➪ꏳꀍꍏᖘ 048

Arielle's feet are tucked beneath her, holding her knees to her chest in an effort to sustain the resting of her chin on both of them.She's cladded in some grey sweats and an woolly sweater that swallows her like a blanket.

While currently, being scrutinised by Jungkook.

Jungkook,with his hair that no longer hangs in his nape.Jungkook,who now has an lip piercing to match with the one in his brow.Jungkook that seems so much broader, bigger,as he stares her down with his arms crossed.Jungkook,with the same mole beneath his lip,with the same seemingly addiction to banana milk,and that same quirk of his nose.

Jungkook,that steadily will have her heart beating out of her throat with the way she wants to throw herself in his arms,but knowing that she's long last that privilege,she resists instead.

"It's been a while, hasn't it, darling?"
He asks,pulling the metal clip shot into his lower lip into his mouth, nibbling on it,it seems to be a new habit of his.

A habit that she hasn't been present enough, to notice.

"Jungkook,I..."
She hesitates,the burning feel of weight pulling at her chest,the sudden uncomfortable pain that constricts her throat,so much that she needs to blink her lashes a couple times to rid her of the sudden burn that tweaks at her eyes.

She remembers flits of last night,being in Jungkook's arms, having his comforting touch to her back as she cried into his neck,her rambling phrases that no doubt already told Jungkook most of what he needed to know.

She pulls more into herself where she's seated into the love seat across from Jungkook,the turquoise blue of the waters outside casting a shadow over her face with its rippling waves,the open doors of the lounges balcony that has a light breeze flowing the confines of the room.

The tears that sit just beneath her lids, threaten to make themselves known.Which was something she absolutely did not need,she did not need to cry,she could do that shit later.

Hasn't she already embarrassed herself enough when she'd been as drunk as she was?

"I'm sorry."
She whispers,pushing her nose into the warm confines of the sweater that swallows her form,before she brings her gaze up to his,the mask she sees in place of what she'd always known to be an open expression,hurting her so much more.

"Darling...

Is that really, really,all you're going to say?"
He asks,and his tone of voice seems dejected,hurt almost.

She inhales a sullen gasp,and presses the tips of her fingers to her lowered lids, trying so hard to pull her act together.Where was the act of professionalism she could always so easily fabricate?

Being so used to putting on a front had become non surprisingly easy lately,and yet...

All she wanted to do was cry when Jungkook spoke to her.

"I-I don't..."
Her voice comes out in a forced breath,the tears that threaten to fall constricting her voice, making it hurt to speak.

But she wanted to talk,she wanted to express why she did what she did,she wanted to tell him how she felt.

But how could it be so...hard?

Why was it now so hard,to control her emotions when it was so easy to do in front of crowds that usually loved to judge her?

Why is it,that she couldn't perform as well as she always did,in front of Jungkook?

"What,what did I do,darling?
Why did you push me away?"
He asks,his voice soft and oh, so gentle, something she's sure not to be used to.

Where was the gaslighting?
Why wasn't he arguing with her?
When was he going to raise his voice at her?
She waited, unknowingly,for him to tell her that she was a waste of time.
That he wouldn't waste the effort and time and love on a burden lke her.

Because that's what he should do.

That what they all did,when she only ended up crying instead of being able to express freely why she pushed them away like she did.

So why wouldn't Jungkook get over with it already?

Jungkook with his warm brown gaze,with his soft pink lips,with his affection that flushed her with the warmth that she always tried to shy away from,just to eagerly move back into even more?

When she removes her fingers from her eyes again,and the heat that surrounded her seems to have settled to a lower temperature,and she could look at Jungkook without the urge of having to hug him,tell him how sorry she was,how she wants to try,wants to desperately discover how far her love goes for him,wants to smell his scent,feel his warmth.Finally,when she feels she's calmed down a bit.

"No,I- you're expectant of an explanation and I will— I just..."
Another deep inhale,the subtle raspberry her lips blow when she exhales.

"Arielle.
I want to know,what I did wrong.
Tell me what I did wrong."
He leans forward as he says the words,and the earnestly in his gaze as he cages her with it, makes her nerves scratch at the ends of her consciousness.

She wrings her hands together as she instead folds her feet beneath her knees,sitting knees crossed now and leaning her hands into the apex of her lap,nervously pushing and prodding at the skin that framed her nails.

Her lashes are wet with tears,her nose and cheeks flushed with how she keeps herself from crying, her lips bitten pink and swollen.

"Yo...you did nothing -
You did... nothing wrong"
There goes slight hiccups as she speaks,and Jungkook feels his heart beat harder at each one of them.

He hated seeing her cry,seeing her so sad and sullen.
Seeing her be so broken.

Fuck.

But the lingering itch stayed,and he needed to know.
He needed to know why...she pushed him away as she did.
Why she instead of pulling him closer,distanced herself as much as she could.

"Then...why?"
His voice is soft,and there goes another pull through Arielle's chest at the way he calls her name to him,how steady and strong he seems.

Was it so bad if she'd let him cradle her while she broke?

"I don't...
Jungkook,I'm not worth the effort.
Do..."
She inhales in a attempt to keep her wracked sob in, because Jungkook is growing closer to her,his warmth seems to be coming to her,but she must be mistaken right?

He was supposed to leave,just like all the others,why-

"Just...go!
Fuck,spare yourself the effort My God..."
Her voice ends in a sob,and she knows she crying,she knows that she looks like a mess,she know that Jungkook is going to leave,she knows she's not worth the effort,that she'll never be worth the time,the love,the affection,she knows she knows she knows-

"Baby,look at me."
Jungkook is kneeling in front of her,Jungkook is calling her baby,Jungkook isn't leaving -

Wait why isn't he leaving?

"I'm here..,to stay,my darling.
I'm not going anywhere,I'm staying because I want to,I want to be with you-"

"But...I did all of that...to you-
I...I hurt you."
She rasps,her hands are against her cheeks trying to wipe away the on stream of tears, trying to make herself presentable.

But Jungkook doesn't seem to care just how she looks,as he pulls her hands from covering her face, instead kisses against them softly.

"Baby,just let me...in."

And through the blur of her tears,through the soft whispers of her sobs,she still sees the warmth of his brown gaze, finally,she sees the open expression that she's used to

She,she thinks...

She sees what she knows she feels for him,and it makes her cry harder.

But oh,how good it is,how warm and nice and safe it feels to have Jungkook pull her in his arms,to have his strong scent around her,to just have him...

Here.

___

Publishing this while still in my school uniform, literally only getting home from after-school activities,and it's almost six pm.
*Cries.*

Anyways,enjoyyy !