Ari exits the stage with a racing heart and sweat gliding down his glittery skin.

He hasn't taken the time getting to know the others here, always leaves right after he's done. Though they're nice enough as Bea mentioned, passing him smiles and good jobs whenever they get the chance to. They're also a lot older than him with tons more experience so he's a little intimidated there.

He's the only one in the dressing room. Already changed and ready to leave.

"Knock, knock... " Bea peeks her head in. "Congratulations! You survived a whole week here."

Not wired for praise, he shrugs with, "It's just three nights a week."

She sighs and walks into the room. "Well yeah, but technically... It's been a week. You're a natural, y'know that?"

"Really?"

"Hell yes! I'll admit I had my doubts when I first met you. You seemed... " Bea scrunches her nose in thought, " ...reserved," she finishes. "But when you're up there, you become a completely different person from the one I'm talking to right now."

He feels a tug at both corners of his lips while he goes on neatly packing his stuff into his backpack on the bench.

"Are you leaving already?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you stay for a drink? We serve mocktails too."

"No, I -" It's a custom he's noticed the others here do. Lounge at the bar when they're done, in casual wear with their makeup still on, and he's always wanted to try a long island iced tea too. Ari gives her a tight smile instead. "I have to get back."

"Alright." Bea stands there watching him for a moment until, "Oh. Some of them asked for you, y'know... "

Ari stops and lifts his head. "W-What... " His breathing becomes faster.

"Don't worry, I told them that you don't provide that kind of service, and they understood." She chuckles. "Makes them want you more, of course this can only mean good news for business since they'll keep coming back - hey, are you alright?"

"I don't... But I don't have to do anything like that, right?" He recalls the contract he sighed, if it mentioned something about -

"Oh honey, no! You don't." Bea waves her hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out. I just thought you ought to know what a great job you've been doing. That's all."

It's a relief to hear that. Ari nods. Tries not to show it but it scares him the tiniest bit to have that information. Ack! Why does it even matter?

"Okay then, I'll get going," he utters, passing her to the door, "Goodbye."

"Oh okay, bye. See you next Tuesday!"

He's parked far today. Took a longer route finding a few empty slots in a row and he's very grateful that he drives alone most of the time. People like you shouldn't be allowed to drive, Ava used to taunt him with - not used actually, still. She has the pompous assumption that swerving over the speed limit and revving behind cars in front of you to go faster is considered 'good driving'.

Ari saunters through the crowded street, the delectable smell of fried goodies from the row of street vendors wafting in the air. Bea's praise lingers in his mind and all of this feels more and more like a dream. Never thought he'd have the courage to do this, then again a couple consecutive failures will do something to you.

For now, this is all okay. He hasn't done anything that can't be undone. But he can't help squirm at the reminder of what she said.

This isn't a matter of sleazy perverts frequenting the place. He'll admit, as embarrassing as this would seem to most individuals, his issue lies within experience - the fact that he has none.

Most of the people at those tables are wealthy businessmen. Ari remembers peeping through the curtains once seeing them in their expensive suits. Smelling like exotic imported wood, overtipping with stacks of cash at a time, hands adorned in silver and gold - big, strong, powerful hands.

Ari realises the dumb smile he has on and quickly relaxes the muscles in his face. God.

A gust of wind blows his way and he stuffs his hands into his coat pockets. In front of him, his eyes fall onto a couple. They're close, snuggling each other for warmth, talking quietly amongst themselves.

Well... if he had to describe the love of his life - like if maybe a serial killer had him at gunpoint with a request that he's to describe his ideal type then Ari would have to say... He closes his eyes for a brief second and sees himself resting his head against a broad chest.

Two of the shirt buttons are undone, revealing some skin and muscle.

It's warm and he hears a sped up heartbeat while two arms embrace him tightly.

He's never felt so safe.

Ari lets out a heavy breath. He wants that guy.

Whoever he is.

The next morning, he's woken by his mother. She rips the blanket off him and tells him to get ready to leave. Apparently Ava's plan to move out of her single dorm room in a quest to gain more independence has been in motion for months. Ari's only being told about this now because surprise, surprise! She needs someone to help her move her stuff.

Why does it feel like all he's been doing lately is bring stuff in and out of her room? He has a closer relationship to her furniture than she does.

Ari doesn't question the whys, hows, and the matter of money in this scenario.

They get to work and by sundown, he's hauling the last of her things into the new apartment.

"Careful with that!" Ava shouts.

Ari's shoulders jolt in surprise. He turns around with a fairly heavy espresso machine in his arms. "I am," he calmly mutters and it's astonishing how he hasn't amputated his feet by dropping it... or heaving it at his beloved sister. He trudges into the kitchen placing it onto the cool marble countertop.

He's had it with Ava's over-the-top instructions, like my beauty products can't go on the bathroom counter because the window doesn't have a curtain yet and the sun'll dry them out! Then she shouldn't have said to unpack them!

Ari contemplated walking away several times when she wasn't looking. He'd have to answer to his parents then. The job gets done anyway. There're some minor furniture arrangement to tend to but for now the couch is there and that's really all any apartment needs; a good comfy couch.

It's almost eight. He'd be getting ready to head to work right about now. Since he's not in today, there's suddenly this huge chunk of leisure time in his night. Hm, maybe he oughta have a chat with Bea into increasing his shifts in a week.

Ari feels for his phone and keys on him, deep in thought.

"Where're you going?"

He blinks, turning to the woman. "Disneyland... Where else?"

Ava rolls her eyes. "Nuh-uh, you're staying for dinner. We're going out."

"Okay, by 'we' please tell me you mean the two of us. Only." Ari awaits her answer, already knowing he's gonna be in for a huge disappointment.

"I invited my friends. Sorta like a housewarming thing. So they'll come check out the new place and we'll head to a restaurant after."

"If it's a housewarming dinner, then shouldn't we eat here?"

"Look around, smartass." Ava points with a finger. "Half the place is empty and the couch can't hold all of us, so we're going out -"

"I'll sit on the floor."

"No."

"Then I'm leaving."

Ari starts putting on his jacket. He could practically feel the daggers coming out of his sister's eyes aimed at him, followed by a loud grunt.

"Why do you always have to be like this? Mom and Dad are gonna think I sent you home without food, and that I'm a bad older sister."

Well, that's not entirely wrong. Ari puts one arm in a jacket sleeve when he feels a tug, stopping him. He turns to her with a heavy-lidded stare. "Look I'm just not hungry and I don't need you to make sure I'm eating on time."

"Yeah, but they told me to include you since you basically have nothing to do all day anyway. And that's what I'm gonna do. So just suck it up."

As soon as she says that, he goes quiet. He can almost hear how Ava's conversation with their parents would have sounded like.

Ari feels a lump form in his throat. Very rarely does he express his inner thoughts or deal with confrontation. He wants to defend himself, to justify that he isn't wasting his time. That he's trying to make up for failing to land a spot at that art school everybody coveted.

It's infuriating how his family has these conferences discussing him and all his quirks. The worst part is, they don't bother to be subtle about it.

He'd rather not hear their words when he knows he's not strong enough to ignore them, thank you very much.

Ari slumps down on the couch. Tries to cool off in silence. He sighs. So fucking tired with all this overthinking, it's like his brain never shuts off.

"Oh, they're near!" Ava squeals, sitting herself down on the leather armchair. She glances from her phone to Ari. "Ugh, at least try to smile when they get here."

"Sure, anything else you want me to do? Carry your makeup bag? Be the designated driver? Feed you your food at the restaurant?"

She chuckles. "I don't know why you're being a pain in the ass right now. It's not like you don't know them. Faithy likes you!"

Ari curls his lips. "I doubt she even remembers me."

"She does!" Ava exclaims, "She thinks you have sass, she likes that. I know, I don't understand it either -"

A realisation suddenly hits him. Actually, if it's just Faithy then it might not be so ba -

"- but hey, Ryan will be there too. You got along with him, right? I remember at that party he gave you like eight bottles of that tea drink you like so much. Aren't you excited to see him?"

"No," he blurts out, "I mean, yes - I don't know."

Ava stares. Brown eyes mercilessly passing him judgement from where she sits.

"Man, being you must be exhausting."

Somehow he manages through the night.

Awkwardly greets the couple and another man is with them, Harlan, who's apparently a friend and fellow teammate of Ryan's. They venture deep into the city to this one bustling restaurant, best known for their chicken tacos and enchiladas.

He pretends that he's surprised when his sister ditches him and it's suddenly Ryan who's settling into the chair next to him. Ari talks when he needs to, the rest of the time keeping to himself or meddling with his phone.

Time flies and they're deciding on dessert.

The pictures of cakes and ice cream composed neatly on the menu looks heavenly. Everything on here will definitely be worth the guilt the rest of the night but he wants to watch his weight. No. He has to if he's going to do a better job at his new gig.

The option to be any less than good is not possible, especially now that he knows he's being noticed by some patrons. This could easily lead to a little extra pocket money.

"Ari, what're you getting?"

He looks up. "Oh... no, I can't possibly, I'm full."

Faithy gasps. "What? Are you serious? I can never leave here without getting two chocolate mud cakes. At least have some ice cream."

His shyness triples on the spot as one by one, everyone's eyes zero in on him. "No, I'm -"

"Oh don't mind him. He's just being a little bitch," Ava jeers from across the table. "Thinks his body's a temple, this one."

"Ava, c'mon," Faithy hushes.

"No," he quickly says, "I'll just have ice cream then."

Harlan leans forward from opposite him. "And I thought your sister only made us miserable. Looks like you have it worse."

Ari breaks into a bright grin at that.

"Shut up!" Ava hears him.

He thanks the heavens that they switch onto another topic. Some of the tension lifts off of him when everyone goes back to browsing through their menus. Well, all except one. He feels an intense gaze on his side.

Ryan simply looks at him, features drawn into this seriousness.

Ari passes him a tight smile and drops his attention back to the menu.

The ice cream's good. Chocolate will no doubt forever be his kryptonite. He looks around and everyone's talking. So easily, he might add. About this party and that, about the latest cafes to go to, about anything mundane and small talk-ish. Ari stands up, mouths restroom to no one in particular.

He makes his way to the back of the restaurant. The restrooms are on one side of the wall but Ari happens to glance at the glowing sign at the end of the hallway reading EXIT. After throwing a quick look over his shoulder, he pushes through the heavy door.

After some walking, he ends up near a street at the side of the restaurant. He leans back against the hard wall, lighting a cigarette - he plans to quit when his life becomes less stressful, so obviously he'll die before that.

He didn't hate sitting at that table with those people. They're great! He feels normal for once being surrounded by all that camaraderie. Albeit he'll never know why a popular and pretty woman like Faithy would want to be friends with him, and Ryan, oh - he's so sweet and kind. Harlan seems nice too.

They've probably known each other for a good amount of time. There's some bickering, nevertheless, it's so wholesome seeing them talk and get along.

The city greets its street roamers with swirls of cold air tonight. A breeze blows in his direction causing him to tug on his sleeves until they cover half his palms. The nicotine slowly works its wicked magic. Warms him up against the weather and the song playing from his phone, volume the lowest it can be, is the cherry on top.

Eyelids droopy, he lets his body sway with the rhythm and wind. He doesn't want to go back in. Not when the glorious moonlight mirrors in his glossy eyes. It's hard to look away, especially when there's nothing prettier to look at.

"Ari?"

He's pulled out of his stare by Ryan's voice.

"H-Hey, sorry -" Ari fumbles with his phone. "I was about to go back in."

"What're you apologising for?" The man raises a brow playfully.

Right. "I don't know." He feels some heat warming his cheeks. Ari kills the music anyway because it's a particularly sensual song and he doesn't really need anyone hearing a descriptive narration of how he'd like to be politely railed in bed. Especially Ryan.

They stand next to each other. No further comments exchanged, only the revving of cars and bikes filling the silence. Ari looks straight ahead, lifting the cigarette to his lips.

"May I?"

His hand stops. Confusion floods his features and it takes him a moment to understand Ryan's asking for a puff.

"Sure... " Ari suddenly remembers, "Oh! I think I have one more -" He pats his pockets for another stick but the one in his hand is already being swiped away. "Wait..."

All his attention funnels onto the other man. How his cheeks hollow out as he inhales the smoke, making his face appear more chiselled than it already is. Then his jaw relaxes and a cloud of thick vapour pours out through his pink lips and Ari finds it incredibly difficult to turn away until those lips start moving.

"Yes? Ahem - What?" He turns away so fast.

"I said there's a blueberry flavour. Do you like this brand?"

"Oh, I just grab whatever I find at home," Ari says, "But I got these from Ava earlier. She likes the kind with fruit."

"I see."

Ari tries to focus on the road with the vehicles passing by and a stray cat figuring out what a puddle is by the lamppost. It's proven to be a challenge though because he can feel Ryan watching him.

"Are you here because of what your sister said?" Ryan suddenly asks.

"What?" Ari is surprised, for sure. "No, no - I... It's not that. I mean. I don't even realise when she's insulting me anymore." He laughs it off. "I just like to walk a bit after a meal."

Ryan keeps a straight face.

He continues, "Uh, do you have siblings?"

"No. I remember begging my parents for a brother though."

Ari chuckles. "Me too. I never won a single fight growing up 'cause my sisters always ganged up against me. The horrible nicknames were the worst part."

"You have another sister?" Ryan looks genuinely intrigued.

"Yeah, Ava's the oldest. Then there's me, Alissa and Anastasia."

He witnesses the smile creeping onto Ryan's face.

Ari sighs, dropping his gaze to the ground. "I know. My parents put a lot of effort into finding names starting with the letter, 'A'. They just forgot to make mine sound like an actual guy's name."

"What are you talking about? I knew from the second I heard it that it was a boy's name."

"You're just saying that," Ari says in almost a whisper, lifting his gaze back to Ryan.

The smoke from his borrowed cigarette clears out between them and he finds this pair of blue eyes narrowed back at him, reminding him of fog on the ocean. "My mother writes novels, plaguing every character with elaborate names that have a different meaning in every language. Trust me, you got one of the good ones. You also have the same name as my favourite philosopher," Ryan says softly.

"That's... reassuring. Thank you."

Ryan passes the stick back to him. "How long do you think it'll be until that cat realises it's looking at its own reflection?"

Ari smiles. "Probably a little while longer."

"Listen..." Ryan looks at him closely. "What are the chances I invite you to another game and you show up for real this time?"

Whether intentional or not, those words sting. Ari takes an extra long drag. "Well..." he drawls, "When is it?"

"Next week. It's the semifinals."

One, two, three seconds tick by and, "I'll let you know?"

A chuckle sounds from beside him.

"You can say no, Ari."

Ari pushes himself off the wall. "No, I do want to come. It's just, I might have something to do -" Ugh, why bother? He's terrible at lying and the truth is even more pathetic. Ryan doesn't need to witness his patheticness. "Why did you even want me there the last time?"

"Because I'm good at something and I like to flaunt my abilities in front of people."

"Show off." Ari can't help but giggle.

Ryan smirks. "I'm kidding. Look, I invited you because I thought we could hang out after. Maybe play video games or something. I don't know, I thought it'd be fun."

Ari stares up at him, and this is the first time he's seeing this man as not just someone who he occasionally runs into while visiting his sister but a boy, waiting for his older brother to finish homework so they can play together.

Which is ironic because Ryan's so much taller than him.

A kind of guilt causes a tightness to form in his chest. How does he explain his complicated reasons? It'll all conclude to excuses anyway.

It's selfish, he knows. But really, what does he hope to gain from putting himself through all this? Just why does he have to go out of his comfort zone for -

"Ryan -"

A ringtone blares in the air.

"Excuse me." Ryan takes the call which lasts only a few seconds. "Shit. We have to go. They're waiting for us at the entrance."

"Wait -"

What is happening? The guilt's squeezing the life out of him.

"Call me if you change your mind." Ryan steps aside, giving way for him to walk first.

Ari opens his mouth to say something but decides against it. He nods in gratitude, deflated and hating himself so much right now.

Say yes. All he has to do is say yes.

⟡

Ari leaves first.

Ryan sees the two ladies saying their goodbyes through the window. He peels his gaze away from them, leaning his head back against the headrest.

"Man, what could they be possibly talking about? All they did throughout dinner was talk," Harlan says, popping out in between the two front seats. "Let's just leave her."

"Sure, and you get out so I can leave you too."

The man groans. "By the way, I take back what I said. Ari's nothing like Ava. But you and him have gotten pretty close."

Ryan rests his eyes shut.

"So?"

"Nothing, just... Should I be worried about you replacing me?"

He clicks his tongue. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Thanks du -"

"You don't even have a position that's worth replacing to begin with."

"Well -" Harlan slumps back in his seat. "Good to know that fourteen years of friendship means nothing to you."

Ryan doesn't say anything, though the tired smile on his face speaks for itself. Beyond that he's annoyed, and he can't pinpoint why - like a leak in a tire that's impossible to locate. Faithy finally gets into the passenger's seat minutes later. He doesn't waste any time, putting the car into drive and speeding out of there.

Halfway on their way to drop Harlan at his house, "Oh fuck, they just posted a notice in the group," Harlan pipes up from behind Ryan, "The test's being brought forward to tomorrow. And it'll be tomorrow in like, one hour. I haven't even started reading the first chapter."

Ryan narrows his eyes at the road. "Are you sure it says that?" This is the last thing he needs right now.

"Yes. I can read, Ryan. Check it yourself later." The man clicks his phone shut, stringing a mantra of nothing but the word, fuck. "Are you gonna pull an all-nighter?"

"I don't know." This usually means yes.

"Why are you both being so dramatic? It's just a test."

Harlan snorts. "Sorry princess, unlike you we can't all depend on daddy to throw money at the school to keep our grades up."

She whips her head around, enraged. "What the fuck did you say? Take that back -" Her next instinct is to of course go to Ryan, "Tell him that's not true."

Ryan ignores her, stepping on the gas pedal with all his might. Could this night get any worse? A circus performer wearing a sausage necklace in front of a rogue lion probably has a chance of having a better night than him.

"Ryan!"

"Enough," he sighs, tired of the constant noise.

"Woah." Faithy settles in her seat, already forgetting about Harlan. "What's gotten you in such a bad mood?"

"Nothing," he grits, "Absolutely nothing."

They arrive at Harlan's place, he gets out with a quick I'll see you in class. Probably going to rush into his room and dig out the almost new textbook he hasn't opened since the beginning of the semester. His departure means that Ryan is a step closer to going back to his dorm but it also left him alone with Faithy, encapsulated in this metal box with tension rising.

"Did something happen? Why are you so angry?"

He doesn't blink.

"Ryan -"

"Let's not do this."

Faithy makes a face. "Do what?"

"This. Talking. Nobody's around. You can drop the act."

"I'm just wondering... "

"Well, don't."

He pulls into a parking space in front of the girls' dormitory about ten minutes later. That annoyance in him rises when Faithy doesn't move. "Are you heading to your room?" she asks.

It baffles Ryan, the way she talks, the way she acts. It's like nothing happened and she's treating him like back to when they were both in this oblivious iceberg-titanic-type-doomed-ill-fated-want-to-kill-himself-robot-boyfriend relationship. He hates it so fucking much.

Despite everything, he answers, "Yes."

"You're gonna stay up late studying, right?" The woman shifts in her seat, angling her body towards him. "Y'know when you're stressed like this, especially the night before an important test... "

He holds it in well. "What about it?" Knuckles turning white from how hard he grips the steering wheel.

"I mean... just -" She fiddles with her long nails in her lap. "We - well you, used to come to me when you needed to let off some -"

Ryan's eyes grow wide as saucers.

"Get out."

Faithy can't believe him, her jaw hangs open. "Excuse me?"

He finally looks at her. "Look. I don't know how else to make it clear to you. You want to stay a couple? Fine. Put on a fucking show for them? Alright, tonight was definitely a success. I mean, I don't really have a choice here but that's all we are. Fake."

"Ryan -"

"No." His tone is firm and harsh. "You said it yourself, I just have to act like your boyfriend when there's other people around. By that logic, whatever I do when we're not together is none of your fucking business."

She scowls playfully, ready for retaliation. "You're really gonna be this petty?"

"You are. Why can't I?" he answers smoothly.

"I'm not petty! I'm not!"

Ryan lets out a heavy breath but it does nothing to ease the throbbing in his head as it's stuffy as hell in the car. "Whatever you say," he mumbles, "Now please go in. Your curfew's almost up."

"I hate you so much." She makes sure to slam his door shut as hard as she can.

Feels like it's hours later before he's finally trudging into his dorm. In reality the boys' dormitory is actually just five minutes away from the girls'. The first thing Ryan does is shower. He stays a bit longer in there, content with the hot water flowing over his aching muscles.

Later he plops down in front of his desk. Towel around his neck, beads of water dripping off the edge of his wet hair. Joe's not here again, though his presence has never really weighed a factor into Ryan's ability to focus on his work. The man's like a ghost, even when he's here.

Halfway through a paragraph, his attention strays to his phone lighting up on the desk. He has the device on silent but it's surely a call that he receives. There, clear as day, a name he's never seen appear on his screen before.

One side of his mouth tugs upwards.

"Ari?" Somehow, 'hello' doesn't seem necessary anymore.

"Uh... hey, are you busy?" he squeaks out from the other end.

Ryan leans back comfortably. "No. What's up?"

"I just wanted to tell you... that I - I think I can make it next week. Just... " He goes silent for a bit. " ...maybe you could wait by the entrance for me, so I'll know I'm in the right place, if that's not too much trouble. I'm sor -"

"Ari." The smile doesn't want to go. "I'll just pick you up. We'll go together."

He hears a loud sigh through the phone. "Really? Are you sure? Thank you, that'll be perfect."

"No problem."

"... well - I'll hang up now. It's... It's late," he whispers, "Goodnight."

Ryan feels himself drift. Staring into a distance and the line cuts before he can say, "Goodnight, Ari."