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·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

╰•★단 하나 내 소원
그저 평범할 수 있길
내겐 선택권이 없었나 봐
다 번져, 사라져, 더 붉게 물든 눈물

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

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╰┈➤Since no one wants it mcd, Heeseung is going to live, but I am going to make a fic where he loses all of his memories after debut bc my bestie wants it- 

╰┈➤also this fic is going to be a longgggg one, so the rest of this will be continued on ao3.

╰┈➤I hope you guys enjoyy!!

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Ni-ki wanted to cry. He wanted to scream and throw things, and act like a toddler in general. He wanted to throw a tantrum, he wanted to scream and cry to his hearts content.

Instead he was sitting in the back of their car, praying to every god he could think of, while Jay drove like a maniac to the hospital, and Jungwon talked to Heeseung's parents, who were totally distraught. Sunoo was talking to Heeseung's brother, who was currently in the USA along with his parents, trying to explain the situation to him. From what he could understand in the din, his hyung's family had called him, because they hadn't held their nightly conference. In confusion they'd called the members to ask about him and there was no way they could have lied. 

Sunghoon and Jake were frantically trying to get updates from the hospital and the police. The cool, female voices were telling them over and over again they didn't have any information, and nor were they entitled to it. They should just reach the hospital they'd contacted, the one that had dispatched the ambulances from which to get to know what condition their hyung was in. 

Everyone's voices were overlapping with each other and it was pandemonium. Jay was driving like a mad person not caring how many traffic rules he broke, Jake and Sunghoon were trying to wheedle information from the people on the phone, Sunoo and Jungwon were both trying their very best to console the distraught family, while being on the verge of tears themselves, though that was only Jungwon. Tears were already sliding thick and fast down Sunoo's face, and Ni-ki could tell he was replaying the moment he'd looked at Heeseung's injuries over and over again in his mind. In some twisted way Sunoo somehow felt responsible for it, his reasoning being, that had he looked sooner, Heeseung would have gotten help faster, and ignored Ni-ki when he pointed out that applied to all of them.

And he was sitting at the back like a good kid, unable to do anything. Ni-ki felt useless. He wanted to help in anyway he could, but he didn't know how or what. He tried rubbing Sunoo's back to console him. Didn't work. Sunoo shrugged him off. He tried helping Jungwon to console his eldest hyung's parents. No. Jungwon gave him a glare that told him there was already enough noise without him butting in. He tried to help Jake and Sunghoon but they could barely hear him, or just ignored him. Since he couldn't help Jay, he tried to remove the image burned inside his brain. They'd all tried to contact him after the call had been cut the first time, panic increasing more with every second that passed. 

Earlier, before the accident, whenever they called Heeseung, be it any time of the day or night, no matter where he was, Heeseung was going to answer. That was a given. They'd barely heard the recorded message that played when you couldn't get through someone. Now, that was all they could hear every time they tried to call Heeseung. 

Ni-ki closed his eyes and leaned back with worry. He immediately regretted it. Images floated in front of his closed eyes, his brain not letting him forget the dire situation, no matter how much he wanted to forget it, pretend his hyung was fine and what he saw was all a bad dream. Ni-ki didn't want to make this about himself; he couldn't be that selfish, he just couldn't be. There was his hyung, dead, dying who knew? And here he was being useless and a hindrance. There was a small jerk as the car stopped and Ni-ki opened his eyes. They were there. At the hospital.

At a speed that could rival a Firebolt, all of the members shot out of the car, but before they could, the wailing of two ambulances could be heard, along with that of police cars. Two white ambulances came into view, with a car bringing up the rear. The members stood frozen, unable to move, eyes wide and terrified. They could hear questions of Heeseung's family being shot over the phone, but no one answered, the arms holding the phones hanging limply at their sides.

The door of the first ambulance opened and two people, both of whom were wearing masks came out carrying a body covered with a white sheet. It was soaked with blood. Too much blood. Anyone who lost this much couldn't alive. It was impossible. Ni-ki's breath hitched, and he staggered backwards in shock, refusing to believe that could be Heeseung. His thoughts spiraled, refusing to acknowledge that the phone call had been the last time they'd get to see Heeseung, alive and well. 

The two medical professionals ignored them as they went past, and as they did, a bloodied hand got dislodged and slipped outside the sheet obscuring the rest of it. Without meaning to, they all followed the progress of the hand and released a breath they didn't know they all had been holding. That wasn't Heeseung. He didn't have that much hair on his arms, nor did he wear engagement rings for fun. But then... who had been hurt this badly? It was then they remembered the forgotten driver, the one who'd grown kind of close with their eldest hyung over the past few weeks. Heeseung had told all of them, sadly how the man was a widower and a single dad, and how he was going to attempt to convince him to take help from them. He'd explained how Li Hyung, had flat out refused to sell his wedding ring when his mother had suggested it. That meant... the baby was an orphan? Bile rose up at the back of Ni-ki's throat and he swallowed it, not intending to make a scene right now. He couldn't be sick now, that would be extremely selfish.

A second figure covered in a sheet passed in front of them, but that couldn't be Heeseung. Their hyung was lithe and tall, not short and squat. As the stretcher passed them, amid the metallic stench of blood, they all smelt it, the reeking, strong, unmistakable stench of... alcohol? Something exploded in the pit of Ni-ki's stomach, and it took him a second to recognize the feeling. Rage. The same feeling that he'd felt when Konon had come home crying, with bruises on her face, having being hit by a rouge girl at her school. White hot rage bubbled up, threating to spill over the edge, and it was all he could do to restrain himself to not yell at the obviously dead man. He looked to the side and saw similar expression of anger on the other member's faces. 

A third bed, was wheeled past, this time with a swarm of paramedics around it, shouting instructions and running as fast as they could. As they passed by, the members caught a glimpse of Heeseung's face. It was almost all obscured by blood, and he had an oxygen mask on his face. His chest was barely moving up and down, and there was absolutely no sugar coating it, had the mask not been there, had the ambulance been even a minute late they wouldn't have been blessed with the movement of Heeseung's chest. 

His legs moved on their own, and Ni-ki ran after the stretcher and heavy footfalls behind him told him the members were following. They all ran through the hospital in a kind of desperate frenzy, until Heeseung is taken inside the operation centre, away from him, away from them. Ni-ki tried to but he couldn't follow, two paramedics refused them entry, and he fell back into the group all silent and desperate for news. 

The air was thick with worry, Ni-ki shaking, sunk into a metal chair outside the room his knuckles white. Slowly, one by one the members followed, their faces were etched with apprehension. They could hear voices, people shouting and after a while that all just blurred, and he no longer registered the voices inside the room, or the members talking in low worried voices. He just sat there numb, replaying the video call, recalling his hyungs face, seeing him in what maybe his very last moments.

He just sat there numb, with his heads in his arms as an attempt to hide the tears running down his face. None of the members disturbed him, they all were mirroring his feelings. He just sat there numb while Jay talked to Heeseung's family, who were unable to find a flight to Korea and were going to stay at the airport till they did.  

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Hours ticked by, and they all just sat there waiting for news, waiting for the conformation that their eldest was alive and well. None of them bothered for food or water, Ni-ki was pretty sure that he'd end up throwing up if he put food in his mouth. They stayed there for hours, as the hallways filled up and emptied again, and the sun rose. Ni-ki kept reminding himself that no news was good news, but horrible thoughts kept flitting across his mind even though he tried to stop them.

Finally, someone stepped outside the operation theatre, and they all looked up. A surgeon was standing there, removing his mask, and wiping the sweat on his face. They all stood up at once anxious for news, anxious to know. The doctor gave a small sigh and walked up to them. 

"Family or friends of Lee Heeseung?" 

They nodded, numb. 

"It wasn't an easy surgery. He had several pieces of glass inside him and he lost a lot of blood. We removed most of them but there are still several small pieces, like glitter and we cannot attempt to remove them in his current condition. He lost a lot of blood, and flatlined thrice during the surgery- "

"He'll live right?" Ni-ki interrupted, he didn't want to hear this all, he wanted know if his hyung was safe thats it. 

"Yes he will. That is one of the few things we are certain about. All I can say is that this one has a pretty strong will to live. He's stable now, but we've put him in a medical coma, because his body cannot handle itself right now-"

Ni-ki heard no more, he was sagging with relief, his hyung was alive, he was okay- or going to be, they had him- they didn't need to bury him- he could feel the load on his shoulders roll away- never to be back-

"-there's  a small chance he might have some sort of memory loss, a part of the roof collapsed on his head, but the injury that was sustained by him because of it wasn't that serious, so you do not have to worry so much. He also sustained some burns on his body, but we were able to get him before anything happened."

Ni-ki could feel more than see the members relaxing as well, it was like a new breath of air after being in a smoky room for hours, being washed clean after falling over and rolling in the mud- their hyung was fine- he wasn't dead-

Tears had started flowing unbidden down everyone's face but no one cared anymore-

"When can we see him?" Sunoo asked eagerly, and the doctor smiled. 

"Not now I'm afraid, you may see him after he has woken up. There are several wounds that have a high tendency to be infected, we won't be allowing any visitors for now." and they nodded a bit dejected. 

"Hey-" said Sunghoon suddenly as the surgeon smiled and walked away with a bow, "call hyung's family they ought to know he's fine now." 

"I'll call them." said Jake beaming around at all of them. "I'll also get some snacks on my way back, 'ki wanna come help carry them?"

"How about we just go eat at the cafe directly hyung?" said Jungwon pointedly lifting an eyebrow.

Ni-ki did not follow, he was feeling too light headed and happy. 

His hyung was going to live. He was fine

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╰┈➤im so sorry at how short this was- 

╰┈➤i think this chapter is one of the worst things i've ever written.

╰┈➤ i didn't do a good job with this at all im rlly sorry- i wrote and re wrote this abt four times and its still not good.

╰┈➤i'll try to rewrite it sometime, so please dont be too harsh <3