desiderium ( noun ) - an ardant longing, as for something lost

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ now playing ; dreams pt. II by sara skinner; lost sky

CORDELIA COULDN'T BELIEVE 
THIS WAS HAPPENING

It felt surreal, all of this did. Which was fair, at least she thought it was fair to think that. After all, she was now placed in some sort of magic-infused world, inside the world that wasn't supposed to have magic, or anything of that sort. It was stupid, and strange, and scary.

But maybe that was just because it was new.

But now, this girl's hand, Echo's hand, remained outstretched in front of her, in an offer of friendship. An offer of support. An offer of trust.

Trust.

Cordelia didn't trust anyone, not even this girl in front of her, who seemed to be everything Cordelia frankly, was not. Pretty, and perfect, and well-rested, and kind, and loving, and gentle, and articulate, and Cordelia hated it.

She didn't hate Echo, which was probably the worst part in this situation, but who in their right mind could hate Echo?

No, Cordelia hated the fact that Echo was everything she wasn't, and she'd only known her for a few minutes at best.

Still, the promise of friends lingered somewhere in the back of Cordelia's mind, sending her fingers twitching. It took her a brief moment to realize she was only staring at the hand before her, making no move to take it, but her thoughts still raced a mile a minute, grasping for any kind of logic as to why she wanted to take her hand so bad.

She wanted friends, sure. That was a normal, human, mortal, thing to want. But they weren't mortal anymore. No, they were immortals now, living with other immortals, and they were to spread happiness across the world because why the fuck not?

Where was my happiness?

The thought coated her tongue, prompting her to say them. Cordelia couldn't bring herself too, but it did make her wonder.

Where was my happiness?

Maybe she'd ask that question later, at some point, when the judgemental eyes of the other immortals weren't upon her. Cordelia desperately tried to reason with herself, to say that they weren't judging her - and even if they were, why would it matter? They didn't know her.

"No, but I'd certainly like to."

The words came again, but not from Echo. Well, yes from Echo, but somewhere in the inside. Cordelia lifted her head, meeting the bright eyes of the immortal before her. She could hear the words there, somehow. The truth behind them. The honesty.

Echo has a beautiful soul.

That was a different voice, her own, and a strange vibrational feeling shot down to the base of her spine, sending her fingers twitching again. Only this time, it caused the reflex to take the outstretched hand before her, clasping it in her own. Echo's hands were warm, soft and youthful against her own. Echo met her gaze again, and adoringly smiled, and the action made the jumping anxiety that Cordelia was barely managing to maintain, soften. There was a tug, and a brief realization that Echo was pulling her up to stand in front of her, and then her arms went around Cordelia. A hug.

Oh.

Distantly, in her ears, she heard one of the others, Anastasia, make some sort of hesitant, warning sound that Echo should ask before doing that- but Echo's arms had already gone around her, and there was a different thought that darted through her head. Echo's voice, but Cordelia's mind.

Maybe you will find it here.

It took Cordelia another embarrassing moment to realize what the voice had meant. My happiness.

It took Cordelia's mind however, no time at all to shut that thought down. That was ridiculous, after all. To find happiness in the embrace of a bunch of strangers? Not only that, but a bunch of magical, immortal, strangers? She'd been kidnapped, her death had been faked, she'd been torn away from the life that she'd built for herself, and she was going to find happiness here?

A ridiculous thought.

So....why did she find this small, insignificant embrace so welcoming?

Cordelia decided she was going to blame it on the fact that she probably wasn't hugged enough as a child. Surely the psychology behind that would agree. Maybe.

Once again her fingers twitched in where they sat tensely against her sides, nearly unreactive as a tree would be in the embrace. Echo didn't seem deterred, and the immortal before her pulled back, a brief phase of a breath escaping her as her wing twitched uncomfortably. Cordelia glanced back, past her, towards the pinned wings Echo adorned. Amir had done some bandaging, but hadn't finished before Echo had gone on her tirade about their mission in life. Anxiety pulsed into the pit of her stomach, a sickening feeling washing over her for a brief moment. Worry.

The feeling was gone as sudden as it had come, as soon as she met Echo's eyes again, warm and soft, as the girl fixed palms against Cordelia's skin, smiling warmly - the smile that Echo had on practically since she'd walked inside with a badly wrapped limb.

"I'm glad you're here Cordelia."

Again, those words that she'd spoken previously, 'You don't know me'. She bit them back, forcing a tense, strict nod. She felt odd. Echo projected safety, comfort, warmth - and Cordelia had hardly felt those things before. Resisting the urge to unintentionally snap away from the odd intimacy of the moment, she bit her cheek, grumbling under her breath.

Echo, once again, seemed undeterred, and only turned to let go of Cordelia, and instead darted to Freddie, taking his arm in her own. Although again, that brief pass of pain drifted in and out of her eyes before she spoke. "Freddie, didn't you miss me so much?"

He laughed, a soft, almost hesitant thing, "Sure, I did Echo, probably more than you missed me, actually."

Echo's nose scrunched up in response, and a glittery giggle of a laugh sounded as she pulled him to the kitchen, "Impossible. Utterly, horribly, impossible."

Freddie's laugh came again, and Anastasia followed the two, muttering something about how the only impossible thing in this whole thing, is the fact that Echo had wings to break in the first place. Cassian followed them, snickering about how Anastasia was just jealous.

Anastasia responded with arguably one of the most wilting glares that Cordelia had seen from anyone other than herself.

Cass seemed delighted at the attention.

Cordelia caught Joon's eye as she scanned around her, and she paused as Joon only stared at her. The smile was gone from earlier, that cocky, confident facade. And in it's place something almost...analyzing. It was gone in an instant however, and something in Cordelia's stomach settled as his smile returned, "Who pissed in your coffee, Cordy?"

Cordelia's answering half-sneer was the response, crossing arms over her chest. "I was too busy being kidnapped to have my coffee this morning, thank you."

Joon's eyebrow flicked up in clear amusement, and he tilted his head slightly, knife turning almost fluidly between his fingertips. "Oh, someone's a little bitter, well, if it makes you feel better, my death was faked." His gaze flicked to Cue, who had remained irritatingly absent during the whole conversation, and a pseudo menacing glare fell over Joon's features. "On a date, in the middle of a date, Cue"

Cue looked up then, "Are you ever going to get over that?"

A childish pout came over his face then, and he leaned into the wall, his own arms crossing over his chest. "No. I have a reputation to uphold."

Cue still looked unbothered, but he set the book down, standing. Distantly, Cordelia realized that he was a rather large man. Broad, and tall. Cue's arm stretched over his head before he rolled his shoulders out, likely from the flight. "Joon, your date wasn't that interested in you."

"Cue!"

"Mm?" He just raised his eyebrow as he bypassed Cordelia, sticking hands in his pockets, but he stopped before passing Joon entirely, waiting for his argument.

Joon huffed, turning to walk beside him and into the kitchen, "I know that, but that doesn't mean you have to say it. It's supposed to be an unspoken thing!"

"I'll keep that in mind next time." Cue vanished into the kitchen, and Joon stood there for a moment before hurrying after him.

"What do you mean next time, Cue??" The doors swung closed, closing Cordelia off from the main lobby, and the rest of the house.

Maybe she could make a break for it. Her visions of an escape crashed as the realization hit her. She was dead to the world. Dead to her family, who honestly probably didn't care. Her waitress job was probably just given to the next person in line. Her co-workers hadn't even liked her that much.

Even if she wasn't declared dead, who would look for her?

Cordelia felt so buried in her thoughts, she didn't even feel the gentle brush of hand against her arm, and she turned to find Amir in front of her, offering a small smile. "Hey, uh, I know it's a lot right now."

"You don't know anything about me." The words came out harsher than she had meant them too, and in an instant she regretted them, the looming sense of dread that she knew so well from her childhood stirred deep in the pits of her spirit. Brewing and boiling in wait of the inevitable.

Failure.

Amir's eyes however, stayed kind. Stayed warm. He merely nodded, "That's true, but, like Echo said, we're glad you're here regardless. You're our..soul, I'm pretty sure." He took a pause, looking towards the door that the others had disappeared into, and laughed under his breath. "I'm still pretty new to this too, I think Anastasia out of the five of us has been here the longest, five or six months." A sigh escaped his mouth, "Which seems like a long-time, but I guess in the long run of the life of immortals, it's really not." His thoughts, whatever way they'd wandered off to, returned to her. "I know it's a lot to take in, but the first step, regardless of size, is always the most important one." Amir retracted his hand then, offering a reassuring nod before following his friends, vanishing past the main lobby.

Cordelia only watched in silence.

Thick, overwhelming, troubling, silence. Couldn't they understand- they had to have the wrong person. Had too. There was no other option. No alternative. Cordelia had failed at everything in her life, hadn't she? She couldn't make her parents proud, couldn't get perfect grades, couldn't please her professors, couldn't keep her emotions in check, couldn't stop the urge to snap at everyone and everything, because god-fucking-dammit, she didn't need help.

Cordelia was going to be perfect. And she was going to do it all on her own.

"We're glad you're here."

No they weren't. Clearly, no one here knew what they were talking about. They didn't know anything about Cordelia, they knew nothing. They were glad she was here because of whatever god-forsaken power she had somehow, someway, obtained, but they weren't glad she was here.

"No, but I'd like to."

Echo was wrong. She had to be. Cordelia was sure of it. Everyone who "got to know" Cordelia, suddenly disappeared because 'oh i'm busy' and 'we should hang out sometime, I just can't this week' and 'i have work' and 'we just don't mesh'. All excuses, and all the more reason why Cordelia was simply better off alone.

Maybe you will find it here.

A voice. One that was her own. She might be able to blame her naivety, her childish hope for some sort of meaning in a life she struggled to find meaning in, but even then. Somewhere, deep inside of her, down buried beneath the rubble of her trauma and broken childhood, was hope.

A hope that they meant it. That Echo wanted to get to know her. That they wanted her here. That Cue had picked her for a reason. That she might be able to find some sort of purpose in the shell of a person she now was.

Cordelia wanted it, wanted it more than anything. She wanted friends, and family, and love, and happiness, and finally some sort of bloody fucking meaning in her life, other than being perfect for people who couldn't give a shit about her in the first place.

And now immortality stretched before her, looming into the dark corners of the universe. The unknown.

Her breath caught in her chest as she blinked rapidly, unaware she'd been standing still for a period of time. Glancing up, back towards the twin doors that stood in the perfect center of the welcoming hall. Mahogany, maybe, or another kind of wood, inscriptions of the ancient and unknown transcribed into them. It wasn't a language she recognized, not one she could read, and yet, it somehow felt familiar.

Her fingers, gentle against the frame of the door, found the indentions of the writing before her, tracing them. It was a soothing motion, and although her existential crisis was very much present, and very much a biting thought in the back of her mind, she pressed on the door.

And took the smallest step past the threshold, and into her new life.

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

ophelia !!

fourth chapter done !

I thought you guys deserved a
little extra treat this week

and pls be honest about this!
I love writing chapters in other 
characters POV (so yes, you'll
be getting them for each 
character), so please let me
know how I do!!

and i'm trying to make the 
chapters a bit longer!
tell me what's comfortable length
please! i wanna try for
2,500 - 3k words per chapter,
right  now i average only a little
over  2,000 words

i hope school is going super well for you all!! (still)

please don't forget to finish the opinions and love interests of your characters !!

and as for the question for today !

[ what is the worst memory your character has that encouraged their fear(s) ? do they use anything to comfort them when scared ? it can be a person , place , object, etc. ]

answers ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥