Joseph

Wednesday, December 9, 2002

Night

The house had a different feeling after yesterday's argument. Every attempt he made to talk to me, I shot down. Hurt was the only thing I felt after that. But he kept begging and begging and I eventually agreed to sit down and talk to him.

"Baby, I wanna apologize for the other night. I shouldn't have been drinking and said some things I didn't mean, but I will make it up to you, I promise."

My thoughts were solely focused on Alex and his tattoos. The way he made me feel was something I wasn't used to. I didn't know what to say at that moment. He just took over everything.

"Baby? Hello?" He said waving in my face.

Snapping out of my daze, I rubbed my eyes. "I'm here, sorry..."

"Joseph, I'm trying and I know all I've done is upset you for the past few days, but I am."

"Sebastian, I think I wanna break up..."

There was silence before he spoke up with more confidence. "We can make this work Joseph just—"

I cut him off, thinking back to Alex. "It's won't and it hasn't for a long time, I'm tired of trying..." There was a bitter taste as the words flowed out of my mouth, "I wanna move on and be with someone who appreciates me..."

"So you're saying you met someone else? Is that it?" His eyes were tearing up and that familiar hurt voice struck a chord in me.

"He makes me feel special... and look at the bright side!" my voice was cracking and stumbling as I tried my best to make him happy. Like I always did. "You get to be with anyone you want now! You aren't tied to me anymore..."

"I want you though! Just give me another chance Joseph, we can get married! Have a baby. Whatever you like! Just don't leave me. I need you."

"I'm not gonna force you to want what I want Sebastian, and you don't need me."

His voice was full of rage, something I hadn't seen from him in a while... "YES, I DO! You keep me grounded, you helped with my drinking problem when everyone else left me!"

"Then why did you cheat Sebastian? If I'm this important to you, why did you cheat?"

His eyes stayed on mine. "I don't know."

"That's it? You don't have a fucking reason?"

"No! Joseph, I don't! but I do know I love you." He pecked my lips, laying his forehead on mine. "And I know you love me."

My love for him is what carries this relationship. If it wasn't for me, he would be an alcoholic and even though that's all he could come up with, I helped him with cleaning his image.

Getting a job. His finances. His life in general! And I haven't gotten any recognition for any of this... As my thoughts spiraled toward everything I did for him, my love quickly deteriorated.

"You have used me enough, Sebastian..."

He immediately wrapped his arm around my waist, as I tried to walk away. "You're not leaving me..."

"Sebastian..." I huffed, trying to get out of his grasp. "Let me go."

He just stared into my eyes as I struggled. My nerves were being tested and I could feel the frustration building up as I got even more upset. "Get the fuck off me!"

I pushed him off, but he immediately grabbed my hand. "Joseph, I love you. I made a mistake and I know it hurt you, but I'm trying! I'm gonna fight for our relationship!"

His tone and tear-stained face reminded me of that day. Begging on his knees for me to forgive him... "Sebast-" the doorbell rang, taking both of our attention.

I opened the door to Sarah smiling with a tight black dress on. Her hair was wavy, and she was caked with makeup. "Hey! Wanna join us again?"

Sebastian wrapped his arms around my waist, laying his head on my shoulder. "He's busy tonight."

Her smile went away, only to be replaced with a frown. "Joseph you don't have to stay with him."

"But he will! And you can tell that to Pete and whoever else is waiting on him!" Sebastian shouted, slamming the door.

"You didn't have to be rude to her!"

"I'm protecting what's mine," he said blankly, going up to our room.

"So what? We're gonna pretend we're okay?" He ignored me, taking his pants and shirt off. "Sebastian, I'm talking to you!"

He closed our bedroom door, avoiding eye contact of any sort. "I'm not losing what makes me happy Joseph."

His lack of attention and overall care was getting to me. "What about me? Don't you care about me being happy?"

"Joseph, do you even care about how I feel? You just told me you've been cheating on me and what now you wanna leave me for him?" He stressed, holding his head, "How long have you been cheating on me tell me that."

"Only today..."

Saying that out loud made me feel stupid, but he was right... I didn't even think about how it would have affected him.

"Did you have sex?"

The foundation on my neck came to mind. "No..."

"Joseph baby, you think guys out there want what you want?" He started laughing and I couldn't help but cry in embarrassment. "You're an attractive, hardworking, overly sensitive man. He won't want marriage Joseph, he wants your money and what you can provide for him."

"That's not true Seb-"

"Joseph! I am the only guy you've ever been with. You don't know how horrible everyone out there is..." He kissed my head, playing with the hairs on my face, reminding me of Alex back in the office. "We both made a mistake, but now we're stronger than ever, right?"

My mind kept going in circles, trying to justify why Alex isn't like that... But maybe he's right. I mean, he's already shown to me he's been through a lot of guys. But it doesn't feel like that...

"Yeah, stronger than ever," I mumbled.

He tasted of booze as he kissed me. It was intense, but something was off on my side. It didn't turn me on as it did with Alex. "I love you, Joseph," He moaned out, as he unbuttoned my pants. Kissing down my stomach to my V line. As he pulled my briefs down, guilt rushed around my head.

"Sebastian, I can't do this."

He sighed, standing up. "You're really gonna throw us away for some guy?"

"I don't think he's like that Sebastian... He's sweet and—"
Laughing like he'd just been tickled by a feather, he rubbed my shoulders x "So he can get in your pants, baby you're smarter than this."

"I'll take the chance then."

There was a quickness in his response. "You're not taking anything. We're staying together!"

"Sebastian, I want to move on..."

That statement didn't sit right with him, but I knew I needed to end this relationship for good. Tears ran down his face and his voice was shaky and full of anger. "You're not leaving me, Joseph! Just sit still!" He demanded. He swung our closet door open, shuffling with stuff before rushing out with a black silk box. Since the day I brought him up from rehab, I hadn't seen him like this...

He knelt and wiped away a tear with his knuckle. "Joseph, will you marry me?" My heart fluttered as he opened the box. It was the ring I wanted the first time we ever talked about marriage. A smile slipped onto my face before something washed over it. There was so much dust on the box...

"How long have you been hiding that?"

He avoided my eyes, trying his best to keep it together. "Since the day I cheated... I thought you weren't gonna take me back..." He quivered.

"So you're only proposing to keep me with you?"

"Joseph, I love you. That's why I'm proposing!"

My heart was pounding so loudly, as I snatched the box from his hands, hurling it against the wall. I stormed out of the room, pushing him away as I made my way down the stairs and out the door.

"Where are you going, Joseph?" He shouted as I stormed down the driveway opening my car door.

"To my parents, I can't do this right now!"

He shouted something back, but I didn't care to listen. All I wanted to do was get away from everyone.

━ ★ ━

Would you rather live crazy? or die peacefully? Let me know in the comments!

Hope you enjoyed the Chapter!

Sincerely, R.J