TWO WEEKS LATER

F A L L O N

"I'm not afraid anymore, what makes you sure you're all I need? Forget about it. When you walk out the door and leave me torn, you're teaching me to live without it."

. . .

Clicking around on my laptop, I purchase all the books for college that I need and download them directly onto my iPad.

College is approaching, and I need to be prepared and ready. I don't mind going back to campus.

I've been mainly doing nothing in the time in New York, and I want some distractions. Now, with classes approaching, I can distract myself just fine.

Being in New York has been great for me. I contacted a few friends I have here and we've met up a few times.

I cut my hair. It reaches my shoulders now and is healthier than ever.

Aside from meeting up with friends and talking to Aurora daily, I have been watching shows in my room. And working out.

Because my mind often wanders off towards Nicholas, and my heart aches at the memory of him.

I haven't heard of him in the past weeks, and that's confirmation that he doesn't care about me. I don't even want to know what he's doing.

I do, but I forbid myself from looking him up. I forbid myself from asking Aurora about him.

But I've been doing better. It still hurts to think about him, but I'm trying my best to move on from him.

I've asked Donia if she's seen Stella back in San Francisco, but she says she hasn't. I want to reach out to Stella and tell her that I hope she's okay.

But I know she'd rather hear nothing from me.

Donia and dad have both made me see that Stella hasn't been a good friend to me either, and while I have realized that, I know that she didn't deserve what I did to her.

A week ago, my mom texted me, asking me how I was doing.

The text brought tears to my eyes, because even though the way she treated me wasn't fair and I should resent her for it, she's still my mother and I need her in my life.

There was a time where we went shopping together and spent the whole day together, gossiping and enjoying each other's company.

She was never one to be too affectionate, but she was when I needed it.

So, it felt beyond relieving to see her reaching out first.

Dad has texted me nearly every day, or he calls me. He doesn't talk a lot about mom, and I don't know how things are between them.

So I don't ask.

The doorbell rings, and I get up from behind my desk, walking over towards the door and opening it. Aurora's smile greets me, and then I'm enveloped in one of her hugs.

"Hey, you're a bit early," I chuckle once I let go of her. "I'm always early," she chuckles and I invite her in.

This isn't the first time that she's visited me. I'm seeing her as a true friend, and I enjoy her company a lot.

We can talk for hours on end or we watch some movies. Though, I rather spend time at her place since it gives me such a homey vibe.

I feel at ease there and Riccardo is really kind.

"How are you? Want something to drink?" I ask and turn around, heading for the kitchen.

"Oh, no. Thank you, though. I came to see how you were doing."

"You talk to me every day, you know how I am," I chuckle and take a seat at the island. She does the same and throws her hair over one shoulder.

"Yes, but I meant regarding Nicholas, how are you holding up?" she asks.

Her gaze is too penetrating. Over the past weeks, I can tell why she's a good lawyer. Her gaze is intimidating and she knows when you're lying.

So that's why I avert my eyes and look out of the window that grants me a pretty view of the city.

"I'm... good, yeah," I tell her and fiddle with my hands. "I still think about him, but I'm positive that I'll get over him."

I can hear the concern in her voice as she asks; "You want to get over him?"

My heart breaks at hearing those words, and at the thought of my answer.

"I mean, yeah. He hasn't made any attempts to talk to me these past few weeks. If he really wanted to, I think he'd try and found out where I am and make some contact with me."

"About that..." Aurora trails off, and sends me a little smile.

"What?" I ask and sit up a bit, putting my entire focus on her.

"He has been in New York for the past three weeks."

The information takes some time to process, and stupidly, my heart skips a beat.

"W-why? Why are you telling me this? Why didn't he contact me, then?"

Aurora bites her full lower lip before letting out a sigh. 

"Well, I forbade him from contacting you," she begins, but quickly continues when I frown, "because I wanted you to get comfortable here first. You were so sad and heartbroken that I wanted it all to mend a bit. But my brother has been running out of patience and wants to see you."

"If he wants to see me so badly, why can't he contact me?" I frown. "Because I told him not to. I wanted to see how you were doing first and I'm not one to tell someone else what to do, but I was trying to do what was best for you."

I send her a little smile and nod. "I appreciate that, thank you, Aurora. So, Nicholas wants to see me?"

She nods and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yes, he does. Kind of impatient, actually. Do you want to see him?"

I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready to see him.

But, I did dream of him reaching out to me first. Of him flying over to New York and putting effort into seeing me.

And he did, in fact. He's been waiting for me to be ready to face him.

"Yeah, I do," I reply, and Aurora sends me a satisfied smile. "That's great! Do you want to see him at my place?"

"Yeah, that'd be good."

My heartrate picks up at the knowledge that I'm going to see him tomorrow.

I don't know what's going to happen, and I don't know how I'm going to react when I see him again.

What I do know, is that my body will most likely betray me and react to him in the way it always does.

Aurora stays a bit longer, but my head isn't really with the conversation. By the time that I wave her out and close the door behind me, I'm a nervous wreck.

I'm going to see him again tomorrow.

Shaking my head, I go into my room and get another blank canvas, starting to paint for the rest of the evening to distract myself from my nervousness.

The next day, I put on a pair of flared jeans with a cropped, dark green hoodie on top of it and my white sneakers.

I put some almond oil into the ends of my hair and let it loose above my shoulders. It was getting some used to, this new haircut.

I was used to having my strands all over the place and being a wild, but beautiful, mess. Now, it's all chopped off and easier to handle.

Coating my eyelashes in a bit of mascara, I then apply some lip-balm on my lips.

"Why am I putting so much effort in this?" I frown and put the makeup down.

Shaking my head, I take my belongings and check everything, before going downstairs to the basement where my car is.

The drive towards the Silvestro's doesn't take long, and before I know it, I'm about to take the elevator up.

I press the button and wait anxiously for the elevator to arrive.

My heart is pounding in my chest. I didn't realize that seeing Nicholas again would make me so nervous, even though that's all I wanted ever since I came to New York.

Back home, Nicholas had reached out to me to talk. But I refused.

The doors open, and I step inside, pressing the number to Aurora's floor. The light turns green after a minute, saying I got permission to go up.

Why did you refuse? Maybe you wouldn't be here if you had listened to him.

Leaning my head against the iron wall, I close my eyes and recall the feeling of loneliness I had back in San Francisco.

The feeling of thinking that no one supported me. Nicholas didn't talk to me, and every time I tried, he turned away.

The way he made me think he slept with Stella in England.

That broke my heart, and not even once did he tell me that he didn't do it. He let my mind go ahead and make assumptions.

Why? So I'd realize that I didn't have to expect a relationship from him?

I clench my hands into fists by my side at the thought and memory of the hurt I went through.

Every time I tried to comfort him when Stella found out, he turned away. Didn't he once realize that I needed comforting, too?

Even though I screwed up and I asked for it, I was still hurt. I didn't have my mom, and for a short while I thought my dad didn't want anything to do with me.

Yeah, I remember why I left.

The ping of the elevator gets me out of my thoughts, and the doors open. Aurora comes walking down the hallway and sends me a soft, sympathetic smile.

"Hey, how are you?" she asks and gives me a swift hug when I step inside. "I'm good," I choke out and force out a grin.

I have my hurt and anger to hold on to. With that, I can confront Nicholas and not crumble in front of him.

When I walk into the living room, I notice that the place is rather quiet.

"Where is everyone?" I ask Aurora and turn to face her.

"Riccardo is off to the office, Alyssa and Dante went to the library with Elena and Alessandro is holed up in his room gaming," she chuckles. "I'm working from home today," she then adds.

"Now, Nicholas is in the library, where we were last time. Whenever you're ready, you can go."

She gives my shoulder a soft squeeze, before walking to the kitchen and asking me if I want something to drink.

I politely decline and get myself together, before heading into the hallway and towards the library.

Once in front of the door, I swallow and inhale deeply, gathering all my courage before putting my hand on the doorknob.

Just think about how you felt. Think about the anger you felt.

Opening the door, I step inside and see his tall form standing by the window. His bulky and broad form is intimidating, but I didn't realize how much I missed it.

As soon as he hears the door opening, he turns around and our eyes meet.

It has only been a few weeks since I last saw him, but the pull between us returns in one fraction of a second as soon as I set my eyes back on him.

The click of the door closing sounds behind me, and I take one, timid step further into the room.

His broad frame turns fully towards me, and I recall the warm feeling spreading through my chest every time he'd hug me with those arms and press my closer to him.

Your anger, Fallon.

"Fallon," he whispers, and that single caress of his voice brings shivers down my spine.

So much for being strong.

"I missed you," he says and takes a step forward. I remain in place, not taking a step backward because I refuse to show my weak side.

The side that doesn't want him to touch me because I know he'll have me in his power again.

I missed you, too.

"You wanted to talk to me?" I ask and wrap my arms around myself, never breaking our eye-contact.

"Of course," he frowns, "I came all the way down here as soon as I knew you were in New York. Been wanting to contact you ever since."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because I know better than not to listen to my sister," he answers and takes another step towards me.

"God, Fallon, I haven't stopped thinking about you," he whispers and a pained expression takes place in his eyes.

Those are words that I longed to hear. Those are words that make a warmth spread in my chest.

"You don't treat the people you can't stop thinking about like that," I frown, "you made me feel horrible."

"I know baby," he whispers and takes another step towards me.

His fingers flex beside him, as if he's fighting himself from grabbing me and pulling me closer to him.

"But I can explain," he says and leans against the back of one of the couches near us. And even leaning against them, he still towers over me.

He crosses his arms, and I try not to let my eyes drop to his bulging muscles and veins.

"There was an attempted robbery at my parents' house which demanded my attention, and then someone fucked up at work," he begins, and my anger immediately softens upon hearing how his parents could've been in danger.

I've only met them once, but they were the loveliest couple I've ever seen. Their love rubbed off on me and made me feel welcome in their presence.

"Then I had Stella to deal with, and it was all such a mess that I forgot about you," he whispers and takes his stance again.

"There's still such a thing as a phone," I frown. "I was worried. And I was lonely. Nicholas, I..." I begin and feel my voice crack.

Clearing my throat, I square my shoulders and stand a little straighter.

"I felt so lonely. So alone and it was horrible. And the only person I thought could relate to my pain and be there for me, wasn't. You pushed me away and I understand why you were busy and I understand why you left me alone, but you could've said so. You could've told me everything or ask me to leave."

"Fallon, I know," he replies, and I see the regret on his features. "I just want to apologize for being a stupid fuck. Because I screwed up everything and lost you through all of it. While my plan was to keep you."

I'm aware that he knows he fucked up, and I can tell that his apology is sincere.

So all I do is settle with a, "Thank you for your apology. I appreciate it."

And I missed you, too. So much.

And even though I'm happy with knowing what he feels and that he knows he fucked up, I don't know if I'm ready to let him back into my life.

I wished he'd come back to me. I wished he'd make the effort and he did. But now it's uncertain what's going to happen.

What does he want with me?

"Your hair looks beautiful."

My eyes snap up to his, and I see he's looking at my curls. He trails his eyes over my face, letting his eyes caress every features and every inch.

"Thank you," I breathe out.

He lifts his hand, ready to put it on my cheek.

But I take a step back, and shake my head. "Not yet," I choke out.

I'm not ready.

"I will get you back," he states confidentially.

"Not now," I reply just as confident, and turn around, heading out of the library and leaving him behind.

. . .

Fallon is confused, guys.

Give her some slack.

Or slap her, idk.

Writing about Fallon's confused feelings is confusing the fuck out of me. 

I wanna hate on this chapter but y'all be saying that my own self-hate is getting old.

Fuck off???

If I wanna hate I'll hate. 

This chapter sucks. There, I said it.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading it anyway.

I love you.