Lori stood straight from crouching over the table and smiled at me before making her way to the front door. I took much slower steps, being more cautious about the amount of doorways the place had. My hypervigilance coming out of me.

The sun hit my eyes as she opened the door, and I squinted to see where I was going.

I ended up walking into the doorframe but managed to recover.

She descended the front steps, passing a figure who was sitting there. Twisting his hat in his hands. He had one foot propped up higher than the other, and my image of him being a cowboy came back to me.

When Carl used to tell me about him, I always imagined John Wayne or Jeffrey Hunter.

Lori patted her husband's shoulder, and he reached up to her hand, then let her go just as fast as he grabbed it.

He hadn't noticed me behind him, I stood behind him awkwardly with my hands pressed together. I walked further towards the stairs, and he looked over his shoulder.

The man released a breath, looked back to the view in front of him.

I decided to sit next to him, as I had nothing better to do. My ribs sparked with pain, and I jerked sideways briefly, but I managed to get all the way down.

As I sat on his right, he looked towards me and I looked towards him.

"Has anyone asked you if you're okay?" he said quietly.

I paused for a moment, thinking about if anyone had actually asked me if I was okay.

The most popular question was "What happened" or anything along those lines.

"Not... really," I finally answered, looking down to my scarred palms.

"Are you okay?" he smiled.

I couldn't help but mirror his expression, but it fell, and I wanted to run away from everything.

I wanted to sprint and run out of breath. Find a river or a pond, and lay there until winter came. I wanted to be so cold.

I wanted to be the kind of cold where you couldn't feel the ends of your fingers, where it creates a numbness in your chest, and your skin tingled with a warm but freezing feeling.

I wanted the ice to cover my skin, creating a shell I needed.

I wanted my eyes to freeze up so that I wouldn't have to see... So I wouldn't have to look at anything, anymore.

Not anyone.

Not myself.

Not my arms, or my stomach, or my face, or my hands. Not anything. Not seeing anyone get lost or eaten or taken away from me, or the ones I would take.

I would give it up. Even give up the chance to see things like Carl, or the deer, or even the chance to see my brother again no matter how much he hated me.

"Marley?" I was pulled from my thoughts by Rick's grisly voice. "Are you okay?" all amusement in his voice had faded and was replaced by full concern.

I bit the insides if my cheeks. I thought I had said everything I just thought. Turned out hadn't.

"I'm fine," I lied flawlessly, placing a fake smile on my lips.

He looked unconvinced for a split second before his attention was switched to something over my shoulder. His eyes averted from mine and he spotted something.

He stood from his seat, tossing his hat onto my lap, which I somehow caught. I followed his gaze and found who he was looking at.

"Daryl," Rick yelled to the man.

The first thing I felt was confusion.

Where had he been when I was putting up his tent?

I thought he had already left.

Said man turned on his heel, hand hooked on the strap of his crossbow as he looked over his shoulder.

"You okay on your own?" Rick asked, walking a little closer to him.

I fiddled with the hat in my hands. I wanted to look away from Daryl, but I kept my eyes on him, making sure to keep a blank expression.

"I'm better on my own," he yelled back, turning to walk away from us. "Don't worry, I'll be back before dark." But Rick had more words to say.

I just wanted Daryl to ignore the man and walk away so I wouldn't have to think about him.

"Hey." he caught the hunter's attention again, who was growing more aggravated by the second. "We got a base. We can get this search properly organised now."

To be totally honest, Rick was saying things all of us already knew, even those who are not involved in all the important meetings that seem to only be for the strong and dictatorial.

"You got a point, or we just chatting?"

"My point is it lets you off the hook," Rick said out of the blue. "You don't owe us anything."

Did he think Daryl would leave?

Daryl glanced at me for a split second. I didn't know whether he wanted to leave... after all, his brother was not here. I hadn't really thought that he would, after all, where would he go? Being with a group was the smartest thing nowadays.

"My other plans fell through," he called back and walked away.

Rick took a few steps backwards before turning his gaze towards me, and I was holding his hat out towards him. He took it from me, placing it on his head. "He always like that?"

As much as I wanted to say yes, I didn't. "You just got to get used to him," I sighed, already bored with the day.

I knew that everyone would refuse to let me do anything today. Dale would probably tell me to take watch, despite his lack of knowledge that I know how to use a gun... to an extent.

I stood up, ready to walk away, but then another figure popped into my view. They walked down the stairs, with a rolled up map and a canteen.

Hershel, the man who always gave me double takes, and he did just that.

"We could give you more space," Rick suggested to the old man. I followed his footsteps as they took a close look at the barn, which was quite far away from the actual house. The sheriff put his hands on his hips. "Set up over by the barn."

I hoped that we wouldn't have to since I would already have to be far away from everyone else anyway.

"No, no need for that," Hershel answered, looking between Rick and I. "Better you stay close to the house."

I breathed a sigh of relief. No moving my already set up camp.

I felt like I was interrupting on adult business, but I stepped closer to both of them. I knew they knew I was there, but they still kept talking... and that made me feel a little older.

"I don't say this easily. We don't normally take in strangers."

I gulped at what he was saying, and I knew what he was implying. He was implying that this place was not a permanent, and we would have to be sent away as soon as possible.

I felt like an orphaned child... again.

"I can't have your people thinking this is permanent," he only confirmed what I was thinking. He was talking to Rick only, but he directed his eyes towards me after he said "your people".

Since I was apparently "Rick's people".

"Once you find this girl and your boy's fit for travel, I expect you'll move on." He looked between the man beside me and me.

"We need to be clear on that."

A sudden wave of anger washed over me.

Nether Hershel or his family understood what it was like out there. If he did, then he would not think twice about letting us stay.

"Yeah, it's pretty clear," I growled unexpectedly. I sent a glare towards him, looking at him through my eyebrows. My jaw and fists clenched, and I tilted my head sideways.

It was that furiousness that seeped through my skin at that moment.

Hershel walked away.

"He can't make us leave," I turned to Rick, seeing him looking at annoyed as me. "He doesn't understand wh-"

"I'll do what I can," he said, a lot more calm than me. "He's got to understand."

"He's not going to make me leave, let alone Carl, I won't let him."

"I know that." Rick touched my elbow, then proceeded to follow the veterinarian.

I would have followed him as well if I didn't feel so unstable around Hershel. That need to harm someone or something returning when thought about Hershel making us leave.

+

I was over by the RV, but took a moment to look over towards the well in the middle of one of the fields.

There was screaming coming from over there, and I watched a T-Dog had a hold of some pipe, and everyone had a grasp of him.

I considered helping them and I almost did, but something turning numb inside of me told me not to. Instead, I heard sniffles from inside the RV, and I opened the door.

Pausing for a moment just inside, the noises stopped.

I walked in further and looked to the left.

I found Carol at the seats, arms wrapped around herself. It looked like she had been crying. Clear marks lined her cheeks where a light dusting of dirt would be. That and her eyes were clearly red.

I felt like if I said anything, it would be something she had already heard. That she would just yell for me to leave or something despite Carol being the quiet type.

Instead of speaking, I walked over to where she was sitting and sat opposite her.

She looked at me confusedly as I didn't say a single word, and just crossed my arms and looked at her, then out the window.

She looked out the window with me.

"I know we'll find her," I whispered, putting my eyes on the disgusting walker that they had pulled out of the well.

From afar, I could see how horrid it was. Liquids squeezing out of multiple orifices, its eyes bulging from their sockets.

I reached out my hand towards hers and grabbed it. Squeezing it, I sighed.

"Sophia just doesn't get lost," I furrowed my eyebrows, watching the walker split in half. "Not her."

"Maybe," Carol sobbed quietly.

I didn't want Carol to lose hope. I could let myself all I could but the mother of that child had to believe she would find her. It was something that must always be. That she had to always hold on when everyone else couldn't.

"No," I said. "The world doesn't get to have her." I sounded adamant, but my voice wavered slightly.

I had been so selfish lately, thinking only of evolving. Yet, when Carl got shot, I evolved the most when I was doing something for him.

I stepped up and actually went out.

But I brought something back I didn't want.

Carol smiled through tears at me.

"It didn't get Carl, it didn't get me."

I looked towards the well again, seeing T-Dog beating the walker's head with a pipe. It brains splattering on the ground, mixing with the hay and dust. The rest of its body falling down the well.

"I won't let it."

The door to the RV burst open, and I turned in my seat abruptly. I jerked sideways like I did earlier due to the sudden movement.

It was Shane. Someone I hadn't talked to since last night.

"Carol, we're going to the highway," he said softly, noticing the tears on the woman's cheeks. He had one hand at the top of the door, opening the door wider as a gesture for her to come with him.

She got up from her seat, letting go of my hand, leaving it feeling cold.

When she went to step around Shane, he turned to her and told her to wait in the car.

Whilst she stepped out, Shane took off his cap, walking closer to where I was sitting after closing the door behind him.

I watched him carefully, thinking of all the possible things he could do to me. My hands splayed open by my sides, wiping the sweat off on my jeans.

I got up from my seat and stood opposite him. I grasped the edge of the counter, reaching slowly towards anything in case he tried anything.

Despite how kind Shane was, I had witnessed with my own eyes what he was capable of. He was manipulative of me... or at least I hoped.

It a was silent between us both, and I hated that. I knew exactly what he was going to talk about and I didn't really want even think about it, despite if being played on broken repeat in my head.

"You haven't told any-"

"No," I cut him off, stepping closer to him. But I still kept my hand reaching out behind myself.

"Good, they won't understand, they can't, not yet."

"Understand what?" I stepped even closer to him. "That you made me kill a man"

"I didn't make you kill a man." He started getting closer to me now and stayed glued to my spot. He was like a stone statue, intimidating and indestructible.

"You exploited the fact that I care for Carl," I hissed, my hands clenching and my brows knitting together.

Shane became louder than me,"Yes because we needed to save him."

It was silent between us for a moment, but I could tell that he was adamant to say a lot of words to me.

"You can't let it get to you," he sad softly reaching for my arm, which I hadn't noticed grasped onto something plastic.

"Isn't that what humans do," I whispered, despite everything inside of me telling me not to, I let him take whatever was in my hand.

"Not now, not anymore." He now had the unknown object.

We both took a breath. His made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

"We did what we had to do," he whispered, slowly raising his empty hand towards my face. "We always must do what we have to do."

His fingertips hovered over my cuts and bruise that was laid across the side of my face.

It was nothing like Daryl had done.

Even though his skin never came into contact my mine, I knew that it would never be the same. And I found myself not wanting anything else.

I stepped back before he could go any further.

I looked down to his hand, instead of the one that stayed hovering in the air.

A knife was firmly grasped between his fingers. Instead of attacking me, or threatening me with it like I thought he would, he held it out towards me.

"We've got to get it under control."

I took half a step forward, also reaching out my hand, brushing my fingers along the shiny blade. My skin tingled under the serrated edge. I bit my lip and looked up to his brown eyes. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I never could.

It wasn't quite sharp... but it was dangerous enough.

Like Shane and I.

We were serrated edged knives.

He let me hold the it, as he exited the RV. My hands holding the metal, and not the handle.

+

#rickley?

do you ship or nah?

lol jks

darley is endgame

and i would know that *wink*

do you like the longer or shorter chapters?

i want to know

and omg 12K reads thank you guyz so much.

- Sylar