♥️ 𝒥𝒾𝓁𝓎 ♥️

【Letters are the only thing that keeps him going from the frontlines...】

(WW2 Muggle AU)

✦ ✦ ✦

"I'll be home soon."

Even from the very beginning it wasn't just Hitler that was spilling canards like an abhorrent waterfall. Lies were told everyday, especially in the beginning, in the train stations as young men said their final goodbyes to their loved ones.

Of course they had learned from their successors that they would likely not return for a while and that it would not "be over by Christmas," like the nieive had said back in 1914; but that did not dampen their equally as eager minds. It was the highest of honours, they were told. Called to serve queen and country is what they said but of course nothing is ever as it seems.

But it was in the beginning that Private James Potter found himself on the train station platform, newly eighteen and raring to prove he was worth something. Itching to convince his peers and superiors he was more than the dearly departed Corporal Potter's intellectual son that had a reputation as more loquacious than taciturn and "not fit for battle." He bounced at the balls of his feet in expectant final validation but he didn't suspect much would come just yet (Lily was right in her saying that her husband "didn't have the heart to kill anybody, Jerrys be damned!" Lily was often right about things).

She was with him, on the platform, to see him off and as she watched him bounce nervously on the balls of his feet. Only she could notice the lump in his throat as he waited for the train to enter the station along with a large group of others just like him.

"Jamie, darling you're shaking," she whispered in his ear, quietly lest she be overheard by a particularly obnoxious fellow boarding the train for a similar reason to James. Lily wouldn't hear of being the reason her husband began service as the resident pansy or something of the sort.

"It's just cold, that's all." She heard him reply with a kiss to her check, his lips were icy but it did not do much to convince her he was truthful and not just giving her the auspicious answer in attempt to shadow her from his real emotion.

"I don't believe you," she told him bluntly and she felt his hand stiffen around hers for a moment.

"You are very clever, love."

"That's why you married me."

James looked down at his wife. They had married that winter in secret and had been deliriously happy ever since, that was until a letter slid under their joint flat in London, drafting James to war effective immediately. That was when their lives changed and what ultimately brought them here.

Of course it was easy to blame Hitler and the bloody Jerries but a war is really a team effort -if one can call it that- and so everyone had their own part to play and so should all carry their own guilt as they said goodbye to their sons, friends, husbands and boyfriends.

The train came early, a shock to the system in London, especially in April 1940; Lily was fully expecting at least another ten minutes to be with her husband before he was ripped from her side.

It wasn't long before they found themselves entangled in the turmoil of the busy platform and they had to cling to one and other to stay together.
James bent down to press a searing kiss to his wife's lips and told her adroitly how everything would be alright and he would be home soon.

"Home soon."

There it was again. That abhorrent lie that she knew would plague her in the months or perhaps years to come.

"I love you, and I'll come back. Alright, I promise."

But they both knew a promise was worth less than a haypenny these days. One couldn't even guarantee they wouldn't be bombed in their sleep never mind come back safe from the front lines of France.

"I love you too. I'll see you soon."

A small part of her wanted to correct him but she could barely bring herself to say much else. She reached up to wrap her arms tightly around his neck, coming slightly off the floor in a slightly undignified display but she found it rather tiresome to bother caring.
He kissed her once, twice, more before he was eventually swept away from her grasp and onto the departing train.

Lily watched it go and continued to do so until it was long out of sight. She was the only woman left on the platform.

✦ ✦ ✦

James found himself getting rather uncomfortable in his uniform and in dire need of a sit down. He chose a seat by the window in which he peered out of, counting the raindrops as they hit the pain.

In an odd way, James considered the droplets a metaphor, for everything he had left behind slipping away.
He pulled a picture out of his pocket -he didn't think he would need it so soon- there was Lily in the front, smiling widely and holding onto James round the middle. The white wedding dress she had made herself was glowing in the winter sun. There was a hole in it but she didn't care at all, neither did James.
It was the happiest day of his life.

"Girlfriend?" A voice asked from above him in a rather uninterested, aloof manner.

"Wife." James corrected, looking up for the first time to study the speaker. He was, James passively noticed, quite a dishy sort with hair round his shoulders and admirable grey eyes.

"Hmm, aren't we a little too young to have one of those? Getting married is an awfully tedious affair; me and my Marlene don't bother. But she's promised to marry me when I come home."

James felt slightly more spirited at this new company's use of "when," and so he decided to entertain the man a little longer as it seemed to be the only distraction on this deathly morbid train.
"We're never too young," he replied, looking back down at his picture and smiling.

"Really?" The strangers eyes widened briefly before he inquired James' age.

"Eighteen last month."

The stranger nodded, something gave James the impression that the man was losing interest.
"You are?"

"Eighteen."

"No your name?"

The dark haired man chuckled, despite his stupidity not losing his debonair demeanour whatsoever. James realised it must have been a well practiced skill.

"Sirius Black at your service," he smirked, holding out his hand and grinning.

"James Potter."

The two men shook hands. Not knowing just how important the basis of their friendship would eventually become.

✦ ✦ ✦

Letters were a novelty. James had never felt so exhilarated to hold a piece of paper in all his life. He recognised Lily's loopy handwriting immediately and grinned, not caring to hide his excitement from his fellow soldiers.

Dearest Jamie, (it read)

Before I begin I should think you ought to know the news. Yesterday (although by the time you receive this letter it'll most likely be weeks ago, you know what the post is like nowadays) yesterday I visited the doctors office who informed me that I'm pregnant.
I don't want you to freak out or throw a fit and try to come home, you're doing something important and noble and your future fatherhood should not take that away from you. Although I shouldn't imagine you would be allowed to leave nonetheless.

I'm feeling perfectly fine, before you ask, but I miss you terribly. Mary has been visiting almost daily since her brother left to join the army down south.

The hospital is getting busier by the day, it's horrible to meet all the soldiers and so I'm urging you to be as safe as you can. Don't go doing anything stupid and brave okay? You've more than just me to think about now.

That being said, don't go meeting any beautiful French women while you're there, I don't want to get a telegram telling me you've left me for a new woman! (Of course I know you won't, you love me too much!)

All my (or should I say our?) love in the world,
Your doting wife,

Yours forever,
Lily

(Ps. I've enclosed a photograph of me and Mary for you!)

James folded the letter back over carefully and pulled the photograph out of the envelope. Inside -as Lily had promised- there was a picture and both Mary and Lily.
Mary had her arms wrapped around his wife's middle and they were both smiling for the camera; she looked pretty but he only had eyes for Lily. Even in the black and white picture he could almost see the angelic auburn of her hair and the paleness of her freckled skin. If he closed his eyes for long enough he could smell the cherry blossom of her perfume and see the pale yellow of her favourite dress.

His eyes wandered down to the wedding ring on his finger and he grinned. Despite his family's riches they didn't have much money and so they hadn't been able to afford expensive wedding rings but Lily liked to call it "authentic" instead of underwhelming but it was perfect to both of them.

"That your wife?"

Sirius sat down, uninvited, next to James in his quiet corner of the trench; he offered him a cigarette and he took it (Sirius seemed to be ale to pull cigarettes out of thin air these days).

"That's her there," James pointed at Lily in the new photo he'd just been given, "she's pregnant."

"Holy shit, mate, really?! Congratulations in that case, old chap!" His friend beamed, clapping James on the back and causing him to plaster on a matching grin. Sirius had that effect on people; no matter how bad things got Sirius always seemed to make it seem less bleak than it really was.

"Yeah, she's only just found out. Any news from yours?"

Sirius nodded, "Marlene sent these," he gestured to the cigarette he was now lighting in his mouth, "and she sent a picture as well. She's joined a football team to take her mind off things. Apparently they've been getting big crowds." He showed him a picture of a pretty blonde girl, roughly their age, grinning in a football shirt that was a size too big (James noticed was it was Leister) and laughing at whoever was behind the camera. She was beautiful but she didn't hold a flame to Lily, not in James' eyes anyway.

"She looks happy." James remarked, trying his best to say something that wouldn't earn him a sharp clip round the ear.

"She does there but I know better." Sirius sighed, leaning his head back onto the dirt, "I've had enough of war now. The novelty's worn off and I'd much rather just go home."

James nodded, "I swear I've a good mind to off and strangle that Hitler bastard my jolly self!"

"You won't have to be alone, if be more than happy to join you. It certainly beats going over the top tomorrow."

James nodded but couldn't bring himself to reply, all he could think about was Lily and the baby she was now carrying, his baby, and how much he missed her...

To pass the time he decided to pen his reply, just in case...

Dearest Lilyflower,

I was ecstatic to hear the news and I can't wait to come home and support you and our baby, be sure to update me as soon as you get any news! Do you have a midwife yet? Is she kind to you? Are you going to tell your mother? I know you haven't exactly been on talking terms with her since you ran away but if you wish to tell her then you have my support.

How is Mary doing? Is she any help at the hospital or is she not working? It'll do her some good to have a job to keep her occupied, even if it's just the bandage replacing.
You truly are a hero working there, sweetheart, they don't appreciate you enough. But you would work there for free I know that, you've always been so wonderful in your ways. Magnanimous in places I couldn't even imagine. You truly are my better half- I don't know why I would ever want to run off with a French girl, she wouldn't hold a match to you, Lily. At risk of sounding like a pansy I would say your are probably the most wonderful thing I can think of. I can't wait to be with you again.

We're going over the top tomorrow, although with the rate this bastard mail is coming, I would say by the time you receive this letter we might already have reached Belgium, and you needn't worry as I've heard the women there are not nearly as pretty anyhow.

It's in my best interests to leave you now as I can see dawn breaking and I wish to be ready for the day ahead and thinking about you would surely distract me too much. But I miss you terribly and I will see you at the first minute chance I have.

I love you with all my heart,

Yours forever,
Jamie

There was barley enough time to seal the letter before Sargent Slughorn rang the waking bell.

✦ ✦ ✦

That picture was his saving grace more than once over the painful months.
Mud, water, screaming, shouting, shells, gunshots and deaths.

Life was a capricious thing and James came to realise that he was facing the end everyday. He wasn't running from the opposing army, oh no, he was running from death himself.

News from Lily was few and far between as they drew to the summer of 1940. But when he did get a letter it was ripped open with such vigour one might think he was about to consume the damned thing.

He received a particular letter from Lily some time into 1940, almost nearing July...

Dearest Jamie,

There was a bombing that lasted all night yesterday (but you know how the post is so as always it'll be ages ago). I'm perfectly fine, Mary came to help me out of the flat and we went to the underground. Don't worry about me I'm fine. How are you? I've never missed anyone this much in my entire life. I cannot wait time see your wonderful smile again, love. Please tell me you'll be home soon?

Everything with the baby has been going wonderfully and I have been meeting with the most wonderful midwife, her name is Minerva you would absolutely love her!

I met a man that came into the hospital today having shot himself in to leg to get a break from the horror in the south England army. Don't let your Sargent see this but I signed him off from going back just yet. It makes me feel terrible, please never do anything like that, Jamie.

Write to me as soon as you get this letter, I can't abide not hearing from you. And remember not to do anything stupid!

Yours forever,
Your wife Lily

The letter gave him an odd tingle in the back of his throat. He read the words over again and again until they were committed to memory and still he didn't feel like he knew everything well enough. He hadn't felt so homesick in all his life. She had been the cynosure of his attention since he was sixteen years old and being so far apart from her when she needed him the most was more exigent than he could have ever comprehend.

"Please tell me you'll be home soon?" She had asked him and of course he would tell her he'd be home before they both knew it but that was never the case. He didn't know if he was coming home at all and the force of that had only just hit him here, like a million bullets.

He lay in the mud and grass, letting it stain his face and clothes and he wondered once again about death. He had once thought he was running from it but now it seemed to was running towards it instead. James could not decide which was worse...

✦ ✦ ✦

They marched the next day. And the next and the next after that. There was only just enough time to pen a response to Lily later that week and still the pit his stomach seemed to drop every time he breathed. The usually extremely loquacious Sirius had slowed his manner and was now terrifyingly subdued. They walked together along the seemingly endless stretch of no man's land, Sargent Slughorn was leading them somewhere but from where the troops stood it just looked like they were marching into an endless abyss. Marching to death.

Nothing, nothing, nothing until a village came into view. A small barn and surrounding cottages, one was on fire, burning with it the spirits of not only the villagers but the troops that jogged to meet them.

James ran to embrace a sobbing girl while Sirius hurried to help the villagers lift broke pieces of wood off the burning fire and using pales of water to put it out.
The little girl wept into James' chest until the sun had set around them and James got the impression that it wouldn't have mattered what flag was on his uniform in that moment because it was clear that no parent had come to take over the job of comforting her. Death lurked around every corner. He considered the words he had reassured Lily with before he boarded the train: "I'll be home soon." James had never considered himself a liar and yet here he was; comforting a sobbing French child feeling closer to death than he ever had in his life...

Later that night James and Sirius made the rounds of the village and set up a perimeter control, watching for any other armies. It was just past two o clock when they saw one. A younger man, their age, with a German flag on his right arm worn rather reluctantly, matched with a timorous expression and a tall emaciated frame.

"Don't shoot! You need to listen to me!" The man hissed in flawless English.

"What do you want, Jerry?" Sirius scowled, the army had taught him well.

"To warn you of attack. Tonight they are coming back. You need to leave. Now!"

James still looked utterly perplexed at the sight of such a humane and emotional face, it filled him with ambivalence and he found it was difficult to bring himself to lower his gun from fear he might never pick it back up again.
"How can we trust you? We don't even know who you are!"

The German soldier sighed but didn't look any less urgent.
"Okay... I am Private Remus Lupin. I come in peace and if my Sargent knew I was here then I would be a dead man."

Sirius and James shared a look that required no words.
"Come on then," Sirius gestured for him to follow, "but one wrong move and it's game over."

"I understand."

"Good."

They crouched low as they made their way back to the British camp with trepidation. Sirius had his gun pressing to their new ally's back.

But as they approached death had decided to show his ugly face. They were too late. The camp was surrounded by crouching enemy soldiers, guns pointed and waiting on a signal to open fire.

"We need to warn them!" James hissed, making to run towards the camp and out into the open. Remus Lupin caught his arm by the British band.

"What do you think you're doing?! Do you want to die? We need to get out of here if we have any chance of getting out alive!"

For the first time since the soldier's arrival, Sirius dropped his gun. It was a baffling sight to see Sirius look so vulnerable, so shocked. His copious mix of suspicion and fear had melted into mere confusion.
"You're... you're helping us?"

"Why did you think I was here?" Remus Lupin replied, it was the first time his German accent had given away the fact that he was any different to the other two soldiers with him.

"I don-" Sirius sentence ended abruptly when the army broke fire. The air was filled with gunshots and screams. People cried and yelled, members of the town were spilling out of their houses to see the commotion.

A small figure in the shadow caught James' eye, he immediately took the arms of Sirius and Remus before dragging them over to the barn that was perhaps still the only thing that still stood securely and tall.

The little crying girl from earlier that day beckoned them in, eyeing Remus with fear.
"It's okay. He's with us." Sirius reassured as they all sat down in a large heap of hay. The little girl nodded but stayed next to James, holding his hand.

Nobody spoke any more after that until the ringing and screaming stopped although it was hard to tell if it would ever truly stop. Now they had heard death it was hard to imagine hearing anything mellifluous ever again.

James stood up first, not dropping the hand of the little girl.
"We should move." He whispered, Sirius nodded and helped up Remus whom through it all had become an unlikely alliance and perhaps even friend, after all they each owed him their lives.
Slowly and carefully they made their way out of the barn, stepping over odd tools and parts of ploughs.

There really should have been more light in that barn, although it was hard to suppose death liked the bright. And so once again he showed his face. For the final time.

Sirius stood on an empty bucket and it sent the shelf above them collapsing to the ground, screeching in mercy as it fell.

"See what that's about!" Snapped a voice far too close for their liking, the worst part? It was spoken in German.

The group stayed exactly where they were, petrified to even ponder the notion of breathing.

A torchlight shone on their faces and illuminated the final face of death...

James stood on front of the girl, willing himself to be brave, he thought of Lily and his baby. How he wished he could see them one last (or rather first) time.

That was his final thought. With four wrapping bangs he was merely a memory, consumed by death, he had caught up at last...

✦ ✦ ✦

Lily received the post. She grinned at the letter from James and in her haste to rip it open she did not take much notice of the telegram that accompanied it.

Dear Lily,

It's wonderful to hear from you, the letters you send have been something of a saving grace for me these months. Sirius swears that I'm far too soft and I treat you too preciously, he also asks you to send his love to Marlene if you ever attend her football matches (they supposedly keep up spirts and according to Sirius she's very good). He says "look for the gorgeous blonde."

Anyway, I hope the baby hasn't been giving you too much trouble? You're making me feel awful that I can't run around after you like I would have liked to have done. Give your midwife my regards and Mary too. How's her brother faring?

Things are getting worse over here. We're marching tomorrow although all I can see in all direction is marsh. I'll write you next chance I get.

With any luck this will arrive once I'm already there. The post is awful nowadays, and going further international is only going to make it worse.

I love you, Lily, and I'll see you at first possible chance. I miss you more everyday (in case you wanted to know Sirius has now begun to read over my shoulder so I'm going to have to end my letter before he gags himself to death.

I'll be home soon. I promise.

All my love,
Forever Yours,
Jamie

Lily smiled, her hand finding her stomach as she patted her baby lightly, folding the letter carefully back up and placing it with the small pile of others, unaware that no more would come to rest on top.

The telegram lay lamely on the table for a moment. Completely harmless, to anyone else it was a just a lousy bit of paper, that was all it seemed to Lily. Until she opened it up.

The words were curt and short. There was so condolences or regret in the writing prose, to her it just looked like a formality. Like a procedure. To her it seemed like James -her James- was just an inconvenience in proceedings. Like filling out the telegram of his death was a minor setback in a larger scheme, whoever wrote it clearly had better things to do.
But to her it signified the day her heart shattered. James might be dead but it was her that became a ghost.

"I'll be home soon."

Hitler wasn't the only one spilling canards like an abhorrent waterfall...

✦ ✦ ✦

I kinda hated this when I'd finished writing it and I can't be bothered to rewrite... whoops
Idea credit goes to KoKo523 , she's amazing and her writing is astounding (: