𝕸adeleine is losing her mind. She's convinced of it. She knows there's no going back anymore, no pretending that life as she knew it two years ago will never be the same again.

In some cases, it's a relief.

But in the others . . . .

She hasn't stopped thinking about him since that day. It's been three days now and still she just cannot seem to rid her mind off thoughts of him - thoughts of his confusion leaden face, thoughts of his relief and shock, thoughts of his searching eyes, thoughts of his hair and his perfect face and-

Thoughts of his hope.

Because there, in the parking lot of that homely grocery store, he had looked at her with so much hope that she almost threw up when she came back to the cottage.

She spent the entire day mourning.

Mourning the loss of something that, honestly, doesn't feel worthy anymore.

Mourning the loss of her love, mourning the loss of the only man who's ever made her happy.

Mourning the loss of her own sense of self because she should've been careful.

Didn't she know what it's like to let someone have so much power over you that the loss of their love drives you to insanity?

Didn't she, explicitly, warn herself that one night a couple summers ago that no matter what happened, she'd never let anyone get close to her again?

Never let herself love someone so much again?

Never leave her heart unguarded? Never stop putting her own happiness first?

Never let a man break her heart again?

But she went ahead and betrayed herself anyway.

Three days have passed and it's only today, that she's allowed herself to spend some time at the beach - writing, napping, trying to forget about everything that's wrong with her life.

Now that the sky is a rich hue of pink and orange - the lowly wind rushing through her untied hair, her jumper fluttering against the breeze as she sits cross legged at the end of the boardwalk, eyes cast ahead in deep thought - it feels like the day is once again about to end on a solemn note.

She can't do this anymore, not again.

She's just so tired.

The waves gently lap against the sandy shore, the tide coming in with soft currents and the sound of joyful laughter emanating in the scene behind her.

Madeleine assesses the water, scrutinising it with a careful intensity.

She would've loved it here - she thinks, almost smiling at the thought.

A familiar face with the most gorgeous blonde hair and soft brown eyes occupies the space in her mind, her brows furrowed in concentration while she continues staring ahead.

She misses her so fiercely that, on some days, it's difficult to even breathe.

Her mother was such a delightful force of rose scent, smiling lips coated her signature red, a laugh so pretty that everyone in the room felt something soft unfurling inside them every time she cackled in that loud yet sweet honey coated voice.

Sometimes, she tries to find similarities between her own voice and her mother's but every time she's left disappointed because she did get the hair, the nose, the face but not the eyes.

Not the voice.

She has none of that candy cheerfulness in her voice, none of the gentle yet sharp toning to the words that escape her mouth.

Instead, her voice is a mixture of rasp and sullen. It's silky and beautiful but not in the way her mother's was.

And that hurts. A lot.

Shaking her head, she grabs her tote and swings it over her shoulder heading back the way she came so that she can leave the boardwalk and go cook dinner.

She ponders over which romcom to watch tonight as she walks, eyes on her feet and her hands in the pockets of her loose fitted mom jeans but her mind remains elsewhere wondering about what tonight is going to look like.

Will she cry again when she sees a happy couple on the screen?

Or will it just simply ache too much in that one corner of her body?

I guess we'll find out.

She's so engrossed in her thoughts that despite staring downward she still doesn't notice the slight crack in the wood beneath her feet which makes the top of her shoe accidentally catch in the wedge.

A surprised yelp exhales through her lips and she stumbles, feeling her body weight shift involuntarily to make her lean forward and fall down on her face.

But the fall never comes.

What she does feel as she begins recollecting her thoughts is a voice exclaiming, "Watch out!" and a hand tightly gripping her arm to keep her upright.

She straightens up and glances up to find a pair of familiar blue eyes staring down at her.

Her gaze widens as his face contorts into confusion.

She looks over his shoulder and . . . . there it is.

Everyone stood by a souvenir stall, looking at her in a mixture of surprise, confusion and anxiety.

The last one belongs to just one person out of the whole group.

The one person she'd rather never see again.

"Maddie, hi", Luke blinks letting go of her arm, she instantly steps back fingers coming up to grip the strap of her tote as if that's enough to provide her the comfort she so desperately needs.

She tears her eyes away from that specific someone and turns to Luke, clearing her throat.

"Hey".

"You're here? Why did I not know? Why didn't you tell me? Oh my god, it's been so long".

June walks up to her and immediately throws her arms around her engulfing her in a hug.

Madeleine carefully returns the hug and glances up when the brunette pulls back, smiling excitedly.

"I'm so glad to see you again! I've missed you".

If she's being honest then Madeleine has also missed June.

There has always been something about her that has felt so welcoming and comforting, and what's more is that June remained an incredible friend to her even after the breakup.

She always texts her first to catch up, she always supports her online - that can be contributed to the fact that June's been a huge fan since forever but still - and she even sent her a gift basket when word of Madeleine opening for The Eras Tour's Latin American and Asian leg got out.

That had the blonde girl crying in her hotel suite for an hour but we won't talk about that today.

"It was so impromptu, I didn't even know you would be here".

June shrugs, "I'm always here this time of the year".

"I'll keep that in mind, for the future".

"Are you here alone then or?".

With every word that leaves June's mouth, a slow realisation descends upon Madeleine.

Trevor didn't tell them.

Neither did Jack.

Maybe Trevor didn't even tell Jack about their conversation.

It should feel like it's a good thing because isn't it? So why is she hurting inside at the thought of him not caring anymore?

Not even caring enough to tell his friends that they talked?

She purses her lips, "Alone, yeah. My sister, she . . . she booked me a cottage for the summer. To unwind and stuff. It's been a busy year".

June grins.

"I know. It's so exciting. Well, you don't have any dinner plans then, do you?".

"Uh, I don't think that would be such a-".

"No way. You're having dinner with us, okay? We want you here, I've missed you too", Cole steps in offering her a dignified hand but she rolls her eyes and hugs him instead.

He giggles quietly, hugging her back.

"Good to see you, Mads".

She hums separating herself from him.

Alex happily comes in for his own hug, leaving Luke to throw his arms around her in a quick embrace and mutter an apology for not warning her sooner about the wedge in the wood.

She smiles, feeling oddly happy to see all of them.

Well, most of them.

"You saved me, either way".

He laughs awkwardly and lets Quinn hug her too, "Don't tell them I saw you in Vancouver this year", he whispers conspiratorially in her ear and she agrees because she knows full well that they will definitely never stop hounding him for that.

Jack gives her a friendly side hug then steps back allowing her to carefully look up at him.

She knows what he's thinking and he knows what she's thinking.

Neither of them admit it aloud though which Madeleine is immensely grateful for.

She goes to join June at the stall when a familiar voice halts her in place.

"Hi".

She glances up and it hurts. It hurts so much, it physically hurts to just look at him.

She wants to cry.

No, I've been over this.

She swallows.

"Hi".

He smiles softly, revealing the dimple on his left cheek, his eyes sparkling under the sunset light in a way that fills her with a rampage of conflicting feelings all at once.

He's beautiful and it hurts. It hurts so much.

"I like seeing you after so long".

One simple sentence and it's like a bucket of cold water has been emptied out on her head.

She burns with fury, a sudden rush of rage taking over her.

But she keeps her mouth shut and only half nods shuffling over to June, letting him stand back with a faint frown and wonder what he said wrong.

How convenient.

***
this is SO exciting