yugen (noun) - a profound, mysterious sense of the universe

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ need your love by gryffin; seven lions; noah kahan

FOR A MOMENT,
EVERYTHING WAS DARK

 Cue shot up suddenly, light flooding his senses as choked lungs coughed out what felt like buckets of water. Turning his head, he dragged in deep, full breaths of oxygen, a burning sensation settling deep in the bit of his chest.

What the fuck happened?

The last thing he really remembered was that deep searing feeling on his back, slowly expanding till it encompassed him entirely. His wings hadn't even been working well, well- they were working, but not in response to him at all.

Before he even could manage to sit back up properly, he felt a sudden weight nearly tackle him back, arms wrapping around his neck tightly and face burying into his shoulder. It took him an embarrassing moment to realize that it was Cordelia.

Oh.

"What..I don't - what happened?" His throat hurt, likely from the ingesting of salt water, and Cordelia's arms seemed to tighten impossibly further. She didn't answer him, stiffly holding onto him, tense in his arms as he wrapped them back around her slowly.

It was Echo who did answer, and Cue's eyes raised to his prodigy, whose own eyes were wide. "You fell."

Cue waited a beat, for one of them to mutter something about his age, but nothing else came, and his own anxiety deepened down his stomach as he turned his eyes to meet the others.

Cassian was there, wings out, absolutely drenched. His own eyes shone with concern, watching him carefully. Asia was beside him, but Cue's thoughts skidded to a stop when he noticed what was behind her.

Wings.

Cue's eyes glanced between all of them, scanning over each of them quickly as he realized what they now all had adorning their backs, all of them dripping with speckled sea, catching their breath. Finally he actually looked at Cordelia, realizing why she felt heavier than she had before, and lowered his eyes to stare at the limp wings resting on the ground as she held onto him tightly. Her own hair was wet, water pooling onto his own skin. He only hadn't realized before because he was also very much encompassed in water.

"You have wings." Cue's voice came out almost breathless, analyzing the wings that now sprouted from her back. They were scaled and draconic, a crimson armor coating the external limb. Water slid from each scale, shimmering in the beaming light that now soared above them. So Cordelia was a dragon then- she had dragon wings.

Cue's arms slid further around her, holding her to his chest tightly as he looked back to the others. Asia's own wings were dark, black, butterfly wings. Glittering with implements of stardust and galaxy glitter. They fluttered slightly, her eyes darting between himself and Cassian beside her, whose own imitation-bat wings were slumping slightly. Her wings were wide, and Cue guessed that given better circumstances, Asia would be pestering him with a thousand questions.

Beside her, stood Amir, wings humming and twitching steadily. They were bright and colorful, much like his personality, speedily moving, almost whirring to a stop. Multi-colored feathers, in almost an ombre rainbow, drifted over the sharp, twin wings. It took Cue a moment to realize what they actually represented.

A hummingbird.

Freddie was holding onto Amir's arm desperately, watching Cue with his own vivid anxiety. His wings were hanging down on his back instead, four of them. Not quite unlike a butterflys, but they were slightly lower. They were a soft bluish gray color, almost transparent if he stood in the light right away. Moth wings, then.

Joon's wings were mostly white, broad and folded into his back, they weren't like angels though, or a pegasus, they were slicker than that. Thinner and more agile in a way. Speckles of gray and black patterned them in a pretty manner. A Snow Owl's. They twitched after a moment, and Cue watched Joon's eyes shift to the only person without wings.

Echo.

She stood there, hands clasped tightly in front of her, without wings at all. Like the order had been completely reversed. Echo swallowed hard, repeating her words to Cue, as if he hadn't really heard them before.

Perhaps he hadn't.

"You fell, Cue." She swallowed again, voice straining, "You always said that our magic would give us wings when we needed them."

Oh.

"We need you." That time it wasn't Echo, but Cordelia, speaking with her own tense speech, clearly holding back her own clogged emotion. Her voice softened suddenly, and a shuddering, soft-spoken cry accompanied her next words, "I need you."

Oh God.

How could Cue have done this? Had he really valued his stupid fucking pride over his family? How could he have let something so silly and trivial like teasing about his age get to him? How could he have done this to them?

How could I have done this to Cordelia?

"I'm sorry." The words tasted more foreign than they probably should, but honestly Cue doesn't really remember the last time he earnestly apologized for something that he did, mostly because most of the time he thought he was right. He wasn't going to apologize for being right, after all.

But he was wrong.

"I'm so, so sorry Delia." Cue held her tighter, feeling the tears pool into his shoulder and slide down his already drying skin. He was sorry. Maybe it does take a big man to admit you're wrong, and maybe it is hard, but Cue really thinks all it takes is some self-awareness sometimes. He had been wrong. "I'm sorry, sweetheart." He pressed a kiss to her shoulder, before sitting up entirely, feeling the sharp spindly ache crawl up his spine. He didn't really mind, he just wanted to hold her.

At times, apologies can feel like the most complicated thing in the world, but truthfully, they are relatively simple. It's not the words that do any of the actual forgiveness, it's the actions. An empty apology is just words in this world, they don't do anything to fix the problem or find a solution to the issue. And words don't do a lot.

They can, certainly, but the truth is that unless they serve a purpose, unless they promise an action, they aren't worth much at all.

Cue knows that. He's never said anything he doesn't mean, so he really does mean this. In his arms, Cordelia takes another slow, shuddering breath, before pulling back, eyes alight with relief and anger all in the same breath. "I'm still mad at you, Cue."

"I know."

"How could you do that to me? How could you do that to yourself?!"

Myself?

"Cue, you have to take care of yourself too! None of us want to lose you, but you shouldn't want to lose yourself either." Warm hands found his face, her eyes narrowing into a half-hearted glare that lacked any real malice, "You're ridiculous."

"I love you." The words were out before he could almost think them, but true to heart, Cue did mean them, and there wasn't even a second of regret after they came out.

They did seem to shut Cordelia up for a moment, eyes wide and mouth agape. Cue's own face remained about as expressionless as it usually did, at least for a moment. After that silent second, he lifted his own hands from her back, pushing away her hands and cupping her face instead, pressing a kiss to her cheek, trailing them up to kiss the shell of her ear before murmuring the words all over again.

"I love you, Cordelia." After the soft speech, he looked back to the others, sighing as he pushed himself to his feet, offering a hand to his lovely girlfriend. Something she accepted silently. Cue eyed for a second, before looking back to the half-circle of shocked and sea-soaked immortals. "So..we probably should look over what might be wrong with me."

Echo blinked, then firmly nodded, "Oh right, of course- okay, so I could-" She took a step forward, but Joon's hand was already on her wrist, shaking his head. Obvious anxiety flicked over his face, glancing between both Echo and Cue.

"No."

"No?" Cue raised his eyebrow at him, and Joon straightened.

"No. Echo doesn't have enough magic to help anyone, and she shouldn't be trying to dig for whatever she might have left. I love her, and I refuse to stand by and watch her sacrifice herself over and over again-"

"Ye-Joon." Echo's own voice was gentle, but a warm, sarcastic grin wormed up her cheeks as she placed a hand on his chest, "I know. I'm glad you know too, but I know I can't heal Cue. But I know how to do it, meaning, I can help Asia do it."

Joon looked a little skeptical, but Asia's own voice turned everyone's attention right back to her. "I'm sorry, what?" She looked almost incredulous, crossing her arms over her chest, wings fluttering slightly before clasping back together, "In case no one else remembers, do we all recall what happened the last time I tried to use my magic on an immortal?"

Echo turned from Joon, whose face was suddenly looking a little pinker then it had a moment ago, and instead looked to Asia. "That's different, Asia your magic deals a lot with death and disease. With me, you were looking for something, and with Cue, you already know where it is, you just don't know what."

"That is not comforting, Echo." Asia's features were hard, but Cue knew what she was thinking about now. They all knew.

Echo smiled, warmly, like she used to do so often and took Asia's hands in hers, "Don't you trust me?"

"How could you trust me, Echo?" Her voice fell softer, squeezing her companion's hands tightly. "I took them."

Out of the corner of his eye, Cue saw Cordelia stiffen slightly, looking away for only a second. Cue frowned a little, but silently reached for her, placing a gentle hand on her back, rubbing his thumb over the probably sore spot in between her limp wings. She seemed to relax a little, looking back to the two as Echo smiled again, brighter this time, and shook her head, "No, Asia. I took them." Gently, Echo raised her hand, rubbing her older sister's arm, "I picked you over my wings, and I don't regret it, okay?" Asia blinked rapidly at her, blinking tears away as Echo pulled her into a hug. "I needed you then." Then she pulled back, holding onto Asia's arms tightly, "And right now, Cue needs you, okay?"

The thing about Echo is that even without magic, she radiates warmth. Because her magic wasn't at all what made Echo, Echo. Her abilities never defined her. None of their abilities defined them.

They always defined themselves

"Okay." Her butterfly wings twitched again, but Asia nodded, features re-shifting, alight with determination this time. "Okay, I can do it. I'll do it." Then, she promptly turned to Cue, "Okay Echo, tell me what to do."

Echo's smile was fond, but she motioned for Cue to turn around, and obediently, he did as he was told. "You know Asia, magic is a lot about feeling, but it's also about focus. When you were falling, you were panicking right?"

"Right."

"It's not really helpful to tell you to just not panic, but harnessing magic becomes a lot more powerful when it's directed towards one place. Now, in this case, it'll be easier to focus because you're not pulling it from yourself and you have a physical object in front of you."

Cue felt two hands on his back, Asia's assumedly, on the outside of his lengthy scars from years of shifting. For a moment, Cue felt almost light-headed, then right back to normal, as if a rush of adrenaline had vanished right from under his feet.

"Good, now, Asia, tell me what you feel."

For a moment, there was nothing but silence, then Asia's voice, "It feels sick."

"Cue's wings?"

"Not exactly, but like his magic feels sick. I don't think it's an infection of his wings, It just started there because that's where some of the highest concentration of magic is. It's an infection of his magic."

Cue avoided Cordelia's sharp eyes, instead looking out against the skies of the bright horizon.

Echo's voice was calm, "Can you fix it?"

"Yeah." She paused for a moment, then spoke again, more confidently this time. "I can fix it. I can do it."

"Good. Draw it out Asia."

"It won't hurt me?"

"No, because you're in charge of it, it's not in charge of you."

"Right. Right, okay." Cue heard Asia draw in a deep breath, hearing her speak under her breath. "I can do it. I can do this, yeah."

I trust you, Asia.

Heavy, sticky silence scattered over the island in droplets, and Cue was hit with a head rush hard enough to nearly knock him off his feet. His vision blurred, but he could see out of the corner of his eye, hard wind whipping the trees around them, snakes and tendrils of darkness spiraling in slow, controlled movements.

It lasted only a second, and an eternity, all in the same beat, and even though Cue's back felt better, that roaring ache overtook his body on top of that sudden light-headedness. Shaking his head slightly, he managed to stumble and turn around, meeting the sight of Asia, who had shadow snakes spiraling up her arms in almost affectionate movements, rather than harmful ones. Asia was watching them with wide eyes, then slowly, a smile warmed her face.

"Oh, they're like me."

What?

"They were scared, they didn't mean to hurt you!" Asia looked up, face bright, and a blooming, exuberant laugh echoed from her throat, "Oh I'm keeping them, by the way, Cassian. So deal with it." She turned back to her boyfriend, who looked more in love with her than Cue had ever seen him.

"Alright, darling."

Asia beamed again, then turned back to Cue, humor fading as soon as it had appeared. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired." He admitted in response, shrugging a little, "And sore."

Echo giggled all the same, waving him off, "You should go rest then, me and Freddie are going to make lunch."

Joon frowned, "Hey, what about me?"

"You cannot help this time, last time you nearly convinced Freddie to make a flour bomb!"

"Oh yeah." Joon grinned, "That would have been hilarious."

Freddie laughed all the same, "It wouldn't have been so bad Echo, come on."

Amir shook his head, following Echo and Freddie as the linked arms to walk back inside to the main house, "I don't know about baking flour, but what about a wildflower bomb instead?"

"How would that even work, Amir?"

"You're the smart one chéri, you figure it out."

Cue felt Cordelia pull his arm, "Come on lover boy, you need to lie down."

"You're so bossy, did you know that?" Cue followed regardless however, obediently, especially because Cordelia was obviously still feeling anxious and more than likely a little angry. He didn't really blame her. He honestly probably would have felt the same way. They'd only made it a few dozen feet into the trail before Cue felt a different hand on his arm, and he turned to find Cassian standing there, with some indescribable emotion spotlighted on his face.

"Can I talk to you, Cue? Real quick?"

Cue watched him for a moment, before nodding. Cordelia just patted his back, before heading right back down the trail to give them a moment to talk. Cue had barely turned back to Cassian before he started talking again.

"I'm sorry, Cue. I'm really, really sorry. I know that I make a joke of almost everything, especially anything you do, and I never meant for it to actually mean anything harmful, I thought - well, I don't actually know what I was thinking, I never think-"

"Cassian."

"The point is that I know we all made the jokes about you being old and all, but in all honesty I kinda started it, and everyone just followed. I didn't know it would lead to this, or make you feel like you just have to suffer through everything when you needed someone else. I'm really sorry-"

"Cass-"

"The truth is, you're one of the best friend's that i've ever had, and I know I'm an asshole, but you never hated me for it, so I thought it'd be okay." Cassian's voice was shaky, and he wouldn't look at Cue, pulling at his necklace, "I didn't have a real father-figure growing up, which you already knew that, and you're so responsible and put together, and I feel like I've never known what I'm doing in my life so I just really look up to you." Cue watched Cassian's chest hitch then, and Cue's heart broke just a little. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean it-"

"Cassian." Cue's hands found his arms, holding them tightly. "That's enough, okay?"

"..okay."

Cue watched him for a moment, then sighed and shook his head, "I'm real proud of you Cass, okay?" Without overthinking too much of it, Cue pulled him into a hug, a tight one. "And I love you too, I get that you have a hard time processing emotions, especially the bad one's, and that's okay, you have time to figure it out."

Cassian stood there for a minute, completely still, before nodding slowly, hugging Cue right back before sniffing. "...sorry."

"Don't apologize, Cass." Cue pulled back then, smiling a little before patting his shoulder, "And this isn't your fault either. Don't blame yourself so much, alright?" Cassian just nodded, chewing his cheek. Cue only raised his hand, patting his cheek, "And take some advice from your old man sometime, yeah?" Then Cue winked at him, then turned right back to trot back down the path towards his home before Cassian could respond, or promise to tell everyone else about their conversation.

Pushing open the door, and walking to the living room, he found Cordelia already there, pacing back and forth. Cue slowly shut the door behind him before approaching her, the question burning on his tongue right before she answered it without asking.

"You said you loved me."

"Was I not supposed to?" Cue's own response is without hesitation of any kind. He'd said it because he felt like it, and he did love Cordelia, so it wasn't a lie of any kind. Cordelia shook her head, looking exasperated for a moment as she turned to him, crossing her arms over herself in a kind of hugging motion, her nails digging into the sensitive flesh of her forearm.

"I didn't say it back."

"So?"

For a moment, she just stared at him, and he watched as she averted her eyes for a beat, and the rest of Cue's stitched together heart softened as he walked over to her.

"Hey, sweetheart, I didn't say it because I need you to say it back. I said it because I love you, and I think you should know that." His hand tilted her chin up, pressing a romantic kiss in between her brows, "You don't have to say it back."

"But- I want to. I want to say it back Cue but I feel like I can't." She shook her head slightly, her own hands worming their way up his chest to curl into him. "It's not that I don't love you, I just haven't heard those words a lot, much less said them, so I-"

"It's okay." His own hand drifted back to her back, careful to avoid irritating the sensitive joints now supporting an extra limb, "I don't have to say it either if it scares you."

For a moment, she's rendered silent again, clearly thinking this over. After her moment of silence, she shakes her head, just barely. "Please don't stop saying it."

"Okay Cordy." Cue shifted a little, sighing as the buried ache deepened. At least it didn't hurt anymore. Instead, he moved his hands back down her, picking her up by her thighs to support her against him, letting her wings droop. Cordelia didn't complain, arms wrapping back around his neck to hold onto him tightly, head falling once again into his shoulder. "I won't."

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

wyn !!

twenty-fifth chapter . . .

and a nice long one 
at that

almost there you guys