❝We're neither pure; nor wise; nor good; we do the best we know.❞

VOLTAIRE

✩

2.7: delayed gratification

OR

season 7, episode 9 : self-fulfilling prophecy

THERE IS SO MUCH GOING ON IN FIN'S MIND TODAY. This morning, Hotch was supposed to brief Strauss on the Esther situation, but before he could, she messaged him about a case involving a military boys' school in Florida. And now they're meeting in her office and have been for the last half-hour. To say that Fin is nervous would be an understatement.

And not only that, but just last night, Penelope came rushing into the bullpen, breathless, to announce that she'd found Esther's SUV on a security camera in downtown Quantico and issued an APB for the entirety of northern Virginia. Fin can't get the image out of her mind.

"Here they come," Emily mutters, gesturing to the conference room window. Fin cranes her head, following her gaze: Hotch and Strauss stride through the BAU doors, heading toward the stairs. Her heartbeat quickens involuntarily.

Hotch enters the room first, pulling out a chair for Strauss between Emily and Penelope, and then glances around the table. "Sorry to keep you waiting, but Chief Strauss has brought a case to my attention. It's time-sensitive and government-related, so the current case will take a backseat for the next few days unless something comes up."

Fin nods in agreement. There's no use in arguing this point: She'd rather be doing something productive, instead of waiting around for days and weeks until Esther decides to kill someone else.

"Somerville Military Academy in Oceanside, Florida," Hotch continues, reading from a memo pad in his hands. "Five boys were found hanging this morning."

"The bodies are at the medical examiner's now," Strauss adds.

"There's no photos?" Morgan asks, raising his eyebrows.

"School personnel thought they may still be alive, so they cut them out of the trees," Strauss replies grimly.

"Jimmy Burbage, Philip Mumford, Jerry Bowden, Jack Briggs, Tucker Calhoun," Hotch reads, his finger skimming down the list on the paper.

"So we're walking into a contaminated crime scene." Morgan sighs. "They don't have anything solid?"

"'We're sorry' was carved into a tree branch nearby," Hotch replies, an apologetic look on his face. Fin guesses that perhaps this case is more important to Strauss, and not to him. But with the current landscape and the things that have happened both to Emily and to Fin, it's best just to go alone with her.

"This happened on campus?" Emily asks.

"No." Hotch shakes his head. "In the woods about an hour away."

"How long were they out there?"

"Six days." It is not Hotch who answers this, but Strauss.

Emily's eyebrows shoot up. "Without supervision?"

"It was an outward-bound mission for the upperclassmen," Strauss explains.

"What drove them to suicide?" Spencer's knee presses against Fin's as he leans forward intently.

"A freshman cadet, Bailey Shelton, hung himself two weeks ago in his room," Strauss says.

"Identical bedsheet, hangman's knot," Hotch adds helpfully.

"Who takes sheets camping?" Rossi frowns.

"They would if it was the plan," JJ replies. "Could be a domino effect."

"The campus would've been on high alert after the first one," Rossi continues, thinking hard, " so the kids wait until they're alone in the woods."

"They must've made some kind of pact." Morgan nods.

"And there's something else." Hotch's expression is one of discouragement, which doesn't bode well. "Six kids went on the trip. Only five were found."

"The school officials confirm that Josh Redding is still missing," Strauss adds, nodding.

"So maybe he chickened out of the pact." Morgan shrugs.

"Or was never part of it," Spencer counters.

"Or maybe the suicides were his plan," Fin says quietly. When everyone gives her identical confused looks, she sighs. "I mean, look at the evidence. Six kids go into the woods with bedsheets. Five kids are found hanging from their necks, and one is MIA. Doesn't that look a little suspicious?"

"We have to take every theory into consideration," Hotch replies, giving Fin an approving look, which she appreciates. "And the campus is completely off-grid. No internet."

"I can help with that." Penelope perks up, looking at Hotch expectantly.

"Which is why you're coming with us." Hotch nods.

"Oh." Penelope purses her lips nervously. "But, sir, what about Esther-?"

"I've authorized SSO Blair Tran's tech team to use the systems you've set up to keep an eye on everything while we're gone," Hotch replies. "Before we leave, I'd like you to brief them quickly on all the information they'll need."

Penelope, although a little hesitant, nods. "Yes, sir."

"I'm coming, as well," Strauss says, before silence can settle over the room. Everyone glances at Hotch, who gives them a we-just-have-to-deal-with-it look. Fin resists the urge to roll her eyes. If they want freedom from Strauss, they have to go along with her.

"Isn't Somerville the director's alma mater?" Rossi asks shrewdly, looking at Strauss.

"Yes." She nods. "The academy has enjoyed a spotless reputation, so the hope is to keep the investigation in-house." Meaning "keeping it out of the public eye as long as possible". God, Fin hates agency politics.

"I imagine there's a lot of concern for Josh," Emily says, judiciously changing the subject. "He's been in those woods almost a week."

"So how's he surviving?" JJ asks.

"I want this over with quickly," Hotch says, glancing around at them all. "We have other pressing issues to deal with, so let's make this our sole priority for the next few days. Garcia, brief the CIA analysts and then meet us at the airfield. Wheels up in thirty."

✩

The flight to Oceanside is a little under two hours, which isn't awful, but the drive from the airport is long. Somerville is out in the middle of nowhere, and Fin gets slightly carsick, sitting in the back of an SUV as Morgan drives far too quickly on winding country roads. She prefers carsickness to the alternative, however: riding in the other SUV with Strauss for an hour and a half. Fin would rather rip off her fingernails individually with a pair of pliers.

Needless to say, when they arrive at the academy and step out of the SUVs into 95-degree heat and typical Florida humidity, Fin is not in the best of moods. In her opinion, Emily and Rossi got the best deal: walking through a shady, hilly crime scene miles from here with Lieutenant Tawes.

An older man in military uniform-Colonel Ron Massey, if Fin remembers correctly-stands on the porch, ready to greet them. Strauss and Hotch approach him first, and Fin follows Spencer to the trunk, extremely ready to get inside into air conditioning. She reaches for her go bag, but Spencer pushes her hand away.

"Spencer, let me get my bag," Fin says, reaching for it again.

But Spencer is too quick. He snags it, slinging it over his shoulder with a shake of his head. "I've got it."

Fin rolls her eyes, but deep down, she finds this absolutely adorable. Spencer is a true gentleman.

"SAC Hotchner. These are SSAs Morgan and Jareau," Hotch is saying, as Spencer, Penelope, and Fin join the group near the porch steps. "Oh, and SSA Finley, Dr. Spencer Reid, and Penelope Garcia."

Fin shakes the colonel's hand, nodding politely. Spencer gives a kind of half-wave, half-peace sign, and Fin stifles a laugh, masking it as a cough. That's her Spencer, alright.

Morgan glances up at the flagpole in the center of the compound. "Sir, shouldn't the flag be at half-mast?"

"I haven't told the boys yet," the colonel replies heavily.

"Do they know who we are?" Morgan asks.

"I'll tell them when the time is right." Already, Massey seems annoyed at their presence. Fin can tell this is going to be an amazing few days. "I've called all of the parents. They're driving from up and down the East Coast. In fact, Josh Redding's have just arrived."

"I'd like to speak with them," JJ says.

"They're in the chapel." Massey nods to her.

"How are they?"

"As you'd expect."

JJ sighs. "Alright, I'll get started."

"Cadet!" Massey gestures to a young man in a uniform, who nods and leads JJ toward a building on the far side of the compound.

"Any leads on Josh?" Morgan asks, as Colonel Massey walks past their SUVs.

"In that terrain, he's only capable of moving a mile an hour," he replies.

"Puts him in a sixty-mile radius," Spencer says, adjusting his own go bag on his shoulder. "That's 3,600 square miles to cover."

"Tawes knows those woods better than anybody," Massey says, defending his second-in-command.

"We've got two agents meeting him," Hotch says. "We'll start the investigation here."

"Where's the place with the most outlets?" Penelope asks, raising her bags of equipment so the colonel can see.

"Best bet is in the library." Massey gestures to another building, near the chapel.

"Thank you." Penelope nods, adjusting the bags, and Fin rushes to help, taking a few from her. "Ugh, thanks, Fin. This is ridiculous."

The library looks the same as every other building in the compound: barebones, undecorated, all the books on the shelves either textbooks, classics, or otherwise military-related books. Fin drops the bags on the table in the center of the room, looking at Penelope expectantly. "How can I help you, Penna?"

"Oh, this'll be quick," Penelope replies, fishing in her own bag and pulling out her laptop and what looks like a WiFi router. "Just sit back and watch the magic happen!"

Spencer mutters something about a map of the compound and disappears back through the doorway. Fin, meanwhile, turns to the bookshelves, crossing her arms over her chest and staring at the many titles. The Art of War... The Red Badge of Courage... History of Rome... How much more stereotypical could they be?

In less than ten minutes, Penelope has her entire system set up and plugged in, and she's tapping it, staring at her laptop and muttering to herself.

Out of the corner of Fin's eye, she senses movement and turns to see Spencer, creeping toward her, a file in one hand. He freezes, a mischievous look in his eyes, and holds a finger to his lips, gesturing to Penelope.

Fin grins and says nothing, pretending to still be interested in the bookshelves behind her. Spencer reaches out, taps the globe behind Penelope quickly with his index finger. "Boo!"

Penelope gasps, whirling around to face them, and Fin laughs quietly, shaking her head. "Jeez, you scared me," Penelope says, pressing a hand to her chest, eyes wide. "I thought you were a ghost."

"You know, older buildings emit a low enough frequency that you can't consciously hear," Spencer replies, leaning against the wall, a silly grin on his face. "Because the sensory overload can't be explained, it wreaks havoc with your emotions, including fear, panic, and dread, hence the feeling of being haunted." He pushes off the wall and walks over to join Fin next to the bookshelves, brushing her hand with his gently, a soft touch just to let her know he's there.

Penelope looks unconvinced. "What about the visions?"

"Your eyes overcompensate for what your ears are missing," Spencer explains. "That said, I do know a three-year-old boy that once met a friendly apparition named Leverett Saltonstall."

"He was nice?" A smile spreads across Penelope's face.

"Very nice." Spencer nods, dropping into a chair at the table and bending over what Fin now sees is a map of the compound.

"Spence, you believe in ghosts?" Fin sits down next to him, peering over his shoulder at the map. "That's not like you."

"I'm highly enigmatic," Spencer replies, giving her a cute little smile before turning back to the map. If Penelope weren't here, Fin would make out with him right now. "You'd think the laundry room would be closer to the dorms."

"It's not in the basement?" Penelope frowns, turning to her laptop and typing furiously.

"It's on the opposite side of campus." Spencer points to the building on the map marked "Laundry" in small block letters. "It's so strange."

"Yeah." Penelope nods.

The front door to the library opens and a familiar, sassy voice echoes down the hall: "Leaves of three, let them be!"

Fin, Spencer, and Penelope all turn to see Rossi and Emily walking toward them. Rossi's expression is one of amusement, while Emily has one of her sleeves pulled up and is scratching her arm furiously, looking annoyed.

"Aw, man." Penelope sighs. "Poison ivy. Alcohol swabs, stat!" She digs in her bag and produces a package, handing it to Emily, who accepts it gratefully.

"Thank you." She glares at Rossi. "You know, if I've got it, so do you."

Rossi shakes his head, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I'm Italian. It knows better."

Fin snickers, eliciting a grin from Rossi and a hiss of disapproval from Emily.

"Where's Massey?" Rossi asks, the grin fading slightly.

"He's meeting with the victims' families." Hotch walks up behind them, answering before Fin can even open her mouth, Morgan, Strauss, and JJ on his heels. "They're arriving now. JJ, how are Josh's parents?"

"Upset," JJ replies. "They sent him here to keep him away from trouble."

"That worked out," Fin mutters, and Spencer shakes his head, still poring over the map.

"Tawes made it seem like these guys are the only family they have," Emily says, dropping into a chair across from Fin, scrubbing at her arm with an alcohol wipe.

"You make it sound like a cult." Strauss is looking through a file, slightly preoccupied, but her comment stings all the same.

"Uh, it kind of is," Rossi quips, giving Strauss a look of disgust, and Fin does her absolute best to keep a straight face. Rossi truly doesn't give a shit and it is glorious.

Strauss glares at him. "This is a well-respected institution."

"They're not on trial." Rossi shakes his head, not breaking eye contact.

There's a moment of tense silence, and then Hotch says, "An integral part of this investigation is going to be understanding what these victims lived every day."

Morgan nods. "And with who. Bailey Shelton killed himself in Josh Redding's room."

Emily raises her eyebrows. "Was Josh in the room that night?"

"According to the records."

"I will dig for dirt," Penelope says, turning her attention back to her laptop.

"Dave, you find anything in the woods?" Hotch asks, arms crossed.

"Josh's tent was secluded," Rossi replies. "His things were left behind. He just took off."

"Massey said he never got any respect from Josh," Hotch says, and Fin wrinkles her nose.

"He won't get any respect from me, either."

Strauss's shoulders tense. Spencer's knee presses against hers beneath the table warningly.

"And Josh's own parents said he was impossible to control," JJ adds, nodding.

"His course load indicates increased isolation." Spencer gestures to the file in front of him.

"And with all the rhetoric about brotherhood..." Fin shrugs. "That seems a little odd to me."

"Isolated, smart, angry..." Emily pauses, thinking. "That could be a budding psychopath."

"What are you saying?" Strauss asks, almost incredulously. "Josh Redding killed his classmates?"

No one responds. The air in the room changes. It is unbelievably tense.

Strauss sighs heavily. "Then he's not missing. He's on the run."

"And he has been for a week," Morgan adds quietly.

"One hell of a headstart," Rossi says grimly.

"With all the skills he could ever need." Emily stares at the file in front of Spencer, where Josh's face is displayed on the front page.

Fin's not sure what she thinks, but this whole thing feels suspicious to her. One thing she knows for certain, though: nothing is as it seems. Nothing.

Hotch glances at his watch. "We're not going to get anything new this afternoon. Let's call it a day and meet back in here first thing tomorrow. The parents of the boys who died are staying over until tomorrow for the flag-lowering ceremony, so the guest rooms here are full. I've booked us hotel rooms at a place about half an hour from here."

"Are we sharing?" asks JJ.

"Chief Strauss will have her own room," Hotch replies. "But other than that, there are four rooms with two beds that will need to be split evenly. I'll leave that up to you to decide."

Fin resists the urge to look at Spencer. They have to be careful this week: Strauss still doesn't know about their relationship, per Hotch's decision, and with everything else going on, it would be catastrophic if she found out in the field, instead of in her office, on Fin and Spencer's terms.

But lately, Spencer's the only thing keeping her nightmares at bay. They've been getting worse since she started digging deeper with Penelope, and the last thing Fin needs is to wake up screaming on a case. This week does not need to be about her. So if she wants to sleep, she'll need to figure out a discreet way to room with Spencer, keeping Strauss out of the loop.

Since Rossi and Emily went to meet Lieutenant Tawes, they now have three SUVs, instead of just two. As Fin watches Morgan and Spencer load everyone's go bags into the trunks of the SUVs, a plan begins to form in her mind and she smiles.

"Hey, Penelope." Fin taps Penelope on the shoulder, pulling her away from the group. "Are you okay rooming with JJ?"

Penelope blinks confusedly, then nods. "Yeah, I'm good with it. Why?"

"No reason." Fin brushes her off, hurrying over to Rossi, who's talking to Emily, and pulls him away from her. "Rossi, how do you feel about sharing with Derek?"

"That's...fine." Rossi frowns at her, then a smirk begins to turn the corners of his mouth up. "You have some kind of evil plan, I assume?"

"Not evil, per se." Fin shrugs, grinning. "Just...moving something along very gently."

Rossi very quickly seems to do the math, glancing around at the others and pausing briefly on Hotch and Emily, and his eyes begin to twinkle mischievously. "Okay, I'm in, kiddo. They do need a push."

With Rossi's help, Fin manages to get an SUV alone with Hotch-despite Spencer's silent pleading not to leave him alone with Rossi and Strauss, Fin knows this is important, and she whispers a promise to make it up to him later-and as they pull out of the compound, following Morgan closely, she turns to him. "Hey, I have a favor to ask."

"Of course," Hotch replies, one hand on the steering wheel, glancing in his mirror at Rossi, pulling up behind them.

"I'd like to share with Spencer, but I need to keep it from Strauss. Can you help me out?"

"Are you having nightmares again?" Hotch lowers his voice, despite the fact that they're alone in the car.

Fin sighs. "Yeah, a little. I'd just rather not wake up any of the girls screaming bloody murder, you know?"

"I'll see what I can do." Hotch nods, eyes on the road.

Fin pauses, unsure of how to approach her next question. He's likely to be a little mad, but it's for a good reason. "And, uh... some of the others have made requests, too."

"Oh?" Hotch raises his eyebrows.

"Yeah, Rossi and Morgan want to share, and so do JJ and Penelope."

It takes Hotch a fraction of a second to realize what this implies, and his mouth curves into a frown. "Absolutely not."

"Hotch-"

"That would be highly inappropriate-"

"Come on-"

"I am her boss-"

"Aaron."

Hotch stops at this, giving her a dirty look, mouth pulled taut, eyes .

"She's died already," Fin says quietly. "How much more of a push do you need? Isn't that enough of a reminder how short life is?"

"I should not be having this conversation with you."

"Oh, bullshit, Hotch!" Fin sighs pointedly. "You're so in love with her! You have been for years! What the hell are you waiting for?"

Hotch opens his mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. He closes it, swallows, and tries again. "It-it wouldn't be appropriate. I'm her superior. It's not done."

"And if you weren't her superior?"

Hotch does not reply, but it makes no difference. Fin knows exactly what he's saying.

"You're afraid of ruining everything. I get it. It's been a while since you were in love. I get that, too. But it's not worth ignoring that feeling just because it's something you're not used to. Emily loves you, Aaron. I can see it every time she looks at you. She's known you for years, she's seen you with the divorce, with Foyet, with Doyle, and she still loves you. That is nothing to be afraid of."

And when Hotch still does not respond, Fin places a hand on his arm gently. "Trust me when I say that running away from someone who loves you unconditionally is about the dumbest thing you can do. Don't make the same mistake I made."

The rest of the car ride is silent, but not uncomfortably so. Fin is hopeful, and her mouth tilts up into a smile when they arrive at the hotel and Hotch gives Strauss her key card first-she gets a private suite, which is absolutely not fair-waiting until she leaves to hand out the rest. He passes one to Spencer, one to Rossi, one to JJ, and makes a show of counting each of them until his eyes land on Emily, and then he raises his eyebrows at her. "Prentiss, it looks like you drew the short straw. Do you mind-?"

Emily shakes her head, grinning. "Not as long as you don't snore."

"Oh, then she definitely minds," Rossi mutters, his eyes twinkling mischievously, and Fin snickers.

Hotch scowls at Rossi and then turns back to Emily. "If it makes you uncomfortable-"

"Hotch." Emily gives him an encouraging smile. "It's fine."

They stare at each other for a moment, and Fin suddenly begins to feel as though she's encroaching on a private moment. She tugs at Spencer's cardigan sleeve. "Come on, Spence. I'm exhausted."

Their room is the furthest down the hall from Strauss's, no doubt a strategic move by Hotch. It is a basic hotel room, with two beds, a small window on the far wall, and a tiny bathroom with tiny soaps arranged in a nice pyramid on the counter. Spencer sets his bag down on the floor by the window and turns to her, frowning. "Did you do that?"

"Do what?" Fin asks innocently, plugging her phone charger into the wall by the nearest bed.

"Get Hotch and Prentiss to share a room," Spencer replies, hands on his hips, his brows furrowed seriously. "I know you and Rossi had something to do with it."

"Spencer, I have no idea what you're talking about." Fin faces him, doing her absolute best to keep a straight face-but it lasts all of five seconds before she bursts out laughing, and so does he. They collide into each other, both gasping for air, clinging to each other to keep from falling over. It is gloriously funny for a few, brief moments, and Fin wishes it would never stop.

"Yes, yes, I did it," Fin gasps finally, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. "I did it. I'm just so tired of them not admitting they have feelings for each other, you know?"

Spencer runs a hand through his hair, still catching his breath. "Do you think it'll go over well?"

"What?"

"I mean, he is technically her boss." Spencer shrugs. "It's against Bureau policy."

"That never stopped us."

"I'm not your boss," Spencer replies, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Oh, you're not?" Fin grins at him slyly. "How interesting. You certainly like to take charge-"

"Hazel." Despite the fact that they're alone, Spencer blushes furiously.

"I'm kidding, silly." Fin walks over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and looking up at him. "You're adorable when you're embarrassed."

"Mm." Spencer leans down and kisses her gently, his hands coming up to her jaw, pulling her closer. "You said you'd make it up to me for having to ride with Strauss and Rossi for an hour. What exactly does that mean?"

"I said later," Fin mumbles between kisses, his lips utterly distracting. Why must he be so infernally attractive? It's extremely hard to think straight when he's kissing her like this.

"It's later now." Spencer takes a few steps forward, pushing Fin back. Her legs hit the edge of the mattress and she nearly loses her balance, holding on tighter to Spencer's waist to keep from falling backward.

"You're so impatient." Fin pulls away slightly, breathing hard, her forehead resting against his. His eyes are dark in the poor hotel room lighting, boring into hers with an unsettling intensity. Her stomach tickles, the ever-so-familiar butterflies awakening from their hibernation

"Men tend to be more impatient than women scientifically." Spencer kisses her again, more forcefully this time, his hands sliding up from her jaw into her hair. "They prefer shorter-term rewards, versus women, who will accept delayed gratification in exchange for larger compensation."

Fin gasps as he tugs at her hair, tilting her chin up. "So what are you saying? That you can't wait for something good?"

"No, I'm saying I don't need to." Spencer kisses the side of her mouth, her cheek, her jaw. "I have everything I want right here."

Fin is aware of everything. Of his mouth on her neck, his left hand in her hair, his right hand moving down her back, the scent of his cologne, the mattress pressing against the back of her knees, her heart pounding in her chest.

Spencer pauses, his hand on her hip, and pulls back to look into her eyes, searching her face carefully. "Is this okay?"

Fin takes a deep breath. Grabs his tie. Falls back onto the bed, pulling him with her. She leans up and kisses him again, bringing him close, her free hand tangling itself in his hair. He sighs against her mouth, resting on his elbows, less than three inches separating them.

"No more science talk, Spencer?" Fin breathes, as Spencer moves once again from her mouth to her jaw, every press of his lips lighting a fire beneath her skin. "No more statistics?"

"A recent study conducted by me finds you extremely beautiful," Spencer murmurs against her ear, and Fin laughs, pulling him back up to kiss him again.

"You're ridiculous."

Spencer smiles against her mouth. One of his hands comes to rest on her stomach and drifts lower, to the hem of her shirt. Fin holds her breath, waiting for his fingertips to graze her bare stomach, and when they do, she inhales sharply, tilting her head back, closing her eyes.

Spencer's hand slides up her stomach ever-so-slowly and then he pulls away, both hands coming to the hem of her shirt and tugging it up. Fin raises her arms up over her head, staring into his eyes, suddenly so ready to take this leap-

And then her phone buzzes on the nightstand.

Fin groans, leaning over to check it. "Why can't they ever leave us alone?"

It's a text from Penelope: Grabbing dinner at a Thai place downtown. Leaving in 5!

At the mention of food, Fin's stomach grumbles, and she looks apologetically at Spencer. "You hungry?"

Spencer sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I guess so."

"Sorry, Spence." Fin kisses him softly, pulling away and sliding off the bed, adjusting her shirt as she heads into the bathroom to make it look like she and Spencer weren't just making out for ten minutes. "Can we take a rain check?"

"Last time we said that, it took weeks," Spencer groans, pulling his cardigan off and rolling up his shirt sleeves.

"Delayed gratification for larger compensation, my love." Fin pokes her head out of the bathroom doorway, smirking at him. "I promise I'll make it up to you."

The fact that they make it out the door at all is impressive. For a brief moment, Fin is able to forget about the stress waiting for her back in Quantico and just enjoy the feeling of Spencer's hand in hers, the smell of his cologne, the press of his lips to the top of her head. For a split second, she is able to feel normal for the first time in a long time.

~

whOA this chapter was long. and late. hoo boy i'm off track this week. sorry y'all :( but just like fin, i promise to make it up to you ehehehe