➪ꏳꀍꍏᖘ 049

Arielle feels weirdly, comfortable and small as she is tucked beneath Jungkooks chin, settled in his lap after her mini break down of just a couple seconds,minutes,maybe hours ago.She couldn't even try to remember,what she does bother to remember, is the warmth and comfort settling into her bones the moment Jungkook settled her against his chest,and pulled her as close as he could.

Until not only could she hear it in his whispered words,but with the way he held her as well,that he wasn't going anywhere, anytime...soon.

A little nimph of a sigh crosses the barrier of her lips,and she clenches her hands that are enveloped by Jungkook bigger ones,a warm feeling spreading through her when he tightens his hold on them.

"Darling?"
He kisses against her temple,and her eyes burn slightly at the soft caress,feeling very much near to evaporating into thin air at how he makes her feel.

She always wants to feel this way.,it's nauseating even thinking about not being to feel this good again.

But,alas.

"I'm okay...
I just,I think I'm ready to... explain myself."

Jungkook flicks his tongue to wet his lower lip,assurance on the tip of how he wouldn't be bothered to wait,but Arielle feels it happening and shakes her head for him to hush.

He deserves this much,at least.

"I'm not...used to things working out in my favour in the romance department.I come from a home where fighting was the top priority in my parents relationship,I think being eight and a half when they split-she chuckles remembering clearly how she proudly told everyone and anything that would listen that she was eight and a half at the time- affected my mental health alot, having to shape up to be the barrier between my dad's physical and momma's mental negativities.I had to,no needed to take my responsibility as the oldest,my mom being in the worst state she's ever been...and she wasn't suitable,I guess,to take care of my two year old brother,nor my five year old sister."

Another hiccup,and my hands tremble slightly in Jungkook'd grip where he holds me steady.He noses against my nape in comfort,and I bite my lip to keep it from trembling.

"My love,you know you don't -"

Arielle succeeds in hushing him once more, only asking of him the physical comfort that he had steadily been giving her.

"But we're not talking about that,it's not like that stopped me from dating it's just...it's just that I've learned,at a young age rather, that the dependence of my own vulnerability onto that of another person,the vulnerability that could continuously be exploited,as was that of my mother,the love that grew into hatred,as was that of my father,the peer pressure it put onto me to keep everything together -"
A small shudder moves through her frame,and she feels as Jungkook starts to sway them side to side gently, cradling her ever so closer to his chest,his comforting touches and affectionate kisses to her hair,ears,nape, steadying her enough to continue talking.

"Independency was the one thing that, emotionally and physically protected me,it didn't leave the space for my emotions to be exploited and aimed negatively,I've had people use me and abuse me emotionally,and...and I need you to understand that I'm traumatised and carry a lot of baggage Kookie.I had the privilege of becoming an adult too soon, having to carry the toxicity of a splitted family even at ten,I've always been the one that everyone...could depend on.The strong one I guess,and...I don't think I want to be that anymore...

There goes a silent pause,and she realises she's shaking slightly now,the on stream of tears that continue as Jungkook just holds her tightly.

I've always had to choose between being vulnerable and having the chance at it coming back to bite me in the ass,or rather just bundling it all up and moving on to the next person that needed my help.And I can't help but be so sick of it,I-...

I need you to know Jungkook,the severity of my trust issues,the struggle with the doubt of committing to someone that doesn't see me as a partner for the long run.
I run away with the purpose of hiding that I can be hurt,that I can be vulnerable,that I am so easily manipulated.This is probably why,as with you, when I felt the pressure of my emotions getting involved with you too much,I got...scared.

And no,it's not you,it's definitely me yeah,and yes that probably is so fucking cliché,but I only have failed relationships on my radar.Men that wanted from me what I've always been so hesitant to give,what I've always failed at entrusting.

I've seen how it destroyed both my parents,I've seen how it slowly chipped away at me.It leaves me wondering you know,if there's something wrong with me,why I couldn't just honestly talk about how I feel.Why I keep running away at the first chance at what could possibly be showing fragility in being vulnerable.

I'm sorry,Kookie.
For what I did,and how it probably made you feel.It scared me,how much your words affected me,how much your touches made me feel,the sand castles your sweet gestures had me building."

She pauses to look up into his gaze,turns herself around in his lap so that her hands are against his chest, folding the fabric of his hoodie in little nervous fists, seeing the misty look in his eyes,and her mouth twitches to a side pout as she struggles not to bite at her chapped lips.

She realizes belatedly, again, that her tears are still falling,and when she pushes the warm tips of her fingers to the soaking skin of her cheeks,a tired sigh leaves her.

She couldn't care any less now,not when she felt so safe in the way Jungkook looked at her.

Jungkook holds her gaze steady and she knows she trusts him.

"But what I also want you to know...

Is that I'm willing to try.I-there the constriction is around her throat again,fuck- I like the way you make me feel,Kookie,I love your soft smile,the warm touch of your hands,the sweetness your laughter,the intoxication that is your scent.Even more,the twitch of your nose,your bunny smile,the pink that tints your cheeks when your shy,the poetry of your words.

The safety that is guaranteed in your arms,with the whisper of your words,with the touch of your kisses.
It didn't take me long too realise how happy you make me,it was the accepting it part that made it...

a little hard."

She pulls him closer by the strands of his hair,until their nose to nose,forehead to forehead.

"I don't know if you still feel what you must've felt for me then,but I'm going on a hay's hair on why you came for me,and I'm going to go with the flow of it.

Jeon Jungkook.
My Kookie.
My pretty boy.
My precious bun.

I want you too know that I'm in love with you,that my care goes deeper down than I can coherently reach,that I'll try,if it's just to see your bunny toothed smile,I'll try to be better,and I won't run away.

Can...

There goes a shuddering sigh again,and her lips trembles as she whispers the words to his.

Could you forgive me, accept my apology and plea that you don't break my heart to pieces?"

It's hard to see Jungkook quite clearly through the on stream of tears,but it's not difficult to feel.

It's not difficult to feel the way his arms circle her now even more,how he sinks down to her level physically,how much stronger his scent grows .It's not difficult to feel his breath on hers,the bump of his nose against her cheek,the featherlight touch of his soft lips to the tip of her nose.

And it's definitely not that difficult to feel the words he whispers to her lips before he takes what's rightfully his.

"That's all I wanted to hear,darling.
All I needed,my pretty love.
I'm never walking away,because you're all that I want.I love you...Arielle Lavaste."

He pushes the words against her mouth,and they share a warm kiss.

At least now,they both know what was supposedly so hard to figure out in the first place.

That they loved each other.

___

The smut chapter of Jungkook dimming?
Coming real soon.