sonder (noun) - the realization that every passerby has a life as complex as your own

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥  electric love by borns

CASSIAN HAD DECIDED TO
MAKE POZOLE FOR DINNER

Two weeks.

It had now been two weeks since Echo's disappearance, and it felt like the island was dying. Not literally, of course, but there was a building lack of energy that seemed to eat away at everyone who lived there. When everyone had been here, when Echo had been here, she'd scheduled all the little activities, all the dinners together, and delegated who did what on what day. She made all of them spend time with each other while somehow still respecting every boundary one could think of.

Cassian misses her.

But Cassian misses everybody honestly, because no one is quite the same anymore. Even Joon.

Especially Joon.

Under his breath, he mutters some choice words as the knife in his hand narrowly misses the side of his finger. He's cooking for both of them tonight, him and his girlfriend. One, because he's found out it's very attractive to his partners when he cooks for them, and two, because he's genuinely concerned that Asia hasn't been eating much of anything ever since that night. He's seen Cordelia scold her about it once or twice, but Asia typically bit back with enough force to send both of them broiling over in silent ire. Cordelia wasn't exactly perfectly level all the time, but neither was Asia, they could both be temperamental, just in inherently different ways.

Cordelia had a fiery kind of anger, where her temperament frothed and seethed until it exploded from her chest like an active volcano. Asia had a cold, analyzing fury, one that crawled up into every flaw and feature in your being, and expanded till that's all anyone saw.

Both were equally terrifying.

Cassian could hear her playing on the piano not so far away from her kitchen, up in her music room. The cacophony of notes swirled around the room, bouncing off of every blank wall. She was a beautiful piano player. His mouth twitched up, picking up the board to push off the vegetables into the pot on the stove. Reaching to adjust the temperature, his ears picked up on the gentle accompaniment of Asia's voice with the music. She was singing in Russian, is what it sounded like. He didn't know the language, even if he was trying to learn it from Cue, who always just shook his head with a stupid fucking smirk every time Cassian asked about what Asia was saying. Whatever, it's not like it mattered.

Okay, maybe it mattered a little bit.

The point was, he tuned in to listen, to see if he could catch even a word that was somewhat recognizable to him. Some words Asia told him what they meant, like the words she often spoke to the others, but not his. For the love of God, he was still attempting to figure out what she'd been calling him for as long as they had known each other. At first he thought it was an insult, but she'd kept using it even after they were dating, so now he wasn't so sure.

Sister.

He knew that one. More specifically, the words 'younger sister', is what Asia sometimes called Echo when they talked together. It was one of the few Russian words that Cassian might be able to actually pronounce on a good day. He wasn't really sure what song Asia was singing, but it was hauntingly beautiful, and ominously somber. It casted dark bursts of arcana down his spine, encompassing it in a kind of shudder as he looked up towards the staircase.

Sighing, he checked on the pot once more before placing it off of the hot stove, putting a lid on it to keep it warm, and began trudging up the stairs. The music never really seemed to get louder or softer, staying static in the hallowed rooms of Asia's home. It's not that they never really hung out at Cassian's, but Asia always seemed more comfortable here, and Cassian didn't really mind where they were as long as he was with her.

He paused at the entrance of the music room, eyes trained on his darling Asia as her fingers drifted effortlessly across the keys of the grand piano, back to him as soft lyrics danced in circles around the room. Above them, in the grand glass skylight that covered nearly the entire ceiling, rain trickled down the curved windows, quiet spatterings of droplets only joining in the breathtaking symphony.

She stopped suddenly, as if somehow sensing that Cassian was there behind her, and her fingers slipped from their place, folding in her lap instead. She didn't breathe a word, still facing away from him entirely, so he pushed off the side of the door, walking over to her. His steps seemed louder than they should be, violently interrupting the lingering flow of music. It didn't take long for him to reach her, and gently, he slid a hand over her back, leaning down to kiss her shoulder. "Ana, darling."

She didn't respond, but he felt her slowly untense, closing her eyes as his mouth trailed in soft affection to the crook of her neck. He pulled back only after a moment, eyes going back to the piano as he reached his other hand over to the keys, pressing down his own gentle chord. In the corner of his eye, he watched her eyes again open, now trained on his hand as it danced in rhythmic movements, playing a short melody of notes.

His hand pulled away then, trailing up Asia's arm instead, rubbing it gently as he switched to the opposing shoulder to mimic the affection again. "Do you want to talk about it?" It didn't really matter if she did or not, he knew what she was thinking, even if she hadn't really said it directly. Asia's response was always the same. Her chest would hitch, and her head would shake, as if she couldn't bear voicing the thoughts that seemed to haunt her so unceasingly.

Cassian always asked anyway, just in case it changed.

Asia didn't really respond, but turned around from where she was sitting to face Cassian, looking up at him. Cass just ran his hand up to her face, cupping it gently as he stroked her cheek with his thumb, "Hey pretty lady."

Talk to me.

It did hurt a little sometimes, when Asia became this unresponsive, not because he couldn't handle it, but because he didn't know what to do. He wanted her to feel safe, and happy, and most of all, loved, but when she got this quiet he knew it was more than likely she wasn't feeling any of those things. "Do you want to go for a walk?"

"It's raining." Her response is soft, but it does send some kind of relief pouring down his chest. At the very least, she did respond.

"You like the rain, don't you? Isn't the thunder part that bothers you?"

"I guess sometimes."

Cassian just takes her hands in his, clasping them tightly as he kneels in front of where she sits, pressing affection onto her hands. He can tell she doesn't really want to go for a walk, which is okay. At the least, he'll probably open a window downstairs so she can get some fresh air. He turns her wrist in his hand, kissing it lightly before looking back up to her. Her eyes are sharp, but he watches as features scrunch up, and her lip trembles for a moment.

Oh.

"Oh, darling.." Cassian keeps one of her hands in his, standing up slowly before pulling her up from her seat and into his awaiting arms.

Not often is he grateful for Cue's relentless work-out regimen. Not quite enough to overwork, but the line is certainly being towed. But when Asia practically collapses into him, he's forced to readjust to support her weight so he doesn't drop her at all, which honestly is a little bit harder than it looks, but in the moment he readjusts his balance, he sends a mental thank-you to Cue's ridiculous methods.

Her chest is hitching again, and some kind of incoherent stifled sound escapes her throat. Cassian keeps his arms around her as she buries her face into his shoulder, lacing her arms around his own neck. In one swift movement, he lifts her off her feet entirely, deciding that it's much easier to just hold her. Asia doesn't seem to argue, her legs wrapping around his waist as the first trickling sob bubbles from her mouth.

It hurts, but Cassian can't really do anything to alleviate any of the pain, he knows that. He's the immortal of heartbreak, after all. Sometimes he wonders why Cue picked him, but Cue has always been pretty transparent with him, even if he didn't have too. Cassian had had his heart ripped out before, over and over again in fact, for his entire life. He wasn't a stranger to loss, and he certainly wasn't one to heartbreak either.

But neither was Asia.

Maybe that's why they worked so well together, because both of them had been ripped away from the life they'd known, a life that honestly neither of them had been happy in anyway. Because both of them knew rejection inside and out, and had given their heart away a few too many times.

Maybe that's why he really wasn't surprised when Cordelia told them they were soulmates.

"What if she n-never comes back?" Cassian isn't really sure if the question is rhetorical or not, but Asia grips the sleeves of his shirt tighter where she's latched onto him, crying into his shoulder. He can feel the tears slip down her face and onto his skin, pooling before sliding down his own arm.

"She will." He doesn't really know if she will or not, but he has faith in Echo. He's always had faith in her. They might not be the closest of the immortals, but if it's one thing Echo is, is relentless. Even more so than Cue, honestly. He's never seen her balk at a challenge, has never seen her give up, has never watched her become complacent or lazy in anything she chooses to accomplish.

So he knows that if there is a way for Echo to come back to them, she will.

Even if it takes a while.

"What if the la-last thing I d-did was make her cry, Cassian?" Asia's grip is twitching, like she can't decide if she wants to hold on tighter or shove him away. Either way, Cassian wouldn't really judge her. It's hard enough losing one family, and he's honestly not sure if any of them can take losing another.

"Echo would forgive you, Ana." No, he's not completely sure of that, but he also knows Echo knows Asia, and he knows that she knew the moment it happened it was a bad idea to lie. It wasn't Echo's fault, they all lied to her really, it just happened to come out while Echo was in the spotlight of it all. He doesn't have a doubt it probably would have been much worse had it been anyone else.

Hell, Asia had been furious at him after getting over the initial hours of Echo's disappearance. But she hadn't had it in her to yell or scream or bitch at him about any of it, no, she just told him she didn't want to talk to him, and slammed the door in his face.

Somehow it had hurt way more.

Still, it had only been about an hour of him waiting on the front steps that she opened it again to let him go to sleep. They did spend most nights together, and even though Asia blamed it on the fact that she never wanted to have a nightmare like the one she had before, Cassian couldn't help but feel a little bit like it could also be that Asia was surprisingly cuddle, especially with him.

"She'll be back."

"You don't k-know that." Asia's tone is sharp, but it's expected, and Cassian only presses a sweet, loving kiss to her shoulder.

"No, but I'm going to believe it anyway." The words seem to somewhat soothe his girlfriend, even if her arms again tighten around his fingers holding his shirt hard enough that he's sure her knuckles are turning white. He can still feel the tears dripping down her cheeks, but in complete honesty, Cassian is pretty sure she's just too tired to cry earnestly. 

Again, she seems to be rendered silent, words and sobs vanishing into the dusting of rain that's begun to heavy against the skylight above them. "..Cassian?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you tell me you love me?"

Cassian smiled for a second, just to himself before setting her down gently on the bench of the piano again, kneeling in front of her as he takes her face into his hands. "I love you, Anastasia."

She nods, rubbing her fingers under her eyes to wipe away any kind of smeared makeup. "I love you too."

"Great! Then it looks like we both win, don't we?" His tone is bright, even if the situation is not, but it does manage to pull a half-hearted huffing sound from his beloved. Slowly, his grin shifts into something devilish, placing his hands against her waist instead, sliding them up her sides slowly, "Maybe I can win a little more, hmm?"

This time, Asia's cheeks flush, and Cassian's heart swells as she swats his hands away, crossing her arms over her chest. "Prick."

"Can you blame me, darling, you're so pretty from here." He instead slides his hands down to her legs, kissing her knee before looking back up at her. Her eyes have sharpened, despite the fluent heat that has settled deep in her features.

"Are you insinuating that there was a time when I wasn't pretty?"

Cassian gaped at her, despite the amusement flickering in strings up and down his chest, and managed his own grumpy look, pushing up to a stand again and crossing his own arms over his chest. "Of course not, you're pretty all the time."

"That's not what you implied."

"You're such a bully Ana." Cassian rolls his eyes, but again, warmth floods upwards from his chest as he watches her eyes soften, and a gentle smile shift over her face. In another moment, she simply raises her arms up to him in silent request, and once again, Cassian relents. She's in his arms once again, and in a swift movement, he's headed back down the stairs.

Truth be told, he's pretty sure Asia could ask him for anything and he'd give it.

"You want to eat something?" There's a soft, non-committal humm in response, but he smiles anyway. That's about as much of a yes as he's going to get from her, at least until Echo comes back anyway.

Until Echo comes back.

His thoughts stop for a moment, eyebrows furrowing slightly as he mindlessly carries her to the kitchen. Until. He's been thinking in until, this whole time.

How long until it becomes if.

Cassian really doesn't want to think about it, so instead, he turns his attention toward the heavenly smells that have filled the kitchen. Along with pozole, he made fresh bread to eat it with. It'd seemed like a good choice, not only because of the spirit of the weather, but the spirit on the island itself.

It stays until, Cassian. 

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

wyn !!

nineteenth chapter done !

no, we will not be discussing
how quickly i'm publishing
all of these chapters -