Alex

Friday, December 11, 2002

Night

The club being empty and quiet was always odd to me. Even though I've been running this for two years now, it still makes me uncomfortable, but Ryan and his constant need for my attention kinda spoiled that oddly special feeling I get from this place... He shifted closer to me, counting the money.

"Why do you think Felix did it? I mean... he never seemed like the type to off himself," he murmured, counting under his breath.

"He was weak," the whisper muttered. "Doesn't everyone have their demons?"

He put the money down, looking at me with the most devilish grin. "What's your demon?"

"You are most definitely the only demon I have," I joked, scooting down the booth a little.

He chuckled, maneuvering himself onto my lap. "You're so sexy shirtless..."

"Not right now..." I sighed, moving him off me.

"Alex, when are you going to break it off with him?"

"Ryan... don't start," I growled, sliding myself out of the booth. He followed me into the V.I.P section, whining like no other.

"I like you! Why don't you get that? Like what do I have to do to get your attention? I've done everything!"

"Ryan, It was sex... You are not the first guy to have sex with me and might be the last if things go as planned."

His face scrunched up into a frown. "So what? the other night didn't mean anything? I'm the one who calmed you down! I'm the one who's always there for you! All that bimbo did was make you upset!"

I grabbed him by the neck, choking him slightly. "Watch your fucking mouth! Don't you ever call him that do you understand me?" His eyes welled up with fear as he nodded. "Good, now go do your fucking job..." I snarled as I threw him to the ground. "I was pissed, and you were there, that's all," I clarified, pulling my phone out.

He just stared in rage as I called up Axe. It rang for a few seconds before his annoying ass voice filled my ear. "Alexis! Hey!"

Why do I put up with this dumbass... "Cut the shit and tell me what's going."

"Damn okay Moody Mary, We should have a threesome..." He croaked, laughing his ass off.

"AXE!"

"Alright, alright chill, he didn't respond to me or any other guy's advances, but he did leave with this drunk guy... "

"What did he look like?"

"He had a bald head..." It took everything in me to not break this phone in my hand. Thoughts of the way I wanted to torture him ran rapid. "Not gonna lie... He's hot. Like the best I've seen from you, Alexis."

"Axe shut the fuck up!" I shouted, hanging up.

My breathing was labored, and the image of him with that dickhead had lodged itself in my mind. Ryan rubbed my arm, trying his best to comfort me, but I didn't want him. I wanted Joseph. I wanted to smell that intoxicating cologne he always wore, to feel his gentle touch on my cheek. My mind wandered further down a dark path, and my frustration grew as a result.

"I'm fine, don't touch me!" I fumed pushing past him.

The rain dropping from the sky only added to my rage, as I got in my car. "Alex wait! Just give me a chance!" Ryan shouted, but I didn't give a fuck. I'm not letting that dickhead have him.

...

His house was bright, and I could see the shadow of him walking around through his curtains. "Breathe," the whispered fretted. "I can't... just fuck off!" I shouted, stepping out of the car.

My boots stomped on the ground as I made my way to the porch. Moths flew around the porch light, and I inhaled deeply knocking on the door. Looking around, my gaze was drawn to his neighbor, who was staring at me, puffing on his cigarette. "What the fuck are you staring at?" He swiftly looked the other way, moving down his driveway. Mind his fucking business...

Raising my hand to knock again, he opened the door, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt that clung to his lean body. "Alex?"

I moved past him, looking around his living room. "Who's in here?"

"What? Nobody..."

I checked his kitchen, looking for any sign of that dickhead. "I know you left with him. Where is he?"

"Alex..." he sighed, as I rushed up his stairs. "Can you tell me what's going on?"

"You left with that dickhead," I protested, opening every bathroom and bedroom.

"Sebastian?" he asked, as I entered his room, which was neat and organized. "Alex, how did you know about that?"

Goddamn it... "It doesn't fucking matter. Why did you leave with him!?"

"Alex, he was drunk. I was trying to help.."

"Joseph," I seethed, trying to contain my anger. "Are you with me? Or that dickhead?"

"Alex, I'm not doing this with you right now. I have too much going on..."

He tried walking away, but I grabbed his wrist, pulling him closer to me. "Like what? what's more important than me?"

"Alex, somebody died in my care in front of me! My family is upset with me and I'm just afraid Alex, I'm afraid..." he trembled.

Seeing him upset just hit something inside me I couldn't explain. All I could do was press him to my chest and hold him as tight as I could. "I'm sorry..."

I should have been there for him... "You let lust control you," the whisper growled, giving me goosebumps. What happened between me and him was just anger. It didn't mean anything. "But will Joseph believe you?" He won't find out. "But if he does find out?" I said he won't fucking know. Now get off my back.

"Alex, what's wrong?" He asked, wiping a tear off my cheek.

Was I crying? Shit... "I'm fine, just scared of losing you..."

He smiled, his lips meeting mine. I'd forgotten how sweet he tasted and how good it felt to be in his presence as he wrapped his fingers in mine. All the anger I had just a few minutes ago just disappeared, but the guilt quickly rose after what Ryan and I did just kept cutting into my head.

"Alex, tell me what's wrong..." he stressed, playing with my fingers. Everything felt dizzy as the whisper floated into my head. "Tell the truth? Or lie? You're choice son."

"Alex, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"

Looking into his beautiful eyes only made the choice even harder. "I wasn't there for you, that's all..." I mumbled.

He teared up, leaning his head against mine. "Alex, you're here now. That's all that matters..."

Seeing how much he cared only made the tears falling from my eyes worse. "I'm so fucking stupid, Joseph..."

"You're not stupid, you didn't know..."

"It's not that."

He pecked my lips, wiping my tears with his thumb. "What is it then?" His innocent face just made me feel even worse. "Alex, I'm here..."

I can't lose him... "I just wanna focus on something else, alright?"

He studied my eyes for a few moments before breaking into a grin. "Wanna watch a movie?"

I slid my t-shirt off, followed by my shoes. "What movie Sexy?" I chirped, looking down at the huge bulge in his sweatpants.

He tilted my chin up to his face. "An actual movie Alex."

The rest of the night was full of laughs and me touching him everywhere I could. I'd forgotten how satisfying it was to sit down and watch a movie, and seeing him smile made me happy, but the guilt gnawed at me the entire time...

━ ★ ━

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Sincerely, R.J