Joseph

Monday, December 28, 2002

Evening

We'd stripped me of all my clothes, leaving me only in underwear. Even though I knew it wouldn't matter, cause I was a victim of kidnapping, selling the illusion was something fun to me. Taking dirt from the ground, I threw some all over me, looking beat up and desperate was my main goal.

"Sexy, you're learning from me aren't you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked giving him a spin. "Opinion?"

He walked up to me, smiling. "I mean..." he trailed, laying his hands on my ass. "You're manipulative and you look, Sexy."

His hands slowly slid up, revealing more and more of my ass. The feeling of his bare hands just made my hairs raise, and I stared into his blue eyes, trying to keep my composure. "Alex-"

"Hmm?" He grumbled with a smirk. A small moan left my mouth as he got closer to my ear, squeezing my ass. "My property, right?"

My voice was shaky, and I could feel my dick rising with every second of his touch. "Yes..."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, husband." I clarified. Our lips met and the only thing I needed in my life was him. The energy between us only increased as he picked me up, wrapping my legs around him. Slipping my tongue into his mouth only made him more desperate for me. A toothy grin formed on my face as he made his way back into the house, setting me on the counter. "Alex. Can we wait?" The struggle he was having unbuckling belt was funny, and I stopped him, moving his gaze back to me. "Alex, not yet..."

"WHY? He touched you! So what the fuck is the problem?" He shouted. The arch of his eyebrows and clear anger in his eyes put fear in my heart. "WHY JOSEPH!"

My chest was tight, and I felt tears swell in my eyes. The fear of being hit was stronger than ever and I quivered, looking everywhere but his eyes. "I'm sorry..."

"Joseph. stop fucking crying." I quickly wiped my eyes, avoiding his gaze at any cost. "Look at me."

"Alex, please..."

"FUCKING LOOK AT ME!" He shouted, making me flinch in fear. Holding my tears back was hard, but I shifted my gaze to him. A soft chuckle left his mouth, and a grin grew with it. "Are you thinking about him?"

"No! Alex I swear!" I pleaded. "I just wanna get it over with, so we can be together..."

He pecked my lips, leaning his head against mine. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you..."

"It's okay. It was my fault. But I promise after this is done..." I trailed, moving my hand to his crotch. "You can fuck me as much as you want."

Setting his hand on my thigh, he whispered in my ear. "I'll be watching from afar, so if I see him touch you in any way I don't like, I'll kill him then hurt you, got it?"

"Yes, husband..." I responded, trying to calm my heart rate. What he said the other day came up, and I scratched my knuckles, avoiding his gaze. "You said you wouldn't hurt me anymore..."

"I wouldn't, Sexy. But nobody should touch you the way I do..." he grabbed my jaw, forcing my eyes to him. "If you cheat on me again, I'll make that gunshot feel like nothing..."

The thought of that made me tremble in fear even stronger, but the thought of it being out of love replaced it, and a smile rose on my face. "I love you."

"I love you more, Sexy." He ran his hand through his hair, taking a breath. "I need you to be honest with me."

"Of course."

A serious, more stern look formed on his face, and it was nothing good. "Why do you give a fuck about him so much?"

The increased pumping of my heart was too much, and I knew this would end up with me being hit. I took his hand, rubbing his knuckles with my thumb. "He's my best friend, that's all..."

"So you fuck him? Marry him? GET ON YOUR FUCKING KNEE FOR HIM?" He shouted in rage.

"Alex, it was a mistake..." I shuddered in fear. "I'm sorry..."

"I'll make you fucking sorry..." he seethed, raising his hand only for me to flinch in fear. My eyes closed, and I waited to feel that familiar pain across my face, but it never came. Fear consumed every inch of me and I just broke down again, waiting to be hit. "Sexy..."

"Just hit me, I deserve it..."

He cupped my face, wiping my tears with his thumb, planting a kiss on my lips. "I promised you, I wouldn't do that..."

"You wanted to though..." my eyes had become a faucet, and I rubbed my knuckles. "You don't love me anymore..."

"Yes, I do!" He rushed, smashing his lips against mine. Warm and fuzzy was how he made me feel, but I still couldn't get the feeling out of my body. He wanted to hit me... "Sexy! My love for you is why we're in this situation!"

"You're always mad at me..." I whimpered. "I do everything wrong..."

I lightly pushed him away, getting off the counter. A nap is what I needed. My everything was tired, but Alex quickly wrapped his arms around me, kissing the back of my neck.

"Sexy, I hate seeing you upset. I love you, everything about you!"

He wouldn't let me move and all I wanted to do was lay down. Just close my eyes and drifted off. Imagining myself somewhere better. "Alex, I want to sleep."

"Can we sleep together, then? So I can hold you?" He suggested. The small kisses on my back didn't help anything like they were supposed to. He wanted to hurt me again cause I did something wrong.

It's not what I wanted, but I agreed, anyway. "Okay..."

...

The crickets outside and the distant howling set the mood. But I couldn't sleep. Maybe it was the hopelessness running through my body. Lance and my father told me to be strong, and I'd failed... A part of me just wanted to die. Thinking that brought tears to my eyes, Alex, Lance, my father, it would hurt them and doing that wasn't an option for me. "Sexy?" Alex whispered, kissing my shoulder. His voice was rough, almost like a growl, and he pulled me closer, turning me to face him. "Why are you crying?"

Thought he was asleep... "Nothing, I'm sorry for waking you..."

He planted a kiss on my lips. "Sexy, tell me." Telling him would make him upset, and the last thing I wanted was that. My bruise had just started healing... He snaked his fingers between mine, planting a kiss on my knuckles. "Tell me."

"You said it'd be like last time..."

"Joseph. You left me. Fucking abandoned me, and got with that dickhead right after." Fear struck my body as he got out of the bed, turning the light on. "You think a 'I'm sorry' is gonna make up for that?" Staring into his hateful eyes just made me cry again, veins popped through his head and he grabbed the gun off the dresser. "Joseph-"

"I don't know what to say anymore, I apologized Alex. I'm here with you..." I sobbed, hugging my legs. "Can we just go back to bed?"

My body was ready to experience the pain. The burning pain he was going to inflict on me and I covered my eyes with the black covers on the bed. The sound of a pistol being put down stopped some of the anxiety, and he moved the covers away, forcing my gaze onto him.

"Sexy, you still love him?"

"Alex no! I promise, I don't!"

He took the gun again, putting it to my knee. "You tell me the truth, and I won't disable you..."

Those blue eyes were scary, terrifying actually. They put more fear in my heart than I'd ever had in my life, and my shaky hand caressed his cheek. "I love you, only you. You hurt me, Alex, and I hurt you back. " his finger tightened on the trigger and everything in my body panicked. "BUT! I shouldn't have! My heart is with you Alex! I love you! Your tattoos and the way my name is all over your body..."

Keeping eye contact with him, I slowly moved the pistol from my knee, making him drop it on the bed. Sex was the only way for him to trust me, but Lance kept banging against the side of my head. Reminding me of our engagement, I was so happy that day...

Soon every moment with Lance came to the surface, but one thing he said stuck out to me the most, and a realization washed over me. "Just because it's out of love, doesn't make it right..."

The confusion on his face told me everything I need to know, and my fist connected with his jaw, knocking him to the floor. Quickly taking the gun, rushing out the room. Aiming it at him was something I never thought I'd be doing, but I did, backing away to the kitchen. Blood trickled down his mouth and he got up, staring me down. "Sexy-"

"STAY RIGHT THERE!" I shouted.

He laughed, running his hand through his platinum hair. "You wanna go back to that dickhead, don't you?"

"He's my fiancee. I love him!" I cried.

"You love him? Sexy. You planned to leave him and be with me. Do you remember that? You killed a man to stay with me!" The realization of what I had done just ate away at my bones and I lowered my gun, crying to myself. "Sexy, do you feel guilty?"

"Yes..." I wept.

"So did I. When I cheated, I felt guilt right after. Felt like shit for doing that to you cause I knew deep down he meant nothing to me. You are everything to me, Joseph.. The only thing I want in my life is you." Tears ran down his face and I felt even worse. "Everything that dickhead had, I wanted! YOUR AFFECTION, YOUR HEART, A RING. I WANTED TO BE THE ONE YOU GOT ON YOUR KNEE FOR! ME! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MINE!"

"Alex, you hurt me! Cheated on me! That's not love!"

"Then teach me!" he rushed moving closer, only for me to stop him in his tracks. Raising the gun at him. "Joseph, you can teach me how to love! I'll just follow your lead!"

Overwhelmed was how I felt. Comforting him was something my body was begging for. Seeing him cry crushed my heart, but so did staying with him. Lance was my fiancee, the man I dedicated my love to. Got on my knee for, and to throw that all away for someone who repeatedly threatened and abused me felt wrong, but if that was the case, why did I feel so bad?

"Alex, you're abusive and manipulative. You forced yourself on me, kidnapped me. Threatened my family and husband." I tightened my grip on the pistol with every word that left my mouth. "You used my friends, my brother, and somehow I didn't see any of this..."

"Cause you love me, Joseph, and I love you. It's not that you didn't see any of it, you ignored it cause you fucking love me, Joseph! YOU LOVE ME! NOT HIM! ME! ONLY ME!"

"NO I DONT!"

"THEN SHOOT ME! FUCKING SHOOT ME!" He shouted, moving closer to me. My hand shook in frustration and he forced the gun to his head. "If you don't love me, do it."

It was like a cycle, I couldn't do it. Something about him just refused to let me kill him. After everything that happened, killing him never crossed my mind once. "Why can't I do It?"

He took the gun out of my hand, setting it on the counter. "Cause you love me, and Joseph, I love you!"

Confusion hovered over me. I didn't know how to feel anymore. "Then why hurt me? Threaten me?"

"I wasn't ever going to disable you or hit you again, it's just..." he seethed, trying to hold back tears. "He took you away from me, made you love him more than me..."

"Alex, you cheated on me. Just like Sebastian did, you made me feel like I wasn't enough for anyone..."

"You are enough! I was fucking stupid, Joseph. Going to your brother's room was a mistake! Sleeping with that guy was a mistake! All of it! That's why I got your name tattooed all over me! Everybody should know I belong to you!"

"You didn't belong to me while you were fucking that guy! Letting him suck your dick! Did I ever come up, Alex?" He tried kissing me, but I pushed him off. "DID I?"

Resisting wasn't a thing anymore, and he started crying again. Letting all those pent up emotions I know he had just flow out.

"I'VE KILLED FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP! FOR YOUR LOVE JOSEPH! I ONLY SHOT YOU CAUSE YOU WERE GONNA SHOOT ME." He forced my hand to his cheek, looking at me with those eyes that resembled the sea itself. "Everything, and I mean everything, of me is yours. You want me to not hurt him? I won't. You want to run away together? We can! Anything you want, I will find a way to give you! BUT I WON'T FUCKING LOSE YOU TO HIM!"

"You hurt me, Alex!"

"I didn't know how to make you love me!" He sobbed, crying like I've never seen. "Joseph, I love you so much! You make everything in my life happy. Just being in your FUCKING presence right now makes me happy! You can hit me, do whatever you want to me as long as I can be with you!"

This was too much for me. Seeing him breakdown in front of me was something I never wanted to see. Everything I'd done was to make him happy, not calling the police, trying to talk it out, giving him chance after chance to leave me alone. It was all for him...

"Alex, I want to leave. I got on my knee for him..." "He's the love of my life!"

He quickly got on his knees, laying his head on my underwear. "Joseph, I'm begging you. I'll get a fucking ring and get you gifts like he did! I'll do everything he did and better."

I moved his head up, staring down at his wet face. His eyes seemed to be brighter than usual. They were like the moon itself but blue. "Alex, it's not about that. He showed me what real love was. He never abused me or cheated on me, nothing like that! I do love you but not like that. All of this around us is wrong! What we did to that man was unforgivable, and that makes me a terrible person!" The realization that I killed someone sunk in harder then ever and I covered my face, weeping like I'd never had. "I KILLED SOMEONE ALEX!"

A horrible human was what I was. A weak, emotional man that didn't even deserve the fiancée he had. Lance, my father, and my mother would all be disappointed in me. Afraid of the man I'd become. "Sexy-"

"Stop!" I screamed, pushing him away. Tears ran down my face like heavy rain and I couldn't believe the things I'd done. "Shit Therapist, shit human. Alex I'm horrible!"

"No, you're not! Joseph, you're fucking amazing!"

I needed to end it all. Everything I'd done. "Alex, I need to call him."

"Why?"

"JUST GET ME A FUCKING PHONE!"

He rushed into the room, and I took the gun from the counter, trembling in undeniable guilt. Everything was going to end this night...

━ ★ ━

To Be Continued...

Sorry for the longer chapter, couldn't find a place to break it up so I just let it be one big chapter. But hope you enjoyed it!

Sincerely, R.J