HEARING DAMAGE
ADULT NOLA - CHAPTER FORTY-SIX !

SHE WAS IN HELL. Her very existence felt like one big cosmic joke. Nola genuinely couldn't believe that her life had turned out like this, that everything she had been through and everything she had done had somehow been washed away and replaced with a totally blank slate. That is until those assholes from her past chose to turn up out of the blue, stage a hunt in the woods surrounding Charl—Lottie's compound that almost ended up with Shauna dead and then did end up with Natalie dead.

It was as if the universe was laughing at her. That night was on a constant loop in her brain. The agony she felt as everything that had been hidden away under lock and key in the back of her mind came rushing back in full force. The desperate sobs of regret from Misty as she held Natalie in her arms, the woman's very life force fading away and being swept under the rug as a 'drug overdose.'

The only thing since then that had managed to keep those nasty feelings away was the sweet taste of top shelf rum grazing her tastebuds and slipping down the back of her throat in rapid succession. Was she perhaps bordering on alcoholism? Who knew? She certainly didn't as she was barely ever sober long enough to realise.

Returning to her life in Wiskayok after all those years was surprisingly easy. Though she had vanished, walked off into the wee hours of the early morning, and hadn't been seen since, she surprisingly hadn't been declared dead. (She supposedly had Taissa to thank for that. Apparently, she had been the one to advise the police to not file a missing persons report.) And even better, her mom had died in her absence. God, she could remember returning from the Wilderness and finding out her dad had passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack like it was yesterday. And then her mom had passed too?

At least she wasn't returning to a life of glares and snark filled remarks hurled her way.

Surprisingly enough, in her mother's will had been the declaration that everything was to be left to Nola should she ever return to Wiskayok. The family estate lawyers had all but shoved the keys to the house in her hands and sent her on her way.

With no family left to surround herself with, her only friend she had any recent memory of currently locked up on a psychiatric hold for an indefinite amount of time and her pockets suddenly filled to the brim with insurmountable funds, the woman had zero desire to busy herself with finding a job. She didn't plan on staying for too long. No, Nola had no plans on remaining in New Jersey after Natalie's funeral which was the only reason why she had stuck around.

If all went according to plan today, she would be out of New Jersey and as far away from them as she could physically could get by the early evening.

Nola would be lying if she said she wasn't a little tipsy. The all black ensemble, that contrasted so greatly against the Heliotrope colouring she had adorned her body with for so long, had taken long than she cared to admit to yank over her limbs. It was perfectly fitting for a funeral but didn't fit the vision of herself that 'Annie' had perfectly crafted over the years. It did however fit the new and depressed Nola.

It had been a wise choice to call for a car service to get her to the church. She stumbled around a bit getting in and out of the vehicle, tossing more money than necessary for the ride at the driver who had grinned at the insanely generous overtip from the clearly struggling woman.

The place was practically empty. Save for a few people all together, the numerous rows of pews were vacant. It sickened her greatly, even in her drunken state. That was it? This was Natalie's big send off? A couple stragglers that knew fucking nothing about her?

She couldn't help the very audible scoff that echoed throughout the silent church as she stumbled and bumped into the back row, falling into the seat with a frown and a grunt. The obnoxious sound easily managed to catch the attention of the people who had bothered to turn up, namely her old teammates and fellow Wilderness survivors. And Jeff.

The very same people, minus Misty and Lottie, who she hadn't so much as uttered a single word to since that fateful night. She hadn't even accepted a ride back to Wiskayok from them, instead opting to allow a police officer to escort her back. That night, after everything that had happened, Nola had wanted nothing to do with any of them. She still didn't.

They weren't her friends anymore, they were just people she once knew.

Their eyes scanned around briefly before landing on her, each of their faces displaying a different emotion that sober Nola would have been able to figure out. Drunk Nola however, let's just say she had come a long way from the happy drunk who would hug anyone and everyone while giggling and grinning at them.

           She had just about managed to turn up before Natalie's mom (if she could even be called that) hobbled her way to the wooden lecturn, using her walker to balance her weight. The elderly woman gazed out at the room before letting her shoulders fall with a sigh. "Natalie liked her swings, alright. I had to push her til it got dark. She'd throw a fit if I didn't."

          "So, I pushed her." Mrs Scatorccio said with a shrug. Barely any emotion was present in her voice as she spoke of her dead daughter. "I'm her mother."

         Nola's brows cinched together. Her gaze hardened quite a bit as she continued to listen to the unfeeling woman.

           "Anyhow, it's over now." There was a small pause. Any despondent expression she wore had vanished in a flash. "Okay. That's it."

            The Rilke woman scoffed. "Bitch."

            Evidently, her inebriated state didn't allow for her to keep her voice low in volume. Her harsh voice echoed throughout the church, reverberating off the gorgeous walls and beautiful stained glass windows. The feeble Mrs. Scatorccio's head spun around in an instant. "Excuse me?"

            "You hated your fucking daughter. Everyone knows it. You blamed her for everything that went wrong in your life." Nola called out to the woman from the back pew. She couldn't stop herself. It was like word vomit. All of her anger that had been building up was starting to seep from the seams.

           When Natalie's dad had killed himself, an accident on his part, Nola could remember just how broken Natalie had seemed. Not because of his death per se, but more because of how her mom had basically blamed her for it. You'd have thought Natalie had shot him with how her mom had treated her, before and after the incident.

            She sat up suddenly, staring directly at the old woman. "You're one of the reasons Natalie was so fucked up. She's in the ground cause of you!" She aggressively accused, pointing her finger at her friend's mother, if she could even call herself that.

            The whole church had gone totally silent. Even the faint mutterings of those who sat around her had faded into nothing. The cold, harsh truth was staring them in the face. Someone was actually mourning Natalie and wasn't just pretending everything was okay.

            Without a second thought, Jeff rose from his seat at the front of the church, closely followed by the others, and moved towards the Rilke woman, who admittedly had rolled her eyes when she saw him coming for her.

            As he swooped into the grab hold of her, she shook away his hands. "Relax, I'm leaving." She uttered with an annoyed sigh. As she moved to her feet, fumbling slightly and needing to grab the pew to balance herself, she stared up at Natalie's mother one last time. "This whole thing is bullshit anyway. Nat would have hated it."

         The piano played them out as the group of adults exited the church. The heavy doors slammed behind them as they went. Nola had to physically hold back a cringed expression when she felt the unmistakably familiar press of Shauna's body against back as they all bundled out of the building. Once outside, she was able to dart away.

           Van let out a sigh. Her eyes looked about awkwardly as her hands fell to her hips. "So that was..." her voice trailed off. Her eyes rolled into the back out her head before she exasperatedly stared at the Rilke woman. "What the fuck was that, Nola?"

           Nola just shrugged. "Was I wrong?" She then shook off the hands that poked out to grab her by the elbow to keep her standing upright.

           Taissa was quick to pick up on the slight slur of Nola's words. A chuckle of disbelief left her lips as she asked, "Are you drunk?"

          Nola glared at her. "No. It's just...been a hard couple of days. We can't all just move on with our lives after losing a friend." She sarcastically quipped. An obvious dig at how easily their lives had just continued.

          Then came the hands once again.

          Her already pissed off expression grew even more heated as she spun around to stare at the owner of the hands. "Can you stop trying to keep me balanced? I'm slightly tipsy, Jeff, not completely obliterated." She snapped. Jeff backed off, his hands raised up to show they would be kept to himself from now on.

          Taissa's brows furrowed in concern. "Nola, why don't you come with us? We're going to a bar to send Nat off properly."

          "Yeah, let's go." Van exclaimed with a smile as she moved forward to stand behind Nola, grabbed her by the shoulders and began to direct her towards Taissa's car.

          An involuntary chuckle escaped the Rilke woman. "Don't I get a choice?"

          Van just shook her head. "Not when I know what you'll choose, now come on." She claimed before giving the woman another shove towards the vehicle parked only a couple feet away.

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            "TO NAT." THE WOMEN all echoed this statement as they brought together their glasses of alcohol,—Nola had been refused alcohol by Taissa and was now forced to partake in non-alcoholic beer. She found herself forced into a dimly lit booth alongside Shauna, an excuse that Tai and Van simply wanted to sit beside one another but she knew it was their attempt to force herself and the Sedecki woman to reconcile.

            She had learned so much on the ride to the bar. So many things that had happened in her absence. First, Taissa and Van had broken up. That once shocked her bad. Plus it happening because Taissa thought being gay would fuck up her career only for her to end up married to a woman anyway, (a woman that now wanted absolutely nothing to do with Taissa.) Van had been the owner of a dying video store. Natalie had been in and out of rehab so many times, all paid for by Taissa. Shauna still visited Jackie's parents every year for her birthday.

           But a catch-up wasn't the reason for their getting together.

           They were here for Natalie.

           The weight of her absence pressed down on them all, an unspoken grief that made the drinks in front of them feel heavier, the silences between words longer. Taissa sat across from Nola, fingers idly tracing the rim of her glass. Van, to the right of Tai, was slumped back against the booth, her usual wry smirk nowhere to be found. And Shauna Sadecki—Nola's almost once-upon-a-time, a ghost of a love from another lifetime—sat beside her, close enough that Nola could feel the warmth of her presence but far enough that it still felt like distance.

            A doleful smile formed upon Shauna's lips. The realisation of their get together seemed to finally settle upon her. "Fuck, she's really gone." She breathed out.

            Taissa nodded. "Her dad, that whole horror show." She reminisced with a slight wave of the hand.

            "Yeah, it's a miracle she survived...Before, you know, we survived." The Sedecki woman replied as her shoulders fell. It was hard remembering how fucked up Natalie had been before the Wilderness entered into their lives.

            Van managed to catch Nola's eye with an amused glint. "You can just say, "ate each other." I mean..." she laughed out as Shauna and Taissa both glanced about to check no one had heard her. "Nat was never one for bullshit. I feel like she'd appreciate us just going right at it."

            Shauna fell quiet for a second. She found herself peering over at Nola, who had begun to sober up, and memories they shared formed in her mind. Memories that once held promises of forever, now were nothing but flashes of the past.

            Her voice was soft as she finally spoke back up. "What does any of it mean, anyway?" She asked as she looked back over to an awaiting Taissa and Van.

            She was met with furrowed brows and scrunched up noses. She would have to elaborate further on her words. "Nat's life. Our lives. I mean, if you're lucky, it's smoke and mirrors, and you can't even remember half of it." She explained further before a slightly nervous chuckle left her lips as she gestured over towards Nola. "None of it in your case."

            It seemed she was attempting to break the ice that had long since formed over the two women. They were no longer Nola and Shauna, two girls who had been in love with one another but secretly hiding this information from their best friend who they were unsure would be accepting. They were no longer girls trapped in a massive, forever expanding forest with no escape in sight and they were no longer the girls who had returned home completely changed.

            Now there was just Nola and then there was Shauna. Two women who went on to lead very different paths, neither reaching the heights that were capable of reaching. And they did it all on their own.

            Nola just deadpanned back. "Thanks, Shauna."

            Taissa looked over at her, her feelings of derision toward the woman etched into her face. "Well, you're a laugh riot today, aren't you?"

            With a wave of the hand, Shauna paid her friend's quip little mind. "If I died tomorrow, what would people say at my funeral?"

            "We'd lie and say nice things." Van replied back with a growing smile. She and Taissa quickly fell into a quiet fit of laughter.

            Nola chose to remain quiet on the exchange of wit. She found herself unable to conjure up any real happy emotions when talking about the woman beside her.

            "I mean normal people." The Sedecki woman sighed as her eyes fell closed. It felt draining to think of how little anyone would actually have to say about her. Her eyes popped back open and she dramatically held out her glass. "Here lies Shauna Sedecki. Besides whatever the hell she did 'out there,' she was the worst wife and mother on the planet."

           "Hey, come on." Shauna's words about herself that weren't really intended to amuse had the desired effect when both Van and Taissa spoke up in disagreement. "Stop."

            Shauna carried on speaking, choosing to ignore their frowns. "She's survived by a messed-up daughter and a husband who blossomed after her death."

            "Here lies Taissa Turner, the first state senator to impeach herself before taking office." The Turner woman spoke up with her own frown, matching Shauna's own dismal view.

A sudden smack of a hand on the table ripped the two from their pity party about their shitty little lives. Van frowned at them pair of them as she scolded them. "Knock it off, both of you. Just...no one's dying tomorrow. So, I feel like we still have time to workshop our eulogies before we all reconvene in hell."

Nola chose to keep quiet. She didn't feel like it was her place to speak on any of this. She knew very little about any of their lives and if all things went to plan, she wouldn't be sticking around long enough to actually learn about them. And of course, they spoke of things she was unable to properly chime in on and give an informed opinion.

Taissa smirked suddenly. "Speaking of hell, where is Misty?"

Nola sat forward with a chuckle. This was something she could actually chime in on. "To tell you the truth, I have no fucking idea." She uttered in response, laughter mixing with her words as she took a sip of her non-alcoholic beer.

   Van's head turned slowly. "You told her about the funeral, right?" She asked as her gaze landed upon Taissa, who seemed to stiffen up. "You said you would."

The former state senator looked deep in thought as she glanced at both of the women before her, hoping either would be able to pull her free from the hole she had gotten herself trapped in. Both just stared back at her. "Lottie's not here either." She finally excused her mistake by pushing the conversation on Lottie's absence.

"Because she's in a facility for the...differently sane."

"Yeah, uh, whatever. It's fine." Shauna stuttered with a tight-lipped smile. She decided that she couldn't let Tai flounder any longer. "I'm sure citizen detective Quigley could have found out some other way. She's probably bugged the table and she's listening right now."

          Everything was okay. They were smiling, laughing.

          Then—

          A flicker.

           A shift in the periphery of her vision.

          Shauna's body went still, her spine locking up as something cold and familiar crawled down her back. Her gaze flicked to the far end of the bar, past the clusters of people nursing their drinks, past the row of dusty liquor bottles gleaming under the overhead lights. There. Just at the edge of her sight. A figure.

             Someone watching.

            Her stomach twisted. Her fingers curled around the edge of the table, knuckles going white. For a moment, the sounds of the bar seemed to warp—muffled, stretched out. Her breath hitched in her throat, and she forced herself to blink, to focus.

            But when she looked again—Nothing. The figure, if there had even been one, was gone.

"Hey, you good?" Taissa's voice cut through the haze, grounding the Sedecki woman, pulling her back into the moment. Shauna snapped her gaze back to the table, to her friends, the ones who were here, real and solid.

          Van's brows furrowed as she leaned in slightly. "What is it?" Concern laced her voice, and for good reason. Shauna looked like she had seen a ghost.

         She swallowed, forcing a small, tight smile. "Oh, nothing." Shauna replied with a shake of her head, stopping the women for questioning her further on something that had to be just a trick of the light or that brain thing that causes you to see patterns that aren't there.

             She turned her attention to a glass that sat nearby. She flipped it upside down and then leaned forward, her mouth mere inches away as she pretended to check if Misty had in fact bugged the table. "Testing, testing. One, two, three. Quigley, are you there or are you making love to your parrot?"

            Her comment about the curly haired Quigley woman caused bouts of laughter to break out.

            Van was quick to point out, "Those things aren't mutually exclusive, you know."

            "You go, Misty." Shauna mockingly cheered the absent woman on.

            Nola's nose had crinkled up. She glanced about the group of women in the booth with her, confusion gracing the features of her face. "Misty has a parrot?"

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author's thoughts.
chapter forty six, not proofread
adult nola lads! she's back and she can't stand her friends. she really holds a grudge against them for coming back into her life. By the way, the fugue state she had where her memories vanished wasn't because of the wilderness, it's a response to the traumatic shit she went through and her inability to settle back into normal life. Anyway I hope you enjoyed :)