ꏳꀍꍏᖘ 034

The clock strikes 01:00 am.

I double check to make sure it does,and then again just for good measure.

Then who the hell would come knocking on my door at such an absurd hour?

It couldn't be a burglar,those savages didn't knock,neither a delivery,or if it were they'd normally just leave the package on my doorstep.

There was absolutely no reason for them to wake me at a time like this.

I clutch my gown closer around my pajamas,a wooden spoon held in my other hand,for what I did not know, maybe the comfort that I'd be able to beat a bitch like my momma used to beat my ass if I showed disobedience.

Yes,the wooden spoon came from deep in my childhood, still a treasured weaponeer till this day.

Another three knocks echoes through the hallway, brushing against my eardrums and heightening the panicked feeling settling down below,in my empty abdomen.

Now was probably not the best time to realise I was hungry,was it?

"Who is it?"
My voice sounds groggy as hell,and I bet the person on the other side of my front door would be able to hear it as well.

Couldn't that be enough of a reason to just leave the package and go?

"It-It's Jungkook,Ari."

What, the hell, exactly was Jungkook doing at my home at such an late,or rather, early morning hour?

Discovering it to be Jungkook indeed after opening the door,to reveal his disheveled state of a beanie sat askew atop his snow flaked hair,a red tint to his cheeks and nose, his red rimmed eyes,clad in nothing else other than an oversized hoodie and some baseball shorts?

Did this man want to die, perhaps?

"What the hell,get in here!
You couldn't bundle up in warmer clothes could you?What if you caught a cold you imbecile,I don't need you dying of the murky weather right now.
Jesus fuck."
My rambling is irritating and irrelevant to me,as are my frantic hands rubbing along his arms as I shut the door behind us, touching the heel of my hands to his cheeks and then feeling his forehead for an oncoming fever.

"Ari,I'm fine,it's fine-"

"No,no it is not fine Jungkook.
People die in weather like this,did you see how the roads looked? Do you know how slippery the roads are and just how easily you could go crashing?
Why are you so irresponsible!
And you're so cold,why are you even fucking wearing shorts in this weather?
No what I even should ask,is why you are even out in this weather?"

"I- I just wanted to see you.
Is that so bad?"
He sniffles,not meeting my gaze as he stands before me guiltily, clutching his hands to himself as he fidgets.

Immediately my resolve softens and I regret just jumping down his throat like that.A sigh leaves me,he was getting it right easier and easier to work me around his pinky,day by day.

"No,no it's not.
I just want you to think of your safety baby,you can't just-
Just next time,call me before making rash decisions,would you?"
I say, lifting his chin so that he looks at me.

The hint of wetness closing over them unsettles me dearly,and I regret my harsh way of wording my worries even more now.

But,that was just reckless.
I cannot lose Jungkook to his fucking recklessness right now,not ever.
I'll have him a designated driver all over again if it means he wouldn't be behind a steering wheel on caked roads like this.

"I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to-
I'm sorry,I should probably just go uhm.."
I hear as his voice cracks,his stance of immediately turning his head to the door telling me his not in a good enough state to leave right now.

As if I'd let the sun of a bitch leave again out in this shitty weather.

"Kookie?"
My voice is soft as I touch his hunched back,his bowed head hiding away his face from me.

Something I'm not appreciating,but I'm going to need to go about this situation as carefully as possible.

"Shit,shit,shit.
I'm so pathetic right now, God fucking damnit."

"Let's calm down okay?
Come on,I want to get you warm."

He hesitates,before relenting and turning his front to me,and I spot his wet lashes and furrowed brows.

Jungkook looked like he was near a breaking point and it in return,was breaking Arielle's heart.

I tug him down to me, gently wiping at his tears, stroking the tender red skin from his continuous rubbing moments ago,my heart in her in my throat at seeing my arrogant brat of a boy like this.

I don't say anything as I lead him towards my closet,there I hand him a pair of oversized sweats and a long sleeved white shirt,deemed to fit him seeing as it was Seokjin's, from nights before where we would binge together on work.

While Jungkook goes to change,the silence of my home settles over me while I prepare some hot cocoa, snacking on some cheddar flavoured crackers as I drop three soft sponges of marshmallows into each steaming cup.

Just as I set it down in front of the couch in my lounging room,I hear Jungkook exit the bathroom and make his way over to my bedroom. Probably not seeing me there,his footsteps proceed to thump through the hallway until he is standing at the entry way.

I hold his red gaze,it being obvious he did some more crying and my heart hurts for the sight.

"I made hot chocolate?"
I say in a suggesting matter,pointing towards the two cups with steam rising out of them,and the crackers accompanying them.

A weird combination yes,but I was hungry and typically in the mood for my cheddar crackers.

"Thank you."
He says as he comes to sit next to me,and I put my feet beneath me in a cross legged manner, not much later until he mirrors my position.

"No problem,want a cracker with that?"
I ask as I nibble on my 5th one, leaving the hot beverage for after.

"Don't most people prefer biscuits with their hot chocolate?"
He questions,and I giggle gleefully.

"I'm not most people,am I?"

"No,you're not.
Probably to perfect to even be considered human."
He mumbles the last part probably hoping I don't hear, unfortunately for him,I do.

"Perfect in my imperfections,yeah?"

"Hm."
He hums, I get the inkling feeling that he doesn't wholely agree with me.

"Do you want to talk about it?"
I approach his vulnerable state of earlier with caution,not wanting to intrude on something that just might not be my business.

"It's stupid, actually."
He says,and a grimace touches my mouth.

"It couldn't be,I don't think it'd have you crying if it was as inferior as you're suggesting."

"But it is,even more so that it made me cry."

"Why was it stupid then,Kookie?"

"Because I've been going through the same procedure my whole life, meaning I'd have to be used to it by now, shouldn't I?"
He sighs into his hot cup of cocoa, giving me the idea that this stretches way further than just being stupid.

"If it's not considerate to your feelings,and leaves you crying about the matter thereafter,than it shouldn't be something I'd want you to get used to,Bun."

"It's -its my dad.
And well,my mom.
The both of them?"
He inquires to himself softly.

"Hmm."
I humm softly,not wanting to pressure him into saying anything he doesn't want to.

"Baby,you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to okay?
But I am here,if you want me to hug you while you cry,okay Bun?"

"You make me feel safe enough,s-so I want to talk about it.
I just don't,I shouldn't be crying over stuff as stupid as it though."
I say nothing, waiting for him to elaborate,even if I wholely disagree with his standing point.

"I used to cry,back when I was younger,and still didn't understand why my dad was the way he was.
Or why my mother was always harder on me than any of my other siblings,not even my older brother.
Somehow,someway they always had something worth judging about me.

My grades,my feelings,my weight excetra excetra.The nitpicking was always there,there was always room for improvement somewhere, always a reason as to why this was wrong about me,why I needed to improve and become better.I was-I wasn't man enough if I cried,if I smiled too much.

There were so many things I couldn't do, wasn't allowed to do because they saw it as something weak.Why would I grow my hair past my ears,why would I pierce my ears with dangling earrings instead of diamond studs,why would I wear tight fitting jeans as such if I was a man,why why why.

I'm so sick of being questioned on everything I do,I'm so sick of being the one that needs to man up.
I'm supposed to be over it, right?
I should be used to it by now shouldn't I? I'm twenty four going on twenty five for God sake damnit, and I-I..."
His voice cracks,and Jungkook,he breaks.

I settle myself again him,his head is against my chest as sob after sob wracks through him.His bowed knees and trembling hands as he clings to me, and it fucking pains me to see him like this.

It hurts tremendously to hear his cries into my shirt, dampening the material as I whisper sweet nothings into his hair, stroking his scalp while cradling him closer to me.

I hated seeing my baby like this.

"I'm here ,I'm here Bun."
I whisper into his skin, rubbing soothing circles into his hunched back.

"Men aren't supposed to cry,I'm not supposed to cry Arielle.
Why am I crying?
Do-do you think I'm any less of a man?
I'm so fucking pathetic.."

"Shhh.
I don't want none of that,okay?
You're perfect just as you are Kook.
You don't need to feel ashamed for crying because of stereotypes created by shitty pieces of discharge,you hear me?"

"B-but -"

"You're perfect as you are bun,just the way you are.And anyone that wants to change anything about you,will have to deal with me,okay?
No one is going to tell my baby he isn't good enough, because you are,you are so much more than enough Kookie. I've never met a man as considerate,as thoughtful,as daring,as blunt,or as sweet and liking to be doted on as much as you.
And I like you so much because or that,they're admirable traits Kook,and not all woman are as lucky to have men with the same.
So let me deal with anyone who thinks there needs to be any shit changed or improved about you,I think my butter knife and hands would gladly like to deal with them."

"You'd face my mom and dad,that may I remind you,was you're mentor once,with a butter knife and a couple inches short to his height?"
Jungkook sniffles,and I'm to relieved that his crying has calmed down to sniffles and slight chuckles at my rambling,that I let his making fun of my height, go for once.

"I don't care that you're dad is 6'0 and that I'm 5'7.
A man's weakness is his balls,and I've damaged a couple in my life time."

Jungkook laughs,and I watch as his eyes crinkle into slits as he covers his mouth with his hand.

I was enamored with the sight,very much.

And as he snuggled against me later after we finished our late night snacks and I was assured he was okay for the time being,I came to realise that it had been the first time.

The first time I'd seen him as vulnerable as he'd been,that he trusted me as much to show me his tears, something so trivial yet so big in the way he was raised.

As I kissed the crown of his head,his arms tightening around my waist as his little sighs of breath deepend with each second passing while he slept.

I wondered,just how long it would be until he would grow tired if I couldn't do the same?

What if my past repeated itself,and another relationship went suicide diving on the rocks just because I couldn't open up wholely to someone?

What the fuck would I do then?

__

Shit goes down hill from here y'all, enough with the sappy shit.
Get ready for some angst and frustration.

Love ya!
( 🍌 )

𝑷𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓.
𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒗𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒔 ᴍᴏᴛɪᴠᴀᴛɪᴏɴ  𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆.
𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑖𝑒𝑠_
𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐴𝑢𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑟.