❝Nothing stands still, except in our memory.❞

PHILIPPA PEARCE

✩

3.7 : real home

"IT'S JUST HOW I REMEMBER IT." These are the first words out of Fin's mouth as she stands on the sidewalk, hands on her hips, squinting through the bright Mississippi sunlight at the house she grew up in. She's surprised the house hasn't changed at all, but then again, not many people want to touch a house formerly owned by a serial killer.

 "The realtor said there's only been one other tenant," says Lars, shutting the car door behind her. "Only lived there for two years until his dad died, and then he moved back to Jackson to be with his mom. Other than that, it's been pretty much untouched."

Fin thought she'd feel more sentimental, looking at her childhood home for the first time in fourteen years, but all she feels is a gentle joy as the memories–only good ones–flood back like a soft ocean tide.

Hotch is being extremely strict about the Bureau's recovery policy, so Fin is currently looking at six more months out of the field–not out of the office, but no exciting agent things–unless Hotch miraculously becomes the cool parent and not the dad who enforces a nine p.m. curfew. Which, as anyone could tell you, is highly unlikely. But Fin can hope.

Despite this, she's still been consulting on cases remotely, and next month, she'll be allowed to travel with the team, which is exciting. She's missed flying on the jet, and Spencer being gone for weeks at a time is really depressing.

But Fin is using her time wisely. She's found a therapist she really likes, and slowly, at her own pace, they've been working on unpacking everything that's happened to her in the past sixteen years. Anna is kind and doesn't push too hard, and Fin always leaves their sessions feeling refreshed, rather than exhausted.

Anna is the main reason why Fin believes she doesn't feel any sadness as she and Lars walk toward their old home. She's been helping Fin to focus on the goodness and love she felt as a child from her father and Ollie, and to recognize that what happened shaped her past, but that it does not have to shape her future.

She's also partially why Fin is taking the weekend to help Lars clean and paint their old house to get it ready to become the Cameron House. Fin wants a role in turning something ugly and dark into something beautiful, and there's nothing she'd rather do this weekend than paint over old scars with her sister.

And as Fin pushes the door open and hears the hinges creak, just like they did fourteen years ago, she smiles widely. She remembers when Oliver first went to kindergarten, and she sat in front of the door for hours, waiting for him to come home, begging their mother to let her go, too. She remembers her first day at kindergarten, coming up the front steps and seeing Lars doing the same thing. She remembers sitting on the porch, playing with homemade slingshots, betting Oliver that she could knock more rocks off the railing than he could.

"Wow," Lars breathes, entering the house behind Fin. "It's..."

"Yeah." Fin nods. "Me too."

There's no furniture anywhere, and everything is covered with dust, but Fin can picture it as clear as day. The piano on the far wall, their dad's favorite chair, the many drawings and photos taped to the fridge...

There is still a sliver of home here, buried deep in Fin's heart, and that sliver warms inside her as she walks further inside. She can almost smell the chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven, see Lars' little legs swinging from the counter as she licks the cookie dough off of the spoon, hear Oliver reading Ivanhoe to them from the dining room table.

"It's really not as bad as I thought it would be." Lars stands in the center of the living room, staring around at the walls, hands on her hips. "All it really needs is a good cleaning and a new coat of paint, and it'll be ready to go."

"You think we can knock it out over the weekend?" Fin asks, raising her eyebrows.

"Oh, definitely." Lars nods. "As long as you're willing to give it a shit-ton of elbow grease."

They unload all of the cleaning supplies from the back of Fin's rental car and begin the long onslaught on the dust, cobwebs, and hidden grime. Fin takes the lower level, while Lars tackles the upstairs, and by sunset, both of them are exhausted, with aching backs, cramping hands, and cleaner-induced headaches. But the cleansing of the house is also a cleansing of the soul, and it leaves Fin feeling refreshed, knowing that the final vestiges of bad memories have been wiped from the walls.

It is now a blank slate, and Fin and Lars get to paint it brand new.

Which is exactly what they do early the next morning. After a trip to Home Depot for half a dozen cans of white paint, rollers, and brushes, they begin to cover over the old, peeling paint with brightness, with something fresh and clean.

"So," Lars says, as they start work on the kitchen walls, "we kind of glossed over that, didn't we?" She points to the ring on Fin's left hand with raised eyebrows.

"Oh." Fin glances down at it, and a smile spreads across her face, as it has every time she's looked at the ring for the past two weeks. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Spill it." Lars climbs up onto the counter and begins cutting in around the cabinets. "Not like we have anything else we're doing at the moment."

"Well, he didn't really propose, per se," Fin replies. "He bought a house and asked me to marry him in the living room. Sort of. And he wasn't planning to, so he didn't have a ring, but a few weeks ago, he took me to a little antique store he likes and we picked out my ring together. Spencer wanted something with a story, since neither of our parents had...ideal marriages, and he thought my ring should be something bringing hope to our future."

"That's adorable!"

"I know." Fin smiles. She does indeed know that Spencer is perhaps the most adorable man to ever walk the earth. She doesn't deserve him.

"So what's the story behind that ring?" Lars asks.

"Well, according to the store owner, it belonged to an old lady who owned a flower shop in Fredericksburg. She met her husband while they were in high school, and they got married right after that. He was drafted during World War II and fought in the Philippines and Okinawa for two years and miraculously survived. They had a son a few years after that, but he died in a car accident in the '70s. Drunk driver in the middle of the night. After their son died, they were pretty much alone, and moved to a little house in Fredericksburg. She opened a flower shop downtown, just to have something to do when her husband was at work, and they were staples of the town for years.

"They were married for over sixty years, until he died of a heart attack, and she died just two months after him. They didn't have any kids, so their niece handled the estate, and she sold most of it in an estate sale. But all of her jewelry went to this antique store." Fin pauses for a moment. She always gets choked up at this point. "And–I can't even believe this–her name was Hazel."

"Wow," Lars breathes softly. "That's...perfect."

Fin looks down at the ring on her finger. It is perfect: a simple gold band with three tiny diamonds set into it. Hazel and her husband didn't have a lot of money when they were first married, so her ring was minimal–but that's the way Fin likes it. It's the way her love for Spencer feels: simple, but as old as time.

The first day she walked into the BAU with it on, Penelope almost passed out. That's when Fin realized she'd kind of forgotten to tell the team. So she had to explain everything about the house and Spencer's accidental proposal to a rapt audience of Penelope, Emily, JJ, and Rossi, and then explain it again when Morgan saw the ring as she picked up her purse to leave.

Unsurprisingly, Hotch called both her and Spencer into his office the next day with a serious expression on his face. "Chief Strauss has returned to duty," he said. "And she's very interested about the... personal relationship the team has hidden from her."

"Uh oh." Fin grimaced. "Is it bad?"

"Not necessarily. When you are cleared to travel with the team again, all of us will be required to fill out an additional form with our case reports in order to determine whether your relationship compromises you in the field."

"That's all?" Spencer raised his eyebrows questioningly. "I was expecting something worse."

"Chief Strauss has been through some...personal issues recently," Hotch replies slowly, as if parsing out his words in his head to eliminate anything he doesn't want them to hear. "She's not inclined to punish you without due cause. It's technically not forbidden, but it is discouraged. So she's giving you a chance to prove yourselves."

"And if we don't pass the test?" Fin asked, almost hesitant to hear the answer.

Hotch pursed his lips grimly. "One of you will be transferred out of the unit permanently."

"Spencer–"

But Spencer was already shaking his head. "We'll pass it. We've done everything perfectly for years already. She's got no cause to transfer either of us."

"I don't want to compromise your job–"

"I'd rather get fired than lose you again." Spencer's eyes were deathly serious. "I'm not going through that again. You're not leaving, even if you have my best interests at heart. We're both staying, and if Strauss wants to move one of us, it'll be me. Okay?"

Fin was doing her best not to sob in front of Hotch. Dr. Kumar still had her on a pain medication regimen at that point, and it was making her more emotional than usual. So she just nodded at him.

"Is that all?" Spencer asked, looking over at Hotch expectantly.

"Yes, that's all." Then a small smile crossed Hotch's face as he glanced down at Fin's left hand. "And congratulations, both of you."

Fin smiles as she remembers that day. She'd rather be exiled from the country than lose Spencer, so they're on the same page. But she supposes they'll find out in a month whether Strauss has a vendetta against their happiness or not. If Hotch has anything to say about it, she won't.

"When's the wedding?" Lars asks, drawing Fin back into the present.
"We're not sure yet. As soon as the house is finished. We've moved about half of our stuff in, everything's been repainted, and Derek's nearly done with the kitchen cabinets, but Spencer wants to insulate the porch and make it a sunroom, so we can use it in the winter. That shouldn't be too long, if we get good contractors, so I'd guess a few months at the most."

"Have you started planning it yet?"

Fin smiles, nodding. "Just a little. We'll have it in the backyard, string up some lights, just to save time. It'll just be you and the team anyway, and Spencer's mom, of course. Spencer doesn't want anything over the top, and neither do I. Honestly? We're really married already, just not legally. I think we've been 'married' for a long time. We'll just make it official in a few months."

"I swear to God, I never thought you'd be the one to find a fairytale romance." Lars shakes her head, laughing softly. "But you're marrying a real-life Disney prince. I hope you know that."

"Trust me, I know," Fin replies, grinning. "And you'll be maid of honor, right?"

Lars's hand freezes on her paintbrush, and she looks over at Fin with wide eyes, her mouth open slightly. "Really?"

Fin nods excitedly. "Yes!"

Lars shrieks and leaps off the counter, tackling Fin in a hug and splattering paint all over both of them. Fin stumbles, but neither of them care, and they collide into the counter, covered in paint and laughing excitedly.

"Yes, yes, I'll be your maid of honor!" Lars pulls away, wiping tears from her eyes, catching her breath. "Oh my god, what kind of question is that? Of course I would."

They spend the rest of the afternoon talking about the wedding–Lars talks more than Fin does, surprisingly–and the entire lower-level is painted before the sun sets, which Fin is rather proud of. Lars volunteers to go get dinner from an old diner they used to haunt with Ollie, and while she's gone, Fin takes the opportunity to call Spencer, sitting on their old tree swing in the backyard.

Despite fall being right on the doorstep, it is still warm out, even at sunset, and Fin swings back and forth gently, listening to the phone ring. It's only an hour later in Quantico, so Spencer shouldn't be in bed yet.

He picks up on the third ring, and Fin smiles immediately at the sound of his voice. "Hi."

"Hey, you. I miss you."

Spencer chuckles softly. "I miss you, too. How's the house coming?"

"Really well, actually. We finished painting the lower level today, and Lars is gonna get a friend of Nick's to come down and help her with the upstairs and some minor repair work. She thinks she'll have it ready to open before the end of the year."

"That's great. I'm really proud of you." Spencer pauses, and Fin hears something like a movie in the background, and then he says, "Yeah, I see that. That's funny."

"Who are you talking to, Spencer?" Fin asks, frowning.

"Oh, tonight is girls' night, and JJ couldn't get a babysitter," Spencer replies. "So I volunteered to watch Henry for the night. Say hi to Aunt Fin, Henry."

There's a pause, and then a little voice says, "Hi, Aunt Fin!" into the phone. Fin smiles widely at Henry's sweet voice.

"Hi, honey. Are you being good for Uncle Spence?"

"Yes! We're watching Robin Hood! Bye!"

Fin laughs. "Okay, bye."

"I'm discovering three-year-olds don't have much patience," Spencer says after a moment. "It is a miracle that he's been sitting down watching one movie for this long."

"Well, with such a good babysitter..." Fin says, eliciting a chuckle from Spencer. "You know, I'm kind of disappointed they're having girls' night without me, though!" Although, Fin remembers now, she did get a text from Penelope, apologizing profusely for scheduling it for the wrong weekend, but promising a much better ladies' evening when she gets back.

"Penelope made me promise to apologize for her again. But they are going out drinking tonight, so I don't know how much you're missing out on."

"I don't know, JJ's pretty hilarious when she's drunk." Fin remembers one occasion involving tequila shots and an Usher song that was extremely entertaining.

There's a pause, and then Spencer says, "You know, sitting here with Henry on the couch, watching a movie... It only makes me want this with you."

"I know." Fin can picture it: a little boy or girl, leaning their head on Spencer's arm, their legs on her lap, watching cartoons together on the sofa. As a family. "I want it, too."

"I can't wait to marry you. I can't wait to call you my wife."

"I never thought I'd be a wife," Fin says softly. "I was pretty opposed to marriage years ago. I thought I could never love someone enough to make it worth the commitment."

"What changed your mind?"

"You." And this is the truth, bared straight from her soul.

Spencer doesn't respond for a long time. And then he says, "Really?"

"You're the only man I've ever met that I want to spend the rest of my life with." Fin pauses, chuckling softly. "In Lars' words, you're a real-life Disney prince."

"And you are my princess," Spencer replies, and Fin can hear the smile on his face. "Are you gonna make it home tomorrow in time to watch Hotch run?"

"I think so. My flight gets in at nine, and he runs at ten?"

"Yeah. I'll be sure to have coffee for you when I pick you up from the airport."

"My knight in shining armor," Fin says, grinning. "I hate to be lame, Spencer Reid, but I might love you."

"I might love you more."

"Impossible. Oh, and you should probably bring coffee for the girls, too. Black coffee. My guess is they'll be very hungover."

"You think so?"

"Just trust me on this one." Fin glances up the hill and sees the headlights of the rental car pulling into the driveway. "Oh, that's Lars with dinner."

"Then I'll let you go eat," Spencer says. "Call me before you go to sleep?"

"I promise. I love you."

"I love you, too. Say bye, Henry."

There's a pause, and then a half-hearted "Bye" comes over the phone. Fin laughs.

"Bye, Spencer."

That night, Fin falls asleep on the phone with him, and the next morning, time seems to crawl by as she waits for the moment when she can be with him again. Despite how familiar everything is here, the only real home she has is in his arms.

But the minute the crowd disperses from her gate at Ronald Reagan, and she sees Spencer, standing next to the baggage claim with two cups of coffee in hand, and when he cups her face in his hands and kisses her deeply, everything is alright again. Fin is truly home.

~

title drop?!?!? 

i figured i should let fin and lars have some sister bonding time together painting their old house. it just felt sweet and fun :)