rantipole (adj.) - having a wild, reckless attitude

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥  play by k-391; alan walker

FREDDIE CANT REALLY BELIEVE
ECHO HAS BEEN GONE FOR THIS LONG

A week.

It's been a week since Echo had vanished. Even Cue seemed to be down, and he was practically impossible to read. Of course, who wouldn't be down at the disappearing of their beloved ray of hope.

At least, Freddie's ray of hope.

He let out a slow, calming breath, sucking the fresh morning air back into his lungs. Chittering sounds rimmed the fringes of the greenery around him, the occasional bird chirping in tandem with its flock. The sky was clear today, not a cloud in sight in fact. It would have made a great beach day, if any of them were really up for it.

Gradually, he shifted into warrior one, closing his eyes as he focused on his breathing rather than letting his thoughts run themselves in circles. Of course, it was a worthless attempt, and it really didn't stop the gears from churning in his head.

It felt weird doing yoga without Echo. But he'd gotten up today, early, on instinct, as he did every week to walk down the forested path to a patch of greenery under the canopy where they would talk and do it together. The only time he really missed a session was when he had been sick, and even that was on a technicality. Freddie felt his mouth upturn at the memory. He was scared, of course he was, but Echo would come back. He was sure of it.

Now, move to warrior two.

The others were taking it about as good as he was, which admittedly wasn't fantastic. Cue had been out pretty much every day, and it wasn't a secret to anyone what he was doing. He wasn't really grumpier than usual, but he was much more expressive than he had been. He'd even ruffled Freddie's hair after they ran into each other before he vanished for the day once again.

At the very least, Asia and Cordelia seemed to have made up, at least from what Amir told him. Refusing to let his heart skip a beat at the thought of him, Freddie opened his eyes, trailing them across the lush grass. After that night, Cordelia and Asia had evidently sought out each other. He wasn't really sure of the details, and neither was Amir, but they seemed to be closer than ever, regardless of the fury that had buried into their own souls only a week ago. Freddie saw them only a couple nights ago taking a walk together in silence.

Reverse warrior.

Even Cassian was quieter. He made jokes, tried to keep the mood light with the help of Amir, but both of them seemed to be at their wit's end, rapidly approaching the dark, shuddering fact that Echo might not come back.

Even if she wanted to, there was the possibility that there wasn't anything left to find.

Freddie bit back the chill that ran up his spine, closing his eyes again as he lifted his face to the sun, basking in the gentle rise of light that scattered the horizon. It was hard for him too, waiting in ultimate anxiety, but at the same time, he knew that he couldn't help. The best thing to do would just be continuing with his routine, hoping that any day she would return with her radiance just like before.

Mountain Pose, then Eagle.

He's not really sure what else he could do. They seemed to be falling apart without Echo, in a way. Cue was gone all the time, and without Echo keeping them together, working with Amir to plan activities and outings, it felt like they were only bound to vanish from each other's lives entirely. There was still that lingering hope though, and it was a thread of emotion that Freddie held on desperately too.

It helped that some of the others strived for normalcy despite everything happening.

In another way, it hurt just as much to watch them all pretend to be fine, like Echo had only gone to grab something from her house, and would show up again any moment.

Freddie can't remember the last time one of them laughed. At least, he doesn't think any of them had in the past week. Most of the time, Joon offered the much-needed comedic relief, but without that sugar-coated wit that Echo often responded with, the silence felt empty.

Joon.

Freddie returned to a simple standing position, sighing quietly as he reached his hands down to brace himself as he slid to the ground, pulling his legs into the lotus before closing his eyes again, face turned upward towards the warmth the brightening skies flooded the grounds with.

He really couldn't quite get a read on Joon. He was still smiling, still commenting on everything and everyone, but his eyes were hollowed out. Empty. He didn't even feel the same, not really. Joon always had this sneaky, not quite dark persona, but something inherently mischievous. He was a kleptomaniac, Freddie knew that much, but lately Joon didn't feel like himself at all.

No one did.

Freddie misses her. And he knows, he does, that everyone misses Echo, but Echo saw him. She noticed, when no one else did. He misses it a little because he was real to Echo, he was more than just an immortal, he was her friend.

Before coming here, Freddie never really had a real friend.

Breathe.

Again, he draws in that slow, easy breath. He can almost hear Echo's voice in his ears, gentle and kind, instructing him on his movements, on his breathing. Freddie doesn't know if all the other's also did yoga during their mornings with Echo, but for some reason he doubts it. At first, he thought all of them did the same thing in the mornings, but when he brought it up, the other's seemed confused.

Freddie's guess is that she personalized each morning routine for every single one of them.

He's glad Echo picked yoga for him. It's calming, and quiet, and something he didn't really realize he needed. As most know, Freddie is a textbook overthinker, and runs circles around himself in nearly every situation possible. Yoga is a nice reprieve from that. Even if he can't turn off his thoughts, they feel easier to process falling into the muscle memory of it all. He's not the most athletic sort either, but yoga has allowed him to build that slow strength, the endurance, the breathing habits and practices.

Freddie is almost sure that Echo didn't think he noticed how she had to change her patterns after her wings were removed, how her patterns shifted, how her face contorted in suppressed pain while trying to keep up with everyone else.

I noticed, Echo.

He wishes he could tell her now. Freddie wishes he had told her when she was still here. It's true what people say you know, you don't know what you miss until it's gone.

Gone.

The thought strikes him with such a heaviness, that he feels his eyes shoot open as if he's surprised by his own thoughts.

Echo isn't gone.

It feels like he's lying to himself, and the realization sends choked emotion up his throat. Quietly, he pushes up from the lotus position, pulling his knees to his chest instead. She's not gone, she can't be gone. He should stop thinking like that.

So, why is it the more he denies it, the worse the feeling in his stomach gets?

"Freddie?"

For a moment, he's thrown off his game entirely, raising his head slightly to see Amir stopping midway in the path down the winding forest. Amir's eyebrows are furrowed in concern, but he removes the headphones from his ears, pocketing them before gently approaching. Freddie doesn't really mind, ignoring the rapid increase of his pulse in his chest, watching his friend sit beside him quietly.

Amir is silent for a beat, watching the horizon, and for a fleeting moment, Freddie wishes he would just stay like that, if only so he could permanently capture how the light looks in his eyes. He doesn't stay that way, but Freddie can't really complain, because those dark, enchanting eyes now face him completely, voice quiet. "Are you okay?"

"No." Freddie kept his gaze for a moment, mentally shocked that his voice came out as even as it did, before turning to watch the glimmering sea against the sky. "But I don't really think any of us are."

"I guess that's true." Freddie can feel Amir's gaze linger on him, and he resists the urge to turn his head to again meet him in that alluring stare, instead setting his face back in the valley of his knees. He's vaguely aware of the fact that heat is no doubt rushing into his face, but he's already decided to blame it on the UV rays of the sun today. "I was more, well- I was asking how you're doing it." There's a pause, and Freddie fights the urge to smile as he recognizes the subtle stop to re-articulate. Heaven knows he practically invented it. "How are you coping with all of it?" Amir's voice is still gentle, but in all honesty, Freddie doesn't ever remember a time when it wasn't gentle. Especially when talking to him.

"Yoga helps." It does. Not as much as he might like, but it does make him feel more connected to his friend now that she isn't in his immediate presence. Fighting the urge to again let his thoughts trail back to the fact that Echo might not come back at all, he decides to pursue a different subject. "I feel bad for Joon."

In his peripheral vision, he sees Amir nod solemnly, expressive features contorting into something more melancholy. "Me too."

"I can't imagine what it would be like to lose someone you care about like that, you know?"

I can't imagine what it would be like to lose you, Amir.

"That is, if he's realized it by now, I guess." Freddie shakes his head a little, letting his legs stretch out as warmth builds against the ground, pushing his arms back to brace himself on the dewey grass beneath his fingertips.

"I think if there's one good thing that's come out of this, it's the fact that Joon is starting to realize he likes Echo a whole hell of a lot more than a friend." Amir sighs again, tilting his head once more towards Freddie in the kind of way that makes his heart speed up all the more.

Of course, at this point, anything Amir does probably has the same effect.

God, fuck me.

Freddie has to fight the urge to roll his eyes at himself and his own dramatics as he turns to meet Amir's gaze, pushing back up to cross his legs over again, now facing his friend entirely.

Amir smiles a little, mirroring the action to face him the same way, and Freddie has to mentally beg to himself not to fucking blush at the attention. His friend's grin brightens suddenly, and a soft breath of laughter escapes him, and the sound sends rushes of butterflies down into Freddie's chest. "Well, I hope it works out better for him than it did for me."

There's suddenly a sickening weight that pushes down on his stomach, effectively smushing all the fireworks going off as Freddie is slingshotted back to reality.

Well, as much of a reality as it can be, one complete with magic and immortals.

"Right." Freddie forces a slow nod, ignoring the pricking sensation running down his throat, "Sorry about bringing it up-"

"Don't worry about it." Amir's already shaking his head, smiling that warm, soft smile like he always does when he's talking to Freddie, "Echo was right. I only caught feelings because I got caught up in the whirlwind of everything around me. I mean, it was a lot. Magic, immortality - I mean, we're practically living in a romance plot." He sighed then, "The romantic in me is screaming, but the realist I think is just waiting for me to wake up." He looks downtrodden for a minute, like the bright, beautiful light that Freddie loves so desperately flickers for just a moment.

"I hope I never wake up, then." The words are out before he really realizes it. He clamps his mouth shut as Amir's gaze again meets his, and that glittering, breathtaking light is right back where it belongs.

"Oh?" Amir is staring at him now, the simple intensity of it forces heat to scale up his cheeks. Freddie can't manage to break his eye contact, not this time, and especially not when Amir's smile grows wider, planting his hand in between the space between them, leaning closer, "You want to dream about me, Freddie?"

Fuck.

"What would you dream about?"

Freddie can't really speak at this point, and rapidly, his brain scrambles to say something, anything, actually. So it's really only his fault when he manages to spit out, "Did you know that glass is actually not a solid? It's technically liquid."

Amir blinks, clearly thrown off for a moment, "..what?"

 "So, actually the state of it is called amorphous, meaning between solid and liquid. So glass is amorphous; but glass molecules float really slowly, so they can't shatter and change shape- of course that doesn't mean glass itself doesn't shatter, because obviously there's plenty of experience to prove otherwise."

"Really?"

"Yeah, so - oh actually ceramics, gels, and polymers all fall into that category technically speaking. They're all rapidly quenched, which thins the film systems deposited on a substrate at low temperatures, so they're all amorphous and I think-"

Freddie can barely register the sudden feeling of lips against his, blinking rapidly for a moment before feeling Amir pull back, just barely. Warmth floods into his cheeks as the man in front of him begins speaking again, "You forgot to breathe in between info-dumping, Freddie." 

"Oh." It's all he can really manage to say, staring wide-eyed at him.

Amir's smile is soft, and he takes Freddie's hand in his, pulling it up to press a kiss to the knuckles, "You're so cute."

"Oh." This is a confession. Amir likes him- not just like, as a friend. He likes him. Freddie feels his cheeks heat up all over again, only able to watch Amir interlace their fingers again, setting them back down. For a moment, Amir frowns a little, worry creasing his eyebrows.

"Are you..okay?" He paused, sighing, "Sorry, I should have asked, you were just so cute- you're always so adorable when you go on little rambles, and honestly, I just couldn't handle it this time. Amir smiles, less so wholly this time, slowly removing his finger's from Freddie's, "Obviously, you don't have to feel the same way, I just thought maybe you did-"

Freddie doesn't really know what happens, but he's suddenly invoked by the idea of courage. Of the idea that he doesn't want to lose Amir. He doesn't want to have to even picture whatever Joon is going through, so he grabs Amir's shirt, and plants his mouth right back on his, the words growing muffled in his mouth.

Amir is stock still for a moment, before he shifts, hand sliding around Freddie's waist to pull him closer, cupping his face with his other hand as ease settles deep in the pit of his chest, removing that weight in his stomach entirely.

My butterflies are back. 

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

wyn !!

eighteenth chapter done !

hope this is a half-decent apology <3

no, echo is not back yet :)