Joseph

Wednesday, December 16, 2002

Morning

He brought me to the country club and all my childhood memories bubbled up. Running around pulling little pranks on the members, throwing parties at midnight. It was always an experience if you were with us. The bright sunny sky in December was an experience. It hadn't looked like this in weeks, and it couldn't have picked a better time than with Lance.

"So we're engaged..." I giggled, taking a sip of my strawberry smoothie. "What's the next step?"

He chuckled, rubbing my palm. "Step?"

"Well, I don't know! Like, aren't we supposed to live together and plan stuff?"

He smiled, taking a sip of my smoothie. "I'm gonna be busy with something today, but we'll get to that promise."

Kids ran around our table, playing cops and robbers from what I could tell. The want for a future got even greater, and a smile formed on my face. Imagining him being the father of my children was a dream. "Busy with what?"

"Work," he responded, kissing my cheek. "I'll make it up to you after promise."

I knew I'd have to go back to normal soon enough, but it felt nice to be around him. To be with my fiance, but of course that only last a while till it's over. "We're engaged Lance, I thought we'd figure this out..."

"Let's just take it one step at a time..."

"Lance, we're engaged. If you wanted to take it slow, you could have just asked me out." "I thought—" I stammered.

"You thought what?"

I thought we would plan all this. Plan our future together? "Nothing..."

He rubbed my hand. "Joseph, what do you want me to do?"

"I just wanted—" A ringing went off, interrupting me and he just stared at me, trying to decide. "Answer it..." I sighed.

He kissed my lips, mouthing a sorry before walking off to the side. There was a wave of sadness in me, but I swiftly rubbed it off, getting up out of the seat. Walking around the club with just a smoothie was calming. Just watching the kids running around and the few people sitting around talking was so small, but meant a lot. I glanced back at Lance, who was talking on the phone in deep conversation.

My smoothie had run out, and I instantly made my way to the bartender. "What can I get you?" she asked.

"Just another smoothie, please."

She smiled, taking some strawberries and ice out. "So, what's it like dating him?"

"Lance? It's nice. He's sweet and thoughtful."

She chuckled, adding some milk. "I remember his ex-wife. He never left her side..."

I looked back at him. He looked annoyed and was talking a bit louder than usual. Thoughts came up, but I quickly forced them down, pulling my eyes back to her. "What do you mean?"

She started blending it up, and the sound was excruciating, but it stopped and she poured the stuff into a glass cup. "He wouldn't be doing what he's doing now is all I'm saying..."

Forcing a grin, I took the drink. "Thanks..."

Walking away. Her words burrowed into my head. I didn't wanna feel like I was doing something wrong, but that small conversation just took all the good I was trying to build up. I glanced at Lance, who was still on the phone, but in a second he hung up, looking around for a minute before his eyes landed on me. Jogging towards me, I could see it on his face. It was nothing good.

"I have to go, I'm sorry... but I'll make it up to you, okay?"

I gave him a weak smile. "Yeah..."

"Joseph, I'll make it up to you I promise!" He protested, wrapping his fingers in mine.

"I understand. Be safe, okay?"

He pecked my lips, rubbing my palm."Can you not look so down? I don't wanna leave you like this..."

"I'll be fine. Just handle what you have to."

He pressed his lips against mine, making sure to make it last. We sat there kissing under the blaring sun. A few kids groaned in disgust, only getting laughs out of us. "I love you Jose..."

"I love you too..."

He jogged off to the exit, and I sat there, finishing my smoothie. Trying to not let the feelings in me rise up.

Evening...

Getting home was like a blast into the past. Even though it hadn't been that long, it felt like forever since I was here. As I stepped onto the porch, a note taped to my door caught my attention. I took it off, opening it. "I know you might hate me right now, but Joseph, you are my savior and I'm taking steps towards being a better person. - Your only love, Alex."

The note was sweet. It put a smile on my face but It quickly went away as I walked into my house. Every memory I didn't want popped up, and I stared at everything, taking in the smell of air freshener. Sebastian, Alex, it all just tore me down, but walking upstairs into my bedroom made it even worse. The floor was still piled with clothes from that day with Alex.

It was overwhelming, so I got to putting everything in drawers or on hangers. It lasted hours, but in the end, my closet was no longer missing a large section that Sebastian filled and my floor was spotless.

A ringing echoed through the house, and my heart fluttered seeing the name on my phone. I put it to my ear with a smile.

"How's work?"

"I have to go out of state... I'm sorry."

There was a long silence as I tried to gather up an answer. "When are you coming back?"

"A few days, Joseph, I'm sorry! I promise I'll make it up to you!"

I covered my eyes, trying to hold in the tears. "I understand. You're busy and have things to do." "Try to enjoy yourself, okay..." I quivered before clearing my throat.

"Joseph, you're upset and you have every right to be! We just got engaged, and it looks bad on my part."

"No, It's fine, no need to explain..." I said forcing a smile on my face. "Enjoy your time there."

"Joseph, I'm sorry..." there was a small silence as I wiped the tears from my eyes. "I love you."

I sniffled, rubbing my eyes. "Love you too."

He hung up, and I took a deep breath laying on my bed. My eyes were focused on the rays of sun filtering through the blinds and the small particles of dust that were visible in them. I wasn't mad at him. He's busy, I get it. We had just got engaged, so I thought maybe I'd have more than two days with him... Maybe I expected too much. I slid under the covers as my thoughts went deeper and deeper, analyzing everything I could.

━ ★ ━

Stream Charli XCX - Crash!

Hope you enjoyed the Chapter!

Sincerely, R.J