring to my eyes upon hearing those words, but I swallow them away and get in my car as fast as I can.

Starting the engine, I put my tea away and get out of there. My breathing has become louder, and I try to calm myself as I try not to cry.

Bag of bones.

My fingers are clenching around the steering wheel, and my throat is starting to hurt. I won't allow myself to cry.

I have gone through this enough, and every time I need to tell myself that I don't care. That my hip dips are beautiful.

That I have a lot of people tell me that my long legs are beautiful and desired by many.

You know that your body isn't made to please the male gaze.

But it's still hard because, for a long time, my body didn't please my gaze.

And hearing the words that I have thought for a long time, come out of someone else's mouth, just confirms them.

By the time I get home, tears have blurred my vision. But I haven't shed one. Getting myself together, I inhale and exhale, before trying to act normal and take a sip of my tea.

But it doesn't taste good. My appetite is lost and my stomach is in knots. Entering the kitchen, I put the cup down and notice the empty plate where the piece of cake was resting on. The note is gone, too.

A weak smile finds its way to my lips, and I continue my path to the hallway and living room, where I just plan on distracting myself and watch some shows.

"Fallon?"

The way he says my name makes a warmth spread itself in my chest. It sounds so much prettier when his deep and husky voice pronounces it.

Stopping in my tracks in the middle of the living room, I look up and see Nicholas. He sees my tear-stained eyes. A frown comes on his face and he starts walking up to me.

"Are you okay?" he asks, concern written over his face. My inhale is shaky, and those words cause a tear to spill over my lashes, sliding down my cheek.

I want to nod, tell him not to worry about me, but I do the opposite and shake my head instead.

Nicholas carefully places a hand on my shoulder, looking into my eyes to see if I want to be touched or not.

"It's okay," I tell him. And then he surprises me by pulling me closer and wrapping his arms around me.

"What happened?"

"Something stupid," I chuckle, though without humor. Tears are staining his shirt, but he doesn't seem to mind.

I feel weak and dumb to be crying over something like this. Over a simple comment that has been made about my body.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks. My heart skips a beat when I feel his hand on my back, rubbing up and down in an attempt to soothe me.

"A man just commented on my body," I explain. His hold on my body tightens a bit. "What did he say?"

"That's I'm a bag of bones." Saying it out loud causes some fresh tears to spill. It's like a harsh slap to the face.

One too many of them.

Nicholas gently grips my chin and tips my head back a bit, so our eyes meet.

"Fuck them," he whispers, "fuck anyone who has something to say about you when it's not yourself. Only your opinion matters, no one else's."

"It hurts," I admit, "those words hurt, and it's not easy to ignore them."

"Never said it was," he replies. "But you're stronger than that. You don't need someone's validation. You're intelligent, kind, and beautiful."

Hearing those words coming from him is like having the antidote for being poisoned. It takes away some of that pressure.

But I hate the fact that I need validation. And that it made me feel so much better when Nicholas said those words.

"Stella had been insecure as well, but the longer I got to know her, the less she started giving a fuck about what other people think."

I try not to let my shoulders drop with disappointment at the mention of my best friend. Of course, she doesn't give a fuck.

She's perfect.

She isn't too short nor too tall, has breasts that everyone keeps taking a look at, and a plump ass.

Her waist is tiny and her smile belongs in a toothpaste commercial. She has eyes as blue as the ocean and a laugh that can make anyone smile. Her petite body makes anyone scared to touch her, afraid to hurt her.

She has nothing to be insecure about.

I shake my head and force out a smile. "I will keep that in mind, thank you."

My breathing stops a bit when he brushes his thumb over my cheek, our proximity making my heart accelerate.

"Don't let someone's stupid comment affect you like that. Especially when it's not true."

Those words stick around, making me want to have a dumb smile on my face.

"Thank you," I whisper and lean up, pressing a soft kiss on his cheek.

His light stubble tickles my lips, and fuck do I want to feel it everywhere on my body. I clench my thighs together and lean back, taking a step away from him.

"Anytime," he replies, making me sink my teeth into my lower lip.

Sending him another smile, I turn around and exit the living room, headed for my room where I settle to watch a movie instead.

"So... he said you're hot?"

I roll my eyes. "No, Donia. He just said that I don't need to listen to comments that don't mean anything."

"That's true. But he also said what? That you're intelligent and kind? And that the comment made wasn't true?" she asks and wiggles her eyebrows.

"I mean... yeah, but–"

"He said you're hot," she concludes. "You're annoying. Leave my house."

She flips me off and rolls over in my bed, taking a look outside. "Your life is interesting," she notices. "Like a book. Fill me in on what happens next."

"Will do," I reply sarcastically.

"I'm serious, though. You're beautiful and shouldn't let comments like that affect you. That man has a small dick and probably couldn't stand the thought that someone as beautiful as you rejected him."

I smile at Donia, soaking up her words. "Thank you," I smile, being bad at taking compliments.

She sees that I'm still affected by the words. "Name three things you like about your body," she says.

I think about it. "My boobs," I say dryly, making her snort.

"Okay, two more."

"My... collarbones and legs."

"Good, now two more," she encourages. I think about it some more. "My waist and hands? I like my fingers," I say and hold my hand out, inspecting them.

"Your whole body is beautiful, Fallon. You're so fucking gorgeous," she sighs, frustrated that I can't see it.

"I know, I'm just learning to see it, too," I assure her and send her a little smile. Because I am.

I always praise others for their hip dips and stretch marks, finding it a beautiful sight to see on other women. But it makes me wonder why I can't accept it on myself.

We spend the afternoon watching movies. Mostly stupid romcoms to get my mind off of things.

When Stella comes home later that day, I decide to not tell her about what happened between Nicholas and me.

It's up to him if he's going to tell her or not.

I'm not going to tell her that my day has been shit, either. I have received a lot of talks from Stella, telling me not to worry about anything concerning my body and that I'm beautiful.

I feel like she's growing tired of always telling me that.

"Hey, what about throwing a party? It's been a while since we have all come together and hang out?" Donia suggests.

I nod. "Sounds good. My parents are leaving this weekend for a short trip, Stella is basically at her job all the time and I can arrange that Nicholas leaves, maybe," I shrug.

"Or he can stay," she says and wiggles her eyebrows. I let out a little laugh at that.

"Sure. He's thirty-four, Donia. Not a teenager anymore," I chuckle.

He's thirty-four. That shouldn't be as hot. She shrugs. "He can stay on the east side of the mansion while we go at it on the west side. You could accidentally stumble into him."

"He's engaged to my best friend, please," I say and roll my eyes. "That's true. I'm sorry," she apologizes and I wave it away, knowing it was a joke.

A party it is, then.

. . .

You guys keep on asking me for smut.

PATIENCE OMG.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

I love you.